The Causes of failure
If we accustom ourselves to carefully analyzing our actions, we gradually discover the causes for our failure, be it economic, emotional or of any other nature. We will realize that our present situation is a result of a chain of events which stems from negligence, laziness, or bad decisions.
The habit of proposing to do many things and never achieving any for example, is highly pernicious because in order to attain mastery and power over outside events, it is first necessary to keep one's word, to fulfill and put into practice one's own decisions. One who practices this precept methodically and patiently will find that his mastery over the forces of Nature increases daily until he is able to fulfill all that he promises to do.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Assignment Raymi - The reactions
Some students are willing to allow you to see their responses some are
not. All expressed some concern for how it would be used. I also
have some issues -- I am somehow responsible for both the assignment
and what happens to it. They did do some wonderful things and enjoyed
the fact that Raymi began to look at them as they looked at her (the
posting of the assignment). One student has responses about you from
their mother, Grandfather, older graduate friend and a contemporary
student friend, in addition to their own response. One entitled his
assignment "raymithemystery.com" There are people from many
different countries who looked at your site. Others want to do it now
because you are aware of our gaze. BUT -- In the end, they only
checked you out because I asked them to -- and I would not want them
damaged in any way because of my actions. Does this make sense Raymi?
I am only a TA but I feel I inherited 42 young adults (most in their
first year of Uni) in September. There is responsibility in
education, I am responsible for so many things. I showed them the
"chickens" clip from the movie "Baraka" last night and couldn't sleep
because I was afraid that it might have been too disturbing -- even
though this is what I do! I send them to a cold, dark place and ask
them to give me a weather report. But I still feel like I am stealing
innocence sometimes. And I am still waiting for mine to grow back.
Please write me back...let me know what you think.
i am just as concerned as you ie people's reactions and opinions and
meanness, judging - i put myself out there and i do not lie and i am
caring and opinionated and if someone is going to say a bunch of
negative shit about me/my life/my family i will react to them reacting
to me - the way i see it, if u are going to attack someone, u have
every right to, however, u have to tell me about your life's pain/s
failures fuck ups and then i get the chance to attack you then, no?
so she showed up after we had been discussing her a little while and she was valiumed-up and boozed to the tits and she whipped out her new sample package of effexor and i tried to tell her about social anxiety and how valium is not a solution at all and the walk-in clinic lady who gave it to her should be fired
i could have said anything to her, anything at all, and she wouldn't hear it/comprehend, nothing, i was losing my patience so i said look i am giving you advice here and i am telling you to at least cut your drinking IN HALF at least STOP VALIUM and then take that effexor crap because none of it will take affect if you are on all these other things and adan piped in and said raymi is a very good friend of mine she knows what she is talking about but all she could think about was why adan was ignoring her and i was right in the middle of it all and i was thinking about my get-away
so she followed me to the bathroom to talk about adan and i was thinking oh boy this is one big giant mess that i do not want to be a part of but my heart was bleeding for her 'cos that is my nature
she is just 20 years old and she is a big bumbling mess
and then she started shoving me around in the bathroom to show that's what friends do and that's what she wanted adan to be like with her out in public and i felt really uncomfortable because i know that everyone is concerned for adan with this girl and she doesn't have a clue and here she is shoving me drunkenly-jokingly
all i wanted to do was urinate and i was confronted with this drama and she wouldn't shut up so she followed me up the stairs still shoving and i look at adan like i am SO out of here very soon, we need to talk, this is FUCKED and so she sees Brandy and we thought he had left already because he was mad about the business with adan and i say oh look there he is, GO TO HIM and she does
and i turn to adan and he motions not now 'cos the cook guy from the other bar is there who is in love with this girl also so i put on my jacket and am all later doooooods, good luck with all this and adan comes out for a goodbye smoke and i say dude, no more mixed signals, it's at that point now, don't take her home because you are both horny lonelies, she's making you look bad all over town and you know this, now's the time before it gets worse, tra la la
and then anj showed up and said nice things about my blog and i said that fil put a strike through her link and she went oooooooooooooooh like the boogey-man and i told her that her hair was nice and i liked her jacket and blayne offered us weed and i said no i don't smoke anymore and then i turned into pixie-dust and sprinkled myself off into the nite.
