fil let me put make-up on him and i said go to the store and get us some pop we need an energy boost and so he was gonna go out and i said oh wait you have all that make-up on and he said oh right so he went and took the mascara off put is keeping the under-eye liner shit all smeary and he has a bunch of hair clips and bobby pins in his hair and so he is keeping that in as well.

now i don't feel as pretty so i want to put on more make-up to the extreme and be all garish unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh today we pissed away the warmer weather and stayed indoors.

oh he just came back and he took off all the make-up.

lame.

This is Fil crafting this amazing post of awesomness. Raymi asked that when posting on her bloog I adopt her style of writing and such so I guess that means punctuation and grammar are out.

ok fine

raymi-writing is something that does not suit me well because i'm frequently (and correctly i should add) accused of being a bit of an anal fucktard

plus on my blog i adopted the annoying habit of writing in the third person sometime in july and i can't find any smoove way to shift out of it

here is a picture that raymi took of me at the pub the other night



i like it cuz it is of me and i am VAIN

i always say to raymi that most blogs (mine included) are online masturbatory exercises in vanity

some aren't tho and they can be venues for a genuine exchange of ideas and such and these should be neutered nurtured

oops

raymi doesn't use those these here

raymi also said that good posts always have lots of pictures and i think my picture/word ratio is drifting into the bad side of picture/word ratios so here is a picture of raymi that i took right after some guy told her that her singing sucked



boy was she angry

i think she sings good

matthew good's book arrived yesterday and so did jamie's. i like how matthew good writes because it's all the crap i think about except a bit different and he had it all put together and published oh and he talks about having a sequel to water world which is brilliant because i loved water world despite it flunking at the box office. i dunno why everyone shit talks that movie. i thought it was amazing and i would probably buy it one day if i remembered to and/or wasn't busy buying other stuff that i don't need and beer.

yesterday i got a new scarf from the bartender because i am special and it was annoying him and it is the material of a sofa and someone spent too much money on it because it is ugly and they gave it to their husband and he forgot it on purpose at the bar and so i am going to wear it like crazy and hopefully have a confrontation with a rich lady with bad taste and say here is your damn ugly scarf biotch in front of all of her friends and she will march over to the bar and confront the drunk man husband who is part of the football pool and he will say I NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY and everyone will be excited.



noel gave me cool pins that he made with his button-maker.

i gave most of them away already and took credit for making them right in front of him and he was amused by that because we are all about LYING FOR THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT.

some are of different pictures of michael jackson and say 1000% innocent.

the others are of the tampax insertion directions that are cartoonish and fil is going to wear one tonite because finally a button exists that is ironic and seedy enough and the opposite of gay.

julka's sister was mean to this guy who tried to talk to me outside because he was lonely and i mentioned the suburban town i currently habit and said the ultra-cool nickname for it and he was like wow i think you've started a trend and she cut him off and said bla bla i hate that suburban town and GUYS WITH ACNE and the dood was all hurt and slunked-off from us and i said wow that was cold.

he did have a lot of bad acne and he was kinda repulsive-looking and what not but STILL you don't make cheap jabs like that.

she drank a whole bottle of scotch before coming out and tried to walk out with her pint of beer and the bouncers were like woah woah what the fuck? and she goes wait huh what about the patio? and we look around and there is clearly no patio there because there is snow and it's winter. it was all very hilarious.

her and julka are russian jews and so i asked what they did to celebrate the 60 year ann. of the concentration camp thing and julka said huh what? we got drunk or something, it was the anniversary of, what? what happened?

anyway.

i thought of a fictional story plot finally that i am going to hammer out that does not involve drinking at a bar and it won't be called "the bar journal" because that is too depressing right now.

i'll write that in the summer when i am less retarded and have my shit together hopefully.

on our way to the watering skeezer hole before leaving good old parkdale we see this woman outside a pizza parlor, standing there screaming at the top of her lungs, something, over and over again and everyone is acting like it isn't happening and avoiding her side of the street altogether. her hair sucked. she was kind of fat. she had coke bottle glasses. and her clothes also sucked.



this is what she was screaming:

POLISH PEOPLE SAID,

MY DAUGHTER IS BAD!

over and over and over again, like it was a chant. noel said that the people who propriet the pizza place are polish and so maybe they told her that her daughter was bad and she is informing parkdale that polish people told her that one day while she was eating pizza and she did not like that they said her daughter was bad.

at first i thought she was saying that her daughter was a bed, because it rhymed better with said and i thought that scream rhyme chanting is way cool by far.



anyway, i'm glad i'm not crazy anymore.

julka, i am too lazy to go find your email address so here are the rest you drunk artfag. there are more actually but they're all pretty much the same crap over and over.

