im a blow up doll but less boobish these days. meh.
i can breathe
im so fucking bored but not at the same time in this town. it's not bad, im getting use to it you know. whatever. bittersweet symphony was always my theme song.
indifference saves lives but it makes you an easy target.
give up, give in, give out.
to real hard cock romance that is.
im not german. yet. or irish or muslim or spanish. and i dont care kuz in the end it doesnt matter but i do not accept anyone taking my life, choosing FOR ME, my fate, my destiny, ever.
when people are mean to you, what do you do?
have sex all over the place or do you do what you want to do whatever it is just to fucking live at ease, whatever means necessary until you die?
well i never took that oath.
and i dont think i ever will.
Saturday, May 31, 2003
i keep getting sold out from every person on the face of the earth. oh well. fuck real life human being interactions. i was made for machines. i use television and music and my easy to stimulate sensuality and move that specific pulse back over to machines.
machina is latvian for car.
that's hot. the car thing, i meant. latvian. machina. anja taught me that in grade eleven science. she was a fake russian, aka, latvian. heheh. and big trouble for me and for her and the rest is all history, sort of. she had hot long hair and red red lips and this smell and carolina sat beside us and she had a kid and was all catholic and stuff like me but was all like, fuck the other school and im all yah, no kidding. lets talk about fucking old men anja!!!! and then all the young kids in my class, boys specifically, hit on me and anja but more on her kuz she had the accent-thing going on and i still had a boyfriend, my first one and im all like, yah i cant cheat on him and then i broke up with him and went right to the city of toronto. all by myself. and chose what to do when to do it and it was all legal. 15's legal right? 16? 17? 18? 19? 20? yep. sometimes. only in canada.
this is how you have word sex jumble pie.
a google search wet dream of hits for my blog when you say things like hard fuck cock slut hose hound stuff it in the cooter slot of hawt rocking underage nymphomaniacs who never get off enough or sit there waiting for predators thru the window with their
you know, those things that u use to smash car windshields, i believe americans call them slim jims.
i dont want to hear the term slim jim, ever again.
it is hard for me to feel emotions right now and take blame for anything other than the words i say.
i do not feel pity for people who do evil things. ever.
and i do not condone violence unless it is for self defense, of course.
my ex boyfriend smashed all my cd's and never paid me back. i spent a lot of my money on posessions to fill in the void to which was our 3 month ish relationship.
and the split personality i created is raymi the minx.
i am learning how to feel things for real life people again. i am learning how to unlearn a lot of crap out of my life and im learning how to not blame people, moreover, how to make it very clear that i am far from blaming them for whatever is behind us.
it's just the way it was. you know. that's how it happened.
i have these shoes. one pair is missing. anti thinks i dont know problems. but i love him. mi chico latino.
it's been about a week. i want my stuff and my money back for all damaged goods/items, stop playing dumb like you don't know where all my shit is, im tired of waiting out your mindgames and i saw your serbian friend at this barplace. i didnt say hi to him though. he looks about the same to me. and get meika to stop with the texting. i understand you have your own current struggle with her, too bad.
ill expect a phonecall, monday.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
hi jeff, you are suppose to be calling me right now from your apartment thing.
in new york city.
i think i will go to new york city to hang out soon.
too bad ben is not your friend right now, that means he is not my friend right now.
because i am your friend, right. loyalty shit.
someone stole the cd of our demo, you on bass and me on the microphone in that practise space where that guy fucked prostitutes and i saw the video it was awesome. nitin's gay stuff on your four-track. can you send me more cd's of it and then put it on your site and ill start selling them. they're SO HOT right now. i mean it. the bass/guitar solos work. i'm serious.
i rented a porno video on my family's house account at the video store. i paid off some of the family fines of late rentals and video games and stuff. our house account is so fucking old man. yah. they cant dig up the year of anything we rented but like everything is all there of what we rented i believe, unless they decided to tidy up their history, which i doubt they would, but then again i could be wrong.
i think it's a family-run thing so if any sucker tried to walk in and pose as me and be all yah im raymi or danny or biff and i want to rent ten jillion b movies, whatever, they'd kill you. moreover, that place is awesome. they let me walk in there with bikinis on and rent all this crap and bonbons and take home the crocodile dundee floatable shitbox and the chris farley cardboard stand-up with spade, and then brooke would be all yah lets go home and watch movies on your carpet floor and sarah too and then kristi the punk.
anti's dad's company made the racks that the video store has. the metal ones. standard grade, probilly and white lacquer.
he saw the silver company logo and the 1 800 number and shit.
it was silver.
jeff, im baked.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
tim is here and we are going to go into toronto for my first time in a long time, since i got the rest of my shit from my old apartment when it all went down...
we are going to wear sars masks too!!!
tim thinks my mum hates him. probably.
this town sucks and then it is also pretty good. it's good on monday nites when you just want to cruise thru the place on foot and have no one around in your path other than all the cops in town who are bored and out to make raymitheminx's face explode with 'noia over nothing.
