Ward had this idea that it would be great if the weatherman kood forecast the weather EXACTLY as it would be, one month from the day forecasted. I t'ol him that if it were at all possible then maybe it would already be happening. I then quipped, b'cos i'm so cleverly sarcastic, that he should start his own weather forecast
and "OH YEH!" SOoo many people would check in with Ward for that cuz it would be OH SO AccurAtE.
(Insert heavy sarcasm there).


-----------------Ward's watching ChimpanzEEs ffuk one-another on the Learning channel. First time he's been quiet in like, EvEr.

I find that when yer
lookin' for that
significant other,
all that conscious
effort fux it all up.
It's when you finally
lose faith and give up
and revert to your smelly
lil looney nest, that's
when they come bangin'
down your door.
And remember, if you're
ever lonely,
there's always machines.

Ward's at his aunt's
funeral and he sees this
lightswitch not realizing
that it works the light
overtop of the casket,
so he flicks it on and
off and on and off
again and again
like a psychotic little twit.
all his sad
and crying old
relatives are
all bug-eyed when
they see the light
flickering violently over
the casket
and they must think it's some
sorta message from beyond
the grave or whuddever,
and they look around
frantically not
knowing what to do
or say, so they just gasp.
GASP.
I think Ward got a
talking-to for doing that
and maybe a slap on the hand.
Who knows.
The funny thing is,
Ward doesn't make the
connection until after
the fact when it's too late.

I remember this picture taken of me two summers ago and feeling sad that whole weekend. I was so bored and I missed my boyfriend.
Look at my slutty hair. meh. We're not dating anymore. That was way, way back in the day.

This is so BoreeNG. i'm tired of playing Candyland by myself. I have no motivation to get up and outta the howse only becuz once out, i know i'd just be sitting elsewhere, doing nothing. heck, i might have a drink in my hand, but i'd still be bored and i'd still be annoyed and angry and snap at every little thing. My nose is cold. so are my hands. And feet.
Ahhh, suhweeet TV set. Always there for me.

Whut? These blog people think i'm not interesting enuff to make 'blog of the week'?
Hrmmph. I'll show 'em. I'll show all of 'em.
Just wait.

I just realised that i've been wearing the same socks for three days in a row. They keep resurfacing in my drawer.
I've come to this conclusion becuz now that my shoes are off, it smells like somebody died in here weeks ago.

I'm tired, hungry, bloated and bored.

K, welp, i'm outta the howse now.
beeswax and bedhead are a bad combo. I can't wait to pick my nose once it thaws out frum this blasted kold.
mike's basement loox like a sweatshoppe. iz funny.
"Smells like chinese." whut i say to him every time i walk in.
these three black guys made fun of our hats when we walked past in front of No Fr i l l s.
we's gunna figger out how to post a guestbook here so all three people who read my blog can make intelligent insults about me.
U clever people, you.

Everyone's startin' to get real annoyed wif me 'round here.
"Uh ray, don't you have sumpin' you should be doin' tonite? Like.....sumwhere to be?"
hmmmph.
ffuk you.
You always complain and moan that i am never home and now that i AM home you want me to go out. jeeezus.
My dad's all excited and is out now renting moovies and getting popkorn and
"Coke! Dad, don't forget to get me COKE!!!"
and my mum is lookin' in disgust at me while i pick at my face.
My brother sez my hair loox all ugly.
I learned on Oprah that you can get red wine out of yer rug by using white wine to neutralize it.
kool eh.
Think at the next wine-party i go to, if sumwun spills red wine, i'll lunge at the spot with a glass of white wine and everyone will cheer and applaud and this circle of light will shine all 'round me. ahhh.
Maybe i'll throw myself together and go out into the world.
ugggghhhffffff.....
achy head.

two werds:

HANG oveR.
...urrggh.
It's 3 12 pm and i am still in my pajamas, messy hair-ed and have not even considered brushing my teeth.
Think i'lljust stay in and watch tv, eat, nap and bug everyone else around here.
I'm on bottle of water numero 4.
I don't know if i wanna say what happened last nite, or not.
hrrrmm....we'll see.
I smell.

Didja ever notice that these "fun size" packages of m&m's and snickers and doritos aren't really all that fun cuz you hardly get any at all.

I tried to do this ultra-kool roundhouse kick on my boss the other day but i missed and he tripped me then smothered my face in a display of papertowels. everyone was real impressed. He went to watch sum white-trash wrestling last nite and was going on and on about it all day.
btw--many of these postings i have copiedand pasted rite in here frum viceland.com 's message board.
go there, i suggest for more background info of funnies and where/when/if you come 'cross any inconsistencies with my ramblings.
I am under the name : Raymi the minx.

Suhweet.

Raymi is the name of a character in a book i'm dragging thru the mud, she's this little vixen bitch whose real young and welp, does everything a minx does, y'know.
It's called 'the last minx' , the book.
My friend and I are making it into a comicbook series as well, which is fun, but we're real lazy and have all this talent but we like to sleep lots and do stoopid things like drink pop and try on ugly clothes at the salvation Army.
I bought this awesome Chocolate coloured velvet jacket for $6. I walk around pretending i'm Jarvis Cocker and when people ask me questions i look over their shoulders into space and drawl my words.

