for those who have not read any of my articles here they are:

HOW TO BE A SMALL TOWN SLUT

CUNT TRUMPET MUSIC - QUEEFS actually listed on wikipedia, i'm a source beyatch!

HOW TO BE A DRUNK ASSHOLE

ODE TO PHARMACEUTICAL NARCOTICS

public affair lip sync

i love the dude completely ignoring them in the background, this is one of their better performances i think and i know because i am a lip sync expert.

rannie took this supes awesome photo of me and emm - the trick to not having a huge fucking face is looking down at the floor unlike the other fifty ones he took bye.

we rented the benchwarmers last nite and it is good because i posess just about every annoying retarded habit of every loser in that movie. there's a lot of cameos in it and one guy is an agorophobe (me) and lives in a closet and when he finally attempts to venture outside he looks up at the sun and hallucinates that it is pulsing bigger than it actually is so he screams and runs inside. there's a hell of over the head's of kids references in it but i guess your ten year old could watch it with you. in the special features on the dvd the entire cast is interviewed and asked if they were bullied in school and zero of them own up to it they just say like OH I WAS THE KID WHO WAS FRIENDS WITH EVERYBODY.



they get the ringer on the other team who is puerto rican, wasted on tequila and beer and i kept wondering if that was stereotypically racist or not, well i know it's stereotypical but anyway it's funny i guess cos craig kilborn offers him up to tim meadows and puerto rican dude is drinking a beer and tim is like UH HE IS WAY TOO OLD and craig is like no he's not and the puerto guy says I AM 12 and passes him a piece of paper with I AM 12 written on it in green crayon and a picture of him without a goatee ahahahahahaha. then his little girl daughter comes out of the bushes and he yells at her in spanish and tim meadows is like YOU HAVE A KID!?!



i have to imdb that tall skinny guy from roadtrip now cos there's a boy in benchwarmers who looks like he could be his brother.

ooh search quest exploration of the internet's mystery time!

**UPDATE - i was wrong.

i <3 her.


kelly clarkson in audience, joins metal skool on stage

drinks whiskey, has short hair, throws the fuck down, endures annoying old rockers with LA surfer accents for ten minutes, oh yeah that yellowcard guy is there too, sings sweet child o mine exemplifying exactly how white she is while the other douches sing over her the whole time cos they don't want their thunder stolen, knows five words of the entire song.

cid made cuteoverload again.

the crazy cat obsessive comments are hilarious.

SUPER JESUS


FIRAT IS BACK!


hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

hi

raymi says:

hi firat

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

You recognized me

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I was not supposeing

raymi says:

i recognize and remember all

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I was pleased that

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

and how are you

raymi says:

good thank you im just grading some schoolwork there's this one really stupid kid in my class anyway how are you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

fine

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Know childre, annoyance,

raymi says:

when i say stuff do you look it up and cut and paste the definition back to me in english?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Excuse me

raymi says:

what?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

My, english, it, as good as,

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I could not understand complete

raymi says:

its ok

raymi says:

what are you doing today

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I visited along the day

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I stayed at 12 o`clock

raymi says:

visited what

raymi says:

WHAT?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

yes

raymi says:

where did you stay at 12 ?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

in home

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Asleep, wake up,

raymi says:

you visited your own home at 12?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

at 12

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

at 12 a sleep wake up

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

are you understand

raymi says:

no i dont understand

-------------------------------------------
MEANWHILE SOME GUY ADDS ME TO HIS MSN AND STARTS CHATTING:

spartaküs says:

hello

spartaküs says:

yuor today very good lady

raymi says:

uh

raymi says:

are you pretending to be foreign

spartaküs says:

what?

spartaküs says:

ı dont no lady

spartaküs says:

ok

raymi says:

how did you get my email address

spartaküs says:

ım some eglısh ok

raymi says:

where are you from

spartaküs says:

fırat

spartaküs says:

ı m from turkey

spartaküs says:

you are from girl?

spartaküs says:

alooooo

spartaküs says:

are dher

raymi says:

firat u are talking to me in another window

raymi says:

and u dont realise i am the same person?

spartaküs says:

yes

raymi says:

oh fuck this

raymi says:

u are friends with firat?

