we saw constantine and it was actually very good despite worrying that keanu would be 100 million per cent annoying. i asked this short dude with a leather jacket and a pink tie if he could SHUT UP and then he/they did and i felt like a mean bitch but also victorious and a few people snickered when i said it so i was like the belle of the ball of the movie theatre. then we went to a bar and played megatouch and this one loser fuckmunch said libarian instead of librarian.

ME!

i explained the entire plot of die another day to scott because he had not seen it and so it was basically my blog post from yesterday but more ridiculous and i think this couple was listening in on what i was saying and judging me. i would. hearing other people talk no matter what they are talking about makes you think you are better than they are and you think of stupid justifications of how and why you are better. and the fact that i am explaining a shitty movie as loud as i possibly can or so it seemed because the place was dead empty and the bartender was watching the apprentice with some old whiskery barfly and then the couple left and it felt like we were a major inconvenience what with my crappy account of die another day... "and then, uhh, and then, ok they're in a helicopter...bla bla..." and scott's phone rings and he talks ten times louder than a megaphone so the old guy and bartender and bartender's friend are shooting fuck you looks at scott and i am trying to shush him and then he says faggot real loud into the phone.

then we are elsewhere and dude comes by and brings us all the drinks in the world and says he fucked holly mcnarland. twice. he was her roadie. i was too wasted to bother considering whether or not this was true and the more i think about it the funnier it is.

he said he was meaning to be our friends for a very long time 'cos i once said i was socially inept and this was months and months and months ago and it was just some bullshit small talk but i guess it's an effective line.

i made the mistake of saying i was socially awkward when i lived in nyc to this one fat guy who was in the social circle of our peeps and so at every roof party and bbq he would beeline towards me and go "so how is that socially awkwardness working for ya?" every fucking party. and even when i was talking to people, someone i had just met, this guy would appear out of nowhere and say the line to me and then walk away.

who are you martin from the simpsons?

he also had a t-shirt that said "second place" on it.

my brother brought over a shwarma and i had a bite of it and then i went mentally insane until he would let me have another bite. there's something in that tzatziki that turns me into the exorcist. i would eat a cactus, needles and all, if it had tzatziki on it. one time we left some tzatziki out on the table over nite and i was planning on dipping left over pita in it but fil threw out the "gone bad" tzatziki and i seriously felt like crying i was that upset over it. i was probably on my period.

just caught the tail-end of die another day and it was right at the part where he goes "looks like you will live to die another day." and he uses his powerful ultrasonic ring that can break glass and then has a big rock climbing rope that zips him up and through the roof while he is being shot at and then he runs down the side of the dome roof to the ground and then he surfs using the door of the super duper fast car using a parachute as a guide in freezing cold iceberg water that turns into a tsunami from the laser beam from outerspace exploding everything and lands unscathed back on the frozen ice and gets into his invisible car and drives it into the ice palace.

imagine writing that and trying to get someone to buy your script and some smart ass reading it back to you with their eyebrows raised and their tone is way sarcastic.

i'd love to be the assistant of the asshole reading the script to the writer and then when the writer leaves my boss steady shit-talks the writer for twenty minutes and i am like ya uhhuhuhhuhuh like butthead.

i was mean again last nite.

this guy opened the door for us on our way out for a smoke and said yep yep i take tips too and i said here's a tip, put on a coat and there was a bit of an awkward silence then he laughed a bit and so did his friend about him not wearing a coat in the arctic hell sub zero temperature weather and then i had to ask dude for a light because the ten million i usually have in my pocket were all gone.

then some retard girls were talking about tinkling in the bathroom and some meathead put his head in and went YAAAAAAAAAAH PARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTY!

there were a lot of drunken rejects there. i am bad at tuning out other people's conversations especially when they sound like OH MY GOD NO WAY TOTALLY AND WE WERE WEARING THE SAME THING it makes me want to walk over and flick the person in the forehead.

