i'm gonna see how many times i can post before we leave. last nite i had an 8.50 eggnogtini. it tasted like rum with a dash of bland egg juice and a sprinkle of whatever the hell that stuff is nutmeg yeah. it wasn't worth it and fil said we had to walk home cos of it which turned into a yelling match from the market all the way to college and spadina, he wanted to walk and i was lazy and cold and not feeling it, i think lots of people saw us too but it wasn't malicious yelling it was drunken slurry smiling yelling where you are unable to manipulate the situation to your favor so i walked to spadina with him and the first cab that came by i jumped in it, well it was going to bank a right and i started flicking the handle repetitively until the dude unlocked the door and i saw a toonie on the ground, pocketed it, turned to fil and said GET IN and he did but he still wanted a walkies once we got back so i went up and made mackerel unngh that word is hard, fish and blue cheese crackers and he called my cel and was trying to be all sly and asked what i was doing and i knew he would be standing in the park spying on me but i played along and was all WHY PHIL!? and he was leaning on a tree like a perv.

for the record fil considers me to be fully brain-damaged. he walked past the couch when i was sitting and writing in a spiralbound notebook meow meow meow meow meow over and over and he was kind of weirded out so i had to explain the meows then i tried to write a song but it turned into something like RUSH lyrics according to fil so i got super mad and discouraged so now i am reading blogs and farting.

i am bored. we are not going out until the hockey game is over. more like the BORING game. fil and i are snapping at each other because we have been in the same room together for too many hours in a row and then we have snap attacks over who was actually snapping at whom and trying to justify the attitude in our voices. i am also pre-menses and fil ate half a thing of ice cream so maybe he is pregnant i think.

i like/hate when people are all SEE YOU NEXT YEAR cos i think WHY DO YOU HATE ME THAT'S A LONG TIME FROM NOW and they're like DON'T YOU GET IT SILLY!? and i am like oh yeah i get it DIE ASSHOLE!

we went grocery shopping after the liquor store and i went up to use the bathrooms and some little blond pixie girl was standing on the stairs whistling down at some employees and going BEEP BEEP beep BEEp BEEP bEEP. i wish she was my friend.

one time i was waiting for the streetcar and a bunch of kindergardners and their teacher came by holding hands and they were all going meow meow meow meow meow meow so i started meowing along with them.

this little girl told me once that the sun follows her because she is special and i said ME TOO!

i am partially brain-damaged.

happy new year.

peace out.

valentine's day is just around the corner folks. scroll through for other products with this loving graphic.

woah. bad coincidence.

i am trying to find a nice wholesome photo for a new background picture. i type in "champagne" in a google image search and found this.

i want like a hundred of them!

phil finally downloaded messenger to his laptop and i updated my version finally so we can communicate without having to open our mouths in the same room. so far all we have been doing is using the drawing tool and sending each other penis drawings and writing DIARRHEA and FAG and PURE FAG and pussy drawings. ok mostly i have but whatever i love technology!

i think we witnessed a drug deal in the park beside our building last nite, we watched for awhile then decided to give those sketchbags some privacy, what with them knowing where we live ET AL. my cooking was a success! then we went to paramount to see Narnia and yes a family sitting behind us each took turns kicking the back of my chair and eating loudly and coughing and talking and i waited 'til about 3/4 through the film before i turned around and asked them to stop kicking the back of my chair and they all pretended they didn't hear me and kept looking at the screen so when i turned back around they kicked my chair all over again. luckily the movie ended shortly after and they all skidaddled the f out of there.

raymi: i almost destroyed an entire family just then.

fil: mm hmm.

raymi: < long tirade about every single annoying thing the family did >

fil: < pity laugh >

i'm cooknig dinner tonite. it is going to be garlic butter shrimp with glass noodles and other stuff and fish and tomatoes and cheese on crackers for an apertif and lots of red wine and fil doesn't know this yet but i'm getting him a SWIFFER for a belated xmas gift!

everytime i get up out of my seat, cid thinks i am going to feed him and i am like ha ha loser i'm getting a glass of water. and then he's all yeah well i'm gonna open this closet door by sticking my paw under it and pulling TAKE THAT! and i'm all pffffft and walk to the kitchen and cid follows me and i turn around then point in his face and yell SUCKER, NOW I'M MAKING ESPRESSO!

