i drank a lot yesterday and felt wobbly this morning. matt said he couldn't tell i was loaded. i said i am good at hiding it but fil, he knows because he is jedi master of detecting boozedness and then i try and say that i'm not and have this retarded look on my face and my eyes look in opposite directions and then i turn into pervotron sleazebag 3000.

we just got back from the gay forest what is stanley park.

they have a nice view from their condo.

fil and i are couch-surfing and sleeping so close makes me sweat like mental so my hair is extra retarded when i get up and jen and matt are good at acting like my hair isn't insanely frizzy curly totally nerdy and then i go look in the mirror and want to die. i swear my hair looks like a big ole wig. i never should have dyed it.

i know i complain about it a lot , sorry.

oh ya i saw chloe yesterday, it had been years.

i think i am still drunk.

for some reason my lips are really chapped and feel inflated and puffy.

ok i am done talking about myself for now.

ps stanley park feels like you are in the lord of the rings.

also ps i like when casey out of nowhere goes mental on his fuzzy ball and barks at nothing, he makes me feel better about being special.

duuuuuuuude I am lord of the jenga.

arts county was funcity today. shoes and scary hard objects flying at us galore.

fil signed an autograph for some student groupie security girl who thought he was famous because he is a hundred feet tall. i signed zero autographs though i was blog spotted once.

i love the hell out of matt/jenn's dogs and every now and then find myself thinking about hugging them and talking to them like i am autistic.

i didn't bring my camera upload card thing so you'll have to wait for pics.

k bye

i just watched frida and i liked it. i thought selma hayek would be a pompous tit but she wasnt. she was fiery and slutty and had a uni-brow.

fantastic.

i have discovered a new way to annoy fil by way of making gross tongue/mouth noises after eating.

"What are you doing?"

"It tastes good inside my mouth right now so i am tasting it again."

"Do you like the taste of blood?"

then i drew hitler moustaches on everyone's face in the globe&mail.

i think the waitress thought i was retarded because i stumbled over asking for a glass of water and asked for a glass of ice and then i asked if the chicken souvlaki on a pita would have garlic sauce on it.

that's like asking if there are books at the library.

fil said to me that skid row called and they want their hair back.

har-huh.

we are already fighting over music that will be going on his ipod for tomorrow's flight. he is not being fair. i don't care what he says, kylie minogue AND justin timberlake will be on that thing, i am putting my foot down.

I hate it when guys shave off their moustache. Their faces look so bald. Remember when your dad would do it after 15 years and you'd be like, "Who the fuck are you?"

i have a mild heart attack everytime the television box settles and makes that big loud hollow tv settling noise out of nowhere and you're like what do you think you're an old house? jesus!

raymi says:

this rap is called kindergarden crush

Jamie says:

ok

raymi says:

there was this kid called jonathan i think he was doped on klonipin i so wanted to get next to him

raymi says:

i am bored of this theme already

Jamie says:

but i got kicked in the shin, by sally on ritalin

raymi says:

nice

raymi says:

and christina barfed on the water fountain boy that vomit was as high as a mountain

Jamie says:

ha

raymi says:

(that really happened ps)

raymi says:

kindergarden crushes are lame

raymi says:

i didnt really have crushes i just wanted all the boys to play with me and not other girls

Jamie says:

i had a crush on a girl

raymi says:

was she a babe

raymi says:

was her hair crimped

Jamie says:

i'm looking for the post i wrote about her

raymi says:

oh they didnt crimp hair back in the 40s did they

Jamie says:

funny

raymi says:

i like playing dressup and wearing funny hats 'til i get bored and hit up the paint centre where i'll draw some cats

Jamie says:


http://theknownuniverse.us/?p=675

raymi says:

"I tore off a piece of brown paper towel from the dispenser and carefully wrapped up the photo"

raymi says:

hahahahahhaaa

raymi says:

how thoughtful

Jamie says:

i wanted it to look nice, and i didn't want anyone to see it

raymi says:

brown paper towel nice?



Jamie says:

you know the kind

raymi says:

u didnt like her anymore because she cut her hair

Jamie says:

yup

raymi says:

fucker

raymi says:

did u have a really big head as a kid

Jamie says:

no, you know what it was?