-----------------------------------------------------

raymi says:

u are talking to me in another window using a different email address and u dont realise that i am the same fucking person

raymi says:

so u are hitting on me over there

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no

raymi says:

yes you are

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no i am

raymi says:

are you telling me that there isn't another firat talking to me coincidentally right now

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I only am talking here

raymi says:

ok well your friend spartacus got my email address from you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I don't know it

raymi says:

well some guy said he got my email address from firat

raymi says:

and thats YOU

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

not i am

raymi says:

oh my god you are firat and you gave my email address to your friend spartacus

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I didn't give

raymi says:

well how did some guy just add me now and he said firat gave him my email AND HE LIVES IN TURKEY

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Give, necessary, one, reason, there,

raymi says:

thanks for the "definition"

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Be sure, that, i, somebody, give,

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

raymi

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

are there

raymi says:

firat i dont like liars

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

i am not lier

raymi says:

ok fine i forgive you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

very thanks for you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

When become say event,

raymi says:

when event reveals itself

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I understood

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Me, hot, ,

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Never, crime, there, but,

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

raymi

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Are you hearing me

raymi says:

yes i am

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I, with, speak, ,

raymi says:

i am speaking with you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

ok

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Which city are you living in canada

raymi says:

galleria

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I am not knowing

raymi says:

it's near montreal

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

i am know montreal

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

good

raymi says:

yep

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

turkey eatcome

raymi says:

turkey eats come?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

yes

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

?

raymi says:

i like turkey

raymi says:

it tastes good

raymi says:

i have to go now

raymi says:

bye

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

It is so

raymi says:

what is?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

When do you turn

raymi says:

tomorrow

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

today?

raymi says:

the day after today

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Meanwhile, very_beautifull,

raymi says:

thanks

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I will miss you

raymi says:

thanks

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Until the point of view

allow me to avert your attention to this.

yet, more importantly my two cents about it:

"yep this is pretty much stupid idealistic im gonna do shit with my life one day crap on par for people yer age to be writing, good work." - raymi.

in other news, i am happy to report that i singlehandedly, with the power of the internet, my blog and the good will and faith of my readership, i have SAVED THE LIFE OF THAT EMO GIRL AND I AM TAKING FULL CREDIT DESPITE HAVING ZERO PROOF THAT I HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. the site has been taken down so i can only assume she has come to her senses and is right now typing up a thank you letter to me.

who will i make fun of next? could it be you, or you, or maybe even you?

TO BE CONTINUED.....

IF YOU MESS WITH JESUS, YOU MESS WITH CID.

SAFETY FIRST FRIENDS!

we went to the hot one party last nite at embassy. we got the cd. the music is VERY GOOD and like fun rock with controversial lyrics get a cd when you get a chance i mean it, seeing as DFA is dunzo hot one is the maturer version as in sweaty yelling fun styles anyway i am bad at talking up bands and music so whatever BUT I'M TELLING THE TRUTH.

see i've gone and fucked myself with the caps lock lowercase shit, no one can tell if i'm joking or serious anymore and even when i say I AM TELLING THE TRUTH people are like HAHA FUNNY JOKE RAYMI!

that's emm and jordan, they are in the band and jordan was djing last nite it was a good time cos when we were leaving this pretentious drunk guy with glasses fell on his face when he was leaving the patio to go, after listening to him talk louder than all his friends about everything it was a definite treat to see him wipe out.



that's fil's cousin sean, he and fil are like BFF and whenever they hang and i am there they talk over my head about their cottage and other shit then they look at me to add something and i just regurgitate all these non-sequitors that go on for WAY too long. anyway sean is deathly scared of flying so he's taking a freightship to europe and it is going to take 8 days. i was like what if you get bit by a monkey on the ship and then everyone dies bla bla SEE WHAT I DO I CAN'T HELP MYSELF.



sarah showed up wearing the skinniest red jeans and said that they weren't nearly skinny enough like leggings and i was like WEAR LEGGINGS THEN. sigh.

in case there was any confusion i just wanted you to know that i am a loser with no friends who paints deers and wears dresses inspired by aprons.







but i still rule though when listening to itunes on shuffle it takes me an hour to realise i am listening to the worst most obnoxious songs ever in my life.

hi friends it has been awhile since i wrote about how much i rule, ok maybe it's been over a week, anyway, i don't want you forgetting.

yesterday i made some jokes waiting for our popcorn at kernels and it saved lise a dollar i swear i am googling kernels right now and going to calculate the tax/price of the special she bought and see if i was right so stay tuned for more developments on that.

just one out of infinity reasons why i rule.

**update ok i went on their site and after three seconds of looking i couldn't find the special deal but anyway it was buy 2 get one free, any size and lise got two mediums and it came to 9.50 when really the chick said 10.50 BUT then i made my special jokes and she is like BWAHAA 9.50!

after i read your blog last night i got severe indigestion. thanks raymi. -jason

what why? -raymi

i have no clue. i was feeling fine all night.. but as i was reading
your blog my gut just started hurting. so by some crazy logic i figured your blog caused my indigestion. sorry, didn't want to make you feel bad for it.. just thought i'd let you know,

(i would've told you last night but I went right to bed and slept in fetal position) - jason

hmm well sorry -raymi

PHOTO OF THE WEEK!



just try and top it.

kate moss hoover ad


kate moss stripper dance

white stripes video now this is how strippers should be dancing, slow fucked up head banging.

suicide countdown

is it real? save her? she should be reading postsecret.com - she's gonna do it saturday newsflash get your ads on her site now!!!!

anyway, yawn. like go get some help already i am NOT watching your suicide over saturday afternoon television or driving in the country hey ever heard of CHOOSING LIFE? no? ok have a nice dirtnap.

