we are going to the cottage yay if pitt isn't too gay/busy, comments will be moderated by him. if not then have a good saturday i hope i don't blow my fingers off tonite even tho it would be sort of cool in a novelty-type way if i had blown off fingers like HEY HERE COMES MY BLOWN OFF FINGERS FRIEND SHE'S FUCKING COOOOOOL.

last nite in bed i was pretending to be a cougar or one of the thundercats but mostly a cougar and i was making all these unattractive rrrraawwrl noises and pretending to brandish claws at fil and i made a bunch of videos, i can be pretty irritating when i put my mind to it not to mention that i was 100 per cent wasted at the time. fil was worried i would keep it up and didn't tell me to stop cos there was a good possibility i would get drunk-defensive, start crying, and then list all the things i think are wrong with our relationship until i fell asleep with mascara smeared halfway down my face.

here is one of my new shoes. at least it looks like it came out of the garbage and i paid ten dollars for it, the other one was also ten dollars - at least i didn't pay 80 dollars for stupid gay vans that the entire universe is wearing right now and then they have to go out and buy more cos their first pair got dirty. newsflash YOU ARE NOT SPICOLI.

while on the subject of footwear, if you own a pair of those rubber clog gardening shoes and wear them for fashion i will take a dump in your mouth when you are sleeping. i don't fucking care how comfortable they might be you are not allowed to wear them unless you are the town idiot drunk and found your pair at goodwill or you are pruning roses in the backyard and you have clippers in your hand i swear to fuck if i see you in yorkville jaywalking in those retard potato shoes i will get a bow and arrow and puncture your tires.



also if i see your children wearing them in funky colors they will be kidnapped.

and who the fuck started this trend anyway??!!?! seriously when i was 17 i got a pair of fluorescent red felt/corked clogs in england and brought them home thinking how neat they were and my mom specifically wore them to take the garbage out. point taken. also little bugs lived in them too.

it's like, sometimes, i think, people want me to hate them. i even saw this gothy punk girl wearing a fluorescent green pair with black stars on them, you know shit's out of hand when various styles and colors come available.

is it a canada thing? an ontario thing? has this heinous trend hit the west coast yet?



i could seriously write a book about how fucked up this fashion is, how is it even practical? i swear you are only allowed to wear them if you are a batshit crazy lady in a culty women's group and you talk about goat cheese and how wonderful dogs are and your hair is scraggily grey. or you are from whereeverthefuck clogs were invented pretty much the same place where harps and yellow hair came from.

look at this!!!!! these are listed under gardening clogs but they are also known as GO EVERYWHERE CLOGS - i know where you can go! HELL! and take your stupid gay ugly shoes with you. my blood pressure is rising and my eyes are all beady and i can't blink i am so crazy obsessed on this topic right now. i mean they have to invent a category/description for these clogs to justify jerks wearing them in public.

ok i'll stop.

anyway this is my mom.

fil is being a lesbian right now taking a lesbian nap uh are you 40 years old today? he came home early and declared we were going shopping for him. when i get something new he has to get something new right away. courtney came by and bought a painting, it felt like a drugdeal. anyway so much for shopping, it's raining and we have to go get stories juice for our stories at 8 o'clock. stories = afv; stories juice = BOOZE. last night we got crunked and spoke to these americans one from mass. the other ny state the mass chick i knew right away was from new england somewhere and we were playing buzztime and the question was bla bla what new england song na ha nah and i screamed at her to tell me the answer and she busted up laughing and said hawr hawr she can tell i'm from new england. no offense why do you guys sound like joan rivers?

dear world yesterday me and lise went to winners and bought shoes and i got shoes and pants and then we went elsewhere and she got more shoes and i got some socks and shirts.

how come at fresh everyone is yelling all the time, do you need yelling to make healthy food? and why is everyone a lesbian who eats there and why do they sit by themselves all awkward eating leaves and rocks for 12.99 and they sit all hunched over like someone out of a goth novel? why does everyone look at everyone else there and sigh the place is just too impressive to handle and everyone in it a lot of thinking and show-boating goes on why can't i just eat leaves and nuts and shaved carrot without all that yelling and concentration camp haircuts on pregnant women wow i am going to new-age hell.