Jamie says:

she started to like me back

Jamie says:

it was the smoochy faces from across the room that turned me off

Jamie says:

who knows why

Jamie says:

some things never change, though, right?

raymi says:

did she have cool outfits

Jamie says:

not as cool as mine, but yeah

raymi says:

pffffffft

Jamie says:

my mom showed me a pic at easter

Jamie says:

i was wearing a wide, white leather belt

Jamie says:

it was hilarious

raymi says:

wow

Jamie says:

fourth grade

raymi says:

i had fluorescent colored outfits

Jamie says:

i should've taken it and scanned it so i could post it

Jamie says:

did all the boys love you?

raymi says:

some did, i dont know why, maybe cos i was the loudmouth in every class and they wanted to copy off me

raymi says:

i attracted the dumb cute boys

Jamie says:

you still do

raymi says:

thanks

raymi says:

ya you attract hags

raymi says:

my friend jeremy in grade 2 was boyfriend with this one little girl for a day only because it was cupcake day and he wanted her cupcake and she gave it to him and then he broke up with her after he ate it

Jamie says:

nice

raymi says:

you would do something like that

Jamie says:

probably messed her up for life

Jamie says:

no

raymi says:

i would do something like that

Jamie says:

i used to get chased around the playground by girls

Jamie says:

and i'd run away

Jamie says:

there was a group of, like 5 girls who always chased me

Jamie says:

i'd go on the swings and swing really high so they couldn't kiss me

raymi says:

oh i know what i did once, this kid had a bunch of cool movie posters his older brother gave to him and i said if he gave me one i would invite him to my super cool make out birthday party, grade 5, and so he gave me one and i didnt invite him

raymi says:

burn

Jamie says:

zing

raymi says:

but i was only allowed to invite so many, so i only invited the good looking popular ones

raymi says:

grade five fascism

Jamie says:

you would've invited me, i bet

Jamie says:

i sat at the head of my table during lunch

Jamie says:

i thought i was the coolest

some people aren't gonna like this one.

newcomers to my blog don't "get" the raymi. when she says she is going to eat a goose they are like how would YOU feel if the goose ate you?

moron, why the fuck would i eat a goose?

am i not allowed to be sarcastic anymore?

anyway, people who don't "get" me usually think i am crazy.

"She has all these like, WORDS and long SENTENCES and she is NAKED and she uses caps lock and spells RAAAAAAAAAAWR she is mega fucking crazy!"

ehm, ya.

this probably isn't even worth addressing, however, it gets on your nerves eventually when you're trolling the internet and some random person links you in a messageboard and then some other messageboard frequenter, usually a psychophant girl will say "that raymi girl is CRAZY."

CRAZY!?

YOU WANT CRAZY BITCH I'LL COME OVER TO YOUR FUCKING WORK AND SHOW YOU CRAZY!!!




kidding.



people who think i am crazy usually listen to bryan adams and own a tea kettle from ikea and practise feng shui.

feng shui?

dude everything is so totally going wrong this week, i know i'll put everything from the master bedroom in the kitchen and a few pebbles in the upstairs bathroom all along the bathtub, no, on the window sill and i'll put the couch in the crawlspace and the tracklighting in the closet and i'll hang the shoes on my coat hooks.

pfft.

people who are "zen" are retarded. when they sit there calmly "being zen" it only makes me want to antagonize them and do everything possible to make them un-zen.

"Wherever you go, there you are."

thanks, you figure?

"It is what it is."

uh are you sure? i thought it is what it isn't. what do you think about that?

"It's no matter because there is no is."

!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god i am going to rip out my hair if i don't stop thinking about this.

raymi says:

napping on sundays?

Jamie says:

okay

raymi says:

i see this going nowhere fast

Jamie says:

i'm stumped

Jamie says:

i need a beat

raymi says:

ok picnics at the park

raymi says:

ill start

Jamie says:

yes!

raymi says:

boom pa choom boom boom

raymi says:

do you feel inspired

Jamie says:

napping in the sun on a sunday in the park...

