the truest little boy

blonty is balmy

i got stung on the ass by a bee this one time i was peeing on the grass behind my backyard with brooke kuz no one was home so we just went there. we were making forts in the garage out of cardboard boxes and dirty blankets. sarah was there too. i ran all the way to kim's to tell my mum about the bee sting and i pulled down my pants and showed everybody my ass and i was crying.

i rule.

I've a Big One says:
bony maronie

raymi the minx says:
yo hussla

raymi the minx says:
whats the word

I've a Big One says:
there is no word

I've a Big One says:
i'm stuck at my family's in kitchener

I've a Big One says:
i punched the shit out of my own face last week and got arrested for it

raymi the minx says:
oops i was wearing my shirt half inside out and all twisted up all morning til now

raymi the minx says:
idiot

I've a Big One says:
then i missed court yesterday

raymi the minx says:
u can get arrested for that?

I've a Big One says:
well i also kicked out a window

raymi the minx says:
wow your life is like an action hero's

I've a Big One says:
yeah i wish

raymi the minx says:
give me shit on toronto people

I've a Big One says:
most toronto people are lamos

I've a Big One says:
i'm going to be in a play jeremy is doing at the drake

raymi the minx says:
herehehr

I've a Big One says:
i am pretty much dissallowed in most social scenes in toronto

I've a Big One says:
i smoked the craziest shit last night

I've a Big One says:
i thought my brain was trying to talk to me from across the room

I've a Big One says:
and i realized i can't write when i'm stoned

raymi the minx says:
dad stepped out so im gonna smoke a j now

raymi the minx says:
and caress my hangover

I've a Big One says:
you live with your poppa?

raymi the minx says:
yeh fer now

raymi the minx says:
fucking cat is in my face

I've a Big One says:
i hate that

I've a Big One says:
i have to live with my mom, grandma, and lil sister for now as well

raymi the minx says:
why

raymi the minx says:
cuz u are retarded

I've a Big One says:
very much so

raymi the minx says:
me too!

I've a Big One says:
not as much as me

raymi the minx says:
brb smoking j outside

I've a Big One says:
this girl from kitchener keeps trying to pick me up online

I've a Big One says:
but she is freaking me out

I've a Big One says:
she's all into piercings and bondage

I've a Big One says:
like, fack oof

I've a Big One says:
it will be funnier one day

I've a Big One says:
when i'm all growed

I've a Big One says:
the girl called me vanilla

raymi the minx says:
how old is she

I've a Big One says:
prolly like 18 or 19

I've a Big One says:
she is too young and creepy

raymi the minx says:
ew gross

raymi the minx says:
my fucking cat thinks hes a mountain lion

raymi the minx says:
sorry fierce

I've a Big One says:
hah

I've a Big One says:
a few weeks before i got polluted at a vice party and asked some ttc cops if they knew
where i could buy some acid

I've a Big One says:
needless to say they ripped me off the train

raymi the minx says:
hahahahahahaha

i've a Big One says:
i shoved them and started going mental at yonge/bloor station which they required like 8 more cops to come

I've a Big One says:
i wasn't even that drunk

I've a Big One says:
i just keep losing control

it's the part in the relationship where you just sit back in different rooms and let shit happen on its own or you check on each other every 5 minutes and then some guy calls you a cracka and you are like do you mean honky or crackhead and he says both and he is on steroids and you are like Whaaaaaat mother effer? and he's like your bangs your bangs and his friends step away and won't back him anymore kuz they realise he said the wrong fucking thing and there is no saving his ass and then he fucks with yer bf not 5 minutes later not knowing we're together and well, i hope he likes wheelchairs.

If you do a cover of a Morrissey song of your choice, and put it on your blog I will mail you a photograph of mine that you can either keep or sell ( they go for a pretty penny these days).

I was hanging out in the Rodeo bar on 3rd avenue last week, started talking to a complete stranger and then all of a sudden your blog & you in general came up. Me and stranger both agreed that you are one of our most favorite people in the whole universe.

