neil/noel and i use to date. he remains friends with all of his ex-girlfriends. we are forming the ex-girlfriends club where we get together and shit talk noel. ok where we get together and I shit talk noel. noel dumped me over email, i guess we were barely dating, i say it's his fault cos he was the first to initiate the super gay annoying coupledom crap. i posted the email on my blog when it happened and the subject is: you will hate this email. then i flew to nyc and hung with jamie and did lots of cocaine. no hard feelings noel!
i'm serious. i am not being sarcastic here. i just read back my post and thought wow that was suppose to come off as funny but it just seems bitter.
i'm attempting to distract myself.
i think i should start a noel's secrets blog and every sunday i will publish a magical noel secret!
i'm beginning to care less and less about my blog. no no don't cry. yet! after rambling to aimee about this and that for awhile she said WOW it sounds like you really hate your blog.
then i thought about it some.
yeah, maybe i guess i do. or maybe i just hate myself or the direction i've steered this thing. it seems every march i get all contemplative and insanely self-absorbed, don't forget the insane part!
i've successfully turned myself into a novelty fine though i pretty much have felt that way my entire life now it's just, in blog format too. people who are wallflowers are uh, useless? make yourself useful in social situations. do you get what i'm getting at? different people have different skills. some are scientists some are flower arrangers or trapeze artists, and others are drunken morons who tell fart jokes to make 45 year old women laugh at 2 am at the horseshoe. that's me, that's how i survive and that's my "use" basically.
when i'm prattling on about raymi this internet that and facetiously decree I AM FAMOUS to random strangers at the bar or I AM A BIG DEAL they don't get if i am serious or sarcastic or lying - i don't even know anymore to be honest and hence the not caring about this blogthing - once you stop caring that's when cool shit happens.
it's just a fucking blog. or it's me. the blog or me.
aimee recaps our girldate
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
this girl wanted to fite me at the mcdonalds at queen spadina last nite
i was talking to aimee loudly about these girls i overheard talking at the horseshoe who had long black hair and it just so happened there was a girl with long black hair at mcdonalds (not the same chick who was crying at horseshoe) and i said "hair like that girl there" which was actually really nice hair and i wasn't dissin' it
and she turns around from across the room looking out the window and fake smiles waves at me and says HI all sing songy
and then says you got something to say?
and i opened my mouth with mashed up food innit and said out loud NO like how everyone says No in oakville (Nu-OH!)
and the entire mcdonalds busted up laughing
and then her bitch friend shows up and they keep looking at me and im like yo aimee u got my back and she says yeah
meanwhile she is 6'4
so they didnt start anything
but kept gesturing at me and giving me cut-eye
later aimee says she thought the girl said "watch what you say" so it makes me even more badass cos i said NO oakville no styles really really loud
and the thing is i wasnt even fucking talking about her in the first place
acknowledge my hilarious story now!
my jokes rule
ok say one
What did George Washington say to his men just before they got in the boat?
mike young is a huge faggot
ok sorry tell me what did he say
"Men, get in the boat!"
if you don't get it i would blame it on translation issues
here's another thing that irritates me a lot. i am nice enough to invite people over and show them the condo and then there's this long silence and then they ask me, "so....what do you like, do...all day?"
uh what do you mean what do i do all day? what do you do all day?
R.Ray # says:
so what are you gonna do today napoleon?
whatever i feel like GAWSH
R.Ray # says:
you don't have to laugh in my face
im in the middle of complaining to merkley about people who ask me what i do all day
i provide nerd losers with entertainment on the internet and rearrange the fridge magnets.