a few weeks ago i went there to get some hangover medicine and i got the simple rice now MY idea of simple rice is RICE, the end. their idea of simple rice is rice with parsley and shaved carrot and exploded wheat and tofu "steaks" or tempeh. i had to ask what tempeh was and the dude was all it's this really nice tofu that's full of flavor and bla bla bla but here is the TRUTH: tempeh is garbage you find in a parking lot with bits of someone's car tire slammed onto it and then it's stepped on a lot by a bunch of shoeless homeless guys and birds regurgitate bread onto it and voila, tempeh.

needless to say i was not stoked about spending 8 something on that crap and it certainly did not help my hangover in any way whatsoever and it did not fill me up.

i think by law fresh is not allowed to serve anything that tastes good that is under 9 dollars. yesterday the juice i had was alright but it wasn't refreshing it was just heavy and thick i'm like WHERE'S THE JUICE THIS IS FLUFFY LIQUID.

sorry lise i know you are a lesbo for that place but i am not a millionaire.

sucky pants cid

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

i'm going to have to disagree with this one.

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY:




i burnt the fuck out of my hands last nite while making chicken strips and cried like a stupid baby on the couch for an hour. i have third-degree burns. fil was laughing at me of course because he is an insensitive bastard.

listen to raymi and tony and fil talk nonsense.

Kali reviews marketable depression and who knew she has ideas in her head about stuff like a book tour, go see.

so this nokia 6682 has snake on it but like snake of the future in color and there are 8 different mazes to choose from i don't know anyone dumb enough to put forth a few bills for a snake game, oh wait yes i do. anyway sigh, my life is now changed forever no more waiting in lines at the supermarket with the uglies. oh and there's poker games on it (samir) too. still haven't put any music on it or bluetooth the videos and pictures to my computer WOW TECHNOLOGY CAN YOU BELIEVE I SAID BLUETOOTH!>?! me eithER! bEST sALESPITCH eVER can't wait for my commercial to air.

good thing i'm me otherwise i would be VERY jealous right now.

i have heartburn and it feels like my left nipple is detaching itself from my breast.

i like when people are all oh that's your stomache that hurts not your chest/heart and i am like thank you for the science lesson douche that really helps about now.

maybe a cigarette will right me.

ha.

fuck i love rushmore, the movie. it was on last nite. here are the parts i like.

i like the part when bill murray's kid says shove your head up your ass and bill waits a second then he strong arms him from the front seat of the car and that ends the scene.

i like the part when max says to murray i got this one and pays for the popcorn at the wrestling match.

i like the part when max's friend is dressed like a wizard and throws rocks and shit at him.

i like when max thanks the waiter for accommodating luke wilson at the dinner table, that entire scene was brilliant.

i like when max sharpens his pencil when the teacher is trying to confront him in the library.

i like when max finally introduces his father and says he's a barber.



i like when he visits dr. Guggenheim in hospital and he goes you think he recognized me and the wife shakes her head and then dr. goes FISCHER!

i like the part when bill murray is spying behind the tree on the teacher and comes over and asks the kid what he's painting and the kid goes UUUGH IT'S A JELLYFISH and the kid has a funny-ass retard kid voice.

there are a hundred other parts i liked, tell me yours too but don't say the OR they? part cos that's a given, i want obscurely funny barely noticeable parts. like near the end when that school maintenance guy goes BEST PLAY EVER MAN. that guy's awesome.

thank you for participating in this week's installment of THINGS RAYMI LIKED IN A MOVIE THAT CAME OUT ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO.

this is the new shit i'm working on.

You're a Pirate

Now WHERE is that acid??? oh yeah i took it already, duh.

don't worry friends my feelings aren't hurt by this kid and thank you for flaming them too really when i get "shit on" and make a post out of it they are really just helping me, cos like, that's one more post and then more people come to write a dis and then come back again to read other people's comments and then more traffic etc etc. i think it's pretty obvious this person 1. wants to fuck my boyfriend 2. wants to fuck me 3. has been reading me for awhile 4. can't sleep at nite because my beautiful face haunts them so 5. thinks we are going to be friends one day 6. is the most boring vapid and ineffective flamer ever 7. is 18, their juvenile insights make me cringe.

