hey dude thanks for shafting us with the tab!

ok i found the video of that woman with the poodle people working, fucking strange. here it is. noel says it is ancient. whatever noel.

this is my stepbrother Perry, we like to joke around a lot and stuff.

comment you ungrateful fuckskags. i've only posted 7 times since 9 am holy f.

so this weekend we get to see the goods and kenny and as it turns out they are in town for the exact same reason, same show, hahaha! the hour with george strombopoosnuffalupakis. ps. i totally have the hots for him i just LOVE it when he puts his hands in his pockets totally neat idea george! pps. don't tell fil.

so fil be buggin' me about writing song lyrics and i finally do it and they turn out to be the WORST lyrics ever. so here they are. i will caps lock them for effect.

TEN DAYS OVERTHROWN
THE CITY, THE TOWN,
THE LOCALS OUTGROWN
THE COBBLESTONES BLANKETED
WITH CHILDREN, WITH FEAR
THE ELDERS ALL SCREAMING
THE END IT IS NEAR
FIRE FROM WINDOWS
AND GLASS ALL AROUND
THE STREETS ARE A BUSTLE
WITH MEN FIRING ROUNDS
ONE WOMAN A WIDOW
BEFORE HER MAN'S OUT THE DOOR
PULLED BY HIS FEET
HIS NAILS CLAWING
AT THE FLOOR

i stopped there cos i was pretty impressed with myself so i read them to fil and he was the opposite of impressed. i pictured some kind of sing-songy arts and crafts too doo loo thing to go with it but now all i can think of is the lord of the rings and joan of arc so fuck it.

feel free to stop reading my blog anytime now.

mom says:

did a head count for nana's party on sunday

mom says:

just family

mom says:

they go to florida for 9 weeks

mom says:

could be their last holiday

raymi says:

stop guilting me you've been saying they're gonna die for the last ten years

mom says:

75 is a big bday

mom says:

my girlfriends their dads are dying and it's sad

mom says:

Angies dad is dying, she said she wishes she can turn back time

raymi says:

these are YOUR parents not mine don't project your turn back time wishes onto me

mom says:

these are your only alive grandparents Im not projecting trying to just open your mind

mom says:

I miss my fucking grandfather kerouac

raymi says:

uh grandma is still alive

mom says:

shes cooky

raymi says:

fine me too im just saying stop saying they're going to die any second now

raymi says:

you are so disrespectful

raymi says:

she's still alive

mom says:

75 is a big b-day my mom tells me everytime I see her that they are about to die and then she has huge coughing fits

raymi says:

guilt city

raymi says:

why don't you call her bluff and say DIE ALREADY MOM

mom says:

she starts coughing out a lung

raymi says:

follow it up with what does it matter not like you have any money for me in yer will

mom says:

omg and then I would have to deal with "THE WRATH OF EILEEN" for the rest of my days

mom says:

not worth it with her

mom says:

so is that why you ignore me, cause I dont have enough celebrity or $$ in my will?

raymi says:

no

raymi says:

it's cos you are ANNOYING

raymi says:

and i don't ignore you

raymi says:

i mean i try to but it's just not possible.

mom says:

you are mean

mom says:

have you ever considered that "you might be the difficult one"??

raymi says:

yeah i guess so that's why i stay away from everyone so they don't have to be near me

raymitheminx.com has expired so it needs to be renewed so now we have to wait until my ex-boyfriend gets back to me. ungh.

fil took all the pillows away from me and then had the most boring loudest conversation on the fone so now i am awake despite staying up 'til 2 reading.

last nite i met with samir to discuss our movie. i read him the song lyrics i wrote that fil said sounded like RUSH so we ended up singing them all nite long. then i bumped into the girl who hooked me up with working online and she told me i had called my old roommate whilst in LA and totally manic and mumbled a bunch of crap at him like i was on meth, woah. also my other roommate left him with a 400 phone bill, not cool! i said the yeah it's good to see you line and she played up the being weirded-out role pretty well and said i had tried to sleep with her boyfriend, not true. yes i slipped him my number behind her back and no they weren't dating she had bumped into him at a bar previous to the party we were at, also he told her what i did and she chastised me, granted, but he still fucking called me a week later, whatever, fucking weird. i was drunk and thought it was a good idea at the time.

samir and i fought about celebrity-dom last nite and he told a super long story about doing this movie with a bunch of stars in LA and said it meant nothing and me, drunklor loud-talking at the beaconsfield say that's cos you don't know what minimal celebrity-dom feels like, I DO! AND I WANT MORE!

he says he would just rather have tons of money and i agree but i think being a celebrity is the easiest way to go about it, i don't have to type out any formal documents or use a protractor, i think i just want the money and the lifestyle because i am greedy.

new ldb comic. they come out every friday.


hey dudes i wrote a song and it's called someone else talks about me again i hope you like it.