oh and ps. just cos i am at home a lot does NOT make me a free-loader and it also doesn't mean that i am not working, ever heard of telecommunications you fucking retards. sorry.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
TWELVE THINGS CID:
1. air-humps my winter jacket and fil's leather belts
2. punishes me for not feeding him promptly when he decides he is hungry by jumping onto my kitsch shelf and knocking everything over
3. attempts to kill me when i walk across the room by putting his body between my feet and/or putting one of his arms between my feet
4. purrs insanely loud to mamipulate you into feeding him, to wake you up to feed him
5. falls asleep like an old man, head slumps forward into your chest or blankets
6. has nothing but the utmost respect and love for fil and nothing but the utmost contempt for women
7. if were to magically morphe into a cat 4 times the size aimee (fil's ex) would be disembowled immediately
8. attacks my face on a regular basis with the intent of blindification
9. hates the sound of dishes and cutlery being put away yet insists upon sitting right there beside you watching you carry out this task and scream-meows at the top of his lungs because the tinkling noises tickles his ears
10. shoves his nose into fil's nose and nuzzles his ears and suckles them whilst kneading at fil's neck and massaging it EVERY FUCKING DAY when fil gets home, completely ignoring me
11. when fil and i play-fight he assumes fil is in great danger and being attacked by me so he intervenes by jumping at my face with his teeth and swatting at the sides of my head with hismighty paws
12. if the condo was on fire fil would save cid and leave me to burn alive and cid would laugh maniacally at me over fil's shoulders as fil heroically carried him out the door
i am going on a during the day girl date with aimoo - she is very tall. she can fold me into a pretzel and throw me into the sun. i am going to ask her how i can learn how to be taller. ps. i fucking hate skanks who tell you their height and include that this is their height wearing heels. uh hello do you wear heels in the shower and when you are sleeping, heels that are attached to your fucking feet?
at the redparty i was wasted and confused so i didn't get a chance to chat with aimee unfortunately. we are going to eat sushi like it has never been eaten before and i will be hyper and manic and fuck around with my hair a lot.
last nite i tried to be all stealth whilst walking along the brick/cobblestone tier around the perimeter of the varsity theatre, i am wondering if i can sue them for having doors that open internally only, doors that go nowhere from the outside, doos that make you think oh ok this is the entrance. anyway at the point where i got to the archway overtop some concrete stairs going below to wherever the fuck fil encouraged me to go on and i said no i'm scared, he on sidewalk-foot continues on so i decide to end my scaling of the mountaineous varsity and make my way down to street level - ALACK! my foot slips on snow on the three foot last descent to the ground and my legs tangle up inside each other and i do a three sixty and come THIS CLOSE to falling down twenty conrete stairs on my face - i caught myself at the last second and my left shin is jammed between a railing and drags across the bricks and i yelp out, "YELP." and fil is already many moons away and turns in slow motion to see his pathetic partner in the lamest pile of herself ever.
he had to half-support me into the varsity and not laugh. i wanted to laugh but i was in too much pain.
now i have the biggest fucking goose-egg puffy bruise on my shin.
oh and then we watched the pink panther and i laughed louder and harder than everyone else and fil was embarassed.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
i'm sorry but people who think poetry slams are cool are fucking lame nerd losers. everytime i have been at victory cafe there is always nerdy shit going on upstairs, last nite it was poetry. this black lady was screaming that she has tiny hips and big lips and she is black power when i went to the bathroom. people were actually nodding their heads to this shit like they understand what it means to be a black woman in toronto, it was all very the real world 90's style. last time it was a bunch of university kids playing tubas and violins and cellos - GAY!
i can't decide which is worse, poetry readings, book readings or spoken word.
i was gonna go up there and read the menu in this pretentious long drawn out voice.
"STEAK...PEPPERCORN, SAUCE? GREEN BEANS, TABASCO, BUTTERED......MASHED POTATOES?"
a boys story
so yes i will be 23 years old soon. march 31. there will be a party for me of sorts. who wants me to mail them a postcard? the first person to email me their address gets one. ok i have two to mail. no wait this isn't fair to people who can't read my blog until after work. whoever pays me the best compliment in these comments will get a postcard. the runner-up compliment gets one also. i will mail the postcard at the end of the day. you are also required to scan or take a foto of the postcard, the side i write on and put it on your blog or email it to me if you don't have a blog. (if you don't have a blog by now you are ugly).
this is what the postcard looks like:
ps. people who pronounce mature like ma-tour and not ma-chur are animals!
oh yeah are you allowed to mail nudity? if not i will x out my nipples.
noel wants to wage an internet flame war with me. pffft.
last nite samir pointed out that i enjoy quoting myself. NOT TRUE! i mean TRUE THAT GUY!
