whatevs man that explosion is BORING is what i am thinking
everyone else keep them coming this is funny.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
hailey's review of MD. she made me look really smart she was basically forced to cos i mailed her a free copy cos she won my copy my blog posts contest that ONLY THREE FUCKING PEOPLE bothered to do.
Marketable Depression by Lauren White
I find this book difficult to comment on, as I feel that I am playing into the stigma of those that she has written about in the last of these 79 pages. I care about what she will think, of what I think, as much as she cares what others think, of her, and her book, and the innermost thoughts she has written therein.
Marketable Depression is charming and heartbreaking, sometimes aggravating, but ultimately sad and uplifting at the same time. The book as a whole is a paradox, much like she who has written it.
I drink for my art I say, because nobody wants to read a book written by a healthy stable boring girl who wears pretty dresses and hangs out at the library
Those who follow Miss Lauren's blog (Raymi The Minx Dot Blogspot Dot Com) will note this book is as much an insight into the circumstances that have helped shape Raymi into who she is, as it is a validation of the reader's own experience, hardship, and depression. It is impossible not to identify with Lauren on one level or another.
After all, misery enjoys company, does it not? Regardless of how happy one may be, sadness is mankind's ultimate common denominator.
We want time to just go away and we use booze to make that happen and what's great is there's always another like you at the bar and if you're lucky that somebody is worse off and then you are allowed to feel relief because that dude has been up shit creek several times and you, well, you've only just now rented the boat.
There's something brilliant about Raymi; Perhaps it's because her blogs are so full of confidence. Even when she is speaking of experiences at her most self-conscious, one can't help but be enthralled, entertained, and even a little intimidated.
Marketable Depression, although written in the same manner, strips Raymi away from the girl beneath, revealing her underlying thought processes, exposing Lauren at her most vulnerable.
As I neared the end, I tried unsuccessfully to fathom how it would wrap up. Reaching the last page, soaking up the final sentences, a familiar sensation rose within me. The way you feel after hearing a song with an enchanting string of notes in the last minute; After you've watched a movie that leaves you feeling completely satisfied. You want to rewind; You want to hit play again; You want to re-read; to experience that pleasantly full, utterly relaxed, "giant sigh" feeling again.
While Raymitheminx readers may be able to draw more on the author as a whole after reading this book, you needn't be familiar with Raymi to pick it up and be entertained. You may even take something positive from it.
I certainly did.
ok i am finished stalking augusten burroughs we watched running with scissors last nite. it is good annette benning is amazing. gwyneth paltrow was perfect for her role ANNOYING GOODY GOODY. jeff and craig and isabelle came over last nite craig fell asleep sitting up on the couch. fil and i are going to the burbs for dinner it's his sister's bday then we are coming back to maybe go to a party depending how tired we are, we also still have jesus camp to watch. tomorrow we are going to a lacrosse game my first time! jeff showed me some vids last nite of how brutal the fighting is jeez louis. one of my first boyfriends in grade eight was an avid lacrosse player maybe he made the big time and i'll see him tomorrow? last i saw him he was working in one of those sports stores at the mall he had acne and got fatter, i felt guilty dumping him cos i thought he is so cute he will blossom into this hot babe. i was wrong.
i have this thing that has been growing on my shoulder for over two years now fil just said MAYBE IT IS A BOTFLY WORM. nice. oh another thing i am now paranoid of is getting a brain aneurysm cos this chick in magical thinking gets one waiting for an elevator and died on the spot.
i have to go now we have to get fil's sister's present and fil needs a car wash remind me to blog about our CAR WASH FIGHTS they happen every weekend.
oh yeah who gets all your stuff when you die your boyfriend or your parents? fil says parents but i say well the boyfriend lives with you and you spend more time with him. he said don't worry he will hide some things that my parents never knew existed. think how rich he would get off my art. craig is stupid he said well when you die your stuff isn't worth as much. um sorry when you die it is basically a goldmine.
