at the joint - november 20-something

Being alone here makes me nervous. having to work at 12 makes me nervous, feeling rushed. drinking a double G&T with a stale lime and i have to go pee already. i want to ask these people for a job but i'm afraid to. looks like there's enough staff here, working, standing around. being rejected is embarrassing and they might be gay so my charms won't work on them. once i get to the bottom of this drink and have another i'll ask for a job. i like this place. i'm kinda hiding back here, smoking by a stupid candle. i can't even look up to see who is looking at me. i really fucking dig this funksoul music. this black lady is singing. to me. once i go to the bathroom everything will be better. i'm totally losing my fucking nerve. back from bathroom. looked in the mirror. i think i'm pretty enough to work here. i useto be so ballsy. i don't remember if that's true. perhaps i was just more obnoxious. but only with people who are stupider than me. i want to go and i want to stay. is everyone looking at me? why? because i am alone and stupid. who is the manager here? i am afraid. my pulse is a thousand beats per second. am i going to have a nervous breakdown everyfuckingplace i go to get a job? probably. this - this is my burden. marked like caine. maybe they want to speak to me. this guy, he's cute. wants to speak to me. i'm convinced. he's just nervous, intimidated. that or he's gay.

ok there. i asked. the wrong guy. they're all full. the manager isn't even in. ihave no luck. none. zero. fuck me fuck me. i should just leave now without paying. probably a good idea. i've already had a zillion drinks. oh great i just ordered another. i'm superfucked. drunkly. my fantasies of working in this pretty place are over. i don't like this place so much anymore. not doing so good at space impact II on my cell phone. i'm drunk already. 11:11pm. i won't be outta here 'til 11:30 then i'll be in a cab off to work. the slutfactory. must call for crazy appointment tomorrow! now i am hellbent on getting another job tho' i don't really want one or to look for one or give up all the ridiculous free time i have. i will NOT stay up 'til 8 in the morning tonite. goddammit. my god. i'm loaded. i need to drink up or i will never get out of here. i think i may have just got pen on my chin. this embarrasses me tho' i cannot afford another trip to the bathroom just to see. tho' i might because i am bored already. i hate the people over there at their shared table. all of them? yes. all of them. is that chefguy trying to read what i am writing? i think so. i do. i think i'm done writing for now. i close my book.

my neck is sore. my shoulders, my back. i am not going to approach people anymore. they will approach me. i am smoking another cigarette and it is good.

next day
coolhandluke and i both get nervous when we have to walk across a room so we scratch our heads or fiddle with our hair.

so i was gonna go out last nite before work but the place i like to eat and get sloshed at was packed so i walked away from it and walked up and down the street looking for another hot spot and everything sucked. it was friday nite. the skids are out, spilling out of cabs and phonebooths. ugggg. so i went to kfc to brown bag it over to work and asked the cute asian girl how she liked her job and she said it was easy and just near where she lived and i said once you leave this place you will realise how abusive the atmosphere is. you don't need this minimum-wage bullshit. really.

she probably thought i was a lesbo.

i bumped into these girls i kinda know. the sister is the one who asked if i slept with her sister's ex-bf at the art system party. she is an ice queen. i think the other sister hates me but apparently she thinks i am nice. there is more paranoia for you.

today i am going to buy a sexy curtain and go tothe tanning salon.

Laura Petrie is my bestest new york city friend. we finally have a shared blog. read it and you'll see why we get along so well.

RAYMI & LAURA

i will never forget the sound of dumptrucks full of rubble and the explosion when it happened. walking along 7th ave. that nite in park slope, the church doors were wide open, people were writing things on papers. everything was quiet. fighter jets went by a lot. i didn't know because i was canadian. i didn't cry. my boyfriend came home 4 hours later and we were mean to each other. i will never forget going onto the roof after seeing it on tv and thinking, i never see these things in real life and i am not suppose to. there are people on the street and they can't see this and there are children in the church playground and they don't know about this and i am taking pictures. this isn't my home. so i don't know what to feel. i interviewed therapists for a piece i was writing for canadian print mags and they told me i was going to be fucked up later on. i said i didn't think so. they said i'd have nitemares. and i haven't. but i do get this feeling when i see the pictures and when i see the news and the videos my heart tightens and i go back to that guy who jumped from the building when i was 4 years old and i think of the people who threw themselves from those burning buildings. the whole planet could explode and we could be suffocating under water and i wouldn't care. but those people, those people were terrified.

i won't forget being on the subway, every stall and clang, thinking it was the end.

