raymi says:

coolness tips 101

merkley??? says:

dont blend in but act as if you do

raymi says:

speak spanish

raymi says:

be hyperly unaware of how fucking amazing and mysterious you are

merkley??? says:

carry a flask

raymi says:

and a knife tucked into your sock like a steak knife

merkley??? says:

have blood stains on at least one article of clothing

raymi says:

carry oranges

merkley??? says:

wear a belt made out of living snakes

raymi says:

ok lets think of for real coolness tips not irony fuckin retard tips

merkley??? says:

tip number one

raymi says:

hi-top sneakers and jogging pants

raymi says:

have some sort of albino housepet

raymi says:

quote your grandfather regularly



merkley??? says:

when conversing with people be SUPER engaged -- but make the conversation short and carry on to the next person with whom you will be SUPER engaged for 5 minutes TOPS

merkley??? says:

like -- you have my FULL atention for 5 minutes

raymi says:

make abstract observations about your surroundings

merkley??? says:

I'M BUSY

merkley??? says:

but then retreat into a corner and write things down

raymi says:

then leave

raymi says:

fall down the stairs with a full beer in your hand

merkley??? says:

if you return be wearing something different

raymi says:

and like three germans at your side who dont speak english

merkley??? says:

only apologize for apologizing and being awesome

raymi says:

have a knit sweater with your name stitched on it

merkley??? says:

have your own name tattooed in a heart on your arm

raymi says:

if someone says they are hungry go get them a bag of chips out of nowhere

raymi says:

but then eat the entire bag in front of them

merkley??? says:

and toss them without looking



raymi says:

tossing them without looking is funnier

merkley??? says:

make them hold the bag while you eat them

raymi says:

they have to be an insanely obnoxious flavor also like fries and gravy

merkley??? says:

get lots of texts but show that you dont actually look at them before turning off your ringer

merkley??? says:

order well whiskey straight up

merkley??? says:

put in your own ice cubes

raymi says:

thats pretty extreme

raymi says:

like have your own soft tub of ice cubes?

raymi says:

hold it like a football

merkley??? says:

no just order ice separately

merkley??? says:

you cant hold stuff when you're cool

merkley??? says:

only drinks

merkley??? says:

even then

merkley??? says:

you should place it on the bar like its a burden

raymi says:

hold a big plant



merkley??? says:

write notes on peices of paper and bury them or hide them

merkley??? says:

that reminds me

merkley??? says:

i was hosting this event last night

merkley??? says:

i have a button maker

merkley??? says:

so i can make a new button each night

merkley??? says:

and i usually do

merkley??? says:

last night my button was

merkley??? says:

"be like me"

raymi says:

and why havent u made me like a hundred by now?

merkley??? says:

cool people dont mail things

raymi says:

fine

merkley??? says:

i'm serious

raymi says:

I KNOW

raymi: i hope i don't shit my pants tonite. i'm wearing a thong.

fil: gross.

ok so we were playing the compliment game where we take turns complimenting ourselves using the alphabet and then that turned into the 'dis game once we both got a chance to compliment ourselves using every letter of the alphabet. when i had 'g' for the 'dis game i said I HAVE GHONNOREA then i said what if i really had ghonnorea and this is the way i chose to tell you and then fil said I AM GAY for his 'g' dis and i said ARE YOU REEEEALLY!? by the way fil isn't homophobic he meant gay like really uncool.

then that woman fell off her chair and busted her hand.

later on i spent a good twenty minutes crying and trying to fight with fil, i am nice like that.



yesterday at the supermarket i asked the woman cashier if that old man from last week got his satchel back cos someone took off with his cart and his satchel? was in it and she was like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? and i said please i don't have any friends be nice to me.

i dreamt i got turned down by liam gallagher for sex in a bar and i thought it was because of my winter hat but no it was because of my hair and i was like I WILL NOT FORGET THIS LIAM!

i added the = gay part.

last nite we went to the hyatt bar and i tried to look as important as i could. the woman beside us at the bar ordered a caesar salad without the dressing soooo like, a salad then? idiot. then we went to hemingway's and a woman fell off her chair and broke her hand. then we went to somewhere else and after that i tried to go play megatouch but it was last call and the girl said aww i'm sorry girl i know you wanted to play your game and i felt STUPID.