oh and here's their ip: 207.176.208.130

ok so i haven't had any zoloft since sunday well saturday i mean, sunday was the first zoloft-free day and yesterday was absolutely mental PLUS i got my period and ten hundred pimply virgins decided to "rip" me in my comments GOOD TIMING. all day i felt like a tingly piece of shit and today i slept in the longest i have slept in, in a very long time well maybe three years when i use to sleep 'til 4 and wake up and smoke all the weed in the universe and then do it all over again the next do and no i did not sleep in 'til 4.

ah, good thing i'm a go-getter.

anyway, i would just like to say a hearty FUCK YOU to everyone who has been pissing me off lately and i will pay you a hundred dollars to come over and say to my face everything that's been on your mind and been typing in my little comment section, fucking do it losers.

makes me look oh so forward to launching stalkraymi.com and giving you motherfuckers the platform you crave to discuss your penis enlargements and acne medicines.

bye.

look it's me and my FREE $500 telephone douches! (299 with plan and rebates). good thing i'm reeally reaally ugly and my blog is very very crappy eh? it's a wonder a marketing company would hook up someone so stupid and ignorant? whatever will they think up next? hamburgers that EAT PEOPLE!?!?! once i figure out all the other shit it does i will show and tell you about it. there's still roughly 20 they wanna give away to toronto bloggers and some in ottawa and also vancouver so SMD hurry up with your blog already cos like, we can totally call each other and share video clips I CAN'T WAIT!

HEY! I'm proud of you for actually posting my comment. I don't see how you could have "banned" me already, because that was my first time commenting on your boring blog that delves into the excruciating minutia of your boring life which is no more interesting than anybody else's. But I'm not surprised that you have to continuously ban people because I bet you get a lot of people that feel it is their duty to tell you the truth, that nobody cares about the crap you have to write. And you jump to the internet-version of the old cop-out defense of "I can't hear you!!!!!" created by 6 year olds. So 2000 people visit your blog daily eh? Looks like your stupid rambling is SO interesting that about 5 - 10 people out of 2000 per day feel the need to discuss your lame stories. I'll give you a little breakdown on the demographics of your "agonizingly boring web log" or simply "agbo-blog" for short. Of the 2000 people you claim visit your agbo-blog each day, 5 - 10 of them, we'll say 10 to be conservative, are your actual "friends" that pretend to care. I use "friends" loosely because they are comprised of people that pretend to like you because you whored out your ugly body to them, and 1 extremely lonely and obviously pathetic loser who somehow thinks it's in his best interests to claim to be your boyfriend even though he gets thorougly bitched by you on a daily basis. ("He's too afraid to talk to strangers LOLLL!!!"). Anyway the other 1990 "hits" a day you get are from extremely horny internet-loners that heard there's a free sneak-peak of a half-naked real-live girl (who happens to have no security or self-esteem so she needs the 2000 hits per day generated by naked-girl pictures to feel any kind of self-worth). So anyway, to sum everything up: I'm impressed that you actually had the courage to post my last comment - I doubt highly you will post this comment - I think out of sheer weakness and a lack of any form of defense you will "ban" me - a word of advice to you would be to tell your "friends" to refrain from "defending" you in the comments section because they make the most retarded grade-3 level insults that don't make any sense or apply at all and by reflection make you look a lot less intelligent than you really are - you should delete your worthless agbo-blog - and finally I will be starting my own blog in your honour, I'll give you the link once it gets up and running.

Hope you have a good day!
S.M.D. | 07.26.06 - 2:28 pm | #



dude that's pretty ironic you'll be making a blog in tribute to me and thanks for the statistical rundown of my readership and hits cos like you are obviously an expert and who am i, i'm just someone who's had this blog for over 6 years and not to mention INVENTED IT what the FUCK do i know? clearly NOTHING. thanks for clearing up that the people who i talk to on a daily basis and mail me stuff and buy my shit and have been reading along for years, thank you SO MUCH for OUTING THEM! everyone there's gonna be big changes i'm sorry but smd is right YOU ARE ALL USING ME! YOU DON'T REALLY LIKE ME AT ALL I JUST KNOW IT! EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER MAILED ME SOMETHING OUT OF THE "GOODNESS" OF THEIR HEARTS I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU YOU EVIL SCUM smd smd smd smd smd + raymi = FOREVER!
raymi | Homepage | 07.26.06 - 3:08 pm | #

i'll change the colors soon i promise.

in the meantime...