i think he knows i'm writing about him right now cos he just made a bunch of destroying the earth noises behind me.

like fuck cat i am not here to tend to your every whim. it may not look it but i have a life and you can scream-meow at me all you want it will not make me feed you any faster and you can sit as far away as you like and then every 30 seconds move a foot closer like you are stalking me or a derranged lunatic in a psycho thriller I AM BLOGGING RIGHT NOW YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH!

our neighbour to the right decided to learn how to play the acoustic guitar at two in the morning. i punched the wall a few times and nothing. so i thought maybe someone passed out to a DVD menu cos the same shitty music kept playing over and over again then i got really really pissed off thinking how fucking inconsiderate so i got some toilet paper, scrunched it up and shoved it in my ears and slammed a pillow over my head and turned the tv on and eventually passed out and woke up with all these tiny bits of toilet paper all over me.

the point of this is, i have extremely sensitive ears. i have to watch tv with the volume way up however, when it's silent all around me i can hear someone's watch ticking or an old lady threading her needle or someone's nose whistling and to be frank IT MAKES MY HAIR IGNITE AND THE TOP MY HEAD BURST INTO FLAMES WHEN I HEAR LITTLE SOUNDS while a jet engine or pots and pans falling down the stairs i can tune out no problem.

wtf!?

samir came over all depressed and mopey and cid cuddled with him for awhile then samir blew in his face and cid pulled his head back from samir's super fast and fucking hit him in the face with his left paw! it was hilarious. samir's all HE FUCKIN' SLAPPED ME!!!

2005 year in review.

i turned 22 fil turned 31.

i went to the dentist for the first time since i was 18.

we moved to toronto.

we saw a lot of concerts.

i gained some weight.

we went to the cottage a alot.

we made fast friends with the goods and slept on their couch in vancouver for a week.

i published two books and had a table at canzine.

drank a lot.

i met fil's dad.

i dyed my hair blond and dark brown and cut it myself and made it black again.

jamie came to visit and we went to the ROM.



i rented my cousin's room in lil italy and stayed there maybe 3 nites a month for three months and it wasn't at all worth it.

fil and i joined my dad's band that we still dont have a name for.

fil and i watched lord of the rings 8 times.

met lots of other nice people.

went to the science center.

crapped my pants twice, fil once.

bought a new shower curtain.

met k-os.

watched lots of VOD.

got paid a hundred bucks to dress like slutty ms. claus.

saw a bear in the woods.

made fun of a lot of people.

wrote on my blog.

.....

i love midi. she just got her period. for real. her head is smaller than a tennis ball and her legs can fit in a sock. we have never met but i know when we do we will be best friends.

adidas 2 stripe says:

raytown

raymi says:

hi

adidas 2 stripe says:

how are you

raymi says:

stupid

adidas 2 stripe says:

why

raymi says:

no reason

raymi says:

what did u get for xmas

adidas 2 stripe says:

a flask and a small grill

adidas 2 stripe says:

you

raymi says:

pants

raymi says:

uhh

raymi says:

shoes

adidas 2 stripe says:

didnt your fans get you anything

adidas 2 stripe says:

cars & yachts

raymi says:

no the useless pieces of shits

adidas 2 stripe says:

whats fags

adidas 2 stripe says:

what?

adidas 2 stripe says:

fags

adidas 2 stripe says:

i meant

fil returned the shoes and got a full refund and that woman is going to get in shit when fil calls back with a description of her. he said that we would've been more than happy to re-order shoes via their shoppe but his girlfriend called him up in tears over how rude this woman was and the manager's face went pale and she apologized profusely.

revenge is a dish better served cold i suppose.

merkley??? says:

i like to tell people what to do -- did you notice?

raymi says:

yes

raymi says:

lets talk about how good my blog is

merkley??? says:

surprise

merkley??? says:

one thing i think about your blog is this:

merkley??? says:

people keep saying they like it because it's so honest and whatnot

merkley??? says:

i think it's interesting because of what you withold

raymi says:

what am i witholding

merkley??? says:

thats why people keep coming back

merkley??? says:

not so much informationally

merkley??? says:

but funny people have a different way of protecting themselves

raymi says:

what theyre waiting for some new buttload of gossip?