"your game"

like i am some pathetic nerd loser with zero friends. ok i AM a pathetic nerd loser but she isn't suppose to think that!

merkley??? says:

are you and fil in the same room on different computers?

raymi says:

yes we are

raymi says:

we dont like talking

merkley??? says:

GAY!!!!!

raymi says:

no not gay, WAVE OF THE FUTURE

raymi says:

what should me and fil do tonite

merkley??? says:

umm

merkley??? says:

stay home and make out

raymi says:

ew

merkley??? says:

ha

merkley??? says:

play dare games with people you barely know

raymi says:

i already tried to make out with him and he got grossed out

merkley??? says:

liar

raymi says:

its true

raymi says:

we dont like people

merkley??? says:

why?

raymi says:

cos he was on his laptop and i was making pervy old man groaning noises as i was trying to rape his face

merkley??? says:

h a ha

merkley??? says:

nice

raymi says:

i know

raymi says:

just call me doctor love

merkley??? says:

ok i will

merkley??? says:

but not to your face

merkley??? says:

only when referring to you



merkley??? says:

to old people

raymi says:

thank you

merkley??? says:

i dont want you to be jealoous but

merkley??? says:

i got a new plaid suit today

merkley??? says:

and know you must guess my waist size

merkley??? says:

now

merkley??? says:

think man size

merkley??? says:

nope

merkley??? says:

wrong guess

merkley??? says:

37

raymi says:

u didnt let me guess

raymi says:

is that big?

merkley??? says:

too slow

merkley??? says:

um

raymi says:

im putting this ON MY BLOG

merkley??? says:

not for a man like ME

merkley??? says:

dude

merkley??? says:

dont make all your readers hate my guts

merkley??? says:

they are sick of me already

merkley??? says:

you'll drive your blog straight into the ground

raymi says:

I DONT CARE FUCK MY BLOG

raymi says:

so can they know or not

merkley??? says:

know what?

merkley??? says:

that i'm a 37?

merkley??? says:

i dont give a fuck

raymi says:

ok

cuteoverload link me!

myspace mixdown best fucking song. i wish i was smart enough to have written this song.

could there BE any more fotos of me?

here is a funny story to tell.

one day on the city bus to school this guy gordie grade twelve or something is near the back with us and his younger sister not yet in high school i think is about to get off at the back to go to her junior highschool and this girl says hey gordie look there's your sister, don't you like, ever say hi to her? so gordie says hey sister, so like, you coming home tonite? it was hilarious cos she is super quiet and shy and like 13 maybe.

ok bye.

fil's cat is being off the wall right now. he's darting around the condo at lightning super sonic speed and scream meowing like WHAT THE FUCK IS CHASING YOU DUDE!? he looked at me and scream meowed questioningly and i said THE ANSWER IS FUCKING NO and now he is in the bedroom eating his tail with the door closed.


cid performs his patented quadruple tuck jump dive flawlessly

i feel bad for cats who go mental ten times a day cos i have been there myself and they think you are their enemy i dunno, cats are retarded. i'm not going to begin to analyze them. all i know is thay are smarter than dogs but sometimes i'm not so sure. they're pretty much just bigger versions of rats or smaller versions of lions. imagine if one day you woke up and your cat was ten time the size it was before going to bed and your head was in its mouth. i would defacate down my leg.



especially if it were cid. i would be dead inside 3 seconds, one look at me and whoosh with his right paw and my neck would snap. oh nice one cid after all the things i've done for you thanks man no that's totally cool that you are tearing apart my entire wardrobe and pissing on everything, no problemo. oh my christening gown that's been passed down generataion to generation oh and my baby shoes, TOO CUTE CID, go for it!

my new pierce thing is going to change my life i just know it.

i hung out with my lunatic friend who hears voices so he claims last nite and we had a good time, he was about to confess this big something to me so i lost a credit playing megatouch and then he didn't end up confessing so i got super angry and said for your penance you must compliment me for five minutes. one of his compliments was that i had nice ear piercings meanwhile i haven't had anything in my ears since grade fucking four. nice try.