me: i woke him up to talk about britney spears and he got mad
me: so when he gets up and is all OMG! over it i will be extremely nonchalant and ignore him
sharpachu: boys just don't understand
me: i know that would wake me up out of a coma
sharpachu: it's so nuts
all the bitches are cuckoo
they are going crazy
i have been saying oh man a lot lately and like right now for instance oh man this is the best costume for a kid ever hands down i know i don't typically feature babies and kids on my blog ever cos i essentially think they are useless mooches but holy how funny is this picture?
hey kid the KKK is thataway --> also i got this from a denmark blog, aren't people from denmark racist? let me know.
i made these last nite they are WHIMSICAL fil said i had to put more eggs in otherwise it would be a quiche. doesn't a quiche require cream and fat women's fingers or something?
fil made this delicious pizza from scratch it is amazing i only had one slice because i am trying not to be the fattest girl in the room anymore. did you know i don't drink beer anymore? just scotch and vodka and wine and gin but in small amounts. ok nevermind. maybe small amounts in my head. i eat less so i get wasted easier so i drink less. the end.
that's me and anj from a few halloweens back she is a wicked bass player and singer too we are going to make some music together i have to write songs i hope they don't turn out like rush again all i know how to write about is lord of the rings and clouds and depression. i'm such an idiot back then i perma-saved all my pictures small so i don't have the originals of all the good ones. i am smiling like sam crenshaw cos the dude beside me is WAY passed out and i was scared of him cos he is a fucking lunatic.
that's sam crenshaw (for you americans) he is the detective puppet on today's special i have referenced him before and will continue to do so in the future as we have the same nose. i would lose my mind if i missed an episode of today's special and i thought the computer sam used was amazing and intimidating i was sad cos i thought that i would never ever be able to learn how to use a computer. remember muffy mouse? ha muffy. muff.
mental breakdown much? this is how you know a girl is not well, when the hair comes off, i almost did it myself years ago while talking to myself in the backyard and luckily a bug flew by my face while i was figuring out whether i should cut off my beautiful long hair and i took it as "a message" to not do it. spears needs help y'all give it to her NOW!
haha i just woke up fil who is trying to sleep away his hangover and said that i had some very important news for him and sorry i know you are sleeping and all but BRITNEY SPEARS SHAVED OFF ALL HER HAIR IN A TATTOO PARLOR. fil was like?? why are you telling me this now?? FINE he will feel really stupid when he sees the pictures of her.
here is a nice email from a nice girl to distract you from the pain of the fallen celebrities:
I heard your interview in class...
Hey I was in the guy's class who interviewed you and after I heard the interview I started reading your blog.
I love it and it is going to be my new guilty pleasure.
I also wanted to tell you that I totally felt you on what you were saying about people getting pissed for women asking for attention, and yes even if it sounds cliche, they are jealous and they should suck it.
Friday, February 16, 2007
for now here i am singing while fil plays ms. pacman i am mysterious. song is missing, beck. here is a who will save your soul xmas eve singsong and i am wasted. this is do you want to know a secret. the thing with me and drinking and singing is i really like to do them simultaneously. it's my life this one will kill you. here i am trainwrecking through papa don't preach. be jealous. here i am after falling down some stairs and slurring. adorable. this is in my place and this is mrs. robinson. wasted singing travis oh man it is fucking brutal.
me: oh my god someone is slamming the garbage chute over and over WTF
like 30 times in a row!
Phil: go check
maybe it is wind
me: theyre done now
Phil: and the door isnt latched
me: no its on our floor
oh my god again!
Phil: GO LOOK
it could be wind
me: oh no people are fighting!
Phil: GO LOOK
me: someone came out of their apt and told off the guy
Phil: GO LOOK
me: saying ALL I HEAR IS BANG BANG ARE U OK
no way i dont want to be involved in old people soap opera
it's like the golden girls on our floor
ok i am being neurotic and anal and recording myself reading part of marketable depression my heart is racing i am so gay is there allowed to be music in the background or is that WAY more embarrassing? i feel like i am going on a first date holy diarrhea maybe i should just write about my apocalyptic nightmare instead?