Jamie says:

is he really?

Jamie says:

or does he just look gay?

raymi says:

he is gay

raymi says:

and friends with michael stipe

Jamie says:

he still might want to meet you, cause you're like one of those gay icons like madonna or cher

raymi says:

hahhahaa

raymi says:

because i look like a transvestite

raymi says:

someone told me that once

Jamie says:

pfft

Jamie says:

you do not

raymi says:

whatever

Jamie says:

a boy, maybe

Jamie says:

but not a tranvestite

raymi says:

i look like a piece of snot

Jamie says:

a ittle bit

i forgot to tell you that we got new outfits and so we are walking around going hey man look at me and my new outfit and then everyone kills themselves because they don't have new outfits like we do and we are the only ones left on earth and so now there is no one left to show our outfits to except old people who don't care anyway because they are wearing sweaters from 1948 and they're like fuck you i'm eating fish and chips.

here is my rap song that is suppose to be terrible so FUCK YOU ASSHOLES and love it.


i was washing dishes and i thought to myself
i could put another bowl up on that shelf

washing dishes those damn dirty bitches
washing dishes
dishes in the kitchen
ungh!

so i'm washing china cups and i'm sloshing in the suds and i think it's gonna be awhile
before i pull the plug but hey man that's alright
'cos now i'm washing knives and that's super tight in case i get in a ninja fight

washing dishes those damn dirty bitches
washing dishes
dishes in the kitchen
ungh!

sometimes it's such a pain when food's stuck in the drain it makes me go insane and usually it's pasta 'cos i'm the parmesan pesto masta and sometimes it is rice
shut up get out of my life
who do you think you are macaroni? or some ravioli
i say holy moly it's chicken cacciatore

washing dishes those damn dirty bitches
washing dishes
dishes in the kitchen
ungh!

it's time to scour that pot
careful yo the water's hot
hey man don't forget the pan
the sauce is stuck so let it soak
while we chill and drink a coke

then we can tackle the crockery
this ain't no mockery
i take dishes seriously
and it ain't no mystery
outside it may be blistery
on our way to the library
to get some books on laundry
this chore i don't take to fondly

word to your moth

washing dishes those damn dirty bitches
washing dishes
dishes in the kitchen
ungh!

i think i may have built up half baked too much. fil liked it anyhow. and he especially enjoyed the part i tried to explain to him that was the funniest, the sorry for yelling part, see? i know what's going on.

i've been using the cheapest shampoo for the last week and yesterday i finally snapped and bought other cheap crap that doesn't slip off my head and into the drain before i get a chance to lather it in. aimee came by and saw this big jug-type thing of purply bullshit and said who is cheaping out on the shampoo? busted. i said i thought i was getting a bargain and she's like no way that's life brand, what were you thinking?

anyway i'm using some naturals whatever now and fil asked why i chose that and i said because it's made from koala bears, i dunno, it smells ok and they support breast cancer and it was 2.49 yo! zing.

i'm going to write a poem
i think that will show 'em
because i got the style
that is way longer than a mile
them bitches i defile
while i eat a crocodile
and i'm like see you later
and i eat an alligator
and i'm like yo i just crush a lot
i ain't no hater
i'm a porno rollerskater
a mix-master debater
all the egos i deflater
in that golden elevator


this poem sucks

people are talking loud outside in the alley and i want to go out and say excuuuuuse me if you are going to talk loud can you at least be discussing juicy gossip about your boyfriends and other stuff that is actually interesting for me to be eavesdropping in on? thanks. oh and can you make it so you don't sound like you are 13 years old?

one time over summer some kids were playing in the alley and i went HEY EXCUSE ME I AM TRYING TO WORK IN HERE! and their father apologized and they went away because they thought i was a stressed-out student even though it was summer (no school) and i was playing alchemy or something.

mean mean mean i like mean i like mean.