WHAT DOES PEEING DONUTS MEAN SHH SHARPIE DON'T TELL!

dear everyone in a mall who thinks they just came from importantsville FUCK YOU AND DIE.

i'm waiting in line at h&m at yorkville mall yesterday to buy this dress that looks like an apron and a new bag and these two bitches in front are leisurely chatting up the cashier with infinity tattoos on her arms. they're mulling over which bags to buy with the cashier and i'm standing there like a lone turd while three other h&mers are busy pretending to sort hangers and NOT CASHING ME THROUGH so lise comes over and i am like there are three other people here not working and look at the two available tils i'm going to just stand by an empty one and start screaming but then one realised how grossly lazy she was and cashed me out.

now, lise and i are going down the escalator and the chick with the five hundred bags she couldn't decide upon WHO SHOULD DECIDE WHAT SHE WANTS BEFORE GOING TO THE CASHIER, who also appeared to have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO CHAT this fugly bitch comes up behind us on the escalator and goes EXCUUUUUUSE ME! so we part and then i see that it's HER and i FUCKING LOSE IT.

i say to lise THIS BITCH held ME up in line for five minutes and now all of a sudden she is in a fucking hurry? i said it all really loud and i know she heard me cos when she made her turn at the ground floor she looked at me and i was still talking S big time and giving her cut-eye and her face was a big question mark, she couldn't figure out what she did wrong.

READ MY BLOG AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG FRIZZHEAD.

hi i have five hours to discuss shitty h&m leathers but once i buy them LOOK OUT WORLD GET OUT OF MY WAY ESPECIALLY THE GIRL I MADE WAIT THE LONGEST MOOOOOVE EXCUSE ME!

wow.

anyway.

oh and THEN in another store i'm walking in one direction and there is ample room around me to get by and this older chick goes EXCUUUUSE ME and i'm like YEAH WHATEVER then of course lose it again.

why do you need to announce to the world that you need to get by just fucking GET BY or push me fuck i do it all the time just do it and shut up i didn't wake up this morning to go to a mall to shop in a store to be standing in YOUR way also you yelled excuse me at me before you were anywhere near me like EXCUSE ME I WILL BE NEEDING TO PASS YOU IN 5 SECONDS JUST GIVING YOU A HEADS UP.

fuck i hate everyone.

Dear Raymi

I'm an ex-employee for a spa in the mountains of BC.
I quit leaving them 2 days to figure out their sceduale and get some other workhorse in to replace me. I didn't legally owe them any notice, And after I got over the guilt of maybe leaving them stranded I was ready to go. My time is important, Sitting picking at the feet of oil wives from Calgary who say "my beamer" 3 times per second, and talk about their husbands golfing and the realestate market bringing their summer home to 2 mil is not how I wanted to spend my summer. I said fuck you to the pretentiousness of giving your 6 year old her 3rd pedicure and left. It's been a month. After calling again this morning and getting the "I'm really busy right now, i'll call you back. Click" again I started to go mental. I wan't my fucking check. Now. It's well past the ok you screwed me, i'll screw you game.

What would be the funny thing to do?

Bronwyn

by the way i've been reading your blog for a few years whatever,you know, I love you blah blah blah anyway i'm starting up a clothing line inspired by women like you and like me, and when I have my shit together i'm going to ask you to do a shoot. Just so you know.

thanks for making me laugh.

dear lindsay

hey my name is raymi and i am 23 from toronto, canada. i have been a fan of yours since that parent trap movie you did. ok i'm lying, i mean i wasn't a fan per se i just knew about it and i think i saw it on the family channel and was like that girl has a lot of freckles and orange hair and she has a funny laugh. ok so i think you should be my friend because i am the ruler of the internet which means i can make you look smarter and write about all of our adventures on my blog and basically i can be your nicole richie except i PROMISE i won't get skinnier than you and take away your attention. uh, we can get "heat exhaustion" together any day of the week also my boyfriend is very good looking and somehow you could benefit from that. ps. i am very funny.

here is my blog: http://raymitheminx.blogspot.com

love raymi

dear raymi

Has anyone ever told you that you look like Lydia Lunch, circa 1985?