This Morn' on the Rocket
i was lookin' in the reflectshUn
of the window and saw this
'ol fatty woman diggin' up
her nose with her thumb,
look down at
her thumB to see what she
got, smiled, looked around
to check if anyone would witness
the spectacular event
soon to be taking place and then
she plunked her thUmB with
the GoLd on it
onto her tongue and swAlloweD.
immediately after watching
this through the
reflection,
i turned my head to face
her and i smiled with that,
"Yes, i just saw what you did!"
smirk upon my bitchy face.
Funny, the things people do
when they think no one's
watching them.

Ward had pooh problems when he was real young. He simply figured there just wasn't enuff time for a dump, so, his bowel movements ceased to exist. Whenever the need to take a massive crap would come along, if Ward wuz busy, he would just hold it in. Over time, Ward grew ill and lost his appetite, thus, his body weight diminished. Ward figured that since he had been holding in all his craps, if he DID finally take one, he knew that it would be highly painful and tear hisself a new asshole. His whole family became very worried about him and couldn't understand why it was happening. Of course, Ward did not tell them the reason why. Finally, one fall day when he was raking leaves, a crap seemed to be on its way. Ward was feeling quite confident and believed that today was a fine day for a shit.
Throwing down the rake, Ward ran into the house, viciously attempting to get his pants and underwear down around his ankles. He planted his ass down onto the shitter and began to create what would be the largest of bowel movements that he'd ever push out. In fact he pushed so hard he almost passed out. When Ward was finished, the bathroom smelt as if somebody had curled up and died in there months ago. He ran to get his mum and boy, was she proud!
"Ward, oh, good for you! It must have worked itself out! Oh, this is just so wonderful!" She was smiles all around, and Ward, with a dopey-ass grin upon his face, wiped the sweat from his brow and exhaled a sigh of victory. Ward's mum got his dad, grandmother and aunt on the phone to relay the good news. They were all pleased as punch

Ward was diagnosed with a learning disability at a very young age, now known as A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder). Which is very accurate cuz he often will be telling me a story then completely lose train of thought and skip to another unrelated story.
When Ward was a little brat he would constantly ask his parents stupid and answerless questions ie; Why do cats meow? Why does it rain? How does a TV work? Why can't you breathe in Space? Why is ice, cold?
One time Ward was impatient for his mum to get ready to go out to the mall and he was anxiously trying to persuade her to get her ass in gear but she was watching the Blue Jay game. (How horribly lame is that?). She said; "No Ward, wait for the Jays to finish playing, we have to give them our encouragement." Ward was like, "OK." He looked at the screen and saw the pitcher; David Cox appear, with COX emblazened on the back of his shirt. Thus, for encouragement, Ward belted out; "YOU SUCK COX!" His brother started laughing at what he had said, but Ward didn't get the jist of it.

My friend Ward one time let his brother and sister dress him up like a girl when he was a little tot.
They put sparkly make-up on him and a wig and a big ugly flowery-printed mama dress and they wheeled him around the neighbourhood in their lil red wagon. They introduced Ward to all the old people on the street as their little sister Wardette. The stoopid thing about this story is, Ward let them do this.

Okee Dokeee

-Ward is 18 years old and already has a bad credit rating.
-Ward's favorite song is; 'It's the end of the world as we know it' By R.E.M.
-Ward thinks his '94 VW Golf is the shit.
-Ward laughs like a goat.
-Ward always manages to spill gas all over hisself whenever at the pump.
-Ward loves oriental chicks.
-Ward is easy to persuade. He would drive you to the mall and then buy you something.
-Suitably enuff, Ward's favorite movie is 'The Stupids'
-Ward alphabetizes his CD collection.
-Ward makes his bed every morning and every nite b4 going to sleep. Why? I dunno

Earlier today, I was washing this see-thru glass bowl, trying to get off this lil black speck.
It just would NOT get oFF!
Dammit.
I scrubbed and i scrubbed at it, but ffuk, it would NOT scrape Off!
So, i let it soaK in hot-flaming water wif a scoop of sunlight and I ate popkorn whilst waiting.
After my wait i go at it with a wire brush. nope--
the fucker stays on. So. as i wipe the sweat frum my brow, i turn the bowl over and a drip of water frum
the tap lands on the speck and it washes down the drain.
The eFFing speck was on the OTHER side of the bowl!!
Guess how stoopid i felt right there and then.

Raymi o're the summer in Oxford. Puttin' out the vibe.

Today was/is my dad's birfday. We went all-out and had dinna' at J.J.Muggs and saw're The Grinch. I hate kids. durr.
They're so annoying with their happiness and their chewing and, "Oh my GAWD! The guy kissed the Dog's butt."
Eeeyuhhhgrrrr.....
Someday in the future, Raymi will birth a babygirl something. Maybe. We will see.
This is after she has her kicks, of course. After she smokes weed on the beaches of Thailand, writing freelance and mending broken toys for little chillen'......wait, raymi hates chillen. hrmmm...nah, Raymi just hates canadian/american chillen. They're all spoiled rotten and fat and drooly.
K, tha'senuff. For now.
Yawwwn.
Got that bruisy, booze-eyed look, again. Not enuff ZzzzZZ's.

I's gunna try and go for Quality postings, here. Not Quantity.
I have the intent of greatness. Meh.