things that turn me into a monster

people who walk slow in large groups and then you have to follow them for a little bit and then you finally have a chance to get by them and walk to where you are going and then you are finished and walking back and they are still walking slow and they give you this look like oh there is that girl who walked faster than we did

and they kind of scowl like they are in charge of the sidewalk

it makes me fucking insane

who are you to think you have the right to be mad at me

i'm the one who is mad at YOU and now you've flipped it so that i am the bad guy

so then i have no choice but to walk amazingly fast and cut through all of them like the biggest bitch there ever was and i am in a hurry to go save someone's life but really i am in a hurry to watch television and eat popcorn.



speaking of popcorn

listening to the bag rustle and the popcorn shake around makes me so mad

i can't describe it

ask fil he knows all about it and he use to appease my mental retardation by letting me pour it in a bowl but now he refuses and so i have to sit through bag rustling and my eyes get squinty and i shush him every ten seconds and lean way forward towards the tv so that i am one with it.

faygo stripper. says:

hows your day?

raymi says:

snowy

raymi says:

how is yours?

faygo stripper. says:

same. i had to shovel. but then the end broke off.

raymi says:

loser

faygo stripper. says:

straight goods. i like your art blog

raymi says:

thanks it's retarded

faygo stripper. says:

ya but in a good way.

faygo stripper. says:

ok i have to go buy a new shovel. ill talk to you soon.

the lady who made our bagels is retarded.

slow.

and the other lady serving coffee is fat and bitchy and s-talks every person who walks by the front of tim horton's.
this one old lady was walking slowly by and she put her cigarette out on the sidewalk and the coffeebitch goes UNNNNNGH THERE IS AN ASHTRAY LIKE, LIKE, RIGHT THERE, YOU KNOW and she looked around to make sure her co-workers were paying attention to her disgust and it made me want to go outside and put out 5 cigarettes on the sidewalk because i didn't like her tone.

today fil will get to see half baked for the very first time. i tried to explain it to him how funny it is and i tried to say some of the funny lines and i don't think i sold it very well.

ok there's this part where the guys spend a bunch of money that they are not suppose to because they are saving to get that one guy out of jail and then dave chappelle yells at them all for spending the money and then he takes a toke and his voice changes all nice and he says "i'm sorry for yelling." and then he takes another toke and says something else that i forget, and it's really funny. i mean it. it's SO funny. it's the way he says it that's funny.



then i tried to immitate it and i thought i did a pretty good job but because it wasn't in context, fil didn't laugh, or smile, nothing.

holy failed lesbo!

anyway, we were playing megatouch (duh) sometime or other a couple nites back and these shitbag white boy suburban toolbags with sideways baseball hats and upturned collar golf shirts are standing behind us for awhile going oh THAT GAME IS THE SIIICKEST! YO THAT GAME GETS HARD YO THAT GAME IS RIDUNKULOUS!! and they asked how long we would be playing and i turned and said we would be playing all nite long and then some of them went away because my cold hearted bitchitude froze their eyelids shut and then i began to shitbag them all not knowing one was right behind my head still and fil and steve are all uh one of those kids was right behind you when you talked all that smack then i suggested i go over to them and say i heard they wanted to fight me. but i didn't. then we had tequila and i felt like vomitting out of my nose. but i didn't.

i heart huckabees was boooooooring and if i knew it was going to be all "existential" and "kooky" i wouldn't have bothered watching it. the funny parts that are only funny because they are weird were too few and far between to hold my interest. jason schwartzman looks like tom cruise, no lie. mark wahlberg is probably the only interesting character because he cares about not using petroleum and rides a bike yet no matter how ethical he tries to be and intelligent, he still comes off as dumb. he gets upset and frustrated a few times and punches out different people, that was funny at least.

i dunno what the big hoopla over this movie was. wow. modern day get into my psyche. pffft.

next.

ps movies about existential detectives investigating coincidences equals this is bullshit.