By the way, I'm from Georgia and I think I'm in love with you.

i'm watching what not to wear right now with lise. i like how 99% of the women they makeover all wear big stupid glasses and have floppy hair and all the stylists have to do is take out the ponytail and send her to lasic eye treatment and she's done.

i think we are going to feed chipmunks now.

dear ingrown hair/s

how would you feel if i moved inside of you like brought all my stuff and then just stayed there unannounced for a few days and then curled up into the fetal position and dug my hands into your thighs and grew like ten feet longer with puss all around me until you had to extract me with a dental pick?

just wondering what your thoughts might be concerning that possibility.

yours, raymi

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

selam

raymi says:

what? where are you from

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

sorry turkey

çbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

and u

raymi says:

canada

raymi says:

how old are you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

25

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

u

raymi says:

23

raymi says:

what do you do in turkey

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

i am living in turkey

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

teacher

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

are you

raymi says:

oh cool i'm a teacher too!

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I didn't understand complete sorry

raymi says:

i am a teacher like you

raymi says:

i teach grade 9 english

raymi says:

you know, poetry and shakespeare

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

i understand

raymi says:

what do you teach

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

i am teacher of history

raymi says:

interesting

raymi says:

what grade

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

middle school

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

and u

raymi says:

GRADE 9

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

high school?

raymi says:

yes

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

how are the students

raymi says:

high school kids are huge assholes im glad they brought back the strap

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I am not some glad in my students

raymi says:

do they disrespect you?

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Some lazy

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

in town school

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

One underdeveloped place

raymi says:

ok

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Lop, student, reflect,

raymi says:

i dont understand

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Student, this, environment, be_influenced,

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

now

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

sorry

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

what is your name

raymi says:

raymi

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

ok

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

my name firat

raymi says:

hahah i thought you said fart

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

no fart

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

firat

raymi says:

right

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Photograph, your, ,

raymi says:

what

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

in Photograph your

raymi says:

yes that is me in the photograph

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Very beautifull

raymi says:

thank you what do you look like

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I look like to the human-being

raymi says:

ok

raymi says:

are you being mysterious

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

sometimes

raymi says:

are you unattractive then

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

unattractive?

raymi says:

nevermind do you read my blog

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

sorry

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

blog?

raymi says:

nothing

raymi says:

so like do you want to meet i get the feeling you are a very stand-up guy

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

ok

raymi says:

ok are you like kind of slow or something

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

of course

raymi says:

what the hell do you mean

raymi says:

i mean, whats with the two word responses

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

I, hell, , life, skin,

raymi says:

WHAT

raymi says:

you are making it very difficult for me to fuck with you

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

how do you want

raymi says:

oh forget it i have to polish my hardwood floors now

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

Do you write shorter the sentences

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

My english isn't very good

raymi says:

clearly

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

yes

raymi says:

i have to go now

hiçbir mevsim gözlerin kadar acımasız kullanmadı neşterini says:

why

raymi says:

gymnastics class

welcome to emo tuesdays.

i think i ran out of jokes i don't have anything to say today.

my blog is blocked in saudi arabia.

my stomache is humongous from all that jerk soup if you want to come over for a tasting email me all zero of you.

ok

i think humongous should be spelled hu mong u ous

that's how i pronounce it anyway HUE MUNG YOU US!

memory lane

his first try

my heart is breaking.

they are the best



my dad's other band called doctor robert played in port credit on sunday and the fans were OUT OF THIS WORLD

**i wrote this last nite blogger was down so here it is now enjoy.



i am watching hell's kitchen and i am unable to experience the stress of it all cos my face was blown-off with hotness from the jerk chicken fil and i prepared tonite and the white wine is doing nothing to aid in my volcano face eruption of fire lava and fil is very crabby cos he put too much sea salt in it without tasting first anyway my nose is drooling out snot and my mouth has lost its capacity of closing and i look like the kid who sits in the front of the schoolbus right now who stuffs their winter jacket into light sockets oh fuck i may as well walk across hot coals and shove jalapenos in my eyes and wear a gasoline-filled astronaut suit and catch zippos and fireworks, sparklers EVERYTHING THAT IS HOT FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME MY SKIN IS BLISTERING!@!!!!

oh yeah yesterday at the harbourfront spicy food fair we waited in line ten minutes for jerk chicken and rice and peas and they didn't sell water or soda or anything drinkwise and we sit down and the second the chicken wing touched my lips it was like some douche with a crossbow shooting burning rags into the character of my being so i wandered around trying to find anyone selling drinks and there were long lines everywhere and i still have hot chicken slop burning my face skin off AND NO ONE CARES

at one point in my hot food high i was walking across this field in front of a stage and i looked back over my right shoulder to this chick with a mic trying to get people to donate to some cause and they get free rice/spicy jam samples... anyway i hear the word FREE and i turn but i'm still fucked in the head from all the HOT so in that instance when my head was turned it felt like i had walked into a wall or something even tho i was in an empty field I SWEAR it was like that fucking simpsons episode what with the chili tasting competition and homer transcends through time cos of that chili he eats THAT WAS ME YESTERDAY AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH ME RIGHT NOW I COULD JUMP THROUGH GLASS AND BARBED WIRE ok enough metaphors

bye.