Jefferson

fat 18 year old tanned drunk moron raymi with pokey nyc

im pissed off the gary busey show isnt on til 7 30. guh. oh well. the wb shitty singers show is on and i love it love it. i coulda been one right? right. i hope tonite isnt boring. i hope my tan evens out. i hope my room gets magically clean on its own.

if i were a day of the week i'd be wednesday.

if i were a bird i'd be a hawk.

if i were a member of the cat family i'd be a cheeta. no puma. no panther. whichever one is the sexiest and moves in the slowest of motion.

if i were a band i'd be lush.

if i were a color i would be red.

if i were a toy i'd be a play-doh fun factory - this one i use to have as a kid that made play-doh ice creams and sundaes and wavy french fries and hamburgers and i remember my mum sitting on the livingroom floor with me, showing how to mix brown and white into flesh tone color for pretend hamburger buns.

if i were a dog i would be a miniature doberman pinscher.

if i were a book i'd be generation x, by douglas coupland.

if i were a country i'd be england.

if i were cake i'd be caramel crunch. it costs 20 dollars and my friend ward almost sat on one i bought for this tropical drink blending party of steve's and i almost died of rage at him.

if i were clothing i'd be a scarf that is orange.

if i were a condiment i'd be ketchup. tho that's pretty boring. maybe i'd be sauerkraut (sp?). but only this time not frozen with icicles outside of systems and gross bacon bits.

if i were a movie i'd be casino. fuck. man that opening scene with sharon stone where she throws up the guy's chips in that glitzy white dress of hers and hair is up valley of the dolls style and deniro sees her, falls in love immediately even tho she is stirring up shit in his casino. also similar to the scene in trainspotting where renton falls in love with diane upon seeing her rudely drink both drinks of dude's across the way by the bar.

if i were a gun i'd be a silencer pp7 that sexy sexy bitch. though the automatic weapons in goldeneye 007 for n64 are better. for example, the RCpm?90? whatever it's called that shoots fat-ass lasers, super-ass fast at yer opponent's head like mental and comes out the other side. the best is shooting the crap out of 'em when they are already dead. the shotgun is pretty boss too.

if i were a song i'd be all of them. but especially that kanye west all falls down one. where's that cd jonafran?

happy friday gang.

ms bojangles.

i had this teacher mrs brown for senior kindergarden and she was the evilest evil with cokebottle glasses and hair the color of brown owls and bowl cut bangs. she kicked some kid in the head the time i made it to grade one and was fired from teaching. banished. and good. she made me shiver. the type of woman you look at and you KNOW she will slap you on your mouth if you do something wrong, if you were her own child. ont time christina puked all over the water fountain and mrs brown is all why aren't you drinking from the fountain and me and jonathan are like uhh theres puke on it and shes like it's fine see i'll drink from it and then she did drink from it because she's a crazy lady from where crazy ladies come from and cut their hair ugly because that is how they feel on the inside, nothing but ugly. she shook me pretty roughly by the shoulders when she thought i was some other kid she was in the mood to reprimand then realised i wasnt the kid and she dropped me to the floor. fucking witch.

ive been working on a piece that speaks of sex and desperation ive been screwing on the tracks of abandoned train stations

When I pull up in my whip
Bitches wanna talk shit
I'm driving I'm glad and I'm styling
in these muthafuckas eyes did you see it?
I'm gripping these curbs
Skuur, did ya heard
I love em, my fellas, my furs
I fly like a bird
Chicken heads on the prowl
Who you trying to fuck now
Naw you ain't getting loud
Better calm down for I smack your ass down
I need my drums bass high
Has to be my snare strings horns and
I need my Tim sound
right, left
Izzy kizzy looky here

Every time that i sell myself to you
I feel a little bit cheaper than i need to
I will tear the petals off of you
Rose red i will make you tell the truth
Was she asking for it?
Was she asking nice?
Yea she was asking you for it
Did she ask you twice?
Every time that i stare into the sun
Angel dust and my dress just comes undone
Every time that I stare into the sun
Be a model or just look like one

he screamed at me in the adult store on yonge like i was his bitch go wait in the car! it was all a joke and i couldn't take it seriously because it was just comical and the storeclerks were like woah. we bought a butt plug and a red rocket vibedill and lube and a cockring (which we lost immediately, the cockring) i told him to kneel on the floor while i punched him a bit and called him foul names. he went back to the car to look for the cockring in his underwear and his neighbour saw, this girl, awesome. there wasn't much of a spark between us at all tho he was awfully hot, thee hottest but too much of a playboy for me. he said this one girl could only cum if/when he shoved his fist in her mouth. we met once for lunch and went into the porn booths and did it and i had to go back to work with wobbly knees and a pungent pussy. we also fucked on his desk too in his office and he smooshed my naked body against the window for the world to see on a saturday afternoon, this is all before we went to the adult store. he almost perished in a near-fatal motorcycle accident. shizer.