we got pretty belligerent and everytime he went to go to the bathroom i asked if he was going to puke but he didn't so that's good. i was giving him tips on how to be funny. calling people a dickhead or fuckface is always funny.

oh who saw survivor last nite? it was on at the bar but i wasn't paying attention. who was voted off? what were all the twists and turns? i know i can look it up but i don't want to.

mother fuckin fuck!

i'm obsessed with cuteoverload.com and keep sending them cute pictures of animals but they don't write back nor do they use any of my suggestions and it makes me feel bad and like they are making fun of me like oh great thanks millionth person to send us this puppy foto like how you feel when someone forwards you something you saw 4 years ago but only spent half a second glimpsing at but immediately you are like IDIOT YOU FUCKING LOSER THANKS SORRY BUT I SAW THAT EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS AGO DICKWEED.

raymi says:

man my nose feels really fucking big today

merkley??? says:

ha

merkley??? says:

my dogs have to be touching me like 24/7 and its pissing me off

raymi says:

u have dogs?!?!?

noel's wishlist

nate says:

im listening to stars now

nate says:

do you have a problem with them?

raymi says:

boring

raymi says:

i got so wasted at their concert i had to sleep in fils car

raymi says:

on account of being extremely fucking bored

nate says:

oh come on!

nate says:

they're not that bad

raymi says:

yeah and theyre like so totally different from every other band on the arts and crafts label!

nate says:

ok then... all time best band?

nate says:

what it is?

raymi says:

air supply

nate says:

for real?

raymi says:

no

raymi says:

right now i'm listening to jeff buckley

nate says:

???

raymi says:

now im listening to interpol

raymi says:

u dont know who jeff buckley is?

raymi says:

google it wow

raymi says:

fil will explode when he learns this

nate says:

i dont think i do

raymi says:

yer really young so thats ok

nate says:

well when your mad at him, then tell him

nate says:

im not that young!

raymi says:

yer 18?

nate says:

19

raymi says:

dude when i was 16 i thought i was super like authority old and smart so shut up

raymi says:

yer a baby

nate says:

it was my birthday last friday

raymi says:

happy birthday

nate says:

thanks... my brother got me a case of beer so this weekend should be nice



nate says:

your what? 22?

nate says:

only three years older than me... if im a baby your a toddler

raymi says:

dude im like three seconds away from being 23

raymi says:

what grand masterful life experience have you got behind you thats earned u a fraction of a right to brag, nothing

raymi says:

so hush

raymi says:

plus u dont know who jeff buckley is

raymi says:

also u are a boy and u mature slower so really you are like 13

nate says:

id say more like 12, i do look younger than i am

nate says:

and your more than right, i have no life experiences

raymi says:

exactly

nate says:

im mature enough to admit it... thats gotta count for something right?

raymi says:

um hmm, i guess so

raymi says:

are you in highschool?

nate says:

college

raymi says:

what are you taking?

nate says:

philosophy, psychology, sociology, calculus

nate says:

for now

raymi says:

wow what a waste of time

nate says:

yea tell me about it

nate says:

time and money

raymi says:

why dont u just become a garbageman or work in an old folks home and buy stocks in that

nate says:

well i finished highschool and had nothing else to do... so im going to college

raymi says:

dont take my advice tho

raymi says:

i have no intention of going to college

nate says:

dont worry, i wont

nate says:

its not that bad



raymi says:

im just some bitter drunk woman

raymi says:

well at least im cool

raymi says:

i have that going for me

nate says:

yea, and im uncool... so i have that

nate says:

im listening to jeff buckley now

nate says:

not bad

raymi says:

dude drowned to death

raymi says:

in a river

raymi says:

a steamboat went by and pulled him under

nate says:

your such an upper

nate says:

haha

raymi says:

how do u like that

nate says:

its really cool

raymi says:

dude im giving you rock 101

nate says:

how long ago did he die professor?



