Saturday, June 12, 2004

so it's another kegger tonite. im wearing slut boots and fishnets, hizzah! it's down the street so i can just saunter over which is good kuz i was gettin' tired of hitchin' all the time. i'm pretty hung feeling still so if i tie one on i'll end up punching a window.

we ate like mental and now i have garlic farts to the extreme. i'm wearing a turtleneck and i am sweating bananas. i'm probably going to put that fake tanner shit all over ma-self tomorrow, im turning white again. my pussy is leaking semen and my fishnets are under my underpants, superman style. i'm a fucking loser.

my dad is ripping me about my boots right now. he says ms. cher boots could those things be pointy enough. yesterday i said he had many points about a lot of things but mainly at the top of his head. and then he went back to mowing the lawn. that's how our family talks/arguments are, heavy ones i mean, you say a bunch of crap to each other and then someone says something light and dumb, suppose to be funny, and then the discussion is closed.

he won't let me mow the lawn because i will probably run over the cord or stick my fingers in there when it is on. he has to do it a specific way, straight fucking lines back and forth. boring. if i did the lawn it would be WICKED! i'd be all going in circles like a spiral until i go round and round to the middle where i am stuck and then i have to stay there 'til everything grows back or glinda shows up and is like just go backwards on the green grass clipping road, you stupid girl. you had the power within you all along. and i'm all you are ugly.

and like i use to cut the grass all the fucking time when i worked at the hardware store and that grass was slanted on a hill like major slope going on there. at least i got to use a gas mower. i'd run over pieces of metal and big rocks and all kinds of junk it was so fun. i wore my smock and people would honk at me a lot. i felt like such a nerd. i am such a nerd.

um hi life i am wasted.

but that's ok, it's ok.

everyone was on e at the second no third party yesterday. kelly wanted me to do one. fuck i would have but i'm really not a fan of my shoulders clenching up so tight they touch my ears and my spine gets all pointy curved. i'm like that all the time without designer pills. well wait what? nevermind. i was fucking brutal with my dad too talking to him like all condescending and facetious only shawn noticed though. hey man all ya need to reach is one person, you know? so i called natalie by the wrong name and she was pretty insulted, sorry nat. i slapped jamie-jonathan-taylor-thomas pretty fucking hard and he liked it but everytime after that connecting properly wasn't happening. i was like ill slap you really hard i know exactly where to hit you and you will feel good and hes bring it on and then i fucking hit him, hard. i got pictures of his dogs doing eachother and they're both boy dogs. gay dogs are the best.

katie drove around, high-heeled in the hummer.

my head is curling over into my laptop.

it was that ashley girl what looks like a barbie's birthday.

drinking vodka sloop with this berry sprite.

sorry wally suede jacket.

kelly's pants were awesome. whut up.

i ate all their purple onions and feta.

i walked diagonally and fell into people. that keeps happening. one of these day's someone is going to just shove me down the stairs or out the glass window where you smoke in a mosh pit at the bar schrader is banned from.

hmm lets see how many people are banned like all over town.

i want to be banned.


Friday, June 11, 2004

i strictly hang out with girls who look like uma thurman now.

or girls with dark hair. whichever. or any girl who will talk to me without dirty looks on their face at the same time.

folding hot laundry KICKS!

shawn and neice are coming over. neice KICKS! shawn KICKS!

angelo tole me that i actually killed the bird. it fell but it was still alive. good thing i wasn't looking at it or nothing what am i saying there is no good thing about that.

angelo KICKS!

here is my copycat blythe picture taken by kat's pool/hot tub the day the flames lost and canada's heart was broken yet again.

i cleaned house like a maniac. i have laundry fluffing around in circles in the dryer and soppy clothes waiting in the washer. i did all the dishes and i windexed everything and sprayed air neutralizer that smells like pot pourri (sorry weird word that is pronounced nothing like it is spelled except for the puh part.) i see pot as in pawt poh-ree not po poree popo reeeeeeeeeeee.

when i wash dishes my face gets all crazy dry and my make-up goes weird like a corpse's would after a bit. heh. me.

here is the bird i stepped on the day before chemo's birthday outside the cig shoppe. i think it was dead already. i hope it was but didn't i make it look better just a bit? i did it with my mum's pink what looks like chinese slippers that make my feet sweat but not smell bad. big mouth took that picture. we're all insane over pictures now. INSANE!


you are a

oh shut up no one is buying your fake remorse.