Raymi used to work at the White House. She vacuumed, but only the stairs. They have independent people for each room and each set of stairs. Raymi did a rarely used set of stairs. In 2001, shortly after 9/11, Raymi got fired. No one told her why. No one said "you were planning to fly a small prop plane filled with KFC coleslaw into the White House Raymi!". No one said anything, they just told her to get out.

She still gets Christmas cards though.

jamie got one of my dumb shirts because he is part of the nerdy raymi culture online movement phenomenon of snobbery and such. more of you bitches need to be purchasing my shirts. or perhaps i need to draw something better. and cuter. ok i'll do that now. or later. or tomorrow. i'm hanging with parkdalemiddleton tonite and also kristin and some other arty girls after that who like unicorns and knitting and mothers-in-law...hopefully we will be sporting matching jogging suits. today i don't feel crabby because we didn't booze last nite and it's amazing how a nite of sobriety can turn the morning after into a whole new world.

incredible.

i added matthew good and jen and fil as new writers to my blog.

finally watched the terminal. it is entertaining and it is also complete bullshit and it seems really long and by the time you get to the ending you are mad and flabbergasted. and not one person tells off the one villain of the movie so you are waiting for that to happen and it never does and you feel gypped and then you go to bed angry.

When I was a young girl

( Traditional - Texas Gladden )/Feist

When I was a young girl I used to seek pleasure
When I was a young girl I used to drink ale
Out of the ale house down into the jail house
My body's salvated and hell is my doom

Come mama come papa and sit you down by me
Come sit you down by me and pity my case
My poor head is aching my sad heart in breaking
My body's salvating and hell is my doom



Please send for the preacher to come and pray for me
And send for the doctor to heal all my wounds
My poor head is aching my sad heart in breaking
My body's salvating and I'm bound to die

One morning one morning one morning in may
I saw this young lady all wrapped in white linen
All wrapped in white linen and called out "the plague"

this is what i look like during a drunken blackout and i am demanding grilled cheese sandwiches.

would you like some class to go along with that elegance?

i wonder if this person can speak english and be my best friend so we can talk about tim burton and pencil drawings together.

i've mentioned this before

women who complain about the objectification of women are irritating as crap and men who complain about the objectification of women are spineless pussies who are dating the women who complain about the objectification of women and they can get out of my life and shut up.

why don't you burn some KISS records while you are at it?

why bother getting annoyed by ads of girls in bikinis selling toothpaste and deep fryers, that shit is FUNNY because advertisers who stoop to that level are desperate and you should find that funny and if the ad is pulled off properly enough then you should find it SEXY.



stop claiming to be a feminist also.

Y A W N.

don't delude yourself and say i am a feminist so i can be promiscuous and i am intelligent because i read a few books about existentialism.

you are a skanky ho bag and you sleep around you are not a feminist.

in summation, women who complain about seeing hot babes in magazine ads are fat and jealous.



rocky is sensitive.






best poem ever

this is how i feel when i have to take a shower because i hate washing my face and taking off clumpy slept-on mascara in the shower/bath it makes me want to run away i hate it so i dilly-dally as much as i can before getting in there

one day i think shortly after moving to toronto i decided i am not going to wash my make-up off anymore before i go to sleep, fuck that with a capital F! this was three years ago-ish and i have kept my promise to myself of passing out with make-up on and smearing my eye make-up around when i am sleeping so i can look like courtney love in the morning when i go for coffee and everyone is like woah totally awesome it's a rock concert in here paaaaaaaaaaarty!