AhaHAhAhAHAaaaa.

also this.

i finally went outside, by myself. i think once thursday rolls around i feel ok enough to venture outdoors during the day. yesterday was scary windy and snowy and rainy so there was no way i was going out. i went to the pharmacy to get some things. walking back here i thought to myself man i really do hate being outside, looking at people around me who seem to be thrilled and thriving on this, this outside air and way into walking and talking and me, i want to be invisible and non-existant. this girl asked me in elementary school why i always look at the ground when i walk and i was like huh? she was right, i was a total live in my head nerd thinking up weird shit and ignoring the entire universe.

it's cos i'm a mad intellect, genius maybe, i can't be looking at things and thinking up masterpieces at the same time, doii.

looking at things is for stupid people, smart people look at the ground.

notice how sometimes i say purposeful ignorant things? yeah, rad.

fil said i say faggot too much. i wasn't on my game enough to properly justify it last nite, i started the whole WELL I'M SORRY I DIDN'T GROW UP IN WHITEY-TOWN WHERE ALL YOU RICH KIDS HAVE MASS-QUANTITY WHITE-GUILT SO WORDS LIKE NIGGER AND FAG AND GOOK.....anyway, i don't say this shit out of hate that's the thing. for like ten minutes in 2001 it was funny to call your white friends a nigger, that window is closed dudes. what else, terms for gay people are funny and will always be funny to me, there needs to be more, they sound funny they're pointless and i picture white southern dudes with the IQ of -3 saying faggot a lot meanwhile his sister is his girlfriend and he thinks wrestling is real and he says ALL THEM CHINKS ARE TAKING OUR JOBS like fucker GOOD! maybe if you were QUALIFIED to work you might go out and get that job yourself.

people blaming their short-comings on other races is just ridiculous. if i lived somewhere less-fortunate and i heard of this other country where i could get a better education and there wasn't any war FUCK YEAH i would go there but then all the people living there before me get all bitchy oooh raymi you took my job making seatbelts in a factory away from me - listen dude i'm sure your peeps are PSYCHED i am installing the seatbelts and not YOU mister no-teeth junky this has nothing to do with colour this has to do with me having a resume and showing up to a job interview and you sitting in your basement apartment saying WHAT DID THE BLACK KID GET FOR CHRISTMAS? MY BIKE!

anyway i really don't say faggot a lot but after fil pointed it out to me i said does it make you uncomfortable because you are a faggot?

that was a joke.

we watched four brothers last nite and it was good in the respects that it was bad and a lot of cheesy cliche things happened.

here are some raymi facts because well, me! some you may know already but i don't care.

- my dad taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels and i rode it to my friend o'neil's house and his little brother answered and i said I CAN RIDE WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS NOW! and left without waiting for o'neil and rode around some more.

- we had a siamese cat named mocha she was awesome, when my mum brought her home i said LET'S NAME HER SANDWICH!

- i was the valedictorian of my elementary school (kindergarden to grade 8) and i plan to milk that for the rest of my life.

- my brother use to shoot gi.joe missiles into my dollhouse after i would spend three hours arranging everything perfectly.

- my brother use to go LAUREN LAUREN LAUREN LAUREN LAUREN and point in my face and say YOU LOOK LIKE....MY LITTLE PONY! and i wanted to murder him.

- i put a junior mint up my nose once and it melted and exploded down my nasal passage ever since i hate chocolate mint flavor.

- i played soccer when i was in grade one and our team never scored a goal but we were really good at kicking the ball into our own net.



- on the way to the soccer pizza party where they handed out trophies to the loser kids my dad got a speeding ticket.

- an earwig fell into my mouth once.

- i told my grade five teacher in front of the entire class that black people drive black cars and she was south african and her husband was black, which i did not know at the time.

- i pick my nose.

- when people touch the chair i am sitting on it means they have a death wish.

- after a few drinks i cannot control the volume of my voice and my hearing gets a little weak which means i talk even louder.

