does looking at that make your head explode?

mine too.

we've been playing burnout 3 all day and watching oprah and taking turns crapping and walking around in our underwears, me fil and aimee, it is raining outside and the apartment is hot and womblike and i feel like never going outside again but then i change my mind. i feel stir crazy. i need a fucking job. i'm going to be a nude model for art students i think. they pay you cash and decently i hear. i feel dumber and dumber by the day. i made pretty much everything you can make in my cafepress account. maybe i'll get a lightswitch plate for every room and sexy pillows of my own stupid face. ick.

when we went to this karaoke party i didn't know a single person there so i acted as obnoxious as possible and these are some of the things that i said over the mic:

"i'm singing now, LOOK AT ME"

"excuse me where are you going i'm singiiiing."

"that was funny, i'm funny."

letmeonsurvivor

if ian gets on i will explode and be insanely jealousy though he would deserve it.

that dress is funny and makes my waist look gigantic.

anyway, this woman in england has been calling and i have missed all of her calls. she wants to interview me for this british film documentary about my pussy farting article. farticle. she found me when she was doing research for this piece on women's relationships with their vulva. i hope she flies me to england or something.

i went to look at that apartment and it was pretty decent but i don't think i will get it because i am not a nerdy student with glasses and bad hair. le sigh.

if you live in oakville and you're a douchebag loser you should go to this, there's actually no cover now and you might get free stuff.

reallysweetblog

i'm going to look at a new apartment today and i hope it isn't shitty cos the price is super decent and i won't have to have a roommate so ward can fuck off for not coming through but i kinda don't want to live with him anyway cos he has all these different asian girlfriends who already have boyfriends and babies and i dunno if that would work out anyway i have not paid my roommates one cent worth of bills ie internet phone and television because i dont have the internet in my room, i never use the phone or watch tv, fuck i am never even there so why should i pay? i said i would at least pay for tv and then leave it on everytime i left the apartment and when i got home at 4 in the morning turn it way up and then go to my room and pass out. heh.

there, as per request i made some pervy merchandise though they wouldn't let me have my beaver line showing unfortunately.

if i saw this dog in real life i would need an old fashioned fainting couch because it is so ridiculous!

this is sort of the story of the french hamburger what walks and talks. he doesn't have a name but he goes around saying oh la la quite a bit and also au secours when the alien stick man smells his hamburger fumes he becomes psychotically enraged and chases after french hamburger because he wants to eat him because he is the most delicious smelling hamburger in all of the land.

but he never catches french hamburger because french hamburger can run very very fast and all of the tiny creatures of the forest have hiding places for hamburger to duck into when he is fleeing.

when french hamburger runs it says FLEEEEE behind him and those running fast motion lines are there too like in cartoons and it is all very believable.

one day alien stickman came very very close to eating french hamburger, he was holding him in his hands and just about to take a bite out of his head when french hamburger said in the cutest tiniest french voice ever -

please doooo nut eet me for i am french hambuuurgur.

and then alien stickman said ok i won't eat you and he didn't.

the end.

so i tried sleeping on my stomache to make my uterus not backwards the other nite and i could only do it for ten minutes cos i started breathing too heavy and it was way too uncomfortable so i guess i'm stuck with a fucked up womb. after that weekend with those kids up north i don't think i want to have kids anyway and if they turned out anything short of perfect i would probably drown them or take off.

fil goes to the dentist every six months and i haven't been since i was 18. he says all my teeth are going to rot and fall out of my head and no one will love me and i said well nobody loves me now so whatever. being dramatic is fun.

yesterday on the patio with fil and another woman who talks a lot and is boring and doesn't make the conversation focus on me so i totally zoned out and thought of a short story idea that is pretty gay and i asked for a pen and she didn't have one and fil desperate for the woman to shut up asked me the idea and i said oh it's a story about this rich weird lady who lives all alone in this small town and she like has all this money and she buys a golf cart and drives it around town to buy groceries. best. story. idea. ever.

right now fil is pretending to be slash in the living room with his guitar and outside you can still hear all this shitty jazz music playing, i fucking swear after this weekend i never ever want to hear jazz music again, ever.

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