and so somedays i wake up and i think my hair is amazing-looking and everyone else will think so also and they will congratulate me in the street for sleeping the best way and it stays awesome for a little while until i turn OCD on it and touch it constantly and lie on it and jam it in my ears and so on and then i have a nervous breakdown and have a 5 minute i hate my blond hair rant everyday at 6 o'clock and then i get wasted and think that i love it, wait, what am i saying?



i hate showering because i hate drying my hair afterward and straightening it and if i don't do that it dries into crackly hippie-hair and then i will have to wear a poncho and play hacky-sack and live in a tree fort and i went to all this silly trouble to growing my hair and being one of those vain long haired girls so i can't cut this hair off because then more attention will be brought to my fat drunk face if i have short hair again so i am stuck with tatty hair.

tatty is a funny word.



so that is the magical shower curtain that has brought so much joy and enhancement to our lives and i told chris last nite that i bought a new shower curtain and he said did you get the one that's an atlas so you can feel smart when you are taking a shower and know where bosnia is and then fil said that he wanted an atlas shower curtain and i don't remember what i said exactly though it was probably something bitchy and my tone was probably defensive and i don't think that any of the words matched together properly, come to think of it.

so now that there has been discussion over an atlas shower curtain and the potential of one we can cut up the disco dick tease one (credit MG) and make matching trench coats out of it.



and then we can slam shopping carts into the back of fancy cars in wal-mart parking lots but maybe we'll save that for valentine's day.



i was like yo cid what's up biotch and he is like nada raymi don't be messin' and i was all dude it's hard to rock a rhyme and he said true enough though i like to kick it oldschool with the beebop and the rocksteady etcetera and i said oh ninja turtles, DOPE! and then he complimented my sweater and said it was tight because he is the jay-z of cats.



i even called my dad about the shower curtain because we rock this fishes one and it is like you are showering in heaven and i wanted aimee to experience that too at her new apartment but i didn't bother getting the full name of the place where my dad got the fish one and speaking of my dad he called me yesterday all concerned because someone made a swastika on our front lawn in the snow and so he stamped it all out but then yesterday before my brother and i leave the house, brotherraymi decides to make a new swastika in the snow as a joke on my dad and i told him not to but he did it anyway and so my dad calls me again saying that another swastika was on the lawn in the snow and this time closer to the house and there is a conspiracy against us and i felt really bad and said that it was brotherraymi who did the second one and we had nothing to do with the first incident.

anyway.

yesterday me and aimee bought shower curtains and now our lives are complete. the one i got makes you feel like you are at a rave when you take a shower. it is electric blue green something and see-thru and it was 5.88 and came with matching shower rings and it was a good deal and it came from wal-mart. yes, i went back to wal-mart. first we went to home depot but their shower curtains were too retarded for words. there was a black leather one. and i wanted it. but, you know, it seemed way beyond necessary however i like the idea of having an obnoxious shower curtain very much so.

too bad it was sixty bucks.

ok so we leave home fucko for wal-mart after soaking ourselves up some blue collar and take it down a notch and even bought a 50 cent pop on our way in and because it was a during the day visit to wal-mart i felt ok about it and the people working there with their vests on have lots of flare on 'em like jennifer aniston does in office space on her uniform.

ok so we are looking at shower curtains and we are getting mad because there are too many to choose from and we spent at least a half hour choosing, well, aimee did anyhow because there were too many cute/obnoxious/tacky things to look at and aimee was opening all the packages and leaving them everywhere without putting them back together and i started being a mom and she said that's why they get paid the big bucks to clean up and so on and then part of a display fell on her head and i suggested filing a lawsuit but we didn't feel like it so we looked at the ghetto underwear and i almost bought a six-pack of panties but i didn't i bought two pairs of tube socks for two bucks each and felt great for the rest of the day about it.

then we went to the supermarket after watching oprah and got on each other's nerves because this guy was buying all of the bread in the entire universe and he was in the express lane and aimee had to jet and i was like dood i had to get eggs, i let you borrow napoleon dynamite SHUT UP and this smarmy rich lady behind me was all annoyed because she had bad hair and a long older woman jacket on and i was showcasing super cool style + youth and taking longer on purpose to take my sweet mula out of my pocket to pay.

boring is my favorite.

