me talking business with method man

fuck, anger management is an awesome movie. i watched it on the plane to los angeles last august and i was like, "this sucks" because my crazy pills tole me so but now, i fully, get, it. and now it's the part where 19th nervous breakdown is playing, funny, the irony of that song and how it was the title of the flyer i made for my 20th bday party that i never went to - raymi's 19th nervous breakdown - something or other and then i DID have a nervous breakdown.

fantastic!

so i made this little comic book thing about the talking hamburger with arms and legs and there are gratuitous chase scenes and he is always fleeing from this stick dood that goes CRAZY when he smells the hamburger, for a five year old, danique, a cute girl from holland during this mentally retarded down-pour in mexico and i wrote it in english and her dad had to translate it to her maybe 50 times and she dug it more than the other little book i made of her and her trip in mexico with butterflies and other boring beach crap and i even took the time to color it and draw her water wings and i got the dad to teach me some deutsch and danique was all, yawn. but the hamburger book that i raced and scribbled thru and didnt even have the proper color for a hamburger patty, i used navy blue, she was like HAHAHAHAHHAHA

HAAAABWAHAHAHHAHAHA etc etc

so, i sat down again and decided i will make a hamburger series of children's books but then i couldn't figure out how to do it without swear words or insults.

so i guess i'll make 'em for adults instead i think to myself.

the way i draw i totally rip off happy noodle boy by jhonen vasquez and these little disney characters with the alien antennae sticking out of their heads and stupid eyes that bulge and the same character never ever looks the same twice. jamie likes them. he printed one of my fag drawings on a shirt and then gave the shirt to some hussy in amsterdam because she loved it so much so now said hussy is walking around wearing a raymi loves you t-shirt with squiggly colored stick people on it, the same drawing that is in the about raymi blog.

hi jam-e-o!

you were my sun you were my earth you didn't know all the ways i loved you

no

i love radio humpifier. hi.

ok i'll go.

but i am not skullfucking bush and i am not giving the thumbs up to kerry, either.

i. am. canadian.

spr.org

hi brodie, silly faggot, i wish I had a dick.

a poem from grade ten, by raymi

The Burn

don't let that fire dwindle.

don't let that fire die.

when they come 'round tomorrow,

from hither or the 'nigh.

you will say you're sorry,

darling,

you will weep.

and tender, you will not feel,

in your stolen sleep.

darling,

why are you crying?

when you know it's time you've learn

that darling,

you're not on fire,

until you feel the burn

people who come here and say oh god you're writing is all sketchy woooooah, dude.

you know what i say to that? exactly.

funny how you can tune into someone's writing and deem it sketchworthy.

how are you able to do that?

because you, my friend, are. a. sketchbag.

like takes one to know one.

there's kero-wacked in all of us.

jack.

and liver-damage, perhaps.

bleh blergh bleh

7332.com baby.

raymitron teaser sloppy webcam vid nowhere close to the quality of what it's g'wanna be. doods.

Raymi,



Check out my latest ditty on you and your literary soul mate, Mark Leyner. Perhaps you’ll be inspired to read, Et Tu, Babe…



Tim







ok so now i have to write up a l'il informal bidniss plan for my vision, my visual tete a tete for all things pertaining to gaymi.

i need a beericle.

miracle + beer = beericle

and I invented it but tim assisted it and went BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA as i said it.

and if one more pissant kid pisses on my driveway and/or pours their beer out on it, i'm gonna put some fancy camera shiznat on ya'lls. or sit in the bushes. fock with my family and i'll fock with yours, focker.

heh.

bush.

pretty aimeetheminx



thoughts of the day, by raymi:

washed down her birth control with her beer

beericle

comedy trap

robotsex mechanical thrusting

fakefives.com

you're a fellow sheister

as ******* searches for hidden grolsch, raymi sez this ain't hidden easter eggs

she attacked me with her fat kissyness

bandaid irony traps

"the raymi" like an insult ***** says to make a joke or when he's mad at me

i am the ali g of the internet

i'm jokes guy, we give 'em the beer, they give us the queer

proactive synergy

nipple pasties

it's about control

who has it and who has it not

that is me the nite aimee and i pissed all over the parking lot after we closed down every bar in town and aimee fell up a few flights of stairs and we drank a whole bottle of wine at phillipe's and then left. see you!

here is something i wrote in grade eight for french class and my teacher was like wow, you're smart frrt frrrrt fraaap... and then my other teacher told me i was chosen to be the valedictorian and i was like oh dis!

and i am too fat to use the accent agu et en grave so shut up and there are dumb drawings to go along with it but i don't have a scanner here.

