so my family doesn't quite grasp the concept of SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY. my brother wrote DAD'S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY on his calendar and my dad went over there to shut off the water pipes to the hose in the backyard i guess and saw it so he pretty much knows about what's going on tonite but it'll be funny seeing his fake I AM SO SURPRISED RIGHT NOW face.
i told my brother that he was gonna have to call my dad and say that he can't make it and then my brother said WELL BUT I AM GOING! and i said I KNOW THAT BUT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO MAKE DAD THINK THAT YOU AREN'T and then when he gets home and sees you there he will be surprised. get it?
oh, oh right. he says.
for a present i wrapped up a bunch of VICE magazines that my dad hasn't seen yet.
Friday, November 25, 2005
so when i went to get my crazy pill 'script i had to wait forever and ever in the room so i played with every gadget on the wall and measured my calf's blood pressure and two days later it is still hurting. and then my doctor is like LET'S DO A PAP SMEAR! and i'm all YES TOTALLY! there wasn't even anything worth stealing either except for those long vagina q-tips. meh.
wha gwan raymi? me can come in? me gatt tunes and me gat words and me gat feelings. and dass al u need to be a star in barter town. and u is the brightest star in barter town, minxess. i was eating a hamburger the other day and I thought this tastes. not this tastes good. or this tastes bad. just, this tastes. and that was enough for me. enough to know i could still make my home in barter town.
you get meeeee.
i took comments down again and it's not cos of that ass-hat, i didn't even get to see what he wrote. i got use to not having them. they will be up again eventually. when blogs first started there weren't comments, not that i can remember anyway and also i didn't know anyone else who had a blog, not even tony pierce. he wasn't even blogging when i was. ha! anyway, it's strange to think of it now like, no one was around and so i could just write my own thing about my little pony and what happened in high school that day and no one really cared and i guess i kinda miss that anonymity, don't get me wrong of course i do enjoy the swollen-headedness of a bunch of daily readers et al though, i don't like being told what to post and what to write and then being criticised. i control this blog, i write about whatever and i don't need feedback on everything. people can email me for that, i like emails, i may even post them!
obviously people enjoy coming together and discussing shit here but there's always a few who go and ruin it for everyone and i get angrier and angrier each time it happens and i'm sorry. just give me some time to get over my pre-menstrual crazy pillness or something.
more coolness later.
last nite fil and i went to see the goblet of fire and i was bored ten seconds into it, must be the crazy pills, anyway, it was a stupid piece of crap. luckily sealbait has new videos.
midi and me
best acting ever. i like how this guy is suppose to be retarded but there's a snowboard and a humongous record collection behind him.
there's also some new ones here.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
look i don't want to be the next sylvia plath. buy my fucking book and you'll see, i even say "this isn't the bell jar." i didn't want a long pill discussion cos it's boring and redundant and takes up too much time to read. i just tried to write about the fact that we're "fucked up" in a funny lazy girls on the couch kind of way. anyway yeah hi comments are back. ain't it grand.
fil and i are moving soon and have we started packing? no. it doesn't matter so much for me cos all i have to do is throw my clothes into garbage bags because i am chris farley in tommy boy. i can't wait to go to ikea and buy retarded looking furniture and knick-knacks.
ok time to watch my stories.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
i have to go get more crazy pills today. i'm gonna ask for a 6 month script so i don't have to keep going every three months and then when i notice that i am running out i won't have week-long insomnia over it. maybe i should increase my miligrams cos i think it's to the point where they're just a pill that i take everyday otherwise i get severe shakes, nothing is actually happening in the anti-depression department though i am afraid i might go bonkers again if i increase the dosage. so it's either go bonkers or stay in the middle of happy and sad.
me and aimee are watching hotel rwanda, i've already seen it so it's like i am the expert although this hutu tutsi thing gets confusing cos we're trying to half a half-wit conversation about it but aimee just started effexor so it's like retard suicidal anxiety pillhead talking to someone who can only see the color grey in the world right now about a great big fucking injustice such as rwanda. did that make sense?
anyway i don't want a great big pill discussion in the comments.
Dear Raymi, I care about you and I'm not even religious. Being a drunk is all right. Being fond of yourself, while disliking yourself at the same time is also all right.
Don't worry - you're fine.
