last nite i was brutally bitchy to fil and samir cos they were taking their jolly gay time in turning up to the mod club while i was ho ho ho-ing it up but then i got unmean once we left and i got paid and we went to sharpie's and got mentally retarded and took turns showing our dance moves. more pictures later.

ok someone who is po told me to make a contest to win a free MD book off me so i decided what the contest is, design me a business card - make it say raymitheminx.com on it and also my email addy. raymitheminx@gmail.com and then put it on a zip disk or something i dunno. make some cool graphics and a drawing of me or whatever you want, make it cool so when i hand it out to people they will think that i am a coolness machine from the future and not an embarassing drunk.

wow now i just made myself super nervous and i have to stress-crap city. i was in the bath and i farted really loud and it vibrated the entire building and i think people heard it in outerspace. the lady next store certainly did cos she stopped whatever it was she was doing like out of shockedness. whatever, when she orgasms herself she sounds like a cow.

i can't decide whether to wear heels tonite or my big black santa boots, i guess the boots are easier and go with the whole santa vibe but heels are sluttier, no? i don't really know how to rock heels so much anymore, ok i do but i walk EXTREMELY slow and it's like i had a make-over when i wear them cos i'm all awkward and gay and then i get really fidgety and nervous and drink far too much and then start doing the I AM THE MOST OBNOXIOUS PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE routine.

and in my head when i am speaking i think that i sound like: e=mc squared, ten to the power of 10 and pi is 3.14 bla bla calculator excelsior interface c++ 101110010 111 0101 110 101010 1

but really i sound like this: SCRAGGILY RAAAAAAAAAH ARGG BLURRRRRRRG SnoOOOOOT snot frrrrap sdglrekiY(*^*&$65c ytgcjn

so maybe i should just wear the boots. though i know i will get more loaded in them because i have more courage and i am less likely to fall down some stairs out the window and into the street.

last nite i asked the sketchbag down the hall and his buddy who were talking loudly in the alley for a half hour to talk somewhere else and i didn't even say it in a bitchy way and they apologized in that paranoid just smoked a joint didn't realise we were yelling type way. i found a ms. claus costume yesterday for this, phew. i also got fil's bday gift. we rented last days, that kurt cobain movie by the guy who also did elephant and it was CRAP.

i mean, it's perfectly fine if you want to feel sketchy and depressed and uncomfortable for 1 hour and 36 minutes, whatever.

before we watched it fil was in one of his moods and i was all hey man just disappear into this movie for a couple hours it'll be fiiiine and turns out the movie is like the epitome of i thought i wanted to OD on painkillers before but now i just want to set myself on fire.

that is all.

Lauren -

I just bought ten copies of your book because all your friends are cheap-assed homos.

- Willheim

6 cavities. i have to go back next week. they're gonna shave down one of my front teeth cos it is longer than the other. my dentist was really nice now i feel bad for shit-talking him. he asked if my book was in chapters. heh.

Holy Shit Raymi,

Chelsea Charms shows up on your blog, i'm totally fucking weirded out.

We met Chelsea in Melbourne, FL while I was in college...heres the picture:


Ha! Enjoy

jeremy

hey beautiful,

i just wanted to tell you how much i like your book. its brevity belies the enormity of its subject matter which is what great writing is all about--saying really big things with as few words as possible.

i like the art too...

i don't know why you didn't get it published by some crazy corporate house for a buncha bucks, but im sure u have your reasons.

anyways, i hope i can get it signed by you someday soon. this one time i wrote on my blog how u are the only ferreal star i've ever met...and that was back when u were kinda zonked out and in a bad place, but you were still shining so bright and beautiful and bigger than life.

take care

xo

true

here is an impression of me when i am blasted obliterated busticated retardicated and decide to pick up strange cats and make them let me squeeze them with my love.



i can't drink so much anymore cos i get wrecked a lot easier by upping my crazy pill dosage which is a shame cos i really enjoy drinking, like, a lot. i dunno if you knew that already. anyway, i am having insomnia cos of it. i go to bed thinking i am buzzed enough and watch futurama and family guy and then i realise i am not drunk and then i can't sleep.

anyway here is a profound line that i dreamed of last nite. there are two sketchy guys who are in a fight and one says to the other,

"we are both standing beside each other swaying, however YOU sway in the opposite direction of me."