and now for your lunchtime break...

ok these are both pretty terrible.

aww what a little shitkid i was. still am. my brother was a complete asshole to me growing up and for no reason, no reason at all. perhaps that is why i am such a dick all the time. nah. him and i get along like peas and gravy now. he stopped by yesterday with his boss who looked really bad kuz he's off the sauce and has crazy handshakes 'n all. i remember i had crazy handshakes when i went cold turkey from weed and booze. you can't even talk to people without stuttering unintelligibly and your whole body trembling like mad and your voice takes on the same shaky rhythym.

i remember standing at my kristi's talking to rena and my arms started shaking and i was like i gotta go back to my house now i can't go with you guys for coffee i'd just sit there looking at nothing thinking nothing and i'd get up every three seconds to walk away just to come back and do it again.

man when i was on lithium i was a mute. witty banter, gone. that's why i wasn't writing for a bit on my blooog other than i saw a movie and i liked it i watched survivor i like paradise hotel etcetera. but now i don't take those crazy horse tranquilizer sized pills and i got most of my personality back.

seriously the best perv merchandise online store ever. ever. i'mma get a bunch of shiz from 'em and talk all about dildos and stripper clothes. yah.

here's raymi's mum. raymi's mum raymi's mum raymi's mum.

she doesn't smoke she just poseur smokes. tell her to get her own blog so she can write candidly there and not take over the world in my comments though everyone loves it when she does. my mum is mental over cats and talks to them. yep. she has this friend julian who is in the army now or something and he was dating this chick named desire and she was like banging other dudes they broke up and he bumps into her at this bar and he has this gadgety-thing that can add noises over the sound system so he was in another booth going desire is a slut desire is a slut over and over and desire could hear it over the sound system and not know who was doing it.

hahaha.

Geeks do not have pedigrees
Or perfect punk-rock resumes
Or anorexic magazines
It smells like girl, it smells like girl
She walks over me
She walks over me

Hold you close like we both died
My ever pressing suicide
My stupid fuck, my blushing bride
Oh, tear my heart out, tear my heart out
She walks over me
She walks over me

I shut my mouth with
I gotta use the rest for
Yeah, I gotta shut my mouth with
I gotta use the rest of you
Daddy, daddy
Please come here
Dont you touch me, dont you dare
We look the same, we talk the same, we are the same, we are the same

She walks over me
She walks over me
I shut my mouth with
I gotta use the rest
Yeah, I gotta shut my mouth with
I gotta use the rest of you
Now you see she walks the same
And now you see she talks the same
You never know what you will get
You never know what youll forget
She walks over me
She walks over me

we're the ones who paid for the bombs we built the planes that they're on

my first

and second favorite audblog posts

im banned in saudi arabia and i now have a 17 yr old scam artist rich kid with 35k$ usd car making a porno site with my pics on it and he keeps asking me do you have the thong pics every ten minutes and i make 45 per cent off him everytime and it's just ratty old pics you've seen already. ooh illegal!

i only write when im stoned my career as a blogpusher is over already i wish i had a roach somewhere i was thinking but man i DO have a roach somewhere. wooh.

grape koolaid with moskovskaya but no cigarettes are to be found.

i called shawn to bring some over but he is at the refinery so he's gonna come over with his seriously drunkard boss and hang later at like 3 im like no come earlier i need them NOW.

to dress like i have aids or not is the question. hmm.

me and my buddy rocky aka winkles sprinkles fuckface meow meow stupid etc and i can't help lookin' like an elf.

this is alex. hi alex. he is my friend what lives in zurich and is the reason i bought my own fagboard. he has a gf of four years and works in some skateboard shop or something. i'll link it eventually. yay alex.

send me this size small and i'll give u a postcard or a few personalized photographs.

this too please.

meow meow.

holy shmoly

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where will it go
I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door
And kept my mind from wandering
Where will it go
And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right
Where I belong I'm right
Where I belong.
See the people standing there who disagree and never win
And wonder why they don't get in my door.
I'm painting my room in the colourful way
And when my mind is wandering
There I will go.
And it really doesn't matter if
I'm wrong I'm right
Where I belong I'm right
Where I belong.
Silly people run around they worry me
And never ask me why they don't get past my door.
I'm taking the time for a number of things
That weren't important yesterday
And I still go.
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
And stops my mind from wandering
Where it will go.