- at the community centre in the complex we use to live in i lied and said i was allergic to raisins cos i didn't want to eat the raisin cookies we were making i wanted the chocolate chip ones and then sherri our babysitter, same youth leader whatever asked my brother if it was true if i was allergic to raisins and i heard from the kitchen and flew into the livingroom with my arms out like an airplane screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHAWN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

- the same babysitter let us watch new jack city, i was four.


more later.

new crap to fill up your homes with.

also, binsk wrote a nice review of me.

raymi says:

remember when i was wasted at lucas' bday party at sweaty bettys and i was trying to get you to say that you were my best friend

raymi says:

and i was trying to be all sensitive heart-felt like YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND NOEL

raymi says:

and i wouldnt let it go

raymi says:

yeh im awesome

noel ten says:

yeah, i do remember that

noel ten says:

it came out of nowhere, for me

noel ten says:

though i'll admit i was rightly distracted by *******'s parents

raymi says:

why

noel ten says:

especially when her mom gave that guy with the dreads a thigh rub

raymi says:

she got all complimentary to me later on about my introducing myself to them i was like wtf?! what stupid fuck toronto kids would not introduce themself to their friend's parents? gay.

raymi says:

no way did she?

raymi says:

that's awesome.

noel ten says:

anyway, i hope i dont inadvertantly steal all your blog thunder

raymi says:

pffft good luck

raymi says:

wait would you?

noel has a blog now!

hey i didn't know your uncle was in town.

erin saw an ocelot. i want to introduce cid to the ocelot so cid can learn the meaning of respect.

hi sarah.

look it's me and my bro as little shitkids and also me when i was that caveman kid from mad max. thanks for the haircut mom and dad!

last nite i stayed up 'til two, first watching a show on A&E about coroners and you got to see real dead bodies, fucking awesome, good thing i was wasted. i wanted to wake up fil to watch some of it with me but i didn't cos i knew he had to get up early for a meeting cos he is an "adult" and i flipped back and forth to idiot christians on larry king bad-talking brokeback mountain despite not having seen the movie. that one woman made me want to call in and say something but the only thing i could think of to say was the F word a lot so i didn't bother.

then i watched extreme makeover and i had something funny to say about that but i forget, maybe it will come back to me.

on another note what's up dude?

etienne drew that of me, she did one of herself. she should do them of famous people or musicians and they can use them for album covers, they would look good as socks also i think. i can picture wearing socks like these and being somewhere and crossing my legs and someone says hey what's that and i say it's me in pencil-drawing form.

i have not left the building in 48 hours, except for 5 minutes when we drove to the movie store but that doesn't count cos i was in a car. being on the balcony also does not count.

DOUGLAS COUPLAND IS BUILDING ME A PARK!

i am going to make wainbows a get better crazy felt creation. her face is the size of jupiter cos she is going to the dentist a lot. her felt friend is going to be white with a red cross on it like nurse crosses doiii. right now i am reading a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, i know it came out over four years ago or something. i am angry at fil for not emphasizing exactly how amazing this book is to me before. it is very sad and very funny. i like the part where he says, "and then i push him into a bush." if my brother wrote books that's what he would write, little stories about him terrorizing me and then at the end he would write in italics pee pee poo poo and it would make his girlfriend's head explode.

i need to find some of his drawings from kindergarden and grade one and two up to grade eight pretty much cos all he drew was gi joe's and explosions and armies and guys falling off buildings with blood everywhere and thought bubbles over their heads of them screaming and running and machine guns. i would wear one of those as a t-shirt and maybe make pillow cases too.

the birthday cards he made were major decent as well, they were parodies of mom and dad with triple chins and wicked big hair and the one of my mum is of her yelling at us not to sit on the friggin' couch and one of my dad washing the car and ignoring us and making us bacon and eggs with a spatula in his hand and his hair sticking up all sunday morning hungover-like. hilarious.

he always drew me with "bee-stings" for tits and the biggest ugliest nose and a bunch of troll dolls around me cos i use to be really into those fuckin' things.

he bought me a whitney houston cassette, the bodyguard soundtrack and i use to sing i will always love you in the shower and then he called me a poseur cos i also liked nirvana, cos when you like nirvana you are ONLY allowed to like nirvana and nothing else and i would be like SHAWN BUT YOU BOUGHT ME THAT TAPE THAT'S NOT FAIR!

that cat pretty much would be my best "during the day" friend if he wasn't such an ungrateful jerk who attacked me constantly and scream-meows at me all day long.

feh.

these are fil's text messages to me today:

Hi Polesmoker. You are pretty.

me: im taking a bath now.

fil: The you are a delicate water lily in the pool of my heart

me: awww

fil: where are my emails gentle cherry blossom?

me: FUCK OFF

96. When I was like 7, I gave my grandma a list of her stuff I wanted when she died.

trailer park boys are doing a movie. i have already watched the preview 30 times. my favorite is when bubbles whsipers, "terrible" - that is all for now.

raymi says:

aaaahh-jew!

