i just wrote the gayest rap lyrics ever about washing dishes and fil's going to play bass along to it and we're gonna audblog it later.

i was washing dishes and i thought to myself/hey i could fit another bowl, up on that shelf!

washing dishes, those damn dirty bitches/washing dishes, dishes in the kitchen - ungh!

last nite i dreamed that there was all this looting going on and half-blown up people running around with blood and they were destroying this mcdonald's and we got our food and then went to this house next door and walked through the backyard over dead rotting cows and went inside and fil offered the owners of the house two bananas so we could chill there and eat our mcdonald's and then we were driving up a big bridge that was higher than the CN tower and there were tiny apartments as the base of the bridge all brick wall and i asked if they were low-income housing and then we were in a some hasidic jewish neighbourhood and a bunch of fat women were laughing and falling down this snowbank and then we came to a tiny ciniplex theatre and we went inside and fil went to the bathroom and i started fixing my hair in the mirror and this black chick starts screaming at me for using her mirror and i copped a major attitude and was all fuck you i can use any mirror i want you don't own this mirror and she said why don't you get another beyonce book (of destiny's child) and then she said my dad was a bitch and his name was steve and i wanted to scrap her but fil dragged me out of there before i could.

i dreamed of this it's true.

and there were mental patients that escaped from this house beside the mcdonald's and they were rioting and celebrating all their mcdonald's food and for some reason the mcdonald's employees kept on working and making hamburgers.

me when i looked like the kid from the shining

last nite i told fil that he could make whiskers for himself out of that opter-fibic stuff because i am smart.

rent control room.

this guy is excessive

Jamie says:

and have some kids gig it up years later and read from it to each other around a cmapfire

raymi says:

gig

raymi says:

cmapfire

Jamie says:

i kow

raymi says:

u are dyslexic

raymi says:

HAHAHHAHAA

Jamie says:

i can;t type

raymi says:

i kow

Jamie says:

i use all the wrong fingers

raymi says:

i thought u said that to be funny

Jamie says:

no

Jamie says:

i'm pathetic

Jamie says:

i can't believe i wrote a whole book

raymi says:

what the hell are you going to do with yourself now

Jamie says:

even though it's still full of typos

Jamie says:

retire

raymi says:

do u think people would buy a seven page book?

Jamie says:

ha

Jamie says:

i will

raymi says:

and then the 8th page will be point form notes of possible story endings

Jamie says:

fill the back of it with empty pages and "invite the reader to create their own ending"

nowl says:

tonight going to see Anagram play

nowl says:

with all the girls..

nowl says:

maybe a boy or two thrown in

raymi says:

wow yer such a stud

raymi says:

who are anagram

nowl says:

no studs complete without a lauren

raymi says:

right

nowl says:

anagram is xenias exbfs band

raymi says:

right

raymi says:

are they shitty

raymi says:

but like ironic shitty which means cool

nowl says:

theyre shitty and not bad

nowl says:

theyre sloppy and not bad. Matt the Singer might be a cut above and is very good with falling around and sometimes breaking things

nowl says:

they usually play parties

nowl says:

the last house party i went and saw, that they played at

nowl says:

someone started a fire upstairs and the placed burned down

raymi says:

haha

nowl says:

julia was there

nowl says:

her sister was living there

nowl says:

they lost all kinds of stuff and were all sued by the owner

raymi says:

did they pay?

nowl says:

dunno

nowl says:

you can ask xenia about it when you see her

raymi says:

thats a retardedly trashy story and endearing

i always wanted a man's sweater that was striped red and green and had a zipper on it and a collar and now i have one because some unlucky hack left it all hung by itself on the wall and forgot about it so i stuffed it in my left sleeve and then i looked like i had a robotic arm that was fatter than my right arm and i was a good peter sellers sleuth type and before i left i turned around and pointed at the room and said YOU'VE BEEN MINXED!

ok no i didn't.

i feel guilty about the sweater now like there is going to be an article about it in the gossip town times and then i'll have to bury it in the backyard and then i will be on city pulse with a sweatshirt on my head and my lawyer will be shoving the camera away.

i'm so hung/dehydrated i feel 90 years old.

el duderino you.may.have.already.won@gmail.com to raymi


he's getting married soon --
18 hours soon.

i got him drunk and high last night.
i got him drunk and high tonight.

i distract him with gameboy and mario.
he's totallly into it.
he screams with excitement,
he curses with anger.

my job is done.