BOLIVIA BUG

wearing a fur coat! it better be faux, you asshole!

also, rilah FINALLY gave birth to a girl! now i don't have to feel like a drunken lazy slob whore when we chat on msn cos she'll be back on the sauce in no time, fingers crossed.



good thing gus is stalking her.

Hey what makes you think anybody cares about your crap adventure in the movies? Yeah people want to hear your bitching about the most minor of problems - that makes for GREAT reading. Why don't you get mad at this comment, take it out on your obviously huge pussy of a boyfriend, have him leave you, and then die alone because you failed to attract a new mate since you're so fat and ugly that the only way you can attract anyone is through gravitational pull. If you're fat and ugly like you are, it helps to have a nice personality, that way at least you'd have *SOMETHING* going for you.
S.M.D. | 07.25.06 - 3:06 pm | #

dear smd you win for the best comment. i dont think anyone is interested in anything i have to say however since u asked perhaps roughly the 2000 or so people who come here daily care. ps i thought i banned you already.
raymi | Homepage | 07.25.06 - 3:18 pm | #

in homage to the acrylic paints i purchased yesterday afternoon i will be setting the color scheme of my blog to HEADACHE.

we saw clerks II last nite and it is Ha-larious.

dear people who sit behind us maybe 7 seats away - just because you aren't directly behind us we can STILL BE AFFECTED BY YOUR UGLY DYKE STORM TROOPER BOOTS KICKING AND SLAMMING ON THE CHAIR BECAUSE ALL OF THE CHAIRS ARE CONNECTED IN THE ROW WE ARE SITTING IN SO YES GO AHEAD REST YER FEET UP BUT DON'T KICK AND SHUFFLE YOUR FEET EVERY 2 MINUTES.

so i finally go over to this girl who is sitting by herself and i feel kind of bad cos it's a kevin smith movie and she's alone and not the best looking swan in the lake and she immediately gets scared like i am going to stab her WHICH I COULD HAVE BLEEEARGH! and i say can you take your feet down it's vibrating the entire row but i didn't mean to say that i flubbed it cos i had about to reprimand a stranger adrenaline and of course fil was too scared to do it so i always end up being the scary mean witch.



so, for the rest of the movie she didn't have her legs up and i felt bad about it but if i went over there again to be like HEY IT'S OK PUT YOUR FEET UP, i was paranoid she'd be all JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU'RE SCARING ME or something like what little children say when they see a monster and that would be too embarrassing to sit through.

i also wanted you guys to know that i am not really a fan of dessert anymore, sweets, anything not tasting like chips or cheese or meat or salt and that the cake at my wedding will be steaks, thousands of them on tiers to the ceiling with a blood fountain at the top and the little bride and groom figurines will be floating in it and me and my husband will smash greasy meat all over our chins and then have an acne-popping party for the midnite buffet.

ahha i just found acnesucks.net look how bummed this guy is:

cid's borderline personality disorder

serious

don't worry i know that these are the best drawings you have ever seen.

i wish i had some markers and big sheets of drawing paper so i could draw hamburgers and me floating in space with hamburgers around me.

ps zero people win a postcard because your rage stories were long-winded. i wanted like a tiny paragraph, consisting of no more than three lines in length describing a situation where you are so mad you have a brain aneurysm.

for example i told a squeegee dude to FUCK OFF yesterday afternoon at front street on our way out of the city and he said WELL FUCK YOU and walked away. he just started washing the windshield and i got nervous he might fuck up fil's ride and i was kinda hoping he would cos at the moment i was full-on seeing red and i got the rageahol butterflies in stomache feeling but i think he knew i was a crazzy biatch so he just went away.

LUCKY FOR HIM REEEAAAWRgh! i was looking forward to punching his facial piercings off though.

dear downstairs foyer:

why do you insist on smelling like old lady perfume aka funeral parlor full of old ladies? i guess it can't all be bad cos it rubs off on my clothes and it's like HEY FREE PERFUME! but sometimes i would prefer NOT to smell like dishsoap poison with a hint of rotting mayflowers.

yours, raymi apt. ***

cheated hearts, yyys