later on in brendan's kitchen samir drunk-yelled at me and i drunk-cried - it was over 9/11 and him being egyptian and being related to terrorists ha. brendan had a good idea to drink a bottle of this "amazing" 7 dollar bottle of wine. dude all wine tastes the same to me. we ate all his pistachios and i poured an entire bulk food bag of sunflower seeds (de-shelled) into my mouth and most of them scattered all over the floor. then geniusface makes me a vodka redbull. we argued more in the street while samir was trying to usher me into a cab like the condescending douche he is - look at me getting mad all over again.
i'm suppose to email brendan and apologize why should i samir was the one YELLING IN THE STAIRWAY AT A GIRL WHO WAS CRYING COS SHE HAS MENTAL PROBLEMS COS OF SEPTEMBER ELEVENTH AT TWO IN THE MORNING!
brendan called jakalope last nite so i could apologize for the post i had written about her music video sucking and i think i also said that she talk-singed her stupid goth poetry, pretty funny i think and brendan agreed. she sounds like a 4 year old on the fone. i told her i was all about making fun of shit and she said well maybe you shouldn't i dunno i said no no for entertainment purposes i wanted her to know that i wasn't dissing her as an artist i was dissing the shitty music video which as it turns out brendan filmed or worked on i dunno. anyway i said to her i would make a public retraction on my blog about my post. i still think that video is gay but it's not marketed to me so i understand, she's cute she sings at things in jars and on the stairs, i'm sorry katie/jakalope.
stupid brendan showing my post to the actual artist i am making fun of NICE GOING BLOWHARD! i can't remember if i asked her if she reads my blog, ha ha.
now i feel like a mean tabloid. wait what? good!
yeah she pretty much hates all things raymi, she wants to start an i hate raymi site. do it!
ladies try it with yer actual boob size then start over and choose the biggest boob size and choose horseriding, don't forget to view it from another angle also. fucking brits.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I didn't know we were getting wasted
maybe you should put up one more pic of you in the tub...
maybe u should put up one more emo post
I'm gonna kick yer ASS when i see you!
get ready for a whoopin'
okay I'm bored
let's go now
ill leave in five mins
start early finish early
our boyfriend fil is gonna meet us there
I'm not friends with fil anymore
I'm over him
im trying to think of something condescending to say
my underwear is on inside-out. i don't care. samir and i will be hanging out in an hour for the first time since redparty. when we don't talk or write for a few days samir calls and asks if we are still friends and fil will say hey samir, remember when we were friends? yeah, that was awesome.
being insecure is the funnest.
i pretty much hate everyone today equally. my throat is all closed-up. tonite i'm going to get wasted the not-drinking-during-the-week is temporarily on hiatus for tonite because I AM TURNING TO THE HOOCH because because BECAUSE!
i need to get slammed and shit-trash the world with my peeps.
shit-talking not slammed isn't as effective or fun.
tara reid, eat your heart out.
comments are also not loading MY LIFE IS RUINED!
i went and had a smoke on the balcony with wet hair last nite and now i am sick.
i don't have anything nice to say right now.
if it weren't for this kitten and rooster i would eat garbage right about now.
some douchebag whoever won raymitheminx.com and is using it to advertise porn however he's having it point to my archives and at the bottom right there's all these links like 'glory-hole' sex bag' whatever - it's fucking GREAT that something i began at the age of 17 is now a fucking porn site. legally is this person allowed to use my image to advertise porn? like there'sa picture of me and bunny kissing right above the porn links. do i have any legal rights in this situation? like yeah u can have porn but you can't have my old domain and have it point to my archives that do not belong to you to get people to look at porn can you? either way i'm changing my url altogether fuck the internet. f that guy i dunno, DO SOMETHING.
Monday, February 27, 2006
where the fuck is your friend jeff
he is not my friend he is my arch enemy jeffosidius from planet firwux
weren't you like 1 years old when Kiss broke up?
i have been sent ten trillion lightyears into the past here, an obscene amount of lightyears behind to battle him to the death
kiss, pardon me but i do not understand what that word is
the shirt you are wearing in your picture
you are not from the future
you are from Ontario
the t-shirt of which you refer to is merely the symbol for this place
it has zero affiliations to this "kiss"
one day 8 years ago i shot thee jeffosidius with a quadruple laser beam fargonaut, you know that scar on his stomache in the shape of fecal matter? that was me.