*ok i did one i can't listen to it though it makes me want to put my head into a wall fil is going to listen to it when he gets home.
I've been a reader of yours for a few years now (well...maybe only a year or so...hard to keep track), found out about you through the ever wonderful Matt Good
anyways, the reason I'm writing you is to tell you how much I love your writing, and how you can write about anything and everything and make it interesting. the best though is that you have seriously one of THE hottest voices EVER.
and I only just discovered that through the initiation videos. wow. If I had more money and didn't live abroad I'd wear one of your propaganda shirts EVERYDAY
anyways. yeah. thanks for your blog!
should i do recordings of reading my posts/other shit like it is storytime?
CHECK THIS OUT NO IT IS NOT A PENIS SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE. nsfw. here is another holy shit, kirk.
this is disgusting you will love it
i like when i write emo stuff cos i get a thousand emails from people telling me how miserable they are and how i am like joan of arc to them or something here is an email:
dude, i so know what you mean about all of this. i think it has something to do with mississauga as i have been stuck here my whole life and i am surprised i am not dead yet (not for lack of trying unfortunately). let me just say one thing, and don't think i am being cheesy or whatever, but you making it through that time gives me some hope that one day i will join you in having a better life. your blog is not just about random stuff you do, you are a human being and sharing these sorts of things make people who are still singing that song feel better. fuck your haters, you keep it real. your blog has helped keep me sane over the past two months while i was unemployed and sad and messed up. thanks for helping me out.
p.s. sorry for the emoness of this e-mail, but i thought you should get some credit for this post. i also hope you plan to go see Bright Eyes with fil so i can blog-spot you and get excited like a twelve year old backstreet boys fan
Thursday, February 15, 2007
here is something pathetic i did once to make you miserables out there feel a little less miserable. when i was living in mississauga after my crazy nervous breakdown i was a total loner, i did not go out, i was taking lithium and i could barely even talk or come up with anything original or creative it felt like the end of the world for me honestly i use to walk around the house singing that song carlton banks sang on fresh prince of bel-air and tyra banks as jackie catches him and they slow dance except when i sang it, it was ten times more pathetic cos i was in my pajamas and i never showered and would lean in a doorframe sighing LONELY IM SO LONELY I HAVE NOBODY FOR MY OWN.
i didn't shave my beaver either cos i wasn't getting laid my self-esteem was ZERO and i had no friends no one called me i called no one my life sucked i had no money and no booze. my hair was falling out too and the lithium made me get up early so i couldn't even sleep away my depressing life so i would lie sideways on the couch and watch every single morning talk show, i obsessed about being on the price is right, i had decided that it was the ONLY thing that could save my life that was my high hope that is as outside of the box i could think, my limit. plinko was it for me. thinking back on all this now i'm surprised i didn't kill myself. i even dreamed about getting into a car accident cos at least that would be something and maybe i would have some cool scars on my face under my eye i dunno.
so anyway the one pathetic thing i did during this time on top of many other pathetic things was walk to the plaza by myself one afternoon in the cold and purchased a box of laura secord chocolates, brought them home to my room and stood eating all the ones i liked the best, and going to the bottom tray finishing off those fuckers too. i did this standing up staring out the window and totally spaced out i felt ok this is the lowest of the low lauren you are a total hurtbag, i was probably crying too. ok no i wasn't but you can pretend that i was crying and eating chocolates by myself in my tiny childhood bedroom with the lilac floral wallpaper.
then i brought the box of rejects downstairs and left it on the kitchen table for my brother and his girlfriend to go through, which they did but still left a bunch behind to which i just threw in the garbage the next morning feeling like a complete tool.
laura secord chocolates can only be enjoyed if you are trying to greed as many of them as you can at a christmas party.
maybe one day i will tell you what my actual low-point is.
