i think i am stoned in this picture. i hope i am stoned in this picture. yeesh.

jamie found me a new boyfriend. i like that i have a lot of boyfriends and they are either chipmunks or fat men with headphones or fucked up hair or no teeth and are a million years old.

get ready to be jealous.

last nite fil and i went to the drive-in to see the island and wedding crashers, both brilliant movies in their special little way. we're trying to remember a specific line from the wedding crashers cos when it was said i turned to him and was all bleh blahh new blog title! we drank 50s and shoks and there was a tiny cute little dog in the car beside us with a smushed up little face and the drunker i got the more high-pitched my voice went so that all the windows of all the cars 'sploded.



we are going up north for the ten trillionth time in a row so fil can pretend to help build a cottage extension and i can get retarded on the sauce and do the easy crossword book. which is still kind of hard. for me at least.

i'm getting sloppy.

fil: i hope you're washing your fingers so they don't get infected.

raymi: i hope you're washing your mouth.

fil: are you going to shut up?

raymi says:

my fingers are broken

raymi says:

because i take things out of the oven with my bare hands

raymi says:

my feelings are hurt right now because fil and alex dont want to play music with me

raymi says:

i started to play the drums and then they took their guitars outside

raymi says:

and so i went to the bathroom and fil got on the drums and alex is playing guitar

raymi says:

it's kinda funny when you think about it

raymi says:

http://slunk.indiko.com/buseygary.jpg i didnt know you knew gary busey

meMEEMEEmemememmemeemmemmmemmemeeee

we walked to the supermarket and fil tripped on some gravel and i laughed at him and he said that was dangerous and i said yeah maybe for retards and then i felt bad and went awwww honey and tried to hug him and he said don't touch me.

cool story.

at five in the morning some douche bag was talking to the girl down the hall through the building's intercom in the alley outside our window. it woke me up out of this crazy sexy dream. anyway, fuckskag was all WELL there IS a coffee down here for you...if you want it, his tone was trying to be coy and tempting but really he sounded demanding and pathetic. so they chatted a bit longer and then she went down to get the coffee and they talked some more. who the fuck talks and drinks coffee at 5 in the morning. i stood up on the bed and was sliding down the window just about to say DUDE SHE IS NOT GOING TO FUCK YOU DON'T YOU GET IT SHE WOULDN'T LET YOU IN AND SHE MADE ALL THIS EFFORT TO COME DOWN TO TALK TO YOU GO THE FUCK HOME ALREADY I AM TRYING TO SLEEP and so on. so finally they said bye and he got into his stupid little car and cried all the way home. that chick just turned 19 and is living down the hall until the end of august. thank god cos her doorway is a turnstile of different dudes daily and there's been all this destruction since she moved in.

wow i sound old and craggily.

today i had zero booze. yeah. but i've felt awfully fucking bored. i did four minutes of sit-ups. pffft. i watched pretty much ten hours worth of television straight-through and the movie cellular twice. also that movie called don't tempt me with penelope in it, what a hot bitch she is. i've been tip-toeing around clutching my finger and whispering "ow" to no one in particular. i think all this indoor time has made me loony because during fresh prince and that 70's show i would walk into the office and repeat to fil all of the parts that made me laugh except when i said them it wasn't in english and of course he did not laugh. anyway whatever i'm a friggin' comedic genius. this is the first non-booze day in a very long time. i can't believe i still have a functioning liver. i also watched austin powers. name anything on tv and i probably watched it today. i think i only blinked three times today. i am so wired i could stay up forever and ever. oh yeah we went on fil's bike to my house to steal food out of the freezer because we ran out of food stamps. ok bye. oh wait look at the unicorn orgy!

my left pointer finger is so totally fucking in pain and useless and now i can't pick my ear as maniacally as i want. it will probably need to be cut off and sold on ebay.

i'm actually pretty worried about it, the pain is pretty bad and it feels like my finger muscles are on fire and eating at my finger bone. last nite it didn't hurt because of the bucket of gasoline booze what was dinner that i consumed but now HOLY FUCK!

i have to do something about my drinking, not stop altogether (but i should) but definitely tone it down. this is what i drank last nite:

4 glasses of red wine, possibly 5

4 martinis, 2 ounces each

3 shots of gold

1 beer

1 vodka tonic




my head is retarded right now, i had some clever things to say but it hurts to think/type them out.



last nite i thought i was hotshit and was all over this picture but now i'm not so sure. my face looks weird. my dad was out with us last nite also. he's a lot of fun. he said i gained weight though. so i've decided to finally fucking lose some weight. yesterday i went through a bunch of photos from last summer and man i was skinny so i want to look like that again. once i've slimmed down enough i am going to reward myself with a tattoo.

i burnt the fuck out of my hands last nite while making chicken strips and cried like a stupid baby on the couch for an hour. i have third-degree burns. fil was laughing at me of course because he is an insensitive bastard.

listen to raymi and tony and fil talk nonsense.

today it is aimeeleminx's birthday.



happy birthday aimee. mwah. etc and so on.

here's what you do when you are having dinner with a bunch of people and there are several conversations going on around you but you aren't a part of any of them and you and one other person are the only ones not engaged in conversation and you know at any minute that person is going to start talking to you but you don't have anything to say, tilt your head back and forth from both conversations going on and act like you are already participating. it helps if you smile too. smiling is like talking for deaf people.

last nite, fil and i watched hide and seek and during a scary intense part fil leaned over quick and went BWAAAAAH! and it made me shoot beer everywhere out of my bottle like a champagne explosion and most of it got on him. fucker.

"it didn't sound like a plane to me... it sounded like a missile." Thank you Joe Nobody for giving me your expert opinion on what missile sounds like, because gas station superintendents are usually the best people to ask about the sonic signature of ballistic missile thrust.

here is something bitchy i did that i am proud of and shut up if you think it is mean.

on the way up to the cottage we stopped at a coffeeshop cos i had to pee and fil wanted a coffee and i was feeling pissy cos i just woke up after what seemed like immediately falling asleep so i am expecting to just dart right into the bathroom, get fil a coffee then get back on the road but no, some stupid girl wearing a gay bandana-printed white baseball hat backwards on her ugly head and her furry hairy necked gross boyfriend are standing in my way. ugly furry neck boyfriend (with glasses) had just come out of the men's single washroom and was blocking me access to it because he was talking to his girlfriend standing a foot away from him as loud as he possibly could so i was standing there thinking why isn't this bitch using the men's room and why does her boyfriend have furry neck hair? i waited two minutes and then i sighed extremely loudly and shoved the guy out of my way and went into the men's room and he said HOLY FUCK JEEZ and looked at me shocked and i said SHAVE YOUR NECK! and slammed the door.

drunk nerdy loser

V: so it turns out that man didn't create light.

M: it was woman.

V: no it was lightning.

M: oh, is that what you learned in your dyke course?