Tuesday, August 2, 1994. 4:00pm

Sauble Beach, Ontario - Knight's Inn

We arrived here Saturday, July 30th @ 1:30pm under a hot, humid sun. Our new car endured the trip north on highway 10 for the first time, loaded down with a week's worth luggage.

We spent Saturday afternoon by the pool and had dinner at the Inn.

Sunday morning dawned sunny and hot (humid) with a nice breeze. After an excellent breakfast at the Inn we swam in the unheated pool (which was nice once you got use to it) and then made plans for our afternoon. The town was full of teenagers enjoying the long weekend.

Sunday afternoon Shawn bought a Nirvana t-shirt (Lauren bought a Beavis&Butthead t-shirt Saturday night).

Shawn and mum walked downtown while Lauren and Dad drove to the beach (which was very crowded) to meet mum and Shawn in the early afternoon. Our first visit to the beach was pleasant, with the kids swimming in the lake and mum + dad enjoying the sun by the car.

Many people complimented our new car and after awhile, dad and shawn played catch which abruptly ended when dad bounced the hardball off a silver Chevrolet's hood.

After dinner, which was take-out from Pizza Delight, we went for a drive on the beach in Sauble North/South Beach,bwhere the newly-tinted windows were opened for the first time.

The weather was clear and a nice sunset was starting.

Dad needed some Rolaids so we stopped at the trading Post store on the beach. The kids got a waffle yogurt and slushy and then dad backed the car into a garbage can!

This ruined the rest of the day for dad because the back corner of the car was scratched.

When we got back to the room, Lauren kicked the Knight's Inn ball on the roof and mum got dunk and vomited after mixing wine and Bailey's.

Monday dawned sunny with partial clouds and finally clouded over with a small shower in the evening. Breakfast at the Inn, swimming, no beach, walked the strip, dinner from pizza delight, no drinking for Tracey or dad. Watched movies on TMN, Dad and Shawn practised pitching, watched TV @ Night.

-Raymi's Dad.

good morning backyard

i am writing songs in you and reading books and magazines and drinking coffee in you and running the cat away from you and sniffling in the heat and passing out in cigarette comas and beads of water globs on my chest and killing flies by accident and saying that's what you get when you land on my body tho i didn't mean to explode you on my thigh that was a mistake

we have to feed the white trash cats today

kristi turns 19 soon

finally

did anyone get my fucking mexico postcards yet what the fuck

hi hector finally you wrote me i miss you

today i don't know what to do with myself. saturdays fuck me up. everyday is like a saturday for me but the real saturdays are different because everyone else is around chinatown styles and i'm like oh hey we are the same today and it's just, different, but special. like during-the-week-saturdays, people kill to hang with me but real-saturdays they're like, see ya!

and no i'm not talking about anyone in particular i'm talking about EVERYONE in particular. it's mostly my fault kuz i never make plans and never want to make plans i wait for plans to happen to me so fuck that no more.

this pic of tim and danny and the man in love with eating is my favorite. tim is making a sweaty/cute thomas the tank engine face, fwoot fwoot! and danny is hot. call me nignog today! it's 12:34 pm saturday i'm clocking you.

that's me and kristin and blythe. duh.

so my gay friends are at the farm, fuck i want to go, i have to go find someone who will want to shoot guns with me and be ok with not bathing and can be a folk hero but let me steal all the thunder.

thanks dad for blasting my windows with the hose to wake me up goddammit.

i'm reading in the name of the father ps, the gerry conlon true story, you know it you do. dude rots away in jails his dad dies they didn't do it there was a movie sinead o'connor has the song for it that makes your heart go BWAAAAAAAH THIS IS TOO MUCH EMOTION!

i like reading.

so we saw dodgeball at the drive-in and i can't think of the good lines right now, why was vince vaughn such a big pussy, different character you said, ok right.

i got this little caillou doll and a hello kitty stain glass painting thing from the place where the rich cheapos shop kuz everything is 3 dollars and 52 cents pfft and now i realise why the hello kitty thing was so cheap, she's flipping you off on the purse i swear!

kat/raymi at magicpony

september 29 2000

always stick around for one more drink. sat like a buddha behind a desk. the war paint of punk. he was very much a gentleman he tipped his hat and bowed in greeting. i'm your superhero the sentimental gentleman. as neat as pie crust lazy cuss. tomorrow you sit aptly, brief and tragically squandered alone alone alone this is bad poetry and there you are over there immersed in yourself.



raymi fake-licking angelo's puke off the patio.

mad dash for the train huff'n puff'n gone. the sun reflecting off the faces of the am dwellers feigning sleep and absorbing their surroundings somewhat subconscious level once the train stops at the final destination they will hup to as if stung and catch the contagious madrushed frenzy ratrace what a life everyday same thing i see the same thing im 17 and i know this they will go home to the suburbs sad and unwanted. i try to stagger from a distance but it is of no use this riot doesn't quit the pounding of the morning street echoes off the benches and windows of the buildings there is sunshine and steam and a coating of chills encircle my legs sitting and waiting until it is time to move again.