>I think the people who dig you most - those who already know you are a
>stah - are all poor. They might feed your soul, but they will not make you
>How do you feel about appealing to the lowest common denominator? The
>SUV-driving, latte-drinking, Sex In The City watching suburban chick who
>yearns for a bit of edge? You represent the Other for some women - I know
>because I have heard discussions about you.
>For men, you obviously appeal to a different set of needs. Lots of guys
>find you attractive, but they are not just interested in seeing your tits.
>You represent the Other for men too - the fun, bad, saucy woman that must
>trapped within their own wives and girlfriends. How many guys picture your
>face when having sex with their chicks, hoping that the real Raymi will
>emerge for a moment, even for just a fleeting orgasmic quiver?
>Ah Lauren, you are so multifaceted. Ever feel like you are standing in a
>hall of mirrors?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
people who don't like cats are assholes and they're the same people who think dogs are smarter - FUCK!
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM!?
cats are better because they don't make loud barking sounds that make you snap your head around because you are all startled and your heart kind of stops and then after the startled-feeling goes away you then have complete anger and annoyance and have to leave the room altogether because there is a dog and it is barking all over the place and then the cat looks at you and says don't worry dood i'll take care of it so he goes over to the dog and punches him with his little cat fist and the dog goes oh ok sorry guy and starts licking his balls and other dog-things until you have to let him out to crap in your backyard while the cat is sitting politely in his little box reading the newspaper taking a doo doo and gracefully covers it all up for you to scoop it out later when you feel like it.
and then barky mcbark bark is all look at me look at me i am a dog bark bark yip and slams into the diningroom table and destroys everything pretty what is your house while kitty larue is telling you to fuck off with his eyes because he has this thing called pride something that dogfuck lacks because dogs are not as cool as cats.
don't get me wrong i do love dogs i just prefer cats because i am crazy as a loon and bitches like me who are lazy assholes opt for low-maintenance snotty animals who are needy sometimes while completely invisible other times and then when you start crying they come sit on your head and sniff your stupid eyes and nose and feel bad for you and then when you are done using the cat for having your emotional needs met you can go on a bender for a few days, come back and cat is like yo dude WHAT'S UP i didn't notice you left but the dog is all hysterical, complete wreck of a creature while you were away all of your house is messed and smelly and you are like, I. HATE. MY. LIFE.
the way i see it, if you want a fuckin' kid, give birth.
people who are manic and don't know it make me sad
people who are manic and know it make me glad
i sort of had something prepared to type about and now it is gone
i feel like i have written about everything i could have possibly written about or can get away with
something was on the tv last nite before i passed out and i thought must blog about that asshole and so i fell asleep and forgot about it altogether and so here i am.
oh right now i remember what it was, and it was something i watched EARLY this morning and then fell asleep again for a little while and that's how it disappeared from my brain.
ok so this rant is about eminem and how fucking annoying i think he is and i am sure everyone will agree with me on this - his latest video i saw for the first time this morning (the one where he goes UH RUH RUH RU RU like he is suppose to be pee wee herman or something?) because i don't really pay attention to garbage television as much as i use to these days because i am very busy talking to cats and sitting in stairwells smoking cigarettes thinking about what cool is....
anyway, what's up with this fucking honky and why is he still getting away with impersonating other celebs, failed, 15 minutes of fame or not, making a total mockery of the 90's and putting that crap in music videos over and over and over again? and even calling it a music video HOLY SHIT and that song is so incredibly tacky and sounds like every other song before it and people will say hey shut up raymi i like that song!