like the words are there and i know what you are saying but dude, it's all in the delivery which by the way, yours, it's pretty shitty. this comes from the heart and you're reading off cue cards. i know you're a hurtbag and maybe not very smart and a total cowboy so i guess it's alright if you look down a lot and stutter, clear your throat because you have no idea what to say next.

i don't really pay attention to politics however if someone were to write about all the stuff i should know about and omitting the propagandi parts and any conspiracy theories and lies, false promises, bullshit dialogue and power to the people hoopla and had like fireworks and someone i would actually care to look at and could relate to dur dur druruururrr i think i'd pay attention and perhaps vote.

in respects to the usa though i obviously cannot vote for i am canadian.

but what happens there affects what happens here so go easy.

and well, we burned down the white house twice. wasn't it the green house before and you had to paint it white because of the scorch marks? neahht.


i'm totally sorry you're dead and i extend my sympathies to your family and the nation but isn't it totally amazing how patrick swayze (awesome fuckin last name btw. from now on i am swayze the minx) has a mask of you in point break? i think it is. keanu is pretty cool too. too bad his band sucks.

when i was 4 i think, me and shawn were at the park and all these punks were there and one dude had his head up his girl's shirt and saw me staring and frozen in shockedness and he said hey kid come here and my brother had already took off on me and left me and other dudes were circling me in the sand and i was too scared to go down the slide kuz it was burning hot metal and i was wearing shorts and the girl was laughing and laughing at me and so i fuckin' finally beat it the hell out of there. thanks shawn for protecting me.

and this other time lisa and i ran away from this dude in a pick-up truck by the park behind her school behind her house and he said hey girls where are ya going off to is it time for dinner? and my flip flop came off when i was running and lisa was like just leave it come on and we went and told our brothers. she said that dude always hangs out by that park.

lisa's brother brett was walking down the street a few years later and a van came cruising by and the side mirror boffed his head and now he is mentally retarded for real.

i really wanna do it right now but bf is asleep on the couch so i am uploading pics like a m effer and wearing his jogging pantaloons and the braid in my hair fell out so now it is just a boring ole ponytail. le sigh. the upstairs bathroom someone vomitted all over it so it is out of service and i am too fat to go down there and urinate on my thigh. well whatever i want another old lady smoke again a la chemo the paul that somofabitch i know what it feels like to be filmed nonstop and the feeling of accelerated talkingness i am so smart we are so smart let us say everything smart we know for this a legacy and snippet of cool before everyone catches on to documentaries being the new black. chemo you rule the school you oldskool fool.

i wore the sleaziest white trash of short denim skirts in the world well more like a denim headband and i was sloppy in my sitting and covering of privates and the whole bar smelled like my vagina.

i am so totally different than everybody else in the world and i sit there waiting for something not lame to happen except i am the only lame happening so everything gets wrecked and some loser douchebag runs after me when i leave the pub to write down my number but i am too mean and pretty to care so i get in the cab and whiz away.

pinchy wake up.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

that jc chasez song is wicked.

too bad he looks like a tool.

today im going to wear old man shoes with a skirt. we'll see how it turns out.

yesterday was ass-hot. today it is not nearly as ass-hot as it was yesterday.

there is a new feather thing on my bed it is like sleeping in a marshmallow now.

i think about it sometimes.

tonite is the south park episode when timmy goes back in time.

i think we're going over to chemo's.

ya something like that.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

chemo is a fake irishman.

i stepped on a baby bird.

fucking hot today. like canada whats the deal with hot? make up your mind.

i was taking a blythe picture and angelo pulled the string on my bikini and i was like fuck it and took the picture anyway taking my time with my triangle breasts all there and these three dinkusi were across the peir, fishing, watching. whups.

it was chemo's birthday well tomorrow and i gave him a letter and a voucher for fries and made him feel weird. i do that a lot. make people feel weird.

fuck i even make myself feel weird.

anyhow, we got all liquored in the street and i lied down sideways on the bench but only for a minute.

the bathroom in the park smells like chlorine.