at that time i thought i would never have a boyfriend ever again no one would ever want me and it doesn't even seem silly now to me even though it completely is that's how bad depression can get that's how fucking awful lithium is my thought-process was completely valid at the time i felt, at 20 my life was fucking over.
don't ever go on lithium unless you HAVE TO.
i didn't get laid for six months and to some of you that's a SO WHAT i mean i didn't have affection or proper human contact for six fucking months and i guess i am still bitter about it.
and on top of all this everyone was bossing me the fuck around reverting me back into a child telling me what to do and being nosy and bringing up the shit i had already just gone through to use against me. my mom made me go to these drug/alcohol meetings at the hospital which i was kicked out of cos i never talked re: lithium i am probably going to write a book about those classes. i mean these people were all in their forties, fifties, sixties and here i am 20, i looked completely healthy compared to all of them it was silly my being there. fucking thanks mom.
they would look at me like why are you here you haven't had a drink or any drugs in MONTHS and you don't seem to be having trouble with it ME on the other hand i just got high last nite and my hands are shaking like crazy...
i felt like a fraud and i couldn't even speak i was so nervous cos of the lithium so i probably looked like some college student sitting in to take notes on addiction i dunno.
so that was my life, doing nothing all day long then once a week an alcohol/drug addiction class and then sometimes i would go to adapt where my counsellor swore a lot to "relate" to me while my mom killed time shopping at winners. one time she made me walk to the plaza where winners was after my appointment to meet up with her so that i could be "more independent" (well actually so she could have more time to shop uninterrupted) and in order to get there i had to walk alongside a highway what the fuck i got the whole "being more independent" shit but walking alongside a highway w/o even a sidewalk and meanwhile i am a neurotic lithium mess? fun times kids. i think that day i screamed at her to buy me some shoes too. we do not get along.
boz's raymi junk package he won second place but didn't want the jt cd so i sent him a bunch of junk that is more or less equivalent to a justin timberlake cd man i have used the word equivalent twice today. here is what he did to win.
if you want a bunch of junk too mail me something cool in exchange, or do something for me.
would you be interested in reading a story about a dude who lives someplace rural and is in love with the girl next door who is kind of autistic and crazy and they form a bond and his family is like dude she is fucked up and he is like i don't care so they spend many afternoons going on adventures together through fields and forests and they go to this tree where there is a swing and they hang there a lot and then eventually this other hot girl moves to town and dude's family is all go for her! and he is all no i hate her but then his autistic girlfriend falls out of a tree onto her head and is in a coma and everyone thinks she is going to die so then dude goes for the new girl and then one day magically the autistic girl comes out of her coma and lost some of her memory but the fall seemed to have made her less autistic somehow so she is walking to that tree cos she has some happy memories about it tucked deep into her mind but no recollection of the dude (this part coming is equivalently dramatic as the part in bridges of madison county where meryl streep has to decide over her family or clint eastwood and her hand is on the door handle of the truck and it is pounding rain) but then she spots him at the tree with the new girl and she is on the swing and it all comes FLOODING BACK to her days spent with her boyfriend drinking lemonade on blankets running through cornfields all that shit and he sees her their eyes meet bla bla and the new girl is all what's going on and by this point they've been together over a year so he has feelings for her but when he sees autistic chick all those feelings go away and he runs to her but autistic chick is already beating it out of there so there's a chase scene now and the new girl is chasing dude who is chasing autistic girl she makes it to her driveway and cuts across the street and this is the part i don't know what next, hit by a truck? i dunno. anyway the important thing is that the autistic girl is super hot/crazy and wears amazing dresses all the time and droopy socks and old man shoes and she has long dark hair and the new chick is annoyingly blond and pale and plain and makes really bad sandwiches like winnie from big top pee wee.
went to bar mercurio to eat it is my favourite place there are only like ten things on the menu the carpaccio and cajun calamari are amazing.
took us two minutes to go through them though :(
i had this ridiculous cesar salad and had to use my knife to cut the romain lettuce in order to fit it in my mouth, it's so not drenched in dressing, it's pretty healthy and just right portion-wise so you don't feel like a heffer. fil had gnocci dumplings.