Lenny Plotz says:

read this raymi

raymi says:

yes i'm reading you are like ....famous

raymi says:

good for you

raymi says:

how can i benefit from all of this?

Lenny Plotz says:

my bastard child?

raymi says:

so what do u wanna do when u come to town, big gay karaoke party?

Lenny Plotz says:

wow u must b psychic?

raymi says:

are u joking?

Lenny Plotz says:

yup

raymi says:

oh

raymi says:

i am sensitive dont hurt my feelings, tell those guys [matt + tre] to read my blog

Lenny Plotz says:

i already told them

raymi says:

and they looked?

Lenny Plotz says:

yup they're reading it right now

raymi says:

watch that, put speakers on, it's twenty seconds of me rapping beastie boys at karaoke

raymi says:

dont toy with my emotions

Lenny Plotz says:

gr8 lighting, u should come work on my series

raymi says:

which series

Lenny Plotz says:

polka dot door!

Lenny Plotz says:

my show

Lenny Plotz says:

kvs

raymi says:

oh right, haha

raymi says:

i totally want to



Lenny Plotz says:

smoke some more crystal

raymi says:

i have never smoked crystal

Lenny Plotz says:

im fukd too!

raymi says:

i may be fucked tho

raymi says:

will you guys be doing the next series in toronto or la?

raymi says:

my hits are exploding ps, 5000 hits a day!

Lenny Plotz says:

crazy give me a headline and i'll hook you up in LA

raymi says:

headline on my blog?

Lenny Plotz says:

yup

raymi says:

im gonna put this convo on my blog

Lenny Plotz says:

thanks for the warning

raymi says:

always be aware of speaking to the raymi

raymi says:

did u ever read any of those articles i sent you that i wrote?

Lenny Plotz says:

yes i did

raymi says:

which ones

Lenny Plotz says:

all of them

Lenny Plotz says:

did u read the article i sent u?

raymi says:

yes i did

raymi says:

the one u just sent now?

Lenny Plotz says:

just now?!

raymi says:

yes i read fast

Lenny Plotz says:

yup

raymi says:

so what are you doing today, real work wise?

Lenny Plotz says:

i'm hanging with matt we're working on a film idea. also i have to run to pasedena for a tca party

raymi says:

is your film idea a secret? can i be in it because i am extremely funny



Lenny Plotz says:

guess you didnt read the article after all!

raymi says:

well i read half of it

raymi says:

it got boring super fast, i read the part about you

Lenny Plotz says:

ya my film is about a slutty chick who is obsessed with god.

Lenny Plotz says:

you'd be perfect, guess what part im playing?

raymi says:

who is playing her

Lenny Plotz says:

haha

raymi says:

god?

raymi says:

no im not into religion, i'd rather play her annoying sister or friend who belittles her every chance she gets

raymi says:

i am too fat to be slutty these days sorry man

Lenny Plotz says:

thats u doing kareoke

raymi says:

yes

raymi says:

i only sing songs by jews

raymi says:

oh and madonna

Lenny Plotz says:

shes a jew now

raymi says:

pretty much, lunatic though

Lenny Plotz says:

everyone's a lunatic

hunter wrote about being my friend.

we rented broken flowers last nite. it's pretty decent, if a bit of a buzzkill but in an artistic way. bill murray is in it also chloe sevi-whatever, jessica lange, sharon stone. it's funny too. winston the next door neighbor is the best. there's a part with jessica lange and she is an animal communicator and bill murray asks if the cat is saything anything right now and she says yeah he says you have a hidden agenda and bill goes, HE, HE SAID THAT!?! cos it was true.

chloe plays a dyke. big surprise. her roles are so try-hard shocking they go full-circle into unshocking, she may as well play a tree or a clod of dirt.

she was still awesome in gummo though.

ps. i like it when cats do their impression of a loaf of bread when they are sitting down.

not to start a big debate or anything but those fuckin' election door-to-door assholes are getting on my nerves in a major way, like fuck, coming to my door and banging on it uninvited EVERYDAY of the week in our condo building is rather intrusive i'm like, reading in the bath and i hear BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ, they ring everyone's door at the same time, sometimes they knock and my blood pressure and heart rate goes way up cos i am always thinking it's the super or someone else coming to tell me i am a bad person and i am not allowed to live here, i dunno, stupid shit but it's some annoying douche with bad hair and a wimpy sweater and clipboard asking if i am registered like duh the government does that automatically for you when you turn eighteen and didn't one of you fags come by yesterday?