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

there's my neice. she is almost 6. she is exactly like my brother and sometimes me. when she comes over i put make-up all over her and then jesse gets mad and then i just put on more. neice got caught stealing and didn't get in very much trouble kuz she's so damn cute. i tried to tell her, look, you're not always going to get away with shit like this and she wasn't listening. i was walking around my room looking for a towel or a sock and then we started talking about stickers.

so i get a call at quarter to 7 am from gopi regarding the email i sent about the hip hop commercial and the pay is super dirt but like who calls before it is even 7 in the morning? meh. so i dunno. i gotta learn more details about the whole damn thing and see if it's for real. the dude said i get to keep the uber professional demo and like pass it around to others but who is interested in seeing that?

i pounded a vodka tonic right before the interview thing. i had to take off my shoes to be weighed and my socks didn't match. finally got some liquid silk jammin' juice. alright alright. magnolia is on. it's great. i like how tom cruise has a flip out in every movie he is in. it's great it's great.

i am feeling mega-stressed.

i passed out on the train ride back and i had a dumb asleep face. i threw out a chicken sammich in a fit of rage.

i stuck blythe's legs in my twat.

i'm going to move into the backyard.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

this is an audio post - click to play

ya so they wanted to send me out right away this week but i being an immigrant did not have the registration fee monies so i have to money order that shizazz and when i do i will be in a cocktail dress at the oscars.

and this blog is not my only legacy. people seem to think because this person has a journal that is viewable online that their whole damn life is in it and so they think that is all you are like i'm sorry i leave out the shit about me not being a useless moron you're obviously smart enough to conclude that on yer lonesome.

today is going to be a fucking good day. i have like 23 dollars for the next twenty days and i am blowing it all today.

zak keeps dissing every song i do.


im listening to booker t and the mg's green onion fuckin strut music fuck you no words? i'll make some.

i have to go shower quicktime.

so i have this interview thing at 1 o'clock and i just finished hanging out with the cat in the backyard smoked a joint and put polysporin on the burn between my tits from a cig last nite. fuck! that fucking show buzz is awesome sucks to you americans that don't get to see it. darryn and mo .com or some shit. im going to email the webmasterbater again.

i don't even have a resume for this thing thang today pshhhh. i don't know what i'm going to say or what i am going to wear

and i need to shower.

i threw a football a lot yesterday and the day before but then i was not allowed to kuz i kicked it way up in the air and it almost bonked into the cars in the driveway and then i threw a tennis ball at kat's head by mistake. too bad it didn't hit jay.

and finally hockey is over. like it was getting a bit ridiculous there, come on. at least it's not baseball.

sorry never-ending innings of lame.

speaking of baseball and lame i saw the asshole the other day in front of that hipster cowgirl so tres modern bullshit of a place on queen and he's like yerr i KNEW i would bump into you. i thought the same thing.

me and the asshole use to hang out when we were cool but now he works for lions gate films and hangs out with adult people well really i have no fucking clue what he is doing because his blog is the epitome of no new gossip. so whatever fuckwipe, email me already. my fone is shut off.

even tho we hate baseball i wanna go again and fall down all of the stairs after 11 dollar plastic pails of beer.

i'll start the wave if you finish it.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Powered By audblog

From: "bunny mcintosh"
Date: Mon, 07 Jun 2004 03:18:59 -0400
Subject: who to me knock her out da wader

and with one friggin' swoosh of his tail he knocks over all my fucking homies after i spend hours and hours of my precious time arranging them prettily.

asshole the cat dot com. - raymi

that is the best thing anyone has ever written. a because I have homies and b because yo exactly.
stupid bowl broke and now since i suck like a stripper i always get a mouth ful of coal.
which ruined christmas for the last time.

i made john wayne a happy birthday post of me looking like a sassfactori dork with ears on as if I'm This Close to wearing some white gloves and going to church with my mom. now i'm listening to pharoe monch like oh damn.

my boobs are so great on your blog i've sent them to everyone. today i found out that all these indie sluts who are neurotic squeamish gossipy virginal hand job factories for guitar players were talking all sorts of most awesome shit about me. these are the same girls that spread a rumor that I'd gotten fucked with a shot gun.
um. it was a .22 fags get it right.

oH Hell ray charles just came onto my computer i'm goin to cry. i would like to put my hands in ray charle's mouth for some reason cause he's such a fucking awesome singer

what yes i realize this email is extraodinarily annoying but at least it is as self referencial as it is insipid.

ou ou my back hurts tonight i gave myself a pedicure and ate dinner alone. not for long since i'd bangged the guy who made my hamburger so he came out and kept talking to me and asked to borrow my lip gloss and I was like "sure sure" I probably would have driven across town for him for some reason. and he wasn't the most fab lay or anything but he was really adorable right then with my order in his hands.