LAUREN

MES SUCCES DU:

PASSE, PRESENT, ET FUTUR

Mes Succes du Passe

Quand J'etais jeune, moi et mon frere shawn ont pris les lecons de natation. J'aime la possedu natation beaucoup. J'ai maintenant chaque niveau sauf pour la croix bronze parce, que je n'ai pas l'age possible. Bien que je suis qualifiee suffisantement.

Mes Succes du Present

Pour cinq annes maintenant, j'ai pris des classes de danse (jazz). Elles sont fantastiques! J'aime la musique groupe Blur. J'adore l'anglais musique scene. Je vais aimer bien vivre en Angletterre.

Mes Succes du Futur

Quand je suis plus agee, je suis etre pareil une actrice en Angleterre, mais avant ceci, je vais etudier a l'Universite D'Oxford. Quand je suis vielle, je m'imagine a ecrire mes memoires a une petite maisonette en Irlande.

me with the cowtown lesbo/train wreck/aimeetheminx/aymitheminx

le sigh

that nite this girl smashed her beer at my feet by accident and i troloped home in the rain in my ridiculous heels and i swear my drink was drugified but whatever.

aimee looked h to the o to the t.

...

we just got back with steaks and beers and salads and potatoes and i'm going to lie down on the grill and kiss the ceramic briqs.

i'm fun like that.

i wish my brains were patient enough right now to not read garbage literary things.

mum, sorry that zach flipped you off we were, um, kids.

broke but not broken.

Raymioke hit of the day:

senorita

sung in the style of raymi's cruisin' bruisin' floozin' avec pharrell and justin timberlake. who's your mother? WHAT!?

ps

Who? Me? An Addict?

Dr. Vijay Nagaswami

"Collectors Anonymous

Imagine, if you will, sitting in a room and experiencing an unparalleld feeling of tranquility, gazing with paternal tenderness at your extensive collection of Chinese miniatures. Or gold Thanjavur plates. Or Zwergnase dolls (whatever these are). Or out-of-circulation Walt Disney videos. Or fake Mona Lisas. Or... the list is endless, but you get my drift?"

raymi in mexico trying to make her face like a lobster

thanks to gsusking.com for your brutal honesty in your writings and for teaching me how to play gackgammon with our gypsy senorita and letting me think for three seconds that i was actually going to win. ego! me! win! chess! bring it.

good morning amnesiac.

i am a reasonable man get off my case.

today i am going to dress business-semi-casual-fascistasual (like i am smart enough to be fascist).

and i am going to get a swear jar.

an online swear jar?

and i have to get my driver's license because i am tired of being a passenger in life though parkdalemiddleton said he would never ever get in a car with me. that's fine. i said that about my friend jeremy and then he got his license and i was like woah rough riders let's roll.

the best part was him stalling in front of highschool on lunch break or smoke break and the music would just die and me and houseplant or RN would sink down real low or laugh uncontrollably.

big ups jeremy you's in the army now.

if you get shot i will get very mad.

i'm glad they didn't send you to the congo.

coco bongo congo.

what was i talking about again?

go look at greencatfish and his neice what is thumblina who works for a super market and she is two years old and now she works in the photo lab because, because!

If Broken Pencil likes Reserved Productions, raymi likes Reserved Productions.

fuck that. you don't need some 'zine telling the what is what and you know that.

big time.

however, some people need a gentle push.

AND, not all persons will hear it from an obnoxious, blogging woman who makes zero dollars - they want/need it in print, reviewed, hand claps, on tv, on the side of their cracker jacks and so forth.

tho, Broken Pencil knows their scene and their game and i was turned onto them when i was 16 from the same duder who turned me onto VICE magazine (yeh thanks) henceforth, they's in my good graces.

the legion of...



sometimes things are so cool that they go way past cool and into Narnia, and if you need me i'll be on my new boat guys. see look it's me there. fleeeee!

thanks adam for the thumbs up and the tic tac toe tips and i look forward muchly to being classy people together someday, creating atmospheres and talking into dixie cups for telephones.

robodopeness is the best word ever. ever! how clever. tomorrow there will be an armload of photos so be prepared to, look at photos.

dude where is MY spam shirt? get ME one! NOW!

