raymi: do you remember the first time we said i love you?

fil: do you?

raymi: i asked you first.

fil: ha you don't remember!

raymi: neither do you!

**thirty second silence**

raymi: i'm sure it was a nice moment.

fil: i'm sure it was.

click for larger desktop wallpaper wank-off version. notice what i am holding and you can also slightly make out a photo of my nana and papa dressed as santa/mrs. claus on the tv haha.

i must say i was quite unimpressed with yesterday's episode of the facts of life. here is a shitty synopsis: this princess attends the school who is a runaway from other various boarding schools, her parents neglect her bla bla she's basically blair warner the resident rich snob whose parents also neglect her anyway, this princess chick is all set to run away again cos that's what she does and there's this beautiful predictable build-up to when one might rightly assume blair would catch wind of this princess runaway bitch, take her aside and be all I UNDERSTAND YOU and how lovely and cheesy that would be, and does it happen? NOOOOOOOO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO

fuck.

it ends on this campy everyone awake in pajamas gathered in the kitchen note. totally not fair.

i wish i was alive when this show aired originally and that i was a writer on it, producer, something, it would still be airing today i'm sure.

the end.

can someone please explain to me this owl phenomenon? who started it, when, where, and why? why is the owl now the hipster girl mascot? did i miss something? is it cos of emo dorky nerdyness? um night vision? i don't get it. i see bling necklaces and owl prints everywhere and i don't know why. is it a joke? i mean i get the whimsical owl vibe a la wind in the willows secret molehipsterhill business but mostly it is like yawn don't force your owls on me, sister.

hmm i just thought about it some more maybe it is because they are like cats but with chicken bird legs so then they are like the ultimate cat that could destroy your face and fly away? this is hard, deciphering hipster culture is HARD because inherently it does not make ANY FUCKING SENSE.

remember when platypus' were in? why? they're ugly dude. no they're not some have tried to defend them to me, oh, they're not? and how is that what the fuck is wrong with you you're just jumping on the platypus bandwagon and you don't even know the reason why. ok they're not totally ugly but they're not exactly cute and cuddly either.

look at that:



do you want to hug THAT!?

are you a duck or a beaver MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND PLATYPUS!

my cousin had one on her bed amongst other stuffed animals when we were little and i was all WHAT IS THIS? she goes A PLATYPUS. i go A PLATYPUS? WHY? WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS? she goes COS IT'S CUTE. uh huh. NO IT'S NOT. YES IT IS she says.

end of discussion.

i wish i could go back in time and have that conversation again.

who the hell decided the platypus was cute, marketed them like mad and people bought them all up? i want to meet this person. people are fucking stupid and this gives me hope, one day i will market some retarded animal, deem it fashionable and you will all have stuffed animals of something equal to a naked mole rat on your beds.



ew.

sometimes a real life platypus might be huggable but as a stuffed animal they are BORING DULL ZZZZZ to look at AND they are horizontal. horizontal is mega-dull, if you want to be interesting you canNOT be horizontal to the ground, those are the rules.

ps. NICE NAME. ass.

Sabrina: my mom has always been into owls because she is superstitious and i think that stupid hipsters collect shit like that--that means something to the baby boomers and they mock it

me: that is pretty obvious and i kinda figured it but my brain could not offer it up so simply
i think it's a wanting to be mature thing too
what business does a 16 year old want with an owl?
they want to be associated with them

Sabrina: uh, fuck if i know

me: they want you to think they are smart and cool cos they are referencing a fucking owl
which actually makes them look stupid
i think
HI I APPRECIATE THE BORINGEST FOREST ANIMAL THEREFORE I AM COOL
i like hating on insignificant things

Sabrina: hahahaha

me: especially if it offends at least one person

Sabrina: hahahaha

merkley and i were just arguing over who has less friends, something we talk about at least once a month, and, while i do have friends i feel like i don't have real friends like the friends i have they have other friends that they hang with more frequently than me you know call each other daily how are you doing type friends where with me it's more transient and i guess i am jealous of the former, the only friends i seem to be capable of attracting are annoying sucky boring hangers-oners types, ones that are the complete opposite of reliable and have absolutely nothing to offer (lise i am not talking about you heh). cos lise is a friend that has other REAL FRIENDS. so is sharpie. i guess i am referring back to when i lived in oakville and sauga perhaps.

days when you are completely sucky and depressed you want a friend to just completely distract you from it but then turns out your friend is beyond incapable because they are waaay more depressed and they just make you feel worse these types fucking annoy me, cos when i am moody i suck it up and seclude myself until the wave is over, i don't want to infect anyone with that shit. i have depression pride i suppose like yeah i'm a miserable mess but no one has to actually witness it, that's just selfish.

