insane amount of sushi/sake last nite and scotch whiskey from 18 years ago i think i was mean to only a couple of people and i pushed martin after he called me a bad word and he flew into the brick wall all awkwardly over a bench and it was like i was rambo.
there are some nerdy kids two alleys over filming something and one dude has red paint all over his face with black stripes and a trench coat and they have a big sign that says film shoot in progress. um, duh. you have a camera and you're a bunch of goofs hanging around obviously you are filming some stupid script you've put together.
so should i wear a t-shirt when i am walking along that says "i am walking" on it or "walking in progress" or "hey look at me walk" or "right now i am walking in case you weren't sure already but yes it's true i am walking and i hope i am not inconveniencing you in any way that's why i am wearing this t-shirt to let you know that i am strictly walking but if i plan on doing anything else i will let you know" ?
i also get annoyed at books that say, "a novel" on the cover. hey thanks for the tip, for a second there i thought this was a telephone.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
Ward @ Work says:
His mom is still kinda chunky though
i never saw her
is his dad still fucked in the head
Ward @ Work says:
ward dont say lol that's gay
Ward @ Work says:
his dad was trying to get all his friends to open an Ice Cream shop
Ward @ Work says:
cause apparently that is where the money is
Ward @ Work says:
don't say what?
TOP TEN WAYS TO ADD EXCITEMENT TO A LONG CAR TRIP
10. Play "auto-bingo"
9. Try to eat ear of corn while steering
8. Play connect-the-dots with dead bugs on windshield
7. Practice sudden bootlegger turns
6. When traffic is light, drop pants around your ankles
5. Have long conversations with imaginary friends after picking up hitch-hikers
4. Lean on horn and swerve as you approach stalled motorists
3. Tune to static on radio and pretend you're the last person on earth
2. See how long you can drive with your eyes closed
1. Talk guy behind counter at Stucky's into leaving family and joining you
went to the back in the day scumhole last nite. same old bullshit. white guys who think they're detectives of coolness and make a big deal of shaking each other's hands for all to see. dude, you saw each other two hours ago so fuck off with your long lost brethren crap, you hang out every day of the week.
all of a sudden hanging out with your white trash homies means big sideways HYEH GUY hand shakes, like they saw it in a movie and passed word around about it and said let's do that mang.
um are you the mafia? is this new jack city? why are you wearing sweatpants and dancing around to gwen stefani and when you make eye contact with your friend you immediately shake hands in that fucking way? is this the end scene of american pie where jason biggs is looking around at all of his friends dancing with their red cups of beer and then he nods his head to them and they all nod back one after the other smiling like goony fucktards like ya dude we suuuure accomplished a lot but we made it out ok?
anyway, if you and your friends practise the faggoty art of self-important hand shaking and you also think that lil john is a musical genius then you can just fuck off.
i am so getting my period today.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
played 3d worms 'til 1 in the morning beer after beer and eventually it's strictly all about the air strikes. last nite's dream was just too retarded to explain. hanging out with jesus tonite (scott). right now my hair looks like 80's rock - kideo/spinal tap/garth of wayne's world fame which means no more sleeping on my face. i can't wait to get home and do all my laundry so i can wear the same one outfit i always wear 'cept this time with clean socks.
cid is so annoying in the morning when you feed him because he blocks your way to the fridge and to the cutlery drawer to get a knife for his friggin' cat food and then while you're picking up his dish and putting it down again because he is so excited for eating. dude you'd be eating way faster if you weren't doing figure eights around my feet every goddamn step i take. i can't stop thinking about how annoying it is i'm afraid i'll go outside and bump into some random and they'll be hey what's new and i'll blurt out a big tale of exasperation involving a cat and feeding it when i am hung over and that's all the material i've got, the only thing that is new with me.
less than a week and i'll be 22.
morir de cara al sol
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
i seriously have to do something about my lifestyle. upon watching the reward challenge of tonite's episode of survivor and the underdog tribe won, i, actually, got a thrill from it.
lame city, population me.
also, the last day of winter was suppose to be the 21st so what's the deal with blizzathon 2005 all of a sudden?
fil actually knows what the weatherman's name is, the one specific to the weather channel.