Just Plug Me In Just Like I Was Eddie Harris You're Eating Crazy
Cheese Like You'd Think I'm From Paris You Know I Get Fly You
Think I Get High You Know That I'm Gone And I'm A Tell You All Why
So Tell Me Who Are You Dissing Maybe I'm Missing The Reason That
You're Smiling or Wilding So Listen In My Head I Just Want To
Take 'em Down Imagination Set Loose And I'm Gonna Shake 'em
Down Let It Flow Like A Mud Slide When I Get On I Like To Ride And
Glide I've Got Depth Of Perception In My Text Y'all I Get Props At My
Mention 'Cause I Vex Y'All So What'cha Want You're So Funny With
The Money That You Flaunt Where'd You Get Your Information From
You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes

You Can't Front On That

Well They Call Me Mike D The Ever Loving Man I'm Like Spoonie Gee
I'm The Metropolitician You Scream And You Holler About My
Chevy Impala But The Sweat Is Getting Wet Around The Ring Around
Your Collar But Like A Dream I'm Flowing Without No Stopping
Sweeter Than A Cherry Pie With Ready Whip Topping Goin' From
Mic To Mic Kickin' It Wall To Wall Well I'll Be Calling Out You People

Like A Casting Call It's Wack When You're Jacked In The Back Of A
Ride With Your Know With Your Flow When You're Out Getting By
Believe Me What You See Is What You Get And You See Me Coming Off
As You Can Bet I Think I'm Losing My Mind This Time
This Time I'm Losing My Mind thats right said i think im losin my mind this time this time im losin my mind

You Can't Front On That

But Little Do You Know About Something That I Talk About I'm Tired
Of Driving It's Due Time That I Walk About But In The Meantime, I'm
Wise To The Demise I've Got Eyes In The Back Of My Head So I Realize
Well I'm Dr. Spock I'm Here To Rock Y'All I Want You Off The Wall
If You're Playing The Wall So What'cha Want Y'All Suckers Write Me
Checks And Then They Bounce So I Reach In My Pocket For The
Fresh Amount See I'm The Long Leaner Victor The Cleaner
I'm The Illest Motherf**ker From Here To Gardena I'm As Cool As A
Cucumber In A Bowl Of Hot Sauce You've Got The Rhyme And Reason
But No Cause So If You're Hot To Trot You Think You're Slicker
Than Grease I've Got News For You Crews
You'll Be Sucking Like A Leach

You Can't Front On That
So What'cha Want

And it goes a little something like this...

Unemployment at a record high,
People coming, people going, people born to die.
Don't ask me, because I don't know why,
But it's like that and that's the way it is.
People in the world tryin make ends meet,
You try to ride car, train, bus or feet.
I said you got to work hard, you want to compete,
It's like that and that's the way it is.

Money is the key to end all your woes,
Your ups, your downs, your highs and your lows.
Won't you tell me the last time that love bought your clothes?
It's like that, and that's the way it is.
Bills rise higher, every day, we recieve much lower pay,
I'd rather stay young, go out and play,
It's like that, and that's the way it is.

Wars going on across the seas, street soldiers killing the elderly,
Whatever happened to unity? It's like that, and that's the way it is.
Disillusion is the word that's used by me when I'm not heard,
I just go through life with my glasses blurred.
It's like that, and that's the way it is.

You can see a lot in this life-span,
Like a bum eating out of a garbage can.
You noticed one thing, he was your man,
It's like that, what, and that's the way it is.
You should've gone to school, you could've learned a trade,
But you laid in the beds where the bums have laid.
Now all the time you are crying that you're underpaid,
It's like that, and that's the way it is.
You know it's like that, and that's the way it is because...

Check this out

One thing I know is that life is short,
So listen up, homeboy, give this a thought.
The next time someone's teaching, why don't you get taught?
It's like that, what, and that's the way it is.
If you really think about it, times aren't that bad,
The one that flexes with successes will make you glad.
Stop playing, start praying, you won't be sad,
It's like that, what, and that's the way it is.