Lauren,

Have you ever just found your self sitting there, staring at a waterbug as it swam around in a pond. Seemingly without a course the little fella's rip around and around, they aren't smart enough to know why, because they are bugs, but there is part of them, someplace in that fucked up thing we call a double helix that makes them do it. It keeps them safe from predators as they are not on an easy to catch course, as well it helps them to find the food they need to survive.

I'm glad you're doing better, even if it's just a bit. You know we're all little water bugs, either we are water bugs, or we are on a set course. No one person of ANY significance ever took the latter path. You're finding what it is that you need in life right now, maybe it's not always a fun trip, but it's an effective one provided you let yourself absorb the shit along the way. Experience is your food man, and the predators are the pitfalls of conforming to mediocrity.

C.

raymi -

you live so much in public view it must be agonizing at times - thank you so much for putting up with everyone and continuing with it - i know some day it will just be gone and that will be that - but for now it is there - a part of my life -

tomorrow is five weeks without booze pills or pot -

when i first read your blog i was strung out on oxy xanax and booze. i found your blog looking for oxy on the web - your article an ode to pharmaceuticals came up in my search and i went to rocketbacp or whatever it is and then to your blog.

yee gads.

but i did spank the monkey yesterday

even tho i know i created an evil demon when i did it...

sigh.

- willheim

that's my sidewalk vagina (james) prom date from highschool who has a unicycle and is best friends now with MY old best friend of five minutes i HATE YOU james! anyway, kev, the one with baby in the pics, i use to tool his older brother and now older brother is not allowed to talk to me write to me go to my site even kuz his gf is jealous of me and even confronted me in the bathroom at scumchance and tole me so and i'm all, dude, im here to SING and im with my own bf of the minute so don't even worry. pfft. and john wayne punked off older brother for our beer tab many moons later at the scumchance and said we had no monies but we did but it's ok kuz raymi was spending money left and right and it had to be done. anti, remember when i lost it on that little pipsqueak the second we walked thru the door kuz he's all what's wrong was toronto too much for ya?

ahem, wrong greeting, wolverine. you're lucky, i'm lucky i didn't smash my beer on your head. they had to stop raymioke kuz of that incident. kinda blew it.

another time me and the kanye wayne's rapped beastie boys and everyone made the all-i-did-was-leave-the-frying-pan-in-the-sink-and-you-are-freaking-out-on-me-face at us and we were solid gold wrestlers! hoo-ah!

i remember when lobe put sand down matt's pants and matt ran all the way home and leah gave lobe shit for being a big prick, my brother was in on it too though lobe obviously instigated all of it kuz matt is his little shitkid brother but now matt is like the incredbile hulk and could just throw lobe into a turbine. nahmean.

OK sweet corn cakes - here she goes

what did you do yesterday. i dyed my hair and my neck and ears and
bathroom counter and toilet seat black. AND i painted my finger nails
red. tres goth larue. i want to read some anne rice by candle light
and smoke a clove and lament my mortality.

What are you doing right now? currently i am getting ready for work.
You know, i wish someone would just pay me to smoke cigarettes and be
fabulous soon. becuase ugh -work is so last season. ya dig, my hep
cat.

hold please - have to poo.

you know what reminds me of poo? money. money is poo. i hate it. I wish
it would start kissing my ass and try to be my friend.

anyhow. sorry to hear about your panic attack. dood - those things
blow. but you prolly know that already, but you also know how i LOVE
to state the obvious. YES. ok...so are you still taking that medicine?

WHOA - i gotta go or i'll be late. Write me back and i will write you
and it will be great.

tres goth

i just yawned and stretched and it felt like i tore apart all the organs under my right ribcage hooh! fuck that hurts.

alldumb.com linked to how to be a small town slut and the cunt trumpet music farticles so that's why there be an influx of raymitrons coming here. but they are all mean to me in the comments on that page, kill them! they're under wednesday, july 21st ok.

fuck, maybe i snapped a ribcage is that possible?

ya so those kids who be drivin' up my neighbor's lawn thinking it's my house - you messing with the wrong familia sons, and i MEAN it.

i can never remember which songs i sing kuz i dont label 'em or post all of them on the right hand sidebar thing-thang because i founded the special olympics so i end up resinging the same song and then realising it halfway thru and then starting over. so yah, u hear me sing sang song same song know that the second time around it is better.