asshole has a date. a never-ending date and this means i have no friends. i was invited and then uninvited to a party by three boys. three. they decided they wanted to bring someone who would actually have sex with them at the end of the nite and not go off and set the drapes on fire. asshole lives down the street from me and i haven't seen him in months. we gossip on msn. that is all. we know the same people. we've fucked the same people. no wait. nevermind. asshole is an asshole is an asshole. he has this hot couple duo friends or whatever and i want to bone the boy-half of the duo. i see them all the time at fraud club and they are both skinny and have super cool style and wear jean jackets and are probably all shy and fucked up and that is irresistible. however, shy people are hard to take. they make me all neurotic and tense and flighty and then i'm like, ok i'm leaving now. bye. so i finally saw fubar and you know, i actually believed that the filmmaker died and it was all true and not a drama and i kept going, "ARE THEY REAL!?" "THAT IS SO DISTURBING!" and craig let me believe it the whole way thru and then he couldn't take it anymore and said, "god raymi, it's not real, lookit the credits..he's an actor.."

oh.

i had more nitemares. but i forget them. i think it's the weed. seriously.

craig gave a two year old the finger on the bus. hahaha.

hahahahahahhahahhaaa

that's like flipping off an inanimate object. i can't decide which feels better, though.

i am going to be in a lingerie underwear launch party thing. modelling, you guessed it, underwear. i get to keep 'em too and walk around drinking beer. i am such a classy, classy lass. i'll let you know the where's and when's like the day of so you can show up with your rifle and burlap sack.

i have a question. when you go out to a coffeeshop/bar/restaurant/laundry mat, are you reading your book and/or writing on your paper because you are a student and you really like doing those things or are you a neurotic piece of shit like me, and extremely self conscious and so, your book and papers are your shield from looking dumb and sad and pathetic? well, uh, yah. i probably shouldn't but i do. i go out a lot. alone. and i chainsmoke at the bar and i get soused and i am a huge miserable failure at meeting people in the real world. you literally have to shake me and say, "i want to be your friend" before i think, "hey, they want to be my friend." i say things i probably shouldn't and i ask a lot of questions. i'm pretty gullible too. i use to be the cat's ass and all proud and now when people look at me i think it is because i am a weirdo and not because i am pretty. i go somewhere, i sit in all the wrong places, i always go home with the wrong person, i don't know how to read body language and i don't stay for very long. i give off this never-ending fuck you vibe. why do you think i take so many cabs? i can't wait for streetcars and the people near me when i am on them and the cars going past and people on the street looking at me. oh man. this is so david letterman. he has that phobia of people too. and he is like, david fucking letterman. bizarre. my psychiatrist told me it's because i did coke. and now that i think of it, the paranoia began about the time i started in on the snuff-snuff. what a concept. i have trouble sleeping alone. i do. i'm currently experiencing a manic episode. it's lasted almost a week now. i stay up real late, i wake up real early and i putter around doing everything and nothing and i spend spend spend. and i find people who don't have money and i pay for them. this is one of the reasons why i think i don't make a very good female-type person. i'll list such suspicions soonly. soonly. good word.

there's fk. we go out and get messed up. he comes over and smokes cigarettes with me and lets me sing my songs. and then the sun comes up and he goes home. to his girlfriend. he doesn't go to his job sometimes. i think he should. he makes me think that my taste in music is the best. but it's two years late. mehhh. hi fk.

TONY PIERCE rules. sometimes i actually believe his little dialogues with celebrities. it's true. i'm quite gullible. i am. i like how he writes about extremely personal stuff and he has all these hot girl friends. i think his ex, ashley is a bit cheesy but, whatever. she's american. i will write more later about tony. tony tony tony. yay.

my family hates me. they think im crazy and naked and going to slit my wrists. they only look at the pictures on my website, they don't read it. they like to get together and discuss their fears. their friends email them and say, "raymi is going to be stalked and watched and kidnapped...bla bla" and then i get neurotic phonecalls and emails from my mum and she asks me for the zillionth time when my next crazy appointment is. you know guys, if you think i'm not aware of the possibilty of someone parked outside my house in a civic 24/7, you're pretty daft. yes i think of how you will react to every picture i post or thing i write and i just don't care anymore. i don't. if i walked around caring so much about what my peers thought of me, my head would cave in. i know people who make it their personal goal to constantly please their parents and meet their standards. these people are stressed out, have ulcers, are extremely insecure and are never fully satisfied with the work they are producing. now, is this a good thing?

i am not going to wear a nice conservative dress and work in an office or keep all the things i love about life a secret and i am never ever going to censor myself. i am going to say and i am going to do things that will make you so confused, but it's ok. i do this all the time. i am "offensive" - get use to it now or just forget i exist.

your daughter has breasts and an ass and a vagina and she likes to take pictures of herself, a hobby if you will, now somewhat out of hand, but still fun and funny and there is no need to sit around debating it.
save it for oprah.