raymi says:

uh that is a question for the all-knowing google

raymi says:

also it's you're not your

raymi says:

you're = you are

raymi says:

your = your

nate says:

yes i know... but im lazy

nate says:

that takes an extra two keys

nate says:

i could go 'ur'

raymi says:

thats worse

nate says:

thats why i dont do it

raymi says:

ok

nate says:

its that's not thats

nate says:

haha

raymi says:

fuck you

nate says:

its a two way street here

raymi says:

you have not earned the right of a two way street 19 year old

raymi says:

you're not even a real person until you are 28

raymi says:

thats the rule for guys

raymi says:

i have guy friends who are 22 and i dont even respect them

nate says:

do you really respect those guys older than 28?



raymi says:

i respect the fact that they are real people

nate says:

so then what am i if not real

nate says:

so whats the age of being 'real' for girls?

raymi says:

you are a being taking up space

raymi says:

it depends for girls, each case is different

nate says:

how so?

raymi says:

i dont have the patience to talk about girls

raymi says:

thanks for spelling your url wrong idiot

nate says:

no problem

nate says:

http://fourtyblocks.blogspot.com/

raymi says:

yeh i got that

raymi says:

geniusface

porkn says:

have you missed talking to me?

raymi says:

no

raymi says:

did u go away or something

i dunno about this wearing red business i mean i like the concept but this shirt i have i was going to wear has wine stains on it, i will probably wear it anyway.

maybe i will show up wearing blue.

i am going to call and see if it will be at andy's i hope i don't sound like a pipsqueak.

"uh could i quite possibly have an internet web site party there please?"

i was just about to get a great video of this woman doing tai chi in the park but her tai chi super powers sensed what i was up to and she immediately stopped and took off. the best part was that she had a fuschia beret on and a leather jacket!

fil and i's favorite new thing is to ask each other if we "are in an adventure" when really the other person is just sitting there reading a pamphlet or opening the fridge door, the more boring and plain the task, the better the adventure MUST BE! and then when the person says no you're suppose to go aw like you are extremely sad that the person isn't having an adventure.

i think my mental illness is rubbing off on fil.

cid bit me on the head yesterday, not the face, not the chin, on my fucking HEAD!



fil doesn't want to hang out with me later when we GO ON AN ADVENTURE to get his haircut and me have my lip pierce done did so i think i will go play megatouch but then i panic and think OH NO SOMEONE WILL BE PLAYING IT WHEN I GET THERE so i'll have to sit at the bar and act like i intended to sit at this bar to talk to acquaintances, like oh yes i came all the way from toronto to eat wings totally awesome!

maybe i'll just take the train back, i dunno. something tells me in some shape or form that i will be able to manipulate fil into letting me hang out with him and i know he doesn't want me to cos i will take all of the attention away from him and/or ignore him completely by playing megatouch and shoot him dirty looks here and there.



last nite we got in a fight over the not hanging out because i was wine/gin and tonic sensitive because he was laughing at the situation which i decided to interpret him as laughing at me and i had to go along with my pretend anger and man what a waste of a buzz that was.

being ridiculous is so draining.

fil is going to read this and be like i fucking hate you.

tomorrow i am having my lip piercing changed to a little silver ball.

i just walked to the liquor store ALL BY MYSELF and it was very very cold and i didn't get carded because i wasn't wearing mascara so i look haggard and tired which equals old. also i chatted up the cashier about wine. the fact that i went to a female cashier showed bravery. she mentioned some brand of wine i never heard of and i said yep yep i've tried it so maybe she made it up to test me and now she is talking smack about me to her co-workers like ha ha that girl said she's tried the carburator merlot for 7.95. my hearing is bad so i kept having to lean in to hear what the fuck she was saying.

i am too pathetic for this world.

i also bent down to tie my shoe and it was very hard to get back up again because of my intense one hour work-out from last nite and so i'm in this semi-crouch position and pretending i'm looking at wine on the lowest shelf and this old guy wheels his cart into my aisle behind me and i turn slowly still crouching, look up at him and say uhhhh, i worked out last nite, and he just wheeled right on by me.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE THIS IS THE FIRST VERBAL EXCHANGE I HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL DAY AND I MADE AN EFFORT AND YOU JUST WEEBLE WOBBLE PAST ME WITH YOUR BEARD AND YOUR BEIGE WINTER HOODED JACKET AND GLASSES RAAAAAAAAAAAWR!

