i have been very very ill. like, not being able to walk or move or be awake and not vomit every other second, ill. it really sucks. that and the fact i went to the lamest party after the supreme court of canada thing and had a truly miserable time. it felt like i was on crack. i shoulda stayed the fuck home. i have eaten all the popsicles in the world and a jillion saltines and i still feel like butt. i have to make my dad a bday card, too. i don't have any fancy paper. ahh i'll just do it tomorrow.

1:18pm

i feel ten times better. though, my insides feel all dried-out and empty and gurgly. i have to take a train ride to the 'burbs to see the folks and have them all avoid touching or standing within 2 feet of me. yay.

if i have to write one more cheque, my eyes will shoot out muriatic acid!

Sunday, February 5, 1995.

I dumped Casey a long, long, long time ago! He's such a moron, a geek, a loser, a nerd all in one. I only talked to him a couple times on the phone. I hardly knew him! But once i got to know him, I was disgusted.

Anyways: On Friday Alex's mom picked me up, and drove me to their house. At 7:30pm we all left the house to go to Laser Quest. There was this one babe there, he was about 16 or 17. We were always shooting each other. He even called ME a CHICK! I sound sooo much like a geek! After that we went back to the house and I slept over. In the morning I went to Alex's drama class. They're putting on The Wizard of Oz of the 90's. Alex is Dorothy. Oh right, my name for Laser Tag was Kurt. NIRVANA RULES!! RAP SUCKS!!!!

ps. I kinda like this guy in french immersion. Guess who.

wednesday was a total write off. so out of commission. i couldn't say anything to anyone. stayed up all nite long pacing and lying down and pacing then finally decided i needed to get fucked up and so i did and then stayed up all nite long and then my roommate girl was in pain pain pain so we rode an ambulance to the hospital in where i sat in almost every chair and position to try and stop my head from feeling stabbing pains and girl was on a gurney bed - turns out it is gastrointestinal virus and i will probably get it because i have dumb luck and then i went home to eat chinese food and watch the cat tear the shit out of my chair and my 200 dollar jacket arrived in the mail finally. i haven't even brushed my teeth or had a bath and i made some plans with people but i keep falling asleep and not taking a bath and now it is 1:36am and no one is around to talk to me so you can all go blow. go blow.

i saw jackass for the second time the day before yesterday. tuesday. it is still funny.

yep.

oh and that's right, when you search for shitfaced mo fo i am first on the list.

so i wanted to get myself a job last nite but i went about it in all the wrong ways. i sat at the bar and i chainsmoked and i drank double gin&tonics by myself and i scribbled in my journal and i wouldn't tell the barpeople what about and i was neurotic and nervous and scared and i dunno if they were all fags so my sexy charms would be of no use and finally i ask is the manager in, i was drunk, surly, he said no i said, gimme my bill....then went to the pizza place late late and really wanted to steal their artwork but was talked out of it. i was. now it is not yet noon, i was up 'til 6am watching downloaded simpsons episodes and reading the kurt cobain book and i finally got a call back from the crazy people but i didn't pick it up in time so alas, i must wait 'til 4 o'clock to say, yes yes, no no, yes, no, yes and finally get a new appointment after what's been the longest, shittiest wait.

lookit theeeeeeeseeeee and this louisville dude will learn you all about, Louisville. go figure. and so i was thinking got mysterious stuff in his laundry. aaaand...sumo-pop just doesn't have very many friends...

that is all

for now.

have a nice day.

me trying to stick out my tummy and rest it on the counter but ending up lookin' like an alien.

i can't fucking believe i am awake drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. it is 6:35am. 6:35am!!

i decided, you know, i am awake. i may as well stay awake and make coffee. i even bought sugar cubes and 1 per cent milk to do this.

now it is 6:45am. i just went to the bathroom. i am talking to antidisestablishmentarian on msn. i told him i would go to the bathroom with a cigarette in my mouth. and then i did.

now i am listening to ron sexsmith's strawberry blond. it is a pretty song.

before i forget. what are you doing this friday if you live in Toronto? oh, that's right. you'll be at 483 church street eating loads of free food and drinking free booze with me and these dudes. i have a part in this filmthing that really doesn't make any sense but it is done with super8 and i am wearing old man clothes and i am in high park with a dude in a bunny suit and i am hung over and stupid. go to it. nov.29th.

i was reading love is a dog from hell by bukowski on the can. tyranny lent it to me. that fool still has other books of mine. lending things out to people gives me great anxiety sometimes, while others, i am like, whatever. these things don't own me. they have a history and they will go on to be loved and read and shared and that's the way it should be.

black girl roommate and i bought these things from the supermarket - crap carrot/apple juice, blue kool-aid, strawberries, milk, sugar cubes, bread, water, baby corns...i forget the rest. the cashier was mad at us and her arm was hurting so i did a little dance and started to light my cigarette and i bought a homie from the gumball machine but i already had that homie so i was mad. no. dissappointed. is that how i spell dissappointed? whatever. that word is messed up anyway.

now me and antidisestablishmentarian are talking about homies and the homie dogs! holy shit, type "homies" in a google image search and lookit all the awesome pictures of people and their dumb friends posing as homies!

anti says:

i always just gave away the homies i already had to pretty girls

r le minx says:

aww

r le minx says:

keep that shit for yourself

anti says:

no way, how can you beat, "i got this homie for you..." ?

anti says:

perfect icebreaker

r le minx says:

totally

r le minx says:

yah

r le minx says:

well i have them on my windowsill so when i bring boys home they see em right away

r le minx says:

and then they know it is safe to have sex with me

anti says:

and you're only cool if you gettem from the gumball machines....

i am really glad i didn't do any drugs last nite. it was real close. but i didn't give in. probably because the dude didn't ever show up and i was loaded and playing that megatouch bar game that takes all my money. my friend mel, threw a vegetarian american thanksgiving and i drank all the wine and was probably the most obnoxious person at the dinner party. everyone was so proper in their sweaters and wool socks. buhh. i brought my drunk roommate and her girlyfriend and we sat on the couch being asstards and i said, "this is SO grade 8 schoolbus ride" and everyone laughed more and i almost choked to death on my stuffing. i swiped this clear display case thing from the streets and brought it over. it is still on mel's front porch. sorry mel. then we went to the bistro and drank more and i learned that this guy brought home a pre-op transexual the same nite i did but he was more fucked up from it than i was. well he didn't really go home with the person, moreso, made out with 'em and ended up in mississauga. i said, if i ever do coke again, just punch me in the eyes. maybe that is why he never came back. Tyranny came over the other nite too and we shared oxys and it was great. went to shag magazine's launch party and no one checked me out. i thought, hmm, i will have sex with anyone who talks to me. no one did. 'cept for gay joel who really isn't gay but has a girlfriend. i was so sore from disco dancing. raymi is in love with the spy.

my mum really really really hates these pictures. she thinks i don't have respect for myself. and other things.

i love my body and i shouldn't be made to feel shamed for being all naked. jesus.



november 16 2002 12:05pm

i've been up 25 hours and counting, as you might imagine i'm a bit edgy or jumpy rather - dxm never again coke e and all that other shit has gotta go too. my eyelids weigh 3 thousand pounds. trying not to vomit watching simpsons sorta. definitely an experience. fuck i'm losing my shit. i can't sleep. i need to sleep. i am tired of this fuckin' trip TIREDTIREDTIRED! TIRED!

Tony Baloney has something to tell you and i love this Bitter dude