so days when i do need to hang i end up not hanging cos i know i will not be good company, then other times when i am unsure of my emotional stability i wing it and meet up with someone and then go into a sadness spiral cos they did not measure up to my fun standards.

you see, this is going to sound so self-righteous ungh, people like me "bipolar" people such as i, are extremely talented when it comes to having fun and making jokes and laughing 95% of the time, those times are very high, but the remaining 5% is totally low in comparison, while for a "regular" "normal" person that 5% would be a typical day you know, satisfactory, but to me/us it is complete anguish, sort of.

someone will be like what's wrong and you are like OH EVERYTHING and OH EVERYTHING means some minor thing that happened two weeks ago you are finally blowing up about and then after going over every single minute detail for 2 hours you feel all better but still your day is tainted and 95% fun-time will not be happening.

this concludes friday's bipolar manic depression lesson.



i should compile a best of writing about having no friends posts and make a drop-down menu for them and then people can leave me comments saying always HEY IM YOUR FRIEND when i bring it up but then it goes back to normal them not being my friend calling, writing etc like um no you are not my friend actually

i made gin and san pellegrino w/ cucumber drinks last nite and i am making up for it now i was having one of those dehydration dreams where i am drinking from a gallon of store-bought going to the cottage water jug then i woke up and thought mmm san pellegrino would be so refreshing right now SO TOTALLY WRONG so to make up for it i chugged some two day opened coke, v. bad idea. now i have this acid reflux nausea bullshit and i am still pretty thirsty but i think i will wait til i feel normal again before drinking anything else.

yesterday i exchanged that ugly shirt for a skirt and new tights these girls were all OMG whatever happened to just plain regular black tights meanwhile i am clutching white with black polka dotted tights, i was crouching down and they were standing above me at the socks/tights kiosk and i guess felt superior, but then i stood and was a thousand feet taller and they immediately became very humbled and stopped talking.

with our hmv certificate i got the cat power cd, office space and lock stock and two smoking barrels dvds, i also grabbed hulk cos it was only 7.99, fil is going to return it he says though i bet he will eventually succumb to comic book super hero temptation and open it.


puberty what's that?


movie theatre wii sports


unicycle dance


gross alert too drunk

raymi: i want to dye my hair

fil: no i like the colour that it is

raymi: you don't even know what colour it is right now i just want a change i want a white stripe in my hair like rogue

fil: ew no you'll look like an old lady

raymi: i already AM an old lady nobody likes me anymore not even you

fil: ...

raymi: thanks for confirming that with silence

i think that i will draw george clooney next i figure the majority of my readership are cougs who would like to masturbate to a drawing i did of george clooney, no? samir said i need to do bigger portraits so i bought bigger canvases i am going to do some massive ones eventually, i am aiming for a spring art show this time I MEAN IT.

i am pissed off cos i wrote this funny little anecdote about how fil and i are taking turns correcting each other and he said it made him look stupid yet he is allowed to make me look stupid all the time on his blog. ANGRY.

from here on in i am no longer blogging about fil so say goodbye to my blog.

did anyone watch that beauty and the geek show last nite? man it is uncomfortable to watch. those girls are stupid as hell and those guys are just too too nerdy i bet it's fake it's just not possible to be that nerdy/dumb.

good morning raymi



guess who stayed home from work again? i can tell he is on the road to recovery cos he has gotten his bossing me around energy back as well as his pointless corrections and never ending questioning the way i do something ability ahh true love. for example:

fil: why did you open the kittens calendar?

raymi: cos i needed to know what day it is

fil:??

raymi: i need another one of those desk calendars where you pull the pages away everyday

fil: and you don't have a computer calendar?

raymi: no the only way i know the day is if i write on my blog or go to gmail or myspace

fil: cbc?

raymi: whatever

so yeah the black dahlia was pretty much garbage we had to watch it on subtitles cos fil refused to put the surround speakers on and i couldn't hear the majority of the dialogue cos fil kept coughing anyway despite all that i doubt i would have been able to hear anything anyway it's one of those mumbling movies hey maybe it could go on a date with miami vice?

it wasn't all that bad it's decent enough entertainment but the campy oldschool acting is completely fucking off you will probably be angry the majority of the film. hilary swank does a good accent. uh. there's lesbo shit too with nudity, score on that. scarlett johansson is a meh in this one.