we watched gia last nite because it was on television for free. i had never seen it before. angelina jolie did not look seventeen years old. lots of horniness was going on and then it got all sad and disease-like. too bad she had awful hair. the part when she walks into that model agency fil looked at me and said are you picturing yourself walking into an agency and winning them over and i said nooooooooooo but inside my head i was saying yessssssssss!



anyway

back to television because i have something extremely important to discuss

you know that certain feeling that the tv is on in a room when you are doing something else like say you're on the internet for three hours straight and you haven't looked over your shoulder or moved or anything but then you come back to reality and sense that the tv might be on and you can't remember if it is actually on or if you turned it on earlier so you sit there thinking hmm i am going to make an educated guess about this matter and before i turn around i am going to have the right answer in my head regarding the television being on or not because the room has that "television is definitely on" vibe to it and so you turn around and look and the tv isn't on and you are like what the fuck, that's strange, i really thought it was on that time.

the scene of the crime...



broken cigs



wet snowy pants



being mad about it

ok so i cracked and went to the casino afterall and got shitty and my mum won a lot of sweet mula and me and brotherraymi got bitchy toward her because she was being stingy and he was like if i won that much money i would be giving at least a hundred to everybody in our party and so we were being bad greedy kids as per usual.


the bathroom smells like diapers and everybody is mean and ugly and old and they walk around clutching their gambling cups and if your eyes look at their cup they look at you like you are going to hell.

man that place is awful.

and of course i won absolutely nothing because i never ever do and if i did i would gamble it all away immediately because i am a manic piece of shit with gamble fever and i like to look like i know what i am doing at all times and i don't like walking around with a cup of unused coins so i have to lose everything before i feel comfortable in getting up to walk around and find my brother or whomever and then watch him lose more of his money and then we leave and listen to the beavis and butthead experience cassette all the way home because we invented coolness.

brotherraymi said something that was suppose to insult me on the way there and i forget what it was but i made an awesome insult right back at him that i laughed at for maybe ten minutes after i said it because i thought it was so good and he also agreed that it was a good insult and it sort of hurt his feelings and this is what it was:

"why don't you buy another sweatshirt?!"

i am the best.

just a little bit of gaytimes for you.

fil went off to be in his friend's indie movie thing again. he is wearing a suit and skating around with a hockey stick and driving and having facial expressions so he is going to be the next big star to come out of canada since michael j. fox and i mean it.

last nite on our way back from the disco, fil shoved me down into the snow a hundred times and all these cars were driving past and no one cared that this big tall guy is pushing down some girl and kicking snow in her face and granted i was drunk and laughing but i was also angry at the same time and yes i started all of it though he could have pretend fell down at least once so i could put snow all over him and feel amazing about myself and less angry for having snow down my pants and underwear and in my mittens.



and ps my pants are still wet and he busted all the loose cigarettes that were in my pocket too.

new favorite karaoke write-up.

i'm fucking off on the family today for my nana's birthday because i don't want to go to no damn casino no more. one of the very first times that my brother dragged me to a casino, i swore at this woman for taking one of my machines and she threatened to have me kicked out so i gave her way more attitude and sat there playing the machine all the while she sassed me to her friend and i kept mumbling rude things under my breath the entire time because it was a matter of pride and i was in the right. but it was ok because she lost a lot of coins to that machine and everytime she pressed the button and nothing happened in her favor i was thinking ha ha ha in my head like a mean teenager.

people get very emotional about gambling and when other people get emotional, i too get emotional for the sake of getting emotional and then i start swearing at old ladies.



so i am not in the mood for that today and i called my nana friday nite and said my happy birthday hello speech and so on and not like they will miss me anyway not unless i was a plastic bucket of coins or i was a slot machine.

i think my brother is ditching also though last minute my mum will probably convince him to go and he'll go and then i'll look even more of an asshole.

le sigh.

well, the way i see it i am doing everyone a favor in not going because if i go i'll want to drink and i will whine and complain about it and be moody and the drinks are expensive there and i'll feel like i am in casino wal-mart hell.



me drunk and not attractive-looking. i feel like i have let my "sexy" self go photograph-wise and i prefer looking stupid in pictures like ha ha those blog reader boner guys want sexy raymi and now look what they have to look at pfffffffft.

anyway.

i never liked sundays.