yay they are married now. outlaw cried a little when she said her vows which of course made me cry and pitt said his very matter-of-factly and his brother sang ava maria perfectly we wanted to clap. mikey's hair looks like garth brooks when he was in his alter-ego/emo/chris gaines flop phase. i had the eucharist cos i was hungry and fil was spooked by my knowing all the words to all the blessings and whatever they're called. we're killing time before the reception which will probably have a boozeslide you know like a waterslide except with booze. mikey somehow convinced a girl to travel with him from wherever he lives, more dirt on that later.

walking down the stairs with an umbrella and no lense glasses and a dumb hat and a big bag and a winter jacket is hard work.


raymi's serious slur

i am dressed like an inappropriate teacher for tonite's outing i punched out the lenses of a pair of sunglasses and i am wearing a pearl necklace and fishnets and lise's h&m fondue party dress and i have written a bunch of SEE ME AFTER CLASS YOUR SOCIAL STUDIES REPORT SUCKED NO I WILL NOT GO ON A DATE WITH YOUR DATE notes to pass out to everyone at the party i will also be drinking fireball whiskey from a flask oh and i have bad breath which is a very important costume detail and my hair is clipped back when fil came home i was standing in the hallway with a scowl on my face and he cringed at how ugly i look.

maybe i'll put lipstick all over my teeth.

this is also funny possibly cos no one else is dressing up so i will just be a lunatic at a going away party wearing sunglasses with the lenses punched out kind of like when i lost all my marbles in los angeles.

ok i know friday is suppose to be ONE TIME I WAS SO DRUNK I BLA BLA post day maybe it still is but right now i have a RAYMI'S SUPER DUPER SPECIAL SECRET installment for you which i think you will be way more excited about. the only rule is when i tell you a secret you have to tell a secret on your blog or in my comments like that movie pay it forward and of course i am haley joel osment (nice name pfft) duh so instead of paying it forward like they do in the movie where they "help people" my game is more fun cos it is highly self-involved and NO ONE gets helped. helping people is exhasuting.


welsh corgi!

ok here is my special secret which i will write in caps lock for effect:

WHEN I GO TO SLEEP AT NITE THE WORD HALOSCAN GOES THROUGH MY HEAD A HUNDRED TIMES AND I CANNOT CONTROL IT I THINK IT'S MY BLOG-ADDLED BRAIN SHUTTING ITSELF DOWN FOR THE NITE.

thank you for participating now it is your turn to pay it forward except NOT pay it forward can i get sued?

ps. here is the tomato i ate yesterday

this bitch is for sale











someone put fat on my body so i can't do the buttons up anymore. it is size 36 XS. i bought it from an army surplus store on yonge street in toronto when i was 15 for maybe 60 bucks and i sewed those patches on so it's perfect if you are a racialist cos i sewed WHITE on it but not cos i'm a racialist or anything it's because white is my last name see and i also sewed the cavalry patches on the shoulder/sleeves which may or may not be upside down but alack there you have my super determined amazing fifteen year old sewing skills AND my last name. you can have this beauty for 60 dollars w/ shipping&handling. natch. it's perfect if you are a slight of build emo hipster boy or girl it makes your waist look tiny yay. it's in perfect condition and if you wanted to get one today from a store would cost close to a hundred bucks yo. so yeah tell me if you want it.

to get you into the spooky halloween mood i will tell you a scary dream i had i call it:

fil's dad get out of my dreams and into my car

i will keep it short cos i know reading people's dreams is totally boring so here is my dream in POINT FORM

-i was forced to go to scarborough with a bunch of guys and we had a gun with us for sale i don't know why it took three cars full of people to bring 1 gun

-then i flipped out on one of the guys in a bordello style family restaurant like LONESTAR or something and they all ditched me

-they ditched me with a stickshift delorean (which was white) and i was trying to drive it back to oakville but i didn't know any of the streets and i was terribly embarrassed cos i was driving into guardrails and shit so i pulled into this stripjoint plaza and ran into one of the strip clubs and i was bawling and all the strippers came out and were very nice and they were gonna get this one big gay guy i guess is their den mother to drive me home but then i started working there for some reason

-oh yeah i left the delorean half parked on a fountain/art sculpture in the middle of some square haha

-later on i decide to call fil for help and he is not answering the fone. i tried him maybe three times and then the fourth call his dad had changed his voicemail to his voice telling me that i am harassing fil and him too and that they were scared and would call the police if i called again

-then i was all panicky and sad and i woke up

i don't know why i didn't just take the fucking subway back yeesh.


me: there is no space in delorean

Phil: read the wiki article, especially down near the end and it talks about the variations

me: oh well
im just putting it altogether
google corrected me
"did you mean delorean"
i hate how google is so condescending like that
i am like DID YOU MEAN I WILL KILL YOU?!