-modern lithium

Whoa man. I dunno if i remember enough of that night to write a
review. But i will ask zach. i buzzneted the pictures so go look - you
ellen degeneres/anne heche mother fuckall lesbo.

bigbuzzkill.

Bunny Wailer used to rock steady with bob marley in a very hardcore
way. now he is old and wears a huge white cape and talks about Zion
and sings bob marley songs like "No Woman No Cry" et al. And he yells
"Jah - Rastafari" and "Is everyone feeling Ire?" like super loud and
everyone goes crazy.

write me back in full fuckery regalia!

the stepher

me singing with franz ferdinand.

and now i am listening to it myself. it is pretty raw and stuff so like it or leave it whatever.

there is a goal

please look at this site and laugh and cry and agree and look at the giraffe that runs by the person snoozing on the couch

i love you katie didn't realise you were a bush until i allowed your little ad to load. woah.

i'm listening to this because i want to cry me a niggur. no not really. yes really. i was like listen to this then call me back afterwards and you better be impressed!

now i am at the part where my voice goes high and embarassing and i want to stabify the carpet and now audblog cut it off completely? guh.

hi, you called.

i'm so hot pink right now and that is Mao inside-out, his face in my ta tas.

-ta

From: "Paul"
To: suitesoleil@hotmail.com
Subject: Dear Raymi
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2004 21:45:20 -0400

Please forgive my ignorance, but if a PF [pussy fart] is called a "queef", and only women can queef (I assume), is there a special word for the anal gas passing of the gentle gender?

Please, your wit is beautiful. Write something about "sounds", a very specialized BDSM device most women smile ear-to-ear when they discover it. Thanks!

----Original Message Follows----

From: "raymi snuff"
To: "Paul"
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2004 05:57:00 +0000

hmm, well im not that much of a bdsm head, tho i love sadism and the like

u would probably be better at writing than i, tell me more about it tho



From: "Paul"
To: suitesoleil@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Tue, 27 Jul 2004 07:22:16 -0400

Okay. Sounds are long, slim surgical steel rods that are used to insert into a man's urethra. The most accurate description of the feeling it gives I've heard is "cumming in slow motion". I like it so much I bought my own set.
You should get more into BDSM. If you ever come to NYC, I'd be happy to let you practice on me! Keep writing. You are very good.


----Original Message Follows----

From: "raymi snuff"
To: "Paul"
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2004 20:14:10 +0000

ehhhm

that doesnt sound too safe?

From: "Paul"
To: suitesoleil@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2004 17:08:04 -0400

It is as long as someone shows you how. I know it sounds weird, but it is a completely great experience. To each his own...

----Original Message Follows----

From: "raymi snuff"
To: "Paul"
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Mon, 09 Aug 2004 21:17:25 +0000

no im not judging
just like
shocked
never heard of it before
is it safe longterm like can it cause anything bad to happen to yer peepee


From: "Paul"
To: suitesoleil@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Mon, 09 Aug 2004 17:33:50 -0400

I have not had anything worse than occasional slight irritation, usually due to SWI (Sounding While Intoxicated) and getting into the merit badge mentality of seeing how much I can take. It is an immensely pleasant sensation when done correctly. I have also had the pleasure of showing several ladies how to use them on me, and their faces light up when they get into it. They usually say it is because penetrating a man is a neat turnaround from the vanilla pentration of the woman by a man.

If you are ever out in NY/NJ land, I'd be happy to arrange a meeting with a Domme who can show you these lovely devices being used on me!

----Original Message Follows----

From: "raymi snuff"
To: "Paul"
Subject: RE: Dear Raymi
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2004 16:31:09 +0000

hmmm well ok sure yah totally can i take pictures for my website?

Paul says sure!

this is my friend ymc of ymc fame with his dad and his brother. you are allowed to write to him and be his friend and be annoying and give him your vagina but still he will think you are a big lame.

global internet pussy penis games we thinks, no longer be cool. now that the folks are doing it, it is like, feh. now we just want to bump into one another playing hopscotch or sitting on a streetcurb and i pull up on my peewee herman bicycle and i say you are a piece of chalk and you go i KNOW! and we don't even bother trying to high-five one another because that would be too cool, cool. cool?

anyhow yah, ymc is going to be all rich and famous moreso than before. his site got linkified in one of those maxim-style magazines (pfffft) and now they want his site to be on telephones or something.

he linked me somewhere there too but in a way so i don't even know where it is and anyone who is anyone won't know either so that, truely is, a wonderful thing.

ymc is spanish for "i am a dicknose" - raymi.