merkley??? says:

the humor

raymi says:

exactly

merkley??? says:

leaves just enough mystery

raymi says:

but i am not holding anything back

raymi says:

i think ive given all i can give

merkley??? says:

those might not be the right words

raymi says:

i talked about shitting my pants about going crazy about drinking about crying and theres suppose to be more?!?!

raymi says:

i was trying to be dramatic



merkley??? says:

yeah i was definitely using the wrong words

raymi says:

u know how celebrities go you think you know me but you dont? well in my case they do so fuck off and stop demanding more

merkley??? says:

when there is mystery, what causes it?

raymi says:

manipulation

raymi says:

is there a mystery to me?

merkley??? says:

well

merkley??? says:

of course

merkley??? says:

ok

merkley??? says:

if people knew EVERYTHING about you they wouldnt come back

raymi says:

well they know everything up to an hour ago

merkley??? says:

but there is enough mystery that people want to know more

raymi says:

like what!??! how many hairs i have in my anus?

ok so i don't have lock jaw or beard cooties in my mouth, my wisdom teeth are growing and that's fine et al but they don't have to be growing like razor sharp into the side of my mouth holy shit!

fil said i am not allowed to use the espresso machine without reading the instructions first but i don't like reading things that aren't blogs so maybe i will just wing it.

i will update in the event of burning down the building or setting my hands on fire.

ok i realise they're just going to ask me if i am voting this year and give me some paper to write the letter 'x' on? i haven't voted before but only because my envelope was at my other house and i was too busy smoking pot to go and get it.

fil can you email me how to use the espresso machine?

so far in our building i have seen four men who resemble woody allen.

elections canada just came to the door and i was only wearing underwear and a shirt and my hair and make-up was all over the place and cid bolted out the door the second i opened it and both the women's faces were in total shock like THIS CRAZZY PANTS LIVES HERE!? so i'm all let me put some pants on then fetched cid and asked if they could come back later and they're all uhh welll and i'm thinking IF THIS IS FOR THE CONSERVATIVE PARTY I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND so they'll be back in an hour. i spied an envelope in the neighbour's doorjamb and wished they could've just left me one instead of giving me a long speech but no, feh. maybe i'll actually learn something. i'm gonna google elections canada RIGHT NOW!

YAY we have the internet at home! now i don't have to go to that internet place anymore. now we are going to watch a scary movie that i will crap my pants to. it is called high tension though i don't think i will be that scared because it is subtitled and reading makes things less scary. it's french. it better be good sean!

i've been having terrorist dreams lately i dunno why. i wake up sweaty and smelly and angry and on-edge.

today i worked out in the i will probably be raped work out room.

beep beep.

last nite fil and i played buzztime which is an alternative to NTN. i opened my big trap and said HEY LETS BET STUFF! so i wagered the hat i had purchased less than an hour previous and fil wagered my 20 dollar book store certificate which i said he could have cos i've been sir mooch-a-lot the last little while. anyway, i fucking lost BIG-TIME! i didn't even get to see what i looked like in that hat in the mirror.



so then we played again for our new razor blades but i gave up quick-time when samir called and moaned I NEED TO GET DRUNK so we met him at the bar around the corner and he told us about his snowboarding day with sharpie. sharpie met up with us and we went elsewhere for one more and yes fil was wearing his new fucking hat.



we're at the bar and i see this dude sitting there with his pal and i said to sharp fil and samir HEY DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE TOM ARNOLD and he sort of did, everyone agreed so i'm like DARE ME TO GO OVER AND ASK FOR HIS AUTOGRAPH!? everyone said NO but i did it anyway and once i saw the other half of his face i was like EEEEP totally SO NOT tom arnold. i felt very embarassed for myself.



then we discussed how everyone is all politcally correct about saying merrry xmas or happy holidays and i turned into obnoxiouslor and was all WHATEVER THAT'S SO BORING THAT'S LIKE BLOGGING ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS I THINK THAT SHIT IS ALL IN THE COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS BY NOW SHUT UP ALREADY.