Monday, April 21, 2003

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i tried to tell you that yer can-on camera = sucky. let me show you why PC + APPLE + and all that other trivia shit is always tap yer blonty nose of tony blair etc etc durrrr. [im my own mentor/editor/boss/super nova etc etc./.....] i want a pizza party with creamy garlic dipping sauce and i want the pizzas to have crumbly bacon and zesty cheese on it. why? pizza pizza is Acadian and fuck usa for not having it here already. next, tell me all the canadian/USA / everyone sucks equally etc etc bsdjl;gh sdn;psdghh why do we care aboot blogs, anyway something somthing i need at least 50gs of fat per day or ill explode [from the inside or sum,thingsumthuing literally] [i think] [methinks]. and i dont bulimia that shite out? why? i hate vomitting but i love it when it comes out like a fountain. ask the real N-words of toronto [ie tyranny]. or something. i like yer nayborehood. "Sigh - ent - awwww - LOe - jeeeeeeeeee......" from that airplane movie, lesly neilsen i think. [u sed they would follow us and we believed you. i watch them watching me and then i try and jump over garbage cans and stuff. did u knowthat there is no provincial laws ehre? why? kuz this is USA. ahhahaha. rofl. whatevs. ] i wish there were raymism's keyboards. why? because then upside down mexican question marks would be manditory on every fucking button, which, btw, is a PC [implied however bill gates saved apple. why didnt anyone read microserfs or generation x yet by douglas coupland? yes theyre my bibles....] a Ctrl alt delete what???? i need to eat some chinese/pizza/wings/deep fry that [potentially] everything can kill canadian freakshows. yueh. tangents. straight-up. full-stop. sdbglvgngfnh. when is this party? am i invited? can i come? can it be in the safest most jehovah part of blue license plate town? old plates? old fucking old people are hilarious. when can we throw u inthe back of that sausagemobile or can we drive around yer walking around in yer lakers huey heffner robe....bla bla yes is the answer. make sure some phat people are @ this "party" and other people who would let me ash all over their open palms and then they would say, "thank you, razzmi." and i'd say, "you're welcome." and then jump in front of yer cancerous satellite dish. ahshadg lasidygfsdv.fkhvsddk.sdbf sdhf.;sdso'sdbnl/f less fat = crazzy bloog posts./ bi. and yes, in the end, too many people make me have to wait outside being a hilarious neurotic piece of ill eat all the food in the end in yer tub wearing my shaq shoes and listen to ZwuAn etc etc and ill chainsmoke and breath gasoline. i like LA.

raymi and anti came over and visted me on easter sunday because theyre born again like me and wanted someone to fellowship with.

first lets talk about anti because when you have two big personality types like dumbass (moi) and raymi, theres not a lot of space to get a word in edgewise. fortunately anti isnt the type of guy who seems to worry very much about getting a word in edgewise. he seems perfectly content to sit on the couch with his feet up looking way too much like ad rock, being far too mellow while drinking his beer, and at the same time very attentive to raymi's needs. i think he has a little crush on her.

who wouldnt?

my girl raymi has it all. shes young, fun, and full of canadian trivia.

like nearly everyone that ive met in real life who i originally was made aware of through this blogger thing, raymi is far prettier in the flesh. and, sadly, less nude.

raymi has a blog called i think manic. she doesnt think manic. she thinks and she says it and i like it. she touches her nose for emphasis and i think it means something.

because it was easter raymi got dressed up. extra dressed up since we had never met. she wore a black striped jacket and a tshirt. her jeans were fashioably ripped at the knee, freshly, it looked like, and accidentally since i think i spied a cut on her bare knee. she had things written on her jeans, but i dont stare.

she did have a button on her lapel that simply said fuck in all caps.

her hair was reddish orange. it was up. then she shook it out and it was down. then she stole anti's hat. then she took off antis hat and put my pick in her hair.

then she started talking and she didnt stop.

if you tried to get a word in edgewise she would tell you timeout and keep going.

anti would jump in and tell her that she should be careful with a certain train of thought because it might actually drive her manic, and she would listen.

made me think she had a little crush on him.

they seemed to work great together.

raymi is constant motion. a tornado of ideas and theories and swirling commentary. shes childlike with the wisdom of a poet on acid. she likes to smoke. she smoked a bunch with anti and they put out their butts in the little container of ranch dressing. after i warmed up some pizza slices she poured garlic powder on it and looked at the ranch dressing ash tray and wished she hadnt ashed in it cuz now she wanted to dip her pizza in there.

shes skinnier than youd think. she gets tall and gets short within minutes. i saw her levitate. but just for a second.

if i had something bad on tv she would ask me to pause it or turn it down three or four. if something was good she would ask me to turn it up four or five. she wasnt afraid to ask for what she wanted. mostly she wanted things to smoke drink eat watch or listen to. often times all in the same moment.

on one hand i was happy to to oblige. these were great people whose blogs i greatly admired. on the other hand it did get to be a little part time job all its own, but i didnt mind. raymi's rad as hell and if i ever have a talk show she will be my ed mcmahon. i asked her if she would and she said yes.

raymi, 20, is from canada. we know this because she says aboot. we also know this because she says things like, they paid me 500 american. she talks a lot about alex trabeck too. lots of things not canadian are canadian to her. its cute. if you call her on it she'll just get going on something else. she has it bad for douglas copeland and bill gates, in that order.

i took lots of pictures but none of them turned out very well cuz i suck.

i want to have a party this weekend at someones house so that we can celebrate this canadian celebrity.

she wants to be a star, but she already is one.

shout outs are even better than my blog. blonty tole me i dont give hinm any hits? pffft. i dont have time for media frenzy[ies]. im going to [m,ebbe] see that jew in las faggahs] so. yah. with or w/out yer help. blowme fiErce. ehhh. fhsdlkfg sduklhi jg.