we watched return of the king and my ADD didn't kick in 'til maybe 2/3 the way through and my special brainpowers were able to detect every homosexual undertone like nobody's business.
my crazy doctor doesn't think i am bipolar. more on this later.
he also retold a metaphor story that he used maybe the 4th session and i pretended that i hadn't already heard it though this time instead of a sinking raft it was a sinking USS titanic and there was no fancy island to swim to.
in the beginning i am neurotic and entertaining, now, i'm just boring and dude's probably thinking oh my god get normal or just kill yourself already, do something drastic for fucksakes so we have something to discuss other than your blog!
oh yeah something else i said that was awesome yesterday at the trying to be posh bar/eatery that has replaced the regular drunken dive pub - the new owners are taking socializing with the clientele way too seriously and this one lady in particular was just brutal and so we were analyzing her every move and thing that she said and she was wearing this long white pea jacket and i said YA man who is she, the scientist of the restaurant? too bad a) no one was listening to me when i said that and therefore b) nobody laughed at the funniest remark in the universe made by ME!
then i saw a somewhat distinguished old man with a little chapeau on unashamedly spit on the sidewalk right in front of aimee and i and he kept right on walking.
maybe i should call the local newspaper about that one?
for some reason i thought those bloomer-style underwears were the shit as in dead-sexy and cute. that was back when life was like, trash-city.
anyway, last nite i didn't make it 'til dave chapelle, i fell asleep on fil and he got up to go to bed and then called me over and i was in a sitting up position with my arms folded into my body like an old man or a troll.
and then i dreamed about the big bottle of apple juice that fil bought, oh excitement! we had gone to the company and were complaining about the size of the bottle. (one of those bulk-size ones that housewives buy for their 7 children) i said bitch it's like holding a mountain to my face and trying not to spill it all over myself. i was demanding several smaller bottles.
then i dreamt of other crap involving violence and floating and candy, i dunno.
we recorded at band practise last nite. can't wait to hear how stupid and warbly i sound.
my comeback of the evening is as follows:
"oh, did you drink a cup of smart-ass on your way over?"
i am the best. me!
i just wasted several minutes going through my archives and it has inspired me to cut my bangs shorter, to never get fat and to never have a lesbo short haircut and to also maybe do something more with my time, like, crochet stuffed animals and donate them to the red cross or maybe learn a valuable trade.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
last nite was very jackass.
i got shot in the ass with an industrial airgun. fun, i know! i have a welt too. fil got shot in the face with an oily rag. he was wearing a face protector visor whatever though. we were shooting pyramids of beer cans in martin's shop and then exploding those bullets and adding hot glue to nails and screws and making spears out of metal rods.
being safe is boring.
i wasn't expecting being shot to hurt though, i thought martin was making a dinky little tape ball but no it was dried glue in the shape of a bullet with duct tape on it and here i am standing there feeling all heroic and brave and then UUUUUUUUUUNGGHGHGH AHHHHAHHH my fucking ass! it hurt so much i felt like vomitting.
Monday, March 21, 2005
i just got a major out of nowhere urge to eat a huge hamburger.
you know one of those greasy ones from some ghetto mom 'n pop diner? ya one of those.
and i never have hamburger cravings, not until i am out at a restaurant and i end up ordering the special that is usually unrewarding and then whoever i am with orders the burger and i won't shut up until i am granted a bite out of it and then three more bites after that and then i promise myself that the next time i will order a burger and i never do.
if i don't eat a burger right now i will cut off all of my hair!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
the shining was on last nite. i think i mentioned to fil that i use to have hair like that danny kid at least twenty times.
yesterday during a coffee and sandwich break we were lucky to witness an 8th grade date and it was so awkward and depressing and lacking of fun i wanted to go over there and offer them some drugs. not that i would actually do that, you know, of course not, still, something made me want to help enhance their saturday coffeeshop get together.
at least if they smoked cigarettes they could run off and do that together and that could be their whole day right there.
these kids were actually polite. not even swearing.
however, they were hating on all the rich kids they go to school with and then the girl said she couldn't wait for summer so she could go camping and the boy straight 'dissed her by saying that would be too rustic for him.
he was a tiny little puke anyhow and she was already growing breasts and should have been sneaking away with some boy two years older.
i'm going to be a good mom.