he has it coming
do you have any advice
i'd say go for it
i mean why not
if you end up having to kill someone its just part of the process
my planet kylix and his have a deep conflict between us
an ancient grudge
his planet firwux has tried many a time to steal our precious griz root and waged war on my planet to retrieve it
he must be destroyed at all costs
jeffosidius' people are not very bright
they used up their resources all too soon
they are good for slave labor
soon they will be out of tinklin spirits
jeffosidius is part of the herti species
they seek to impregnate the women of my planet
so as to bare claim to the griz root
THEY MUST BE DESTROYED
your transponder is out of alignment
i fear i will not be able to return to kylix
so for the time being i am adapting to earth life
while here i must carry out my one destiny in life
i reccommend the chicken kiev
that is to kill jeffosidius
i understand he has taken the form of a human male and goes by the name of jeff halpin
what a common name
harh har har MAUAHAHAHAHA
julka is coming over later on today to take photos of my hair in the bath/wet hair. i dunno. some mysterious OCAD lesbo thing prolly.
i have to go out front and mail a letter, it is right outside the building. TOO FAR!
ok i'm gonna expose this blog because i am an asshole. myself and a few other individuals invented fat emo lady blogs a little while ago and we were going to integrate them into the blog-circle and make them have fights with you guys but then we all quickly abandoned these blogs cos being a fat insecure woman is TIRING. i will not tell you the true identities of the other ladies but you can click the links on my blog to see them. they're pretty funny.
if this makes me look bad or causes you guys not to like me anymore, oh well.
i mean LOL!
here is something that greatly infuriates me
i wrote a song and it is called
instead of ending your link with "> end it with target="new"> so that a new window will open up with that link instead of it overtaking the browser which i am viewing your blog in, this is highly beneficial because then your blog will remain "active" and i don't have to hit back ten million times to go back to your boring stupid shitty ugly vapid blog, ok?
i learned this when i was SEVENTEEN!
ok here is an example with and without the "target="new"> (i do target = blank because i am oldschool and they invented =new for lazy ugly fat dumb people)
are we still friends?
it has come to my attention that more than half of my readership are learning-impaired, and that's ok.
allow me to explain to you what MODERATED COMMENTS actually means.
this means that when it comes to the publishing of comments I am LORD EXCELSIOR and you are peasants. your comments are not displayed until i go into my haloscan account and MODERATE THEM ie. APPROVE them. so after you type something and it disappears it does not mean that the internet gobbled it up, it's merely in limbo until i am able to approve it.
now this doesn't mean that you have been banned and it's nothing personal, everyone has the same rights and/or privileges when it comes to commenting.
i have chosen this route because some people have gone a little overboard in the commenting department, mostly every comment is approved so type away.
now check out this business. i don't know what to say about it. i am half-amused and blown away. get yourself your own buzznet account too, you can upload all your shitty boring snore-a-thon videos like me!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
we met my dad for lunch today then had band practise then went to my dad's to retrieve some art and some other junk i own that i never look at or use and books i have read 20 times over then we had dinner at fil's mom's and watched afv. we watch afv pretty much every sunday because fil is old and i wear diapers.
i want to clear something up but only now i will do it half-assedly.
I AM NOT CRAZY.
it's endearing to read on people's blogs that raymi is crazy but less and less these days, now it's just irritating. you know when yer talking with someone on msn and yer sharing a laugh and then it goes too far because the "meaning is hard to determine because it's in type" - FUCK THAT. if you cannot understand the written word and the meaning behind it then you are a fucking moron and the same goes for blogs, blogging, scrabble.
i write stream of consciously, that's how i talk, that's how i am. i am ADVANCED the opposite of slow and if this makes me crazy compared to normy normals and "all over the place" what-have-you - fine.
bi-polar doesn't mean crazy. it's a chemical imbalance predominantly stemming from depression.
i'm "arty" "creative" "hilarious"
if i were crazy i wouldn't have the capacity to maintain this piece of shit weblog for 6+ years ok. i've done the crazy been hospitalized thing already so i've earned the right to fucking say and do as i please.
i've spent days on end with certifiable schizophrenics and delusional fucktits, now THAT'S crazy.
writing bleep blop bloop on a blog and saying MEOW MEOW MEOW every ten minutes is NOT crazy.
ps. i got that shirt from black market.
video of fil and martin making a rock go off a cliff into the lake