...the best man


i get strange emails.

have you seen that campbell's commercial for chunky chili where the narrator mentions "knocking up a pastry" ? what the fuck is that suppose to mean and how is it related to chili and campbell's?

litblog talks about me.

we took turns being the jenga master last nite after eating duck and a fancy salad and orange potatoes that were actually sweet potatoes duh. and we saw the snake eat three little mice that were already dead that came from the pet store. it was gross but cool at the same time and also sad. the mice looked like they were sleeping and then OH NO Mr.snake comes along and eats them so bad they get eaten! aimee was offended by fil's hair that i had put into braids on the top of his head like he was coolio. maybe he'll get corn rows?!!

coolness update the III:

cats like it when you sing meow meow meow at them over and over to the tune of stop right now, thank you very much by the spice girls and you also keep rhythm by snapping your fingers along with the meow-singing.

people don't like it as much as cats do unfortunately.

coolness update the II.

so there's always a bunch of kids partying down at the house that we practise at and when we were leaving last nite some kid was walking out with his jacket in a garbage bag because he puked on it and i went HA BUUUUURN! and then all his friends also went BUUUUURN at the barf jacket kid and i forgot all about it 'til just now and i kind of feel bad but i kinda don't at the same time.

i'm glad i was quick enough on my feet to use the burn word 'cos i like keeping it real oldschool style because i have street cred and it made everyone jealous of my capacity to deliver smack talk and everyone knows that putting down people younger than you is how you get respect.

coolness update:

i was just watching muchmusic, video flow or something and you know how they've adopted the ticker tape text/chat messages from viewers just like mtv (gay) well, some douche bag wrote: MALTON 4EVER! and it went across the screen during a "hip hop" video featuring faith evans and i was like well there goes the neighbourhood.

people not in canada, malton is the ghettoiest ghetto that ever ghetto'd near the airport.

they showed a chick having her 200 lb tumor removed on oprah today. that's like having a whole person or two skinny bitch persons attached to your body except theyre not persons at all they're a useless nasty blob that needs its own seat in the car beside you and everyone has to be pretend sensitive about it to you but behind your back they be all yo, when is homegirl gonna have that shit done cut off?

grossest footage ever.

i have a crazy-ass bruise on the side of my ass and fil pointed it out and was like look look look at that! and i'm like whaaat what is it blood? and then i see this gross bruise. the end.

noel made a fun new page where you can edit and add to it and so on. fun.

i have cramps so bad i want to stand in fire with a jug of gasoline.

i am doing all the laundry in the entire universe right now and rocky thinks he is a secret agent but then gets scared for no reason and starts crying and then he comes back to you and gets scared again and then he licks my sweater. we have band practise tonite. last nite i ordered harold and kumar and wasted all of it by being on the internet. i want to go throw rocky into the snow in the backyard and see him disappear and then we will wear scarfs together? i smell.

I Just Won't Feed the Birds

Look at them.
Pecking away.
Begging for food.
Trying to steal from me.

I shoo them away.
Greedy birds.
I know they're hungry.
They won't get my bread.

The beady eyes.
The oily feathers.
Find your own food.
Aren't the worms good enough for you?

I will not hurt them.
Not directly.
I will starve them.
But winter will kill them.

this site is so funny i can't handle it.

drawing bad. just when i wasn't gay/nerdy/ten years old enough.

excuse me do you want to be in my gang except we're a good gang and we walk around complimenting people and if we see people being abrasive to one another we hug them and tell them to buy a puppy and we do sign language love song performances in variety stores and when the song is over we pose like how i am in the picture oh and we walk around humming and when we see broken glass we put it in our pockets until we find a proper disposal recepticle and we have charity jump rope contests and we only wear happy colors like pink and green and yellow and the only rule is to smile all of the time and our gang name is the dreamy dreamers and then it changes to something else every other day because we don't like to be pigeon-holed.

last nite we got RETARDED.

i fell down in the snow ten times. i dragged aimee across the floor on her knees because a romantic song came on and we were solid gold dancers of the nite and then i did it again and fil made a video of it and watching it now i can't figure out what was suppose to be so damn funny about dragging her across the floor on her knees.

oh and i like the snake now. i didn't like him before but now i do and i was fighting over him with fil and then finally i said something to him like keep your snake boyfriend then i don't care but then i'd try and take the snake back so i could put its head in my mouth. his name is Nero. i don't know why.

aimee's slippers made my feet sweat and when i took them off my feet smelled so derek gave me gold bond powder as an insult but i put it on my feet anyway and it worked.

everything i say is amazing.

scott "the jesus" is awesome and talks really loud and says like a lot and he has fucked up hair and i asked him if he was going to be growing it down to his ass again and he said no he'll keep it where it is and i said well i intend to grow my hair as long as the alphabet. i got blog-spotted by elizabeth and she came over and was all excited and i was flattered but also surprised. one guy in her posse said he was on morphine when i asked him to watch my jacket and our spot. scott was telling us a story about this guy's apartment that has dog shit all over the carpet and how when he got there the dog immediately pissed on the carpet and a couple over his shoulder kept looking back at him talking about shit because they were trying to enjoy their meal and his shit story just kept going and going.



this one kid came over to try and have a pocket of quiet space for his cell phone call but then he left because scott was ten times louder than the rest of the bar.

scott also doesn't have a microwave and one time his mum came home with a box that looked like a microwave could be inside of it and scott is all YAH MICROWAVE and his mum goes i got us a breadmaker and scott's head which was just about to explode with joy, exploded with disapointment instead and then he went on to explain how the home made loaves are tiny and gross and what a waste a breadmaker is because store-bought bread is at least guaranteed to be good and then he went on a rant going what, you can't afford store bread?

melissa also thought that scott was ward and kept asking if he was ward. haha.