places to consider

somehow i got a hit from this shitty christian blog. that would be pretty cool if they linked me in their most evilest links page or something. and then i got a hit from this weird asian place. talk about loving thyself to the extreme. this girl is like a postcard. serious. and then i forget how i found Naked House and i don't care. i don't read it. i can't seem to get past fantasizing about a naked house. and then we have photos of friends from the beginning of time. some are pretty neat. you can pretend you actually know these lame-os. and then, my personal favorite, How to make a toga dot fucking com

this knob is the knobbiest knob who ever knobbed. "Then for the head, I take a wire coat hanger and shape it into a circle that will fit my head. Then I get plastic (or real) leaves and wrap it around the wire hanger, and then put it on my head. I think it's called a laurel, or something like that. Looks cool." one of the girls in the picture should not have been invited to the toga party because she is not wearing a toga and please, if you will, check out the first group photo. the old hag in the front row and to the left, she, is, my, girlfriend.

it's true.






anti says:
yah my friends don't get you either....

r le minx says:
well they can fuck off

anti says:
one quote, "why is that chick so naked?"

r le minx says:
haha

r le minx says:
because i am pretty

anti says:
and they're mostly asstards

r le minx says:
probably

r le minx says:
why do you hang out with asstards

i went on a shopping spree in parkdale at the dollarama with craig. i spent 8 dollars and 5 cents and i stole two beer fridge magnets and a big pack of bazooka joe gum. i bought three oversized pairs of bloomers and they look SO awesome on me. craig and i decided to take the day off and walk around. i had nitemares after watching kakashi all nite long. it was weird. might have been the pot. we ate half price fajitas last nite and i got kinda loaded and i am glad i looked pretty yesterday because i might have another job at a dirtbag bar. a FAMOUS dirtbag bar. Wheeeee! oh yeh, i also bought a pair of spectacles for a dollar. a dollar! now i will make my vision all poor.

go to this

a relationship that fucked up

ding dong:

do you know anyone who lives at 346 penis lane ?

r le minx:

yes

r le minx:

i know them all remember

r le minx:

i use to date the guy who looks like u

ding dong:

which one did you sleep with?

r le minx:

i DATED him

ding dong:

which guy was that?

r le minx:

for almost four months not "SLEPT"

r le minx:

the one who looked like u

ding dong:

i know someone who is dating someone at that location now

r le minx:

ahhhh

r le minx:

what does she look like

ding dong:

she is half asian

r le minx:

long hair?

r le minx:

hmm

ding dong:

yeah

r le minx:

what is her name

ding dong:

nice boobs, but no body otherwise

r le minx:

i sorta know of this

r le minx:

dont think it is going too good with them

r le minx:

i dont really care too much

ding dong:

they just started dating. she thinks he's AMAZING.

r le minx:

yeh

r le minx:

tell me ALL the gossip

r le minx:

well he has problems opening up to people

r le minx:

it might get spoiled on account of him not contacting her. ever.

ding dong:

hmm

ding dong:

maybe he just didn't like you

r le minx:

fuck you asshole

i'm a kleptomaniac. i am. i stole this ulgy sparkly plaque thing of a fish on a fake seashell from the tanning salon and i don't even like it. i wanted to steal the mirror but it wouldn't fit in my bag and i'd probably make a huge hole in the drywall. i think i am going to leave a note for my upstairs neighbors and tell them they sound like elephants sometimes and i think about going up there a lot and asking them to shut up. they use our parking space and in exchange they give us 30 dollars a month and let us use their vacuum. well they will once i tell them that is what i want the deal to be. i finally had my crazy appointment today. wheeeee! and then i went to the place where everyone eats and smokes and drinks coffee and looks at themself in the mirror and this guy showed up wearing sunglasses and he was angry and he threw his sunglasses on the floor and growled and smoked and then left before his glass of water arrived. they played bad music. i think. they wrote about the art system party in eye and i was mentioned in a sneaky way. something like, ...bla bla and people stripped down to their underwear bla blahhh... i have three new books to read now. one about bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depressive illness. i am also still reading all families are psychotic and the kurt cobain book and a few bukowski poem books. i can never focus on one thing for very long. i have the attention-span of a fruitfly. i told antidisestablishmentarian to make a page about how much in love we are. so he did. i think i will go see harry potter tonite. i have a crush on that kid. i saw him on oprah and i am like, wow. i can't wait 'til i am a cougar. i am over-heating from the salon. guhh. i spent 120 dollars yesterday by accident. i meant to only spend 50. i bought a furry fuzzy fuckme blanket/rug-thing. ok i have to go now.

k bye.

my skin is horribly pale because it was just the day after pukesville for me. they made me eat all this food and i gladly did but then woke up about 6 in the morning and had to watch a whole bunch of movies on my dad's satellite cable box-thing to stay awake and not vomit in my hair.

Soooo, antidisestablishmentarian finally made a blog. he was embarrassed and felt like a copycat, which he should, but, meh. he literally just started it so it looks like, uhh, dull, but there is a picture of ME and this link about anti.

ok, i am very very sorry for not sharing this sooner. you see, my left-eye exploded
when i watched it.

BEST MUSIC VIDEO/POP STAR QUEEN EVER!!!

Oh right, i'll have you know that it is my most favorite day of the year:

world aids day

oh man, that was yesterday. well, like we care anyway.