oh COMMOTION IN THE HALL holy shit this can only mean one thing: frat boys walking for me to steal their wallets


from the dirrty dirty south,
i remain,
with dignity and mutual esteem,


From : parkdale raymi
Sent : June 7, 2004 12:39:36 PM
To :
Subject : you fucking whore

hi lesbian

look i will kill those women for you if need be
or i will at least make everyone think bad things about them
dude shotgun sex = they wish they got it
how did u lay the .22 - did u polish the pearl
ya john is old as fluff now
im pretty fucking nigger looking with my tan
i am kind of getting abs
angelo was like sorry abs!
im like no those are my ribs but then i flexed and was like MAN abdominal muscles.
never before i have had them
well maybe when i was 11 and a crazy swimmer
serious enough fuck up those indies
im fucking hungry
wolfed down puree lentil soup at 5am that was the constistancy of powder sloop
5am is a pretty sketchy time
the birds are so selfish then

beat the out of me


fucking wonderland man, great movie but can you say sketchy? yeh. you don't know who to fucking believe.

happy birthday John Wayne!

i won't say it again. but i promise nothing.

a guy jumped in front of the train today at the station and im like well if i was gonna do that i would want the train to be lightning speed and just hit me right not have it slowly eeking into the station and crumple me into the tracks i mean like explode me and smash me and have everything everywhere. ya.

i want light to streak everywhere and then i am in the matrix.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

i am drinking beer and coffee at the same time and i am trying to decide which will make me puke first. the beer bottle is hidden on the other side of my laptop. heh. now i have to piss but i'll sit here a few sentences longer to show my bladder who is really boss. and i just smoked a j and i kept the roach and said to myself you will be happy one day in the not so distant future that you saved this little guy. my dad built a little stone dungeon for the iraqi golden ants that are colinating in my backyard those assholes built a house thing and totally enveloped ate the fuck out of our stone planter. they are also being drowned right now from the sprinkler.

sprinkle. heh. ok i'm gonna pisser now.

hi im back and i have a new hobby it is ripping out my pussy hairs, in-grown or not with my fingers and making interesting hackjob patterns and leaving bold patches.

i am kind of hung-over and in another world.

once i start getting fucked-up i can't really stop until i go to bed a hundred hours later or am subdued by television or fucking.

will hockey ever be over holy damn.

beercoffee mmm.

on the spot haiku:

la la la la la
i am kind of retarded
smoking camel lights

that is the blythe doll from kristinsteve and it completes me and i have already taken off her clothes and broke the sunglasses and braided her hair and put it in weird 'dos and i let them keep the box and i fell asleep with her in my right hand because i am ten years old. i haven't done the whole copycat blythe pictures yet but i will. don't worry.

my new shooses.

this girl is the size of my thumb and she has a backwards hat and sometimes glasses and made me feel not badly about not knowing how to talk to people when we met but now i talk more and i promise i will be more fun next time and i will do more than sit sideways and talk out of my left ear. at least jamie was there to make it more socially awkward.

jamie rules too because he let me stay at his place on his couch and even offered me to sleep in his bed because i was lonerly and messed up and we just got waaaasted and told stupid dumb stuff to each other and destroyed these candles at the looks like a brothel bar.

my pink palace + subterrane + get your oj + lobeline

i haven't cried like i cried last nite in the longest time ever. i couldn't breathe at points and my mascara ran all the way down to my chin. i can't take this garbage anymore so i've decided i'm just not going to get angry about things anymore or hurt or be affected at all, in anyway. i put myself too out there. spineless the minx. yerrr.

this terribly pathetic dancer of a woman was doing this suppose to be sexy number for her friend and it was his bday and it was fun watching her try and try they were sitting right beside me and angelo like she was practically in my lap and her vagina on my forehead.

watching all women dance is great. i don't get up and shake it with them anymore kuz no one i know likes dancing and im not really friends with the others so it would just be weird if i am like woooh lets go shake it and i do dance contests and other nonsense to this person who i don't really know and probably doesn't like me anyway so i end up sitting there paranoid my boyfriend is making out with someone across the room and i just mutter crap to myself, funny jokes and images of things that come to me and i dream about having a bunch of crumpled up bills in my pocket so i can sit there longer drinking and drinking and wish someone comes up and is all ya baby lets make it and i can say sorry i just came here to drink and be one hundred per cent serious.

and im too awkward and dirty old man styles to be near anyone of the same sex it's like partying with your uncle peter.

i'm glad i saw seana yesterday she is looking good i wish i could have talked to her more. she is like nice sweater yer patented stripes.

i am a stripe.

i pee'd beside a dumpster in an alley and also by this guy's benz and put my hand on his bumper to steady myself and not urinate into my purse.

tonite at midnite is anti's birthday. he will be 25. his body is all messed up mega-wise by which i mean in serious mysterious pain. what's the deal with that? when i am in pain i think well i am obviously dying and it means i have chronic gayness disorder.

jamie rules for the nifty banner.