Now I have a friend who spent all his youth lifting weights. He didn't go to parties with us, had to stick to a special diet, couldn't ever hang out, and first and foremost, he had to practice. Lifting weights every single day. It took him seven years of abstinence, isolation and sweating, but he got to go to the Olympics. The week before he was flying to Australia (in 2000) to compete, he crashed his car and had to have his mangled left arm amputated. He wasn't all right after that.
Sometimes it's all right to have a mellow attitude towards ambition.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
band practise tonite and my throat is fucked. i started coughing out of nowhere and coughed my throat sore. i'm gonna see if there's any syrup to hallucinate on. i was spying through the peephole at the new sketchbag down the hall and he coughed and perhaps that's what triggered a coughing spasm of my own. the other nite some guy was honking like mental in front of the building and then screaming sketchbag's name at the top of his lungs in the alley. good times.
im depressed today and bored
fuck im so depressed today
i have received hardly any emails today
i hate that
yeah my phone was off all weekend and i didnt check emails so today i checked both
and had like
that makes me so sad
and angry at people
like they dont care
fuck them for real
i would take a bath but then i would just be sitting in the bath depressed
that was so emo
and you might slit your wrists
no i wouldnt do that
maybe i shouldnt have started drinking so much
today you mean?
no like ever
one of my good friends
has decided to go to NA
and now he like
basically told me we cant chill so much anymore
thats what they say to you when you go there, ditch all of your friends
you have to fill out these papers at the beginning of every meeting and say what yer triggers are
and people love it cos they can blame their friends
haha i know rights
i was like i dont have friends anymore so i dont have any triggers
i have a trigger
i was trying to think of something funnier than that but i got nothing
i just watched all the real girls and was worried i would be thoroughly depressed upon it being over but it ended ok so i feel fine.
since finishing my book i feel kind of deflated like i don't know what to do with myself now, i'm suppose to be working on a script, a movie about a character named raymi, no matter how hard i try i always end up having to write about myself or of a character that is like me, i don't know what i'm saying well, after awhile it makes me feel like i am the only person in the world that there is to write about and i know that sounds pretty vain and whatever, shut up.
you can never outrun yourself i guess.
i kind of feel like quitting blogging for awhile 'cos i feel like there is nothing left to say and people are worried about my drinking and that's what i write about every other day anyhow, i'm slowly weaning off it and i've discovered now that i have insomnia which really sucks.
sometimes i just want to float away.
Monday, November 21, 2005
meet sabrina. she has massive fuckin' tits so i asked her about them.
1. how old were you when your tits started growing,
how did it affect you in school, were you popular cos
of it, ashamed?
I was in 5th grade which means I was like 10 years
old. I went from an A cup to a B cup relatively
quick. It didn't really effect me in any way that I
can conceive. I used to beat a lot of people up. I
wouldn't call myself a bully as much as a pain in the
ass. I used to sit in class and take off my bra while
Mrs. Colquitt, the dumb fucking whore, was teaching.
I sat in the back of the room with the bad boys. I
would take my bra off and put it in my back pack. No
one ever noticed, if they did they never said anything
because I would probably pound the hell out of them.
In a non-sexual way, of course. Later on a dragon
flew out of my mouth and I gained the gift of AWESOME
from an Orchid that I had to put my finger in. That
is symbolic for like putting your finger in a vagina.
My vagina. Put your finger in my fucking vagina.
2. what is your actual breast size?
My actual breast size is kinda unknown. I wear a 38
dd bra. I wear it because a ddd is too lame to
find, and when you do find it the bras all look like a
fat ugly grandma should be wearing them.
3. does your back hurt?
I broke my neck when I was 19 my body got mangled in a
car accident. My back always hurts. I can't actually
blame it on my teets, but I bet they do not help a bad
situation get worse.
4. have you considered breast reduction?
I have considered a breast reduction, but then I also
considered how fucking ugly those scars are and my
breasts are far too awesome to mangle with a goddamn
spear, or knife or pair of scissors or whatever the
fuck they would use. I have nice boobs, they are
aesthetically correct and look nice when I am naked.
The nipples are not too big or too ugly. They are
pierced. They can shoot an automatic weapon. They
have had sex with your mom. And they know kung-fu.
Seriously, why would I want to hack them up when they
are that AWESOME?