"Colin Powell is out over there whisperin' to the horses like in that movie that was advertised all week long, the horse whisperer.. BWHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAaaa them brown horses, whispering to them, and shit!" - tyranny.
ps. colorado girl stop shit-talking my friend. i heard this vapid story from all other perspectives, point being, don't you ever ever create a whole blog to 'dis up one guy in order to make the newer one feel better. regardless of a new guy being around, you just don't fuck around with ghosts of your past, to be fair and nice to them and also to counter-act any potential rumors that get slung around messageboards about you. dont let negative comments follow you to your blog which YOU made in the first place to prevent US from thinking bad things about you? am i right? but when you more than welcome and invite negative comments by publishing materials such as you did/do, it gets personal, doesn't it? this i know for fact, i have my own personal experiences and stories....
tim didnt even know about this blog you made til weeks later, henceforth, you made the first move. why, is what we're trying to figure out. next move, is for him to counter-attack, right? pffft. the internet is a powerful tool, use it wisely. news travels faster. and eventually the world hears about it. like when monica lewinsky blabbed to that other fat chick and then we all found out about bill clinton's blowjob. that was pretty funny, right. etc etc. colorado girl
my uncle went to colorado once.
Fuck you poetry
This will make me so rich.
Many days and months later
I am listening to millennium
And we won�t stop
Praying it�s not too late
Nirvana heart shaped box on now
This is what it is like to be on the other side of withdrawing or being like a fast pace machine like person with having to of had to be a depressed
Heart shaped box?
Forever in debt to priceless, advice?
My one front tooth is bigger than the other, like longer. An interesting selling trait for an agent to be a model. I want to be a model now since I don�t want to do much talking anymore since I don�t have any friends anymore.
I don�t want my teeth to be punched out.
That would hurt.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
I feel like it's been 1082 years since I sent you an email.
I just read your bloggityblogblog.
Don't waste all that energy worrying about the losers and the haters. It's not worth the time. why wash your brain in all those stress chemicals for them? They're lost. Let them be lost without you. When you let all that crap go, you'll weigh a million pounds less. Your head will float.
You shine, and will shine despite everything.
I've never counted, but they tell me that there are something like 6 billion people in the world. That's billions of people that I'll never know. Billions of people who'll live and die billions of stories. But it makes no difference to me. There are only a handful of them that will ever touch me. Ever mean anything to me. And you're one of them. I'm happy for that.
You said that you invented me. Well, that's not exactly true of course. But you certainly made an impression on me. Shaped me in ways...inspired me. Changed my world.
I miss you.
dear continent of america.
today was a fat day for me. i lied around all day in my bed and i could feel my ribcages because these horse-sized tranquilizer pills dry me right the fuck out and then everything below my ribcage is just muscle bloated and fat retaining glucose and salts and aminos pizza sleep.
girls of america we are too fat. girls of canada we are too fat.
girls of france are just fine.
but howard stern hates france. the french.
and he's a jew
but, we like him.
not all of us. some of us, maybe 50 per cent of us, nope. ?
girls are younger and they are fucking older men and younger boys go for younger girls and act like pimps and slap their asses and girls are picking up boys traits.
i never said what was good and what was bad yet.
everything is popular over here and then everything is popular over there at the same time. i have been there. there are no more new outfits for me to wear. skateboarding is not a trait that is trendy. it is a skill. a talent. a gift. longboarding too. it is like skateboarding but with wheels and i like it the best in canada right now because it is springtime. i practised it the best in california a little while ago, though. i see rich people doing it. poor people. kids. girls boys. canadian girls do not surfboard and they dont longboard much. we do not have hot beaches with oceans on our borders, even if we lived in maine, which is on the east coast, there are no hot salt waters i know of.
when someone calls you a trendy slut for seeing that you can longboard, you know in your heart they are canadian, perhaps, an ex-pat, does'nae matter. they could also be half-chinese or four-eyed...i dont care.
that's racist and i take offence.
females of this continent, we are too fat.
and the french know why the most
you eat too fucking much. you smoke too much. you fuck too much. you mean too much, you are MEAN too much.
let this trendy slut, me, be an example of how too fucking much fat and skinny can and cannot be. you are only allowed to make fun of fat people if you know what it's like but even then, fucking hell, go fuck yourself. it still sucks so don't make fun of them.
ps - i learned for twenty years how to do everything you see now. you havent seen shit. i didnt grow up in no fucking toronto. i travelled. those tuning in now need to learn my past. address me with respect only.