Phil: did you mean GO FUCK YOURSELF
what are you that stupid windows paper clip?

me: exactly


the singhsons

MY MOM AND NIECE DOING SCISSOR SISTERS

i like that itunes went out of its way to call shuffle not shuffle but party shuffle so i can feel like there are people hanging out behind me drinking harvey wallbangers and i'm not just sitting alone here eating a tomato with a fork.

***Update i have also been sitting here picking my ear in a daze for the last five minutes.

BOOBKINI

nice fake-out doodz!

i just had an idea sort of like a game you can say no or not do it if you want here it is: you guys in toronto or wherever you are should stalk each other and take photos on the street of the person you are "stalking" and post them at stalkraymi along with the person's blog (as in you have been following their life for awhile via blogworld and are stepping it up) OR just stalk a nobody and post pictures at stalkraymi i dunno just an activity.

like the lady who you see at the donut shop and you can write little anecdotes about her like today she wore reebok's and had a large double double. and yes i know missed connections already exists but this is could be another level of that which rules cos it 1. goes nowhere and 2. is completely pointless and 3. creepy

i'm already somewhat lazily stalking the guy who i kicked after he punched me well it's more coincidental that i see him more. i saw him the other day eating toast at burger king nodding his head a lot and trying to find messages in his newspaper i was going to take a picture but i didn't want to interrupt his crazy.

as motivation, the first person to offer up some photos to kick off this project will get a portrait drawn of them or something else on canvas.

i also refuse to take any and all responsibility for the possible jailings that may come of this game.

stalk this! thread



moby feat. debbie harry - new york new york

this will make you thirsty

ok two nites in a row now that carving pumpkins didn't happen to me! we went to loblaws and they had two huge busted-face looking pumpkins -- neither pumpkin jong il appropriate at all, so tonite is the nite and that's that.

we watched souvenir of canada and it didn't make me grin like a bastard like the back of the dvd said it would. mostly it had me going I DIDN'T KNOW HE SOUNDED THAT FAGGY, HUH. anyway it was pretty decent and had funny moments and parts that made your heart tinkle and then me and fil fought over where on the east coast we would go visit cos neither of us have ever been so if there are any COOL PEOPLE over there please plan us a trip and tell us which province to go to oh and give us your house too.

later on we were watching comedy channel for a nitecap and i brought up how fil credited ME with getting him watching it and he FULLY DENIED IT even though he's said it before a few times and even wrote it in his blog but he still denied it and turned over so i said FUCK THIS, got up in my underwear and turned on my laptop and searched his archives in the dark by doing ctrl f "comedy" and i found nothing. though i didn't go through all his archives entirely.

then when he fell asleep i nuked butter chicken and passed out cos...

wait for it









i'm awesome.

BEST ME AND FIL SCISSOR SISTERS YET!

TWO YEARS AGO TODAY (ismokedalotofweed)



let me tell you something about something

everyone is waiting to be discovered so you should discover them and then email them and say wow you have talent i am going to help you and recruit you because you are ridiculously intelliegent and creative and have character because you come from so much pain

and then you help them

but not in the manner in which you want to help them in you have to help them in the manner that strokes their capacity to be the same person they were that made you email them in the first place

you are not suppose to tell them to go to school to get better at what they already know how to do better than you because that is how they came to be

they merely are a different-shaped peg than the hole you already have that you want to fit them into

if this person is a slacker that is how they are because they went thru life being one doing the bare-minimum required of them because they do not care about grades in school so much



they pay attention to things that interest them and if it is not presented in an interesting enough manner than you are a failure of a teacher and you are not trying hard enough because the spark has gone away in your heart because no one properly inspired you and i am sorry about that

don't refer to this person as "interesting" and leave it at that

you are only allowed to refer to them as "interesting" and be their friend, in their life, talk to them, guide them, help them, if you make a point to understand them and then go the extra yard and say, suckafool, you are a decent investment of my time, tell me what your needs are and i will do everything in my power to help you and we will both make money from this and then you guys write up a contract together and do wha tthe contract says and if your lawyer is a shady focker than you should not be even considering this whole investment-thing



because YOU are a shady focker

the rich can't keep ripping off the poor

the rich can't keep being rich

the poor hate the rich the rich hate the poor the poor manipulate the rich the rich stands alone the rich stands alone

hi ho the merry-o

the rich stands alone

the poor fucks the rich, the rich eats more cheese, the poor gets sort of famous, the rich says i invented the poor...the poor revolt, the poor revolt....and eventually goes to jail or something....