Dear Raymi

I taped yer WobblyBob drawring to the wall in my cubicle this morning and I've already gotten a handful of "wutsthat?" from nosey people walking by. I alternate between telling them it's a sketch by my talented artist friend or my retarded cousin.

Har.

-filter

no this picture is not of filter. it is of an inflatable hello kitty chair with some guy on it because he is badass and that is all.



so ya i took down all the links on the side over there. not to 'dis anyone, just to clean it up. you will be linked still if you make a point to email me and be personable and nice and and and yah, no more perma-links, for now anyway, just links in posts, ok?

this site is going to be fucking fantabular tres soon complete with partial-pay shiznat, photo-galleries, live raymi webcam in front of a fancy screen in a studio on the moon! (no vaginas being seen) me living loving being retarded reading you books standing on my face, you know..and the writing will still be there and other fun whistles and smells. i have kept this thing going for years and years despite all my everything and anything that tried to get in my fucking way take all my money fuck all my boyfriends smash all my shit leach off my popularity and generosity and now i feel i can push it some more, hire some whores, you know, kid stuff. and yes i will remember every rotten thing ever said to me about this garbage what is my blog and people who cried over me bumming a smoke here and there when i throw them armloads of internet girlfriends and monies and everything.

not cut off, just cut out for awhile. plus i have this other fancy corporate posish to do totally separate from raymitheminx so yeh, disability-shmishability.

i have a lot of thinking to do now, working, and playing with a sparkly wand then casting spells on my cat and i have to find a new apartment and a dog!

i'm a nymphocrazyiac.

please bounce a tennis ball off my head when you next see me or throw mustard onto my shoelaces, i like that.

there's a link to my new pal joe. he took a bunch of pictures of me with his friend at this totally retardedly crazy and fun party in the streetsvegas and i chipped my tooth on my own beer bottle and his friend is all um are you wasted or drunk or something and i said no i am a performance artist so shut up and no you can't play my bloody valentine i have to play MY music i am creating an atmosphere here, they kinda got retarded over my generosity of posing and shit and everyone was just laughing and smashing through the hole in scott's door.

and oh yes this picture of me on fagboard at the go station was taken by mikey. he wasn't allowed to take his bike on the train kuz of rush hour so we said bye bye and i sat beside the world's biggest sketchbag and he only shutted-up once i gave him these apple sauce things what parkdalemiddleton gave to me. m6k!

i know how it got there





Good day Miss Raymi!

I hope it's all sunshines and rainbows and stuff...

I just cruised your blog... man... there's some fucked-up people in this world.

What's that stuff about anti raymi... Shit... I guess some people have too much time on their hands!

I hope you don't give a damn to those guys... there's no use.

I've been a lazy bastard lately... but I feel my furious blogging days are comming soon!

About the not knowing what you want until you get it... It reminds me this song of this very strange portuguese dude! His name is Antonio Variações and he died with AIDS in the late 80's... but he was the first public case of AIDS in Portugal.

He was totally gay and eccentric... and also very intelligent and sensitive... so he sang something like:

"I feel the urge to go...
I feel the need to come back

I'm only fine...where I'm not...
I only want to go... where I' dont go
I just desire... the ones I've never seen..."

or something like this...

See you around Raymi!!

Gunnar

i'm trying to think of one of the many one-liners we use.

he's whistling in the shower.

my eyes are so chinese right now from make-ups.

we were on the boat and the kid was all i have been a member for 21 years meanwhile he has been alive for only 20 and i tole the lady to go ahead and sleep in her stupid boat good call the cops but then we had la raza for each other and she said get out of here so you don't get in troubles but we had to go back for zak's skateboard.

richshitkids make us laugh but we love them no less and no more.

next of gin.

sisters are doin' it for themselves.

why did you bring that girl to my bar and my bitches bar and no i am definitely not paying for that beernazi.

fuck she hates those fucking chicks.

we both make faces at each other behind our backs just because you have a big stupid head of hair and a hair clip and yeh i saw u get elbowed in the face by your manager and u bailed on the floor and spilt two pints on yo'self.

quit already.