guess what I GOT WASTED LAST NITE WOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
i have to buy new shoes today and print out my story. i just want to wear my costume all day long and then everyday after that so i won't have to wear pants anymore and therefore be having to pull them down to pee and whatnot and then pulling them back up again, SO EXHAUSTING!
i want to see this movie.
ok last time i'm gonna say it, tomorrow is canzine from 1-7pm, go to it, i will be there. i will have a table and i will have art to sell and dear raymi books to sign and a limited number of copies of my second book yet to be in print - MARKETABLE DEPRESSION and i may or may not be wearing my spooooooky costume. so come and see me, don't be shy.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
i am the cat whisperer.
i just watched another terrible movie. monster-in-law.
i wish my job was recording commentary on dvds. i'd be all, "this is the scene that is NOT FUNNY."
"this is the part that you can fast forward through."
"this movie was fine the first time around when it was called meet the parents."
et set urr uh
while waiting for samir to show up at the stem two major hipsters walked in and sat in the boothe across from mine and i was like fuck it's so early, who knew hipsters existed at this hour.
samir and i went to see domino yesterday at the paramount and it is easily THE WORST film ever made. it just, i couldn't fucking believe it, it just wouldn't end! every cliche you can think of they put in that fucking movie. the guys from 90210 are innit and you do get to see kira naked so whatever, it's a good movie to blow off steam to but afterwards you are like, what the fuck was that?
then i ate the best goat cheese and red pepper wrap at cadillac lounge and screamed at samir, "i just canNOT talk to you." cos he was in a bad mood and was hating on everything though it was kinda funny.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
that's me and bizo. bizo is samir's cat. i crapped twice today and it was like explosive. we ate breakfast at the stem and our waitress was daft and i asked for sour cream 4 times and there wasn't any and i knew that she knew that there wasn't any but did she tell me? nooooooooooooo she did not.
i got angry.
i've been up since 5:30. terrible sleep last nite.
fil and i watched the fellowship of the ring for the 50th time because it is magical.
what the hell should i be for halloween, please help me decide. some kind of inanimate object.
don't forget to come see me at the gladstone this sunday for canzine i hope i am dressed like a ninja. some guy is coming all the way from savannah just to see me there so you fuckers in tdot who get lazy and don't come out like, zero excuses. plus noel will be there with five hundred 'zines and there's some sort of burlesque show happening. it goes from 1-7pm.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
so i'm like "boring lately"
i'm a friggin' alcoholic therefore unreliable in the not boring department.
if i am inspired to write or be mean here and there it's a miracle.
what do i get out of this blog other than grief and unhealthy compulsions and nasty comments on a regular basis. i'm not getting paid, i don't have a mansion and servants.
if i want to talk about knitting sweaters and playing megatouch that's my fucking business. if i want to feel ugly and not have pictures of my tits and dicks in my mouth for months on end then deal with it.
if i post ten hours of msn conversations of stuff that i say that i think is funny, deal with it.
you wouldn't go up to some person on the street and say to their face that they're boring or make fun of how they look, you'd sneak off home and comment anonymously on their blog.
i can't wait to someday somehow meet one of you anonymous people and, you know, punch you in the face.
cos i'm fucking stupid like that, i don't give a fuck.
mum if you comment one more time on my blog i'm taking down comments. i'd ban you but your ip changes everytime you go online.
jana made me that shirt.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
the new ipod plays movies and videos
yer gonna get it right
i don't know probably not
then you'll think i'm shallow and selfish
she thinks i'm shallow and selfish
that's why we're friends
i already think that
careful i'm sensitive too
no really i am
do u cry?
i'm crying right now
fil is really anal about parking his new car and i get annoyed and then he gets annoyed at my being annoyed and then we have to "talk about our feelings" and "discuss" shit.
anyway, last nite we drove around the block 4 times to find a spot that was suitable enough for fil to park and i sighed really loud the third loop we made and fil got all huffy and we were having a little bit of a spat, nothing really, anyway as we are getting out and about to give each other the silent treatment for the following half hour, all these tiny crabapples fall from the tree and PLONK plonk PLONKED onto his car as fil and i were looking across each other over the roof and i busted out laughing.
so then we had to move the car. obviously.
Monday, October 24, 2005
that boy washing dishes
in the back of the hall
every morn' he wishes
he didn't wake up at all
that man in the gutter
covered in hair
coughing and puking
a sight hard to bear
the woman in the window
bending right down
quite the reputation
all over town
the girl on the news
found in a field
wearing only socks
bleeding from the mouth
the cat in the tree
looking at the bird
tending to his babies
strangling a worm
that poor country
occupied for years
beheading all the tourists
no one really cares
yes i wrote it.
i should get people to carve my name in their pumpkins or something
and the winner gets to hang out with me and buy me stuff
gets to buy you stuff. lucky!
i'm going to a big gay art costume halloween party this saturday
i don't know what to be
be a banana
hmm, yeah, cool, great idea
i cant buy a dingy banana costume
rent one that's all worn out and dirty
ooh i know be a guy who was in a bicycle accident
are you doing anything? getting dressed up?
i have no idea what to be
i mite be a ninja but thats boring, we went to look for costumes yesterday but there were too many people around us and we got angry and left
yeh we're going to a couple parties
i went to a costume place yesterday too
it was mental
there was a guy directing "traffic" in and out of the store
i want a big furry costume, i dont want to be anything remotely sexy but i know last minute ill change my mind and dress like a total whore
women are fucked like that
deborah is gonna be that Daryl HAnnah character from blade runner
she wanted me to be another character from that movie, but i said no
fil destroyed one of my boots so i cant even integrate them into some sort of costume
how did he destroy them?
by stepping on the back of my heel
here's another totally hilarious thing that i said this weekend at boston pizza!
the waitress dumped like 20 creamers on our table with our coffees and later came back and asked if we wanted more coffee and as she was walking away i exclaimed to the entire bar CAN WE HAVE MORE CREAM TOO!? and she nods yes and i go I'M KIDDING and pointed to the pile of creamers and then everyone was like THAT WAS HA-LARIOUS and i was like I KNOW!
we were standing on the stoop outside the pub after four 15 year olds tried to get in to tie one on, they were wearing tutu's and mardi gras beads and everyone was like wtf?! so fil and i start taking the piss at them amongst ourselves and there is this man standing near us also and turns out he's the father of one of those girls meanwhile fil is saying OH I DON'T HAVE ANY BEADS BUT HOW ABOUT A PEARL NECKLACE?
we rescued a dog saturday nite, he was wandering around this neighborhood, limping, old-looking and confused and it was pissing rain so we called the humane society and i got out of the car and followed him around a bit to make sure he wouldn't run off and an hour late the humane society came and took him away. i knocked on a couple people's doors and one guy was all doiii i saw him wandering around earlier which really pissed me off, like fuck, this isn't even our neighborhood, YOU LIVE HERE AND YOU COULDN'T BE OUT HERE WITH THIS DOG YOURSELF!? instead he was sitting around his fucking livingroom watching tv and staring out the window at this poor dog and then being annoyed by our headlights through his window cos we're the ones dealing with it.
i fucking hate people.