maybe it was as me and maybe it was leaning instead of swaying either way i am a poetic genius subconsciously like an old crotchety chinese guy who says cool shit every ten seconds, chinese proverbs or whatever.

totally zen.

raymi i'll buy a book when my horsehater.blogspot.com cafepress account gets back up to 20 bucks -- i just got a check from them so it went back to 0

jamie gave me one of his books for free because he is a WAY better blog friend than you.

hey -- i got a great marketing idea, -- you should post reminding
people to buy your book every five minutes. wait. you already do that.

sincerely,

martha stewart


you are a fuckhead
i only have one copy of my book so far cos none of my cafe cash has cleared yet
i cant help it if my lifes work is in a book and no one cares as much as i do
which girl showed u my blog
maybe she should be my friend instead
why dont u and jamie gay off together til the end of the world

last nite i had nightmares about my front teeth being smashed out and i looked like a terrible hick and i think it's cos i am going to the dentist for a cleaning for the first time since i was 18, almost 5 years. i'm scared. my dentist is mean. he gets really disappointed when i have cavities and i know i will have at least ten and one of my fillings fell out a long time agao and i didn't say anything about it so he'll be pissed about it but i'll be all whatever dude YOU are the one who put it in there, maybe you should be re-considering your dentistry skills instead of coming down on some girl who hasn't seen you in five years BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

uh?

guess what world there is free shipping over at cafepress and it ends december 6th so when you order my book just mark it as a gift and you won't have to pay shipping. i just realised this now though, sorry everyone else.

three seconds into practise i spilled red wine all over my white hoodie and it got in my hair, all over my face and in my RIGHT EYE ON MY EYEBALL WTF!?! it fucking hurt dude!

that is all.

oh ps somehow i got more in my left eye just now.

Dear Raymi,

When I first went to your blog I wanted to play you in a movie. I wanted to wear ties with saints on them and dye my hair black and be in a band and drink gin and be all witty and tempestuous like you are. I don't think I could ever actually do it though because I always end up screwing up characters and they end up completely like me, and I don't drink gin and take naked pictures of myself and I'm just not witty so it just wouldn't work.
So maybe you should do a movie one day, I mean, I'm not saying that you should, I'm just saying I could see it being really good. I can imagine it being all indie and sort of pretentious. But pretty, with lots of shots of dandelions swaying in fast forward and broken grocery carts in ditches and kids laughing and maybe there would be something sad like a dead rabbit on the side of the road and an 'OPEN' sign with the E burnt out. At least that's what I see in you.
I don't know.

-Kris

so i'm gonna be a slutty ms. claus this friday at the mod club. wheee. come and see me and all these other people:

The Andy Kim Christmas Show
w/ Ron Sexsmith, Shaye, Andy Stochansky, Danny Michel, Esthero, Haydain Neale of Jacksoul, The Hidden Cameras and Jully Black

December 2nd, 2005 at Mod Club in Toronto.

4-10pm

ps. dude from the santa claus parade will be the santa at this event. sweet.

SANTA!!!!! I KNOW HIM!

Oh Rodger Dodger, what have you said this time... says:

how are you these days?

raymi says:

fat

dear raymi,

i bought marketable depression today because i've been enjoying your
blog for over a year now and that comes out to about two bucks a
month. this makes me feel like a cheap bastard.

even more so, i cant imagine being able to write about all of the
nonsense in my life and then being able to share that with others.
this takes courage and my little purchase celebrates that.

jeffcarter

ok so i bumped the price down to $18.25 for all of your holiday shopping whatever. hey why don't you like totally do a nice thing and buy my book already? there's a good possibility that you are shit-talked in it and it's like only a book about my real life and all the bad things that have ever happened to me, it only like, brought me to my knees writing it, what with dealing with the demons and pain of my past and everything, like FUCK!

ps you are not allowed to email me and give me a song and dance about poverty and credit cards.

so fil and i watched the hulk last nite, fil hadn't seen it before so of course i had to tell him about stuff that was going to happen before it happened and he got super pissed at me and asked me if i was retarded or at least half retarded.

yes i am i said.



which is it? he asked.

it doesn't matter i said, either way i am at least partly retarded.

i just can't help giving away information during movies. during a beautiful mind i was so manic and uppity my ex-boyfriend practically strangled me and threw me against the wall cos i couldn't shut up but that is an extreme example.