Check this out.
You know it's like that and that's the way it is, because...

i said balmy today. a word, admit it, you don;t hear very often. it felt balmy out, it was dope. like robodopeness.

was gonna leave now i have to stay

oh mother tell your children not to do what i have done spend your lives in sin and misery

i'm gonna get dressed up in plastic going to shake hands with the masses

i seriously cant take arguing anymore or cruelty or annoyingness or whining or buggering.

just let it go.

my mum told me once during gym class some girl told her to call this other girl a wop kuz she kept hogging the basketball and so mum went stop hogging the ball you fucking wop and the girl slammed her into the wall and lockers and scared the crap out of her and stuff. wooh. this of course was before mum knew what wop meant. doorknob.

fuck scary movie three is awesome. the dogs are acting strange, one's driving a tractor. heh. we're only halfway thru it tho. ate ribs fell onthe kitchen floor snickers cake and joints and purple koolaid with vodka. le sigh.

Slut-kiss girls won't you promise her smack
Is she pretty on the inside
Is she pretty from the back
Slut-kiss girl won't you water her back
Is she pretty on the inside
Baby pretty from the back
Slut-kiss girl we'll have some rot black strap
Is she ugly on the inside
Baby ugly ugly from the back
My pretty power my pretty power
My pretty power my ugly
Slut-kiss girls won't you promise her smack
Is she pretty on the inside
Is she ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

that's the jungleslut with the dorky dj dude i talked about before. ya she's hot but she's weird and her fakeness is annoying.

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

"Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide."

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.

Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:

Increased energy, activity, and restlessness

Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood

Extreme irritability

Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another

Distractibility, can't concentrate well

Little sleep needed

Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers

Poor judgment

Spending sprees

A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual

Increased sexual drive

Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications

Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior

Denial that anything is wrong

Signs and symptoms of depression (or a depressive episode) include:

Lasting sad, anxious, or empty mood

Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed, including sex

Decreased energy, a feeling of fatigue or of being "slowed down"

Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions

Restlessness or irritability

Sleeping too much, or can't sleep

Change in appetite and/or unintended weight loss or gain

Chronic pain or other persistent bodily symptoms that are not caused by physical illness or injury

Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts

A mild to moderate level of mania is called hypomania. Hypomania may feel good to the person who experiences it and may even be associated with good functioning and enhanced productivity. Thus even when family and friends learn to recognize the mood swings as possible bipolar disorder, the person may deny that anything is wrong. Without proper treatment, however, hypomania can become severe mania in some people or can switch into depression.

Sometimes, severe episodes of mania or depression include symptoms of psychosis (or psychotic symptoms). Common psychotic symptoms are hallucinations (hearing, seeing, or otherwise sensing the presence of things not actually there) and delusions (false, strongly held beliefs not influenced by logical reasoning or explained by a person's usual cultural concepts). Psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder tend to reflect the extreme mood state at the time. For example, delusions of grandiosity, such as believing one is the President or has special powers or wealth, may occur during mania; delusions of guilt or worthlessness, such as believing that one is ruined and penniless or has committed some terrible crime, may appear during depression. People with bipolar disorder who have these symptoms are sometimes incorrectly diagnosed as having schizophrenia, another severe mental illness.

It may be helpful to think of the various mood states in bipolar disorder as a spectrum or continuous range. At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call "the blues" when it is short-lived but is termed "dysthymia" when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.

Descriptions offered by people with bipolar disorder give valuable insights into the various mood states associated with the illness:

Depression: I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless…. [I am] haunt[ed]… with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all. Others say, "It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it," but of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think or care, then what on earth is the point?

Hypomania: At first when I'm high, it's tremendous… ideas are fast… like shooting stars you follow until brighter ones appear…. All shyness disappears, the right words and gestures are suddenly there… uninteresting people, things become intensely interesting. Sensuality is pervasive, the desire to seduce and be seduced is irresistible. Your marrow is infused with unbelievable feelings of ease, power, well-being, omnipotence, euphoria… you can do anything… but, somewhere this changes.

Mania: The fast ideas become too fast and there are far too many… overwhelming confusion replaces clarity… you stop keeping up with it—memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened…. everything is now against the grain… you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped.

Rage in the cage
And piss upon the stage
There's only one sure way
To bring the giant down
Defunct the strings
Of cemetary things
With one flat foot
On the devil's wing

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Raping the geek
And hustling the freak
Like a hunchback juice
On a sentimental noose
Operation filth
They love to love the wealth
Of an SS Whore
Making scary sounds

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Psyclone Jack
Hallucinating Hack
Thinks Donna Reed
Eats dollar bills
Goldfoot machine
Creates another fiend
So Beautiful,
They make you kill

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Crawl on me
Sink into me
Die for me
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl

Blood on her skin
Dripping with Sin
Do it again
Living Dead Girl