Hey Raymi,

Just stumbled across your blog while desperately trying to avoid doing any work …

Great little site by the way, has kept me amused for most of the afternoon – I see you went to Teddies for a bit, I went to Magdalen College School – a boy’s school down the High Street opposite the Pub Oxford – do you know it?

I live and work in London now, but still love going back to Oxford – great little town --- so what do you do? – apart from publish your exploits on the internet of course?

Jack

so 25 per cent of my body is fat. 30 lbs is fat the other 90 is cotton candy and cigarette butts and organs that have worms inside them. gummy worms, that is. i rule at fitness test. rule. he was like do this and then i did it to the extreme or i got mouthy and was all ADD MORE WEIGHT and then on the 8th rep i was making crap faces and he's like are you ok and i'm like no this is great whee but i don't want to do anymore. i could smell myself kuz i haven't showered in a couple days so today, it's showertime yo. i'm such an animal. i'm not sexing anymore and it's a good thing but it is making me crazy, i'm not even twiddling it i don't think that's too good a thing for a nymph like me but i can deal once it starts again i know it'll be that much better. i'll save the potatoes.

i started caring too much about what other people cared about me too much and let the bad win over the good and liking the good is what brings in the bad so i say self, you don't need that right now. you've spent so much time writing the right things you forgot to write the wrong things the real things the anythings and just do it without distracting yourself with doubt and insecurity you gay hallmark card.

if you want things to stay the same, things have got to change.

go to audio and get the raymi the minx songs but also listen to jack and company's sing a longs because theyre vurry good. there are even pictures of fat-faced raymi in the pictures dept. whee.

I dressed snappy
I waited
for hours
with flowers
I stopped to buy a detox energy drink. They were fresh out.
All they had was rows and rows of passion.
I visited your site today and caught up. Wanted to tell you that I nearly keeled over at your spaghetti strainer comment.
Honorable mentions: feminista, dinosaurs... keywords from the blog to jostle your memory if need be.

Alright, Raymi. I want to see a picture of you with kelly green eye shadow. I enjoy seeing you with or without make-up
you look good regardless, but trust me... this'll knock 'em dead.

Just to let you know, the picture at 3:16:30 where you have on a flourescent green wrist band, and are holding
a blue sombrero is WHITE HOT.

Lastly, I've started an entry in a notebook of mine called "Raymi vs. God." I'm trying to determine which of you brings more magic into my life on a day to day basis.

pink

the only lesson i will derive from this pain is how bad pain can be.

i am constantly standing several feet away from myself, watching as i do or say or feel something that i don't like at all, and i still can't stop it.

my problem always was depression, straight up. the drinking, the drugging, they were mere accessories to the crime.

i just needed to stop thinking so much and start doing.

this was not the after affect of some coke - this was me.

in the meantime, i could withdraw to my room, could hide and sleep as if i were dead.

i am becoming a complete waste.

the speed of the sound of a girl falling down to a place from where she can't be retrieved.



i am one step removed from my problems, more a nervous audience member at a horror movie than the movie itself.

don't interrupt the sorrow.

my gifts are for life itself, for an unfortunately astute understanding of all the cruelty and pain in the world. my gifts are unspecific. i am an artist marque, someone full of crazy ideas and grandiloquent needs and even a little bit of happiness, but with no particular way to express it. not that i can even aspire to happiness anymore.

people tend to go crazy when they don't have a container of milk in the refrigerator.

it is cold outside but i am crazy from the heat.

this must be a little bit like what it's like to be a bag lady, to drag your feet here, there, and everywhere, nowhere at all.

we replaced her with a series of roommates, all of whom dropped out of school or dropped out of life as soon as they moved in with us.

what makes you think i'm so rich that you can steal my heart and it won't mean a thing.

it's impossible to ever see the end. the fog is like a cage without a key.

-Prozac Nation

i love mini me spanish beetlejuice.

inspired by suckface here, in alphabetical order is ma funny picture post of les webs. each word being the one used to pull up the image in google. ps some pics have nothing to do with the word, used to find 'em out, ie. vulva is not a vulva and cavity is not a cavity and, this took me forever, so you better love it and tell me which one you like best-eh-sess.

alligator
belmont
cavity
dung
environment
frig (why don't frat fucktards know anything about resizing their photos?)
gas
hentai
islam
jackie
kill (pfft).
leech
move
noose
oprah (knew she was a nazi all along).
piss
queasy
rasta (my new boyfriend).
serpent (so far my favorite).
tuft (new other boyfriend).
useless
vulva (i love that word).
wolverine
xerox
yacking (major favorite, close second for yacking).
you're a zipper that doesn't work

ask me anything you like

i'll reveal everything

i will treasure the truth

you could know anything

i am but a fool to play

unaware of things

if i treasure the truth

i would tell it to you

i'm coming down

to tell you what i know

to say what's real

to let you know

where i have been and how i had to

sleep on needles

you'll believe you are hard

sleep on needles

and hear only the truth

am i likely to succeed

with the way things are

judging by your smile

you're holding somethin' back...