so yesterday at the coffeeshop i heard one of the girls say that she has a crush on one of the customers and she kind of looked my way when she said it and for some stupid reason i really hoped that she meant me and i don't know why.

then i thought about it some more today and went over there dressed like a dirty old man complete with beige trenchcoat-like jacket and humongous lawn-mower sunglasses and the girl got all shy and stammery and couldn't even look at me.

then i thought fuck it, it's probably fil she lusts for.

pandora is great

thanks.

btw.

average cost per page of new york times best sellers --- 2 cents

cost per page of Marketable Depression - 21 cents

maybe you should rename it "Mark-It-Way-The-Fuck-Up-able Depression"

ha ha.

freak.

merkley???

yeh well i only get half of 19.75
fine ill drop it a dollar
fuck you and buy it and then rave about it
im not trying to hype it up or anything i just know u will like it
its an actual book not some farty blog post fantasy crap

watched the shittiest soft-core porn last nite. anyway.

fil says: don't put my towel on the floor. now it smells like floor.

then i said something that was very amusing and he told me to fuck off so i went back to sleep. i wish i could write it here, maybe i will email him and ask if i can.

he left me an old school nickel that looks like a quarter i wonder if i can pass it off as such at the coffeeshop.

i am experiencing chest pains.

this is fantastic pandora.com

fil and i saw just friends last nite. it is a funny movie and worth seeing. you will laugh a lot. the best part is when the mom goes, "oh she went off with mr. lee" and the friend of ryan reynolds goes, "the dry cleaner?"

raymi says:

so i have a tacky lip piercing now

nick noel t says:

yeah, we're all wondering about that

raymi says:

why wondering about it

raymi says:

im emo!

nick noel t says:

emo ten years ago emo?

raymi says:

maybe

raymi says:

do u think i am emo?

raymi says:

am i too cool for that

nick noel t says:

anyway, im sure you'll take it out, when you're ready!

raymi says:

NO WAY

nick noel t says:

..when youre ready, when youre ready..

raymi says:

im gonna get a stud or something

raymi says:

so it looks like i have a silver ball beauty mark

raymi says:

so believable!

nick noel t says:

let me make a little preserved piece of food you can mount on the stud

raymi says:

haa

nick noel t says:

half a dorito chip

nick noel t says:

crust from bread

raymi says:

something identifiable at least

raymi says:

maybe a raisin

so my book came today and i just read it all and it is the best book that i have read in a very long time because it took me less than half an hour, though maybe more, i forget, anyway, you should buy it because if you care about knowing the real me you will dig it. this is what is in the book:

-shitty drawings
-violence
-drugs
-alcohol
-sex
-sadness
-humour
-three short stories
-clever one-liners

it is definitely of the moment and you will quickly be engrossed with/by it.

today it is my dad's actual birthday and he is giving me cut-eye because i am always saying things that are HALARIOUS! anyway dad you are the best. xo.

i <3 you raymi and i love to hear about what movies you watched and who you outdrank and who you hate on survivor and what flava chips you ate and about the cats and fil and what bar you played megatouch in and what projects you are working on like what book or movie or drawing and who you zinged and who you spied on and what new haircut you are sporting and you always have interesting stuff to say and if you need to take a break maybe its cuz you blog all the live long day and so you need to revamp and recharge and i can understand that and respect that as long as you promise to come back because you cant leave us all hanging on wondering what is going on. i would email you more if you blogged less if that makes any sense. and i hope you wouldnt get mad at me for it or hold it against me but if you didnt ever reply or replied to one in ten i might stop sending them and get the hint too.

xo.
steph

last nite i forgot my id so i didn't get a booze wristband but i drank anyway and we didn't make it to the other concert at lee's cos for some reason ours took ten years to come out. i don't like standing and waiting, and no matter what show i'm at i want it to be over about 4 songs into the set, except for arcade fire and MG. anyway waiting for the douche bag with the big furry russian hat to finish his time-filler set fil and i played the alphabet game make an animal sound of an animal with a name that begins with whichever letter of the alphabet you are on. i am good at making alligator sounds and manta ray impressions i think.

i am rocking that white bandage on my face because i have a huge crater that i keep picking at and it's too fucked up looking to cover with make-up.

I'M STARVING!