ok new rule i have to eat something before going outdoors otherwise people will be set on fire with my mind and their heads will explode off their necks up into the air when i walk by them.

instead of getting completely wasted last nite i exercised! i wore an 80s type exercise outfit and i threw myself around the condo for an hour to stupid music and it was worth it cos i feel better and look better so that's why i feel better. my spastic workout inspired fil to walk up and down the stairs of the building 4 times.

but then i had the most terrible sleep ever because i guess i can only fall asleep intoxicated so i laid there in bed from 11:30 to 3:30 thinking about orcs pulling my toes out of their sockets one at a time.

ok i know that the ENTIRE city of TORONTO reads MY BLOG and that they fancy themselves TOO COOL to talk to me or acknowledge my EXISTENCE on the streets, that's FINE! anyway if you don't BLOOOG or leave me comments you can AT LEAST come to my FUCKING RED PARTY (feb. 17), i am thinking it will be at andy's pool hall because of the garish lighting and we will WEAR RED so our bodies will be camouflaged (how do you spell that?) and it will just be a bunch of heads and hair and hands - HEADS HAIR AND HANDS PARTY!

anyway, i might have some felt friends there for you to buy and make fun of.

QUEEN ST MAN!

so we'll see how the bidding for raymitheminx.com turns out. if it works in my favor then i'll keep using that if not then it'll be something else, no biggie. however children, i am now currently in the posession of youfuckers.blogspot.com ! oh what magnificent RAPTURE! for now i'm just going to amass the gayest most unflattering of raymi fotos on it.

raymi says:

there are all these people outside in the hall and they are talking

raymi says:

ok now they're going to their apts

raymi says:

wow i am a lunatic

raymi says:

im like, "there are PEOPLE TALKING"

merkley??? says:

what is your biggest fear

raymi says:

being buried alive

merkley??? says:

do you have dreams about that?

merkley??? says:

how much time do you spend worrying

raymi says:

not really, i inherited the fear from that bill murray movie, scrooged and also kill bill helped

merkley??? says:

what is your number one favorite movie?

raymi says:

professional or lebowski

raymi says:

but everyone copied me and like lebowski now too so i dunno

raymi says:

dirty rotten scoundrels or honey i shrunk the kids

merkley??? says:

dirty rotten scoundrels rules

merkley??? says:

how many times have you seen the three amigos?

raymi says:

4

merkley??? says:

not bad

merkley??? says:

should be 10

merkley??? says:

how many times have you seen raising arizona

raymi says:

when i was younger i saw it a lot, like 7

raymi says:

your questions are boring and unimaginative

merkley??? says:

so are your answers

merkley??? says:

ha ha

raymi says:

try harder

raymi says:

think...existential

raymi says:

no fuck that, that's gay

merkley??? says:

you have to make one type of vegetable into a shirt and wear it for one week -- what vegetable and how do you make it

merkley??? says:

see what you get

raymi says:

corn, i'd use the husks

merkley??? says:

too scratchy

merkley??? says:

you'd be all blisters




raymi says:

the inside parts?

merkley??? says:

the hairy stuff

merkley??? says:

turns to mush

raymi says:

ok well then celery, i's use the string and painstakingly sew a shirt, like fine woven gold

raymi says:

it would take like ten years

merkley??? says:

you should do that

raymi says:

yeah right like i have the patience

merkley??? says:

you suck at being interviewed -- why do you think that is?

raymi says:

you suck at giving interviews why do you think that is?

merkley??? says:

i think i am an excellent interviewer

raymi says:

ok i have a burning question for you why are you such a fag?

merkley??? says:

why are YOU such a fag?

raymi says:

because your mom begged me to fag her off last nite

merkley??? says:

my mom said you smell weird

raymi says:

nice interview merkley!

raymi says:

ok

raymi says:

uh

raymi says:

am i pretty?

merkley??? says:

very

merkley??? says:

next question

merkley??? says:

there you go

merkley??? says:

ask questions about you

raymi says:

why am i pretty?