also, i really could care less about who is running the country and making decisions like whatever, just cos i live somewhere doesn't mean i have to be involved in any of it, like in high school i wasn't on the football team or the marching band and the school kept on running it didn't burn to the ground, people didn't stop breathing.

and i know everyone goes well you have no right to complain if you don't vote. exactly. i have absolutely nothing to say about any of it, nothing good, nothing bad, nothing.



yeah i care about things, about the environment and animals and women allowed to have abortions and extremely harsh punishment for sex offenders and violence against women and kids and cruelty towards animals and decent pension plans and i figure enough people care about that stuff a hell of a lot more than i do and i trust those people to do something about it. whether they do or do not, so be it. i'm not going to complain, i may be disappointed but i'm not going to go blow some hot air at the pub for a few hours.

in cases when there is a magnificent possibility of some asshat like bush being elected that's when i'll do something. fil just told me that that will probably happen so now i AM worried.

anyway, knocking on my door does nothing other than piss me off.

i just don't care you know? same with religion, this racist bitch at my mom's hair stylist's who said that their black workers were lazy on their plantation wherever the fuck, said that when she was my age she was "rebellious" and also didn't believe in religion and was all worried and shocked that because i wasn't into that crap that i obviously didn't have a sense of community and there is no other way to have a sense of community if it's not from the church?

ok there slave-owner.

the general mentality that i will care more when i am older about politics about religion, whathaveyou, is TOTAL bullshit. in fact, i will probably care ten times less when i am older because i will be pre-occupied with vericose veins and watching my stories so fuck off.

ps. conservative? more like, consuckative!

if someone can create a design for me for our band i will like, be your friend and like, give you something. it has to be so i can put it on a black t-shirt for cafepress go there and check it out. the name of our band is GO DAD!

i haven't decided if there should be an exclamation point yet but i want it to be like the JEM logo. ok go do it! do one with and without an exclamation point if possible.

also i made go dad a blog. i know that it will be extremely successful.

Don't get so RAMDRUNKTIOUS then, have fun but do your body good wtihout it

mom | 01.16.06 - 12:41 pm | #


mom i was making fun of you spell while also making fun of how i act when drunk. did you take that bottle of white wine from dad?

raymi | Homepage | 01.16.06 - 12:46 pm | #

I use those raymi words so that you will understand what Im trying to get across to you. Does it ever work?
I did not take a bottle of white wine from your dad .......not into THIEFING? And, the only white wine that passes my lips is PINOT GRISSO
PssstDo you have my NO DOUBT?CULT?JAN ARDEN? DIDO? CD's?? A CD THIEF lives in my Honda.
Lastly, Its Nana Kerouac's 75th surprise brunch iether this sunday or next....A MUST ATTEND no matter what. See you then, with bells on...ox

mom | 01.16.06 - 1:40 pm | #


no i did not take your shitty cds. i hate jann arden. i think the no doubt one was missing a long time ago.

raymi | Homepage | 01.16.06 - 1:45 pm | #


Shitty cds?? whatever !! Jann Arden rules! Going for a run, cYa

mom | 01.16.06 - 2:28 pm | #


she's a fat crackhead dyke.

raymi | Homepage | 01.16.06 - 2:58 pm | #



ok i don't hate her i just think she is annoying and boring and music for menopausal suburban women who i picture giving the thumbs up and nodding their heads at her concert. though she is pretty funny. i'm torn.

and yes i know that eventually i will be menopausal however i will not allow that to affect my taste in music.

NO!

i thought he clarified that he was looking for a girl without "psychological problems" when that looking for a woman thing was all over the www. ? seriously dude. W T F!?

i found my first grey hair the other nite, it was more white than grey.

sarah came over during the day on friday and we sewed, oh yeah i wrote about that already. sarah made a cool carrot, i actually called it a modern carrot. she made a fuschia mask for it. i let cid play with it by dangling the green carrot hair and cid ripped some of it out, i felt bad about that for a little while but mostly it was funny. i have some kind of cold, my throat feels fucked. we played with alex's puppies last nite. fil got new espresso and it tastes really bad. i think i am going to sew something but i don't feel like it cos i feel sickish. we are going to try to not drink tonite, we will go see a movie i think. i don't really feel like going out anywhere though. people at drunkenstepfather tell me to stop writing, more tits, tits are more interesting. ha.

there is a lot of left-over booze from friday.