Jamie says:

getting my naps in before the park gets dark

raymi says:

drinking lemonade oh no here comes a shark!

Jamie says:

oh my mistake it was just a big lark

Jamie says:

ate potato salad that was just starting to turn...hope this stupid sun doesn't make me burn

raymi says:

but thats ok cos here comes my friend ernie he'll hook me up with lotion that will protect me from burnin

Jamie says:

my ham and cheese sandwich attracted lots of ants, there's no one around so I'll take off my pants

raymi says:

hahaaahhaah

raymi says:

i cant think i am laughing too much

raymi says:

i think im in the mood for playing double dutch too bad i busted my knee and i have to use a crutch

Jamie says:

maybe i'll share my food with that hottie by the tree, as soon as I get back from taking a pee

raymi says:

that was lame, but good lame.

Jamie says:

don't discourage me

raymi says:

i ask that hottie yo u wanna get next to me i can majorly hook you up with some fries and gravy

Jamie says:

i rolled up to the sexy little lass, and offered her some lemonade, but i didn't have a glass

Jamie says:

fries and gravy at a picnic??

Jamie says:

hahahha

raymi says:

it rhymed

Jamie says:

it's good

raymi says:

but she didnt notice my lack of a glass cos this dog crapped in the grass and to the owner im like dude thats crass

raymi says:

boom pa choom BOOM BOOM

raymi says:

so i mosey over to the teeter totter

raymi says:

uh

Jamie says:

i was making time, and thought i'd get a lick, but all the sudden i got cock blocked by ranger rick

raymi says:

so im at the teeter totter and i ask this dude if i can borrow his daughter and she made me go real high then i launched her into the sky

Jamie says:

bye bye, bye bye the girl started to cry, i'd have watched her fly if the sun didn't hurt my eye

raymi says:

this is very well thought out

went for a walk

saw a goose geese whatever

i wanted to pick it up and hug it

if those things weren't so fucking vicious i would have ten of them as pets by now

and i would dye their feathers hot pink and yellow

and they would wear green bowties with white polka dots

and if one so much as looked at me the wrong way

i would eat him

and wear his neck as a bracelet

fucking hotmail.

i have two other accounts that i never check but there's stuff in there from the beginning of time and hotmail bumped up my space and deleted everything.

hotmail is like yo, we reserved an account for you and deleted absolutely everything, even your contacts. you're welcome by the way!

thanks shitbags.

waking up at 6am to pee and rehydrate and then trying to get back to sleep so wasn't happening because i started thinking about blogging and stupid catch phrases and i was clenching my jaw and my ribs felt kicked in and the right side of my body hurt and so did my head so i tossed from side to side every five minutes until finally all the pains went away but i knew it would only be a temporary bout of relief like that part in scary movies where they think the guy is dead so they stand over his body because they are retarded bitches and the scary bad guy goes RUUUUHHAAAAAAAWRRR and grabs their leg and they shoot him in the face ten times and spit on him like this time you be dead for real yo!

being excited to fall back asleep again totally wakes your brain up and then seagulls start making seagull noises and you fantasize about going out on the roof and telling them to SHUT THE FUCK UP in their stupid faces.



how would you like me to go outside your window and make dump truck noises when you are trying to sleep?

that's the burn you say to the garbageman.

insert will smith laughter - uh haooooow!

went to h&m yesterday and bought a bunch of crap and didn't try it on because ten million 13 year olds were lining up for the changerooms so i tried it on in the car instead then went to spadina gardens to eat chinese people then met up with martin and val to talk about tattoos then rented the incredibles and i gave fil a sad bastard faux-hawk, though it's a tame one. i was kinda wasted at the time and buzzed a couple chunks out of the back of his head and didn't tell him but he'll know once he reads this or when aimee tells him. you can barely notice anyway. if it looked too perfect he'd look too much of a flamer anyway.



me on the other hand, i hate my short bangs, i hate my yellow hair. i am thinking of cutting it all off special kid style. everytime i look in the mirror i scowl at myself and when i see other people with better haircuts i want to turn invisible and scream at the moon.

that's all i got for now.