merkley??? says:

well for many obvious reasons but mostly because there is nobody like you

merkley??? says:

and you know that

merkley??? says:

and you are intense

raymi says:

if i were a flower what flower would i be

merkley??? says:

thats a GAY question



raymi says:

YOU ARE A GAY QUESTION

merkley??? says:

and i dont keep up on flowers

merkley??? says:

what do you smell like right now

merkley??? says:

that will help

raymi says:

hot garbage

merkley??? says:

i smell like butter

merkley??? says:

haha

merkley??? says:

or something tasty

merkley??? says:

next questiona about you

raymi says:

what endangered animal am i

merkley??? says:

some kind of mischeivious dingo type striped laughing hyena deal half dog half cat

raymi says:

thanks

merkley??? says:

ha ha

merkley??? says:

its good in my brain

merkley??? says:

why -- what do you wish i said?

raymi says:

uh blue footed booby bird



raymi says:

boobie?

merkley??? says:

youu need arms and legs

merkley??? says:

and you need to be somewhat intimidating

merkley??? says:

boobie aint intimidating

raymi says:

ok some kind of dinosuar like those ltitle ones the size of chickens that run super fast

merkley??? says:

ha ha

merkley??? says:

what animal am i?

merkley??? says:

dont just say something smartassey

raymi says:

why not

raymi says:

you are that smarmy arrogant caterpillar from alice in wonderland who smokes on that mushroom

merkley??? says:

i always get some bull from alice in wonderland

merkley??? says:

usually cheshire cat

dan: when people are insane do they know they're insane?

raymi: no they dont

dan: How do you know for sure?

raymi: crazy people think theyre sane, sane people think they're crazy

dan: What about the ones on the border. The ones that are either crazy or geniuses.. but it's difficult to tell?

raymi: they are a toss-up, you'd have to analyze their actions and the way they speak and productivity and capacity to function

dan: Eh, insane people can still be able to function and be productive, so I don't think that's an accurate guage. Some people who've thought to have been mad have turned out to have been right years after they've been stoned to death or whatever in the past. Do you think you're insane?

raymi: is this why u'r asking me? i know i am eccentric and i am a genius technically and also creative and i have a chemical imbalance/bi-polar and manic depression and i am bored very very easily so sometimes i am crazy sometimes i am not, i am more uncrazy than crazy, make sense?

dan: Just curious is all. Used to have a really close friend that was
similar, very intelligent, very creative and chemically imbalanced..
bored extremely easily.

If you're aware of these personality traits though, do you work on
changing them..or even care to? ie. when you are being crazy... do you
know and just do it anyway and throw care to the wind, or do you do it
and realize later that it was a crazy thing to do?

raymi: well the mania phase of bipolar is what makes u do crazy things, im over that part now. now i just have depression and i drink to dilute my mania but sometimes when i am with a large group of people and i am drunk i do obnoxious loud things that i think are funny, but i always did that, even when little and without being drunk, it's just the way i am

i think i might be partly autistic/tourette's cos sometimes i make beep and meow noises out of nowehere to fill the void

i am also OCD and i group letters of words in sentences to determine whether the sentence is odd or even and sometimes it gets out of hand, i fiddle with my fingers a lot yeah



dan: don't really know much about bi-polar... my previous friend did go
through a phase of drinking heavily at one point

drinking does make you feel great though... do you have trouble
getting up in the mornings sometimes? I find I'm that way when
depressed.

eh, obnoxious loud things are just cries for attention, we both know that =)

tourette's isn't moreso to fill the void... my bro has a light case
of it... it's more like an itch you need to scratch rather than doing
something to fill the void

I'm pretty sure I've got some kinda OCD/ADD as well, but then again I
think those are just labels to define behaviour that's useful in
certain situations, and not in others that society deems so.

Are you nervous/anxious a lot? Could be why you twiddle your
fingers.... or maybe just too much caffeine?

raymi: yeh i drink lots of caffeine and i do get anxious in certain situations

dan: Yeah caffeine could do it... and everyone gets anxious in certain situations.

i think i'm getting sick. i made it so i have to moderate comments, why didn't i think of this before? we didn't do anything last nite other than watch tv. and i made a killer pasta, like, amazing.

tony and i discuss things