and i say
no you shut up
the only reason you like that song is because you hear it all the time in your stupid friend's car when you are smoking a fatty to whoever's loser house it is you are on your way over to next and ps if i was mc hammer and pee wee herman i would tagteam eminem and make him eat his poseur doo-rag.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
TOP TEN DONALD TRUMP PICKUP LINES
10. How'd you like to be a New York Post headline?
9. Haven't I evicted you somewhere before?
8. You don't know Marvin Mitchelson, do you?
7. Care to take a ride on the Trump Shuttle?
6. I'd like to do to you what I did to Merv
5. I can introduce you to Don King
4. Hello. I'm Donald Trump
3. Tired of always running to the automated cash machine?
2. I'm good friends with Dave Letterman
1. That is a roll of hundreds in my pocket and I'm glad to see you
TOP TEN THINGS HEARD AT THE ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE
10. "Today, my name is Mayor O'Koch."
9. "All right! Another bagpipe band."
8. "Gee, food sure tastes good when you boil it."
7. "You have the right to remain silent..."
6. "That's not a float - that's Tip O'Neill."
5. "Aww...not on my shoes!"
4. "These foreign cars tip over much easier."
3. "Hey, that guy's not wearing green - kill him!"
2. "While we're in the neighborhood, let's drop by the Museum of Modern Art."
1. "You'll get your personal effects back downtown, Monsignor."
This is the assignment as I gave it to them. I have already had some
interesting responses -- they all seems quite excited by you. Love or
hate they do seem excited. I suppose it would make more sense to you
if you knew the reading ... but meh. I thought about the idea after I
wrote to you about proving marketability through traffic , so I wanted
to see how much traffic I could generate -- not much I suppose, unless
the whole class gets in on the act (there are 340 first year cultural
studies students). "Step Back" is a term we use in my classes to try
to represent the idea of a meta-cognitive sort of thinking -- asking
why, why do I think the way I do.
Thinking about their thinking --
It is a tough thing for many of them to grasp, but they are catching
on. Already some of them are beginning to understand that things like
compassion and tolerance requires that they "Know Thyself".
Here is the assignment. Go to www.raymitheminx.blogspot.com. Raymi
is a bit of an internet phenomenon. The task is to take a look at her
site (Warning: some nudity, some foul language some odd stuff) and try
to think about it in terms of Internet memes and the reading on
What makes a site? (like Niagara or Raymi) Write me a little blurble on Raymi.
Now the fun part – after you have read as much as you can handle, (or
have read it all) and written your thoughts down, ask at least one
other person you know to look at the site and see if they can figure
out why Raymi is so compelling to so many in the blogshpere. A quick
email will do.
Include their response in your journal. She is not
universally loved, in fact some comments are vitriolic. ( I will email
you a few random internet grabs) It might be very interesting to see
how three or four people react to Raymi… and then "Step Back" and see
if you can understand why those people react the way they do. What
can we learn about cultural studies, about ourselves, what about
private and public space, what about the projection of identity or why
people react so strongly? Or anything that comes to mind. This is
extra work, do not get stressed. Right now, she has not archived the
month of November – but time is probably of the essence. As of
today, she has not done anything extraordinarily offensive, but I
cannot take responsibility if she decides she is going to become a
porn star or post anti-Semitic comments in the future.
Here is the quotation from Karen Dubinsky that I thought had
relevance to my blog idea. "…[T]he question of how certain sites
become designated as popular places to visit, as well as of how
particular places become invested with specific qualities" . . . .
Places are more than simple locations; the spatial is also socially
constructed, and places can mean different things at different times
A Google search for Raymi turns up a rather impressive 23 500 hits.