5. how do you feel about having big boobs? love it,
It's not that I have big boobs. It's that I have the
biggest boobs in a 2000 mile radius. Everyone has a
comment to make about them, and they always act like
it is so fucking original. I stab these people in the
eye. On Tuesdays I carry a bear trap in between my
giant flops of skin. One time I was in my friend's
car and we were drinking Jack Daniels(tm) in the back
seat. The driver got pulled over and I hid the entire
40oz in between my boobies. Just shoved the mother
fucker right down in between there. He did not have
to pass go, or collect two hundred dollars. I could
probably smuggle a glock into an elementary school
that way. So far I have avoided jail time. If you
are not impressed by now I hope you turn into a
6. what do you do when drunk losers say stupid shit to
you in bars about your tits or whatever else, how do u
handle it, does it get on your nerves?
There will always be drunk losers at bars. There will
always be Sabrina at bars. That is how it works at
bars. Usually, they try to talk to me and I tell them
things like I just ate a baby or I only have sex
with small Chinese boys named Chuck Norris. This
usually keeps them at bay. If they persist it means
they are going to get pounded by myself or one of my
friends. Usually, I am too drunk to care that anyone
could be making a comment about my glorious titties.
My sister says that I cannot call my boobs titties
because they are too big to be titties. Titties are
for cute smallish boobies and not massive,
zip-locked bags of fat stapled to my chest. We love
her dearly because she can shoot the apple off the
head of a midget with acute accuracy after doing 21
shots of Tuaca(tm). Sometimes at bars I put my drink
in between my breasts so I can sneak drinks outside.
I am a sneaker like that. Sometimes I pretend I am
Mariah Carey and let homeless dudes suck on them. Ok,
I don't, but Mariah Carey does. I swear.
7. any funny stories to share, embarassing stories.
have you ever totally lost it on someone?
I have lost it on a lot of people. I mean, I am
volatile. I am Sicilian. I am crazy. And on top
of it all I have a pair of the most gigant knockers
one can purchase for the mere price of your human
soul. Many a man has sold his soul to me in exchange
for a simple glance of the AWESOME. My sister used to
punch me in them and scream, I am giving you a
tumor! I am currently waiting for said tumor. When
I get it, I will have my sister roundhouse kick the
shit out of it until it goes away. Friday, I was at
the Standard Downtown in Los Angeles and some lesbo
kept rubbing my ass while I was trying to pass out in
the waterbed pods. When she would not lay off I
ordered another drink. She followed me and grabbed my
teet. Had she not looked like my friend's dad in the
face it might have been a nice memory. But she was
ugly like a piece of poop. So I told her, You are
ugly like poop. Then I threw back my shot of Jager
and spit on her. Ok, I didn't spit on her, but I
threw back that shot of Jager because I am a pro like
8. are your friends jealous?
I don't have too many female friends because womens
are lame. Gia and Christen are my day-to-day chick
friends. Gia is my sister and she has biggish
boobs. Not as big as mine though. Christen has
biggish titties also. Apparently, we scare off the
flat chested, it's a shame really. My duder friends do
not seem to mind my tits. They call me Big Boobs
McGee I get a lot of free drinks. Not because of my
stellar personality or my tenacious wit, but because
of my boobs. This is why I am a drunk.
9. do you get approached often?
10. if you could have small breasts for a year would
you do it?
I like little titties. I guess I could try it for a
year. Why not? If it was really horrible I could
just kill myself. Right?
Also, you might want to add that I plan to make my
breast internet lore kinda like brian peppers and
that fag that dresses up like peter pan.
i'm trying to get through pumpkin right now, but it's pretty terrible in a so fucking boring sort of way. last nite at the movie store i said to fil hey should we rent pumpkin and he said what is it a movie about her (christina ricci) head?
i showed up at my old apartment to get some mail and this new tenant didn't believe that i actually use to live there, my cousin is never there so i had to dig through piles and piles of mail for mine and i still didn't find what i was looking for, so. pissed. off.
i don't have much to say these days other than extremely negative things -> bad mood.
i made fil watch water world last nite and he did not enjoy it so much but i did. i think i might put comments back up. last nite at the movie store this girlhag came in, the same one who put her friend's phone number in fil's back pocket last winter that i screamed HE'S MY BOYFRIEND SO FUCK OFF! at, anyway she walks into the movie store talking on her cellfone super loud and my blood pressure and rageahol started to rise, her dog pisses on the floor and she is wearing an entire bottle of perfume and she made this big deal out of talking to the movie store guy like excuse me everyone in the store, i know this guy personally, i just want you to know that.
urge to kill rising.