when you watch the bonus features you learn that the dude who wrote the book that this movie is based on, he made everything up, so that's a piss-off right there cos you're forced to learn about zoot suit riots and all this extra bullshit of the times and turns out it bears no significance whatsoever to the story.

that would be like me writing a holocaust novel and putting cotton candy faeries in it and unicorns and elves and other bullshit just because i was fascinated by them? how fucking selfish and arrogant is that other than extremely.

omg bees! and i REALLY wanted to swing today! apparently dude is severely allergic to bees i didn't know there were two types of allergic, severe and severely? how about calling the bee police next time so you don't have to pollute the environment so much way to go america.

i'm running out of blog motivation so here is a list of things i just purchased:

red wine
three canvases
olive loaf bread
spiced gouda
hot salami
caesar salad mix/bag
paper towels
coke
oj
vitamin c halls
rapid relief tylenol gel caps
espresso
three microwave cuisines i forget the names of nor don't care about
rented the black dahlia which will probably be stupid

there's a new click klak store on bloor and i stopped myself from buying something well i wasn't intending to buy anything anyway it's been there for over a month i dunno how i didn't notice maybe walking with my head lowered has something to do with it. now we are going to take three weeks worth+ of recycling downstairs.

i am in a bad mood.

fil said he would watch me play wii sports after him playing zelda all damn day long i tricked him into agreeing by saying I AM PLAYING WII SPORTS AND YOU CAN WATCH and then we argued and i said FUCK IT THEN then he had time to think about it some and i broke the silence by saying i told off someone in my comments for disagreeing with the amount of pepper i ground onto the tomatoes anyway he said he will watch me play for a bit. oh and not to mention the fact that i went grocery shopping. i have a three day sickness window and what fil has now is ever-lasting tomorrow i will set up a tent on the balcony to avoid fight explosions. me pre-menstrual + sick fil = just wait and see.

i can tell i am pre-menstrual cos something like the amount of pepper i use and disagreeing with it can make me fly off the fucking handle i'm one of those has a major flip out a la tom cruise in jerry maguire and then gets sent to anger management for a year types.

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY:

last nite i dreamt i did the nasty with johnny knoxville and he somehow was a publicist for kurt cobain and then i was with lindsay lohann and my mum picked us up at my elementary school so we went to see a movie with my dad and my mum and dad were fighting in front of lindsay lohann and i said YOU GUYS DON'T YOU KNOW HER DAD IS IN JAIL!?

very awesome moment.

then lindsay said she would go out with me for halloween and i could be a celebrity and she would be a civillian and i was like WORD!

HOW TO HAVE A SHITTY BLOG

kenny hotz and i also chatted.

as promised if i won the canadian blog awards i would give away a free signed copy of marketable depression, i have just come up with an idea here it is:

you must come up with the best raymi parody post and do it in any manner you wish, photo, writing, crappy art, whatever, it has to be believeable and funny, ass-kissy, tongue-in-cheek, emo, slutty, endearing whatever etc. when you have published it leave the url to the post in my comments, you have until monday morning to complete this task.

also i said there would be a second and third place prize so second place prize is an opened justin timberlake futuresexlovesounds cd, i put it on itunes that's why it's opened. third place prize will be uh, some of my hair? we'll see.

fil stayed home to play zelda get better i feel like we are in groundhog day. i stay up later than him to read myself tired while he loud breaths and sweats the entire universe all over the bed then he wakes up earlier to play zelda and recuperate while i sleep in to make up for all my lost sleep.

the stir-crazy has made me pick at my face like mad i am hideous. today i don't care i am GOING OUTSIDE. i asked fil if the only cure for getting better is wearing a dumpy sweatshirt and unattractive housepants. the answer is yes.

if i get his flu before and up to leaving for nyc i will go bananas it's bad enough i am pre-menstrual and zitfaced.


tarley drunk laughing


do you want to know a secret


who will save yer soul f up

food/porn













don't forget to add some goat cheese to the pot. it's amazing how healthy and human i feel now after eating fresh, self-prepped tomatoes.

also our neighbours have been watching tv extra loud lately AND fighting and they are like total fossils we just heard the dude yelling at the lady who is way older he said THIS IS MY HOUSE CLEAN UP YOUR FILTH it's a miracle she can even walk let alone clean up ooh now there is crashing sounds this is making me sad that lady is so old she has scabs all over her legs and walks in slow-motion. that old guy is such a dick too he barely says hi when we see each other in the hall he's such a crab why can't we ever live near cool people is that too much to ask?

i just asked fil what if she dies and fil said WHAT IF I DIE?

um if you can die from being sucky, spoiled, and waited on hand and foot let me know cos i think i know how to save your life.