She receives approximately 14 000 hits a month…
being arty isn't enough. nor is prettiness.
i changed the colour of my hair to be ahead in the game.
lend a hand please return magazines and newspapers to their racks and help us to keep your periodicles in good condition.
are we having fun yet?
are you doing better than your parents?
can anybody beat this guy?
great british issue organic style traveler mountain bike nature
eyeliner 101 mastering beauty's toughest trick
oprah's $7 million giveaway!
suffering in silence the new romantic party dress a mother's pride and fear for her reporter son in iraq dream gifts 51 wild & wonderful holiday surprises ben's new jen affleck and garner: is it serious? behind the scenes at america's next top model the new medical miracle wrinkle cure
50+ of the best watches & necklaces fashion: the bejeweled BOHO Plus: incredibly sexy shoes for you the party issue how to throw a fabulous fete 200+ ideas everybody gets something CHIC! your ultimate gift guide your feelings about it won't fade either
i just read about natalie portman and all those magazine-promisings and all those awful words and now i am headed for the bar.
right now i am showing off my fraudness being cute in the library with my backpack poseuing as a student and acting like i do not have a drinking problem and acute fascinating sadness and tomorrow i have a head-doctor's appointment.
i feel pretty stressed these days and miserable.
miserable because i am broke and broke because i drink and i drink because i am sad and i have come to terms with this unhappiness ie fully confronted and i am aware of my problems/issues with the world at large i just don't have the courage to change them.
it's not a matter of courage, really, it is more of a disturbing laziness.
i have to change the way i look at the world and the matter in which i deal with things, people, and stop waiting for life to happen to me and find a publisher and explain that cuteness sells, and depression is marketable, when you sprinkle it with humour and drawings of cats that can talk.
Monday, December 06, 2004
the computer said to me not to smile so that is my trying not to smile massively stupid scowl look for the how old you will be in 50 years photo that i look ridiculously ug-city in so i am not bothering to post it because i do not agree at all with the science centre's predictions of how my face will be aging.
in other news, it snowed last nite/early morning today and i woke up about 6 20 am and thought of a bunch of stuff to keep my mind occupied 'til maybe 9am after i was like FUCK THIS and had a bit of a cigarette and some oj and it woke up the cat and then it woke up fil because the cat purrs like a lawnmower and sits on my face until you feed him or put him in the bathroom for a time-out.
i called my mum last nite to ask her what she wanted for xmas and she said body shop stuff that's all she wants and i said don't you want something substantial that you can keep or something and remember like how i buy everyone kitschy stuff that they don't need that just sits around collecting dust and when visitors come over they are like woah totally COOL and useless!
being practical, well, buying practically is sooooooooooo stressful and at this point in my life i just can't deal with stress, well, not that i can't deal with it, i just totally refuse to deal with that shit altogether unless i am playing burnout on xbox and i have to cause a huge car accident to make lots of car accident money, this is the only stress i will allow for the time being oh and helping people when they email me with advice on life like i invented living.
fil tripped me yesterday when the centre was closing and it was fucking hilarious so i couldn't get too mad over it, dammit. i flew and my purse flew even further and fil is lucky that it was on a carpetted floor. focker.
so everyone i am moving back to toronto, the land of snobportunity, social anxiety, and colorful scarves.
i can't wait to be broke over there and boss around ward and finally allow myself to be startrek-washed but only because I am choosing the ikea-shit.
and all of it.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
I live next to two sorrorities.
Sometimes they get high and yell random shit at the top of the parking lot by
me. I think it's terrible, they always say just the wrong thing. The
frassholes are just as bad. I delegate the whole greek system into frasshole
and sorrostitute... it's just my thing I guess. Anyways
These guys wear their baseball/trucker hats at the most asinine angles, like
between 45 degrees and 10 degrees. They come into my chinese resturant (where
I work as the token white guy) and all I can think is "Look fucker, I know you
want to sound serious while ordering food or about drinking beer and banging
girls, but with your hat like that you might as well be wearing clown make-up."
Another thing is their thing for the popped collar. I mean honestly, everyone
who has done that is now washed up and sad about their lives. This is
evidenced in Huey Lewis, the News, and these bastards' future.
Tonight we got drunk and laughed and listened to neutral
milk hotel and hoped that I got a job in new york city, because I need to be
in a big place and go to bars and pretend I'm irish. It's a continuation of
an old adventure.
Nevertheless this is what I see every couple days. If
you'll excuse me I'm gonna go write a term paper because I'm not very bright
and think writing something when I'm drunk is a good idea