anyway

people need to change the way they think about these types of things, these words, titles, it's such a waste of energy

what else

oh yeh, if you are a man, you will never get it because you do not know what it is like to shed the lining of a uterus and how much crazzyness that entails



all it is about women and menstruating is, they have zero tolerance for your bullshit, zero patience, nothing has changed about them other than that so you continue being males, ignoring your wife/gf and she is screaming at you about a frying pan in the sink and you are all guh?

it's because you are sitting there, always, doing. nothing.

ok back on track here, how do you properly help this person, what do you do, what do you propose?

you propose nothing other than i want to help refine you because right now you are perfect, i just want to polish you a little and no i do not want you to be the next avril lavigne, i want you to be the next you, i want you to be the margaret cho of your desired industry and you are going to come to all of my fancy yuppie meetings and dazzle everybody and no it is not necessary for you to always be around me, you are allowed to work from home and slack off all you want because i bought you an assistant and they do all the organizing for you and they are completely satisfied in doing that and eventually they will quit and write a tell-all book about you and you will sue them or threaten to write a tell-all book about them and get it published first

it is your duty as "venture capitalist" to go hey, my job sucks i have TONS of money and i am going to approach this person and not wait for them to come to me

or if you're lucky and have a smart apprentice, they find the talent and suggest it to you because they have a crush on you or know that they will also profit

moreover

EAT IT!

and i say that because i am a big pile of complaining because i am getting older and the smarter i get the dumber i act and one day i am going to just totally burn every bridge i almost had.

ps i quit.

i have not made a number 2 since sunday? even sunday's was pretty dismal i think anyway i tried to keep this informarion from you and maybe it's the cause of the constipation!? anyway i can't wait to #2.

**ps i submitted LONERISM to urban dictionary i am eagerly anticipating its approval

lonerism: typical loner-type stuff loners say, do - a term describing the act or action of a loner

Sally hung out by herself at the cafe on her school lunch break and got wasted because she is the poster-child for lonerism. Sally was known to say things like, "I used to paint my face with red lipstick and stare at myself in the mirror when I felt like expressing my lonerisms."

Al-Qaeda missionaries SPOOF


rejected Wii games


NWA muppets mash up


Thriller w/ Legos


cigarettes hurt

raymi's brother: I made an egg fart in front of a client, was embarrassing!

raymi: ahahaa was it loud

raymi's brother: It was silent and lingered all through the office

we didn't carve pumpkins or rent a movie but we did have tacos, ground turkey tacos YUM though ground/turkey sounds like le barf. oh and i have a question:



why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why?

we are making tacos tonite and carving pumpkins and when i can think up one more thing to complete the domestication full-circle i will tell you oh wait probably renting a movie as well. there you go.

i washed my slutty ms. claus outfit from last year's andy kim gig so i think i will wear it for halloween with spooky make-up i'm gonna try it on now to see how much fatter i am since last year FUN. lise is wearing my vintage maid costume and it makes her tits look huuuuuuuuge in a good way duh.

LOOK FIL AND I ARE IN THE SCISSOR SISTERS!

here it is again but BETTER

last nite i could barely stay awake at green room after my mountain of nachos i dunno why i've been sleeping in a lot lately save for yesterday anyway when we got home i was pulling my sweater off up over my head and jumped in the air to help cos you know shit sticks to you when it's cold out cos of sweat and as i am jumping with both my arms shooting straight up with my sweater over my face fil decides to push/bodycheck me mid-jump/flight and i flew backward five feet onto the bed and then lay there giggling like a retard with my arms all tangled in my sweater over my head and then fil realised he did a funny thing and grilled me over what was so funny about it and then i had to deconstruct it all like on those tbs/superstation commercials where people call in the fake tbs call center and describe a scenario that just happened and tbs people say yeah it's ok to laugh that was funny.

the end.

LOTR jack black spoof


david blaine spoof


the death of myspace


crazy frog brothers