we went here for our 2nd anniversary, everyone is very friendly and not fake friendly either, shocking how unpretentious it is. i was probably the only pretentious person.
then we went home and watched the grudge 2 and while the dialogue and storyline is sloppy and over the top it is still very scary, i spent the entire time gripping my crown/ginger in different directions i thought i would split the glass into pieces THAT SCARY!
then i went out for a smoke and witnessed part of a sorority initiation here's video of it ooh how sacred!
initiation second part
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
what goes around comes around
i am probably the last person to have seen this video in the world anyway i just wanted you to know that i want to BE scarlett johansson now so i am going to quit writing and be an actress i am tired of NOT being scarlett johansson so i am going to make that happen.
Me: You've caught a lot of criticism for appearing nude on your blog. Do the naysayers ever get to you?
Raymi: No, but their nagging is annoying. I'm not spread eagled or anything you know some of it is “artistic” not smutty. Do they go to erotica websites and say YOU ARE ONLY POPULAR BECAUSE YOU ARE NUDE. (It's) pathetic. It's only a small part of my blog The skinnier I get the more I will put up so they should get used to it or go away.
My blog is a celebration of myself. As cheesy as that is it is the truth. Should I wear a pillow case and cover up? No. Should I feel hated for (appearing nude)? no. I think it's very telling of people's character when they freak out about nudity in general. It's not a big deal. If I like how I look then I take a picture of it, cause beauty and youth doesn't last forever.
Me: What do you think it says about the people who freak out.
Raymi: I don't want to say (they're) jealous cause that's a total cliché response. But it does hold a lot of bearing (But) it's more than jealousy, I think.
Me: Like what?
Raymi: A blog can be very personal and when you read it you feel like that person is talking to you. People have told me that they feel like I am their friend cause I have a personal spin to some of my writing. I make it seem like I am talking to you privately so if I'm doing that as well as being naked the person might feel like it is too much
If a girl shows her naked body it's cause she wants attention and some people narrow in on that and get offended like HOW DARE SHE ASK FOR ATTENTION. And if they aren't comfortable showing their own bodies they can't handle you doing it.
So they take it as a personal affront. I dunno people are weird. And a lot of them are anonymous too.
happy valentine's day in case you didn't see it the first time here is a video of me dancing naked on a bed.
everytime pitt screamed something dude on the left shook his head in disappointment he also said he had season tickets and HE wasn't rich and pitt says YOU LOOK RICH TO ME. i couldn't decide whether the girl beside him was his sister, daughter, or girlfriend. canadian tuxedo on the other hand, straight up ruled.
me as kelly ripa
last nite at the game i was holding my furry hat in my hands waiting for pitt and fil to tinkle and these two drunk euro gino types come up to me and one says HEY I THOUGHT THAT WAS A CHIHUAHUA (um what kind of chihuahua one that is wearing a huge fur jacket?) and laughed and i laughed too instead of being a bitch and they are walking away and then i heard the other guy say HEY MAN GO GET HER PHONE NUMBER. ahahah.
that was funnier than the time fil and i were sitting outside the skydome waiting for pitt and these three kids pointed at me and screamed HEY IT'S AVRIL LAVIGNE!! and i busted up laughing and they were shocked i took it so well.
oh yeah pitt and i were on the jumbotron TWICE last nite finally after like 20 games IT HAPPENED and i had a triple chin too.
So I actually crawled out of my antisocial shell to go to a house party a few blocks off campus. When I got there I saw a girl who looked just like you. She was really drunk and really loud and for a second I was afraid that she would punch me.
Happy Valentines day... I guess,
hey dad glad you could make it out!
this dude was all hey i want to get on tv tonite and i said oh i'll put this on my blog a ton of people will see it and he goes OH ARE YOU ON MYSPACE ahha.
that book is very sexist.
yesterday was sundin's birthday