-sleep on needles

i date spiderman only. peter parker sometimes too though but only when he is getting hit in the head repetitively when he drops all his books and eats chocolate cake with that polski/german? and she has a big ugly mole on her eyebrow what looks like chocolate cake.

my mum shot rocky in the eye with a hair elastic sometimes mum is 13 years old i like it.

exit music (for a film)

wake from your dreams
the drying of your tears
today we escape
we escape

pack and get dressed
before your father hears us
before all hell breaks loose

breathe keep breathing
don't lose your nerve
breathe keep breathing
i can't do this alone

you can laugh
a spineless laugh
we hope your rules and wisdom choke you

now we are one
in everlasting peace

we hope that you choke

Nice Dream

they love me like i was a brother
they protect me
they dug me my very own garden
gave me sunshine
made me happy. nice dream.

i call up my friend the good angel
but she's out with
her ansaphone
she says she would love to come help
but
the sea would electrocute us all. nice dream.

if you think that you're strong enough.
if you think you belong enough.

nice dream.

somebunny find me my ok computer cd please

im a raymiac says:

hi

necklace luky man says:

very sexy fantastic

im a raymiac says:

yes? that is good

necklace luky man says:

now ready to fuck

im a raymiac says:

you are ready to fuck?

necklace luky man says:

yes thats what i feel

necklace luky man says:

very nicely i will kiss for 15 minuts then start

im a raymiac says:

i want to fuck too

necklace luky man says:

when I fuck is there any noice?

im a raymiac says:

there is lots of noise

im a raymiac says:

i sound like i am trying to take a crap when i cum

necklace luky man says:

when I fuck I will put my fingers on the ass firmly

im a raymiac says:

ok

im a raymiac says:

will you wear something nice

necklace luky man says:

yes

necklace luky man says:

do u know normaly when i fuck i put my finger on the ass and push it littel in side

im a raymiac says:

like what

im a raymiac says:

yeh a lot of people do that, personally though i like to put my entire fist into the ass, but that is just me and sometimes i wear press on fingernails that dont have very good adhesive so when i pull out i am missing a few. i like giving people presents.

necklace luky man says:

can u show me some other picture

im a raymiac says:

no

necklace luky man says:

where are u now in america?

necklace luky man says:

I like to see backside

im a raymiac says:

right now i am living in texas

necklace luky man says:

ok nice

necklace luky man says:

can u tell me what is the meaning of democrocy? can u write it?

necklace luky man says:

hi

im a raymiac says:

it means

im a raymiac says:

form of government in which sovereign power resides in the people as a whole, and is exercised either directly by them or by their elected representatives; State having this form of government

necklace luky man says:

do u know now our country is under big debate about party system

im a raymiac says:

yes u told me how is that going

necklace luky man says:

so some people say they want multiparty system but some people want only one party
so what is ur opinion

im a raymiac says:

what are the two parties they want

necklace luky man says:

we want one ruling party and one opposition party yet we are not create

necklace luky man says:

our country population is about three hundred thousand only

im a raymiac says:

what do u want the ruling party and opposition to be

im a raymiac says:

republican and democratic?

im a raymiac says:

i think democratic is the one u want for sure

necklace luky man says:

or at least we want three party

necklace luky man says:

yes

im a raymiac says:

well democracy is what u need, all the voices are heard

necklace luky man says:

yes

necklace luky man says:

nealy 80% OF THE POPULATION are reformist but the current ruling party are very strict about this

im a raymiac says:

why dont u move to canada

lets - lkw 2000

lets hold hands like we are fast friends in the middle of the lite i feel your chill and i smile your feet they hide from the sky i mend you fold and bend the last wind stole your kiss that bliss that mellow tenderness that mild fright tomorrow dawn we're holding hands fast friends running wild into nite

"tongue lust" - lauren white - july 2001 - brooklyn

stretched my legs and sat around to the other place we stayed today played the fool in the sitting room and that's enough for me now how about everybody else their sleazy moments with sid&nancy self pretending to care not giving a damn the comp list is good enough for you looking to spend the rest of my life under a rock with you take into account the time we might spend hating each other too whiskey and coffee blend very well blend very well my dear im sorry to say you're not very well dressed for hanging 'round here with fear in your belly and lust on your tongue can never wait for nite to come you're sticking out like the sore sun rising the look on your face so very surprising and the wicked things you do you say to me make me feel like a million stings in the sea we lose track of days when we don't go to skool or work for the corporate whores like you and me

there's actually a recording of this song, anti knows it. it's me and jack on a fourtrack in that practise space in dumbo what hookers got fucked in on the futon.