lisa: can i get wasted now please?
i didn't drink a drop last night
which is just not right
i drank a lot
we are major hungs
lisa: are you going to hit er again?
me: maybes we are too fuckied to go out
we will go to lcbo and rent movies
i am thinking maybe beer nite but the thought of booze is like ew
i am like still buzzed right now it feels
lisa: pauly and i will probably go out and drink alone like always
me: i walked to fresh and in my head i was like i am on a magical fucking journey like my balance was off
and i was smiling at nothing to myself like a goon
like a crazy
lisa: totally still wasted
i love that
but oh man at some point are you ever going to be fucked
me: then i went in there and wanted to murder everyone
lisa: the key is to start drinking again before that happens
me: before what being cuckoo?
lisa: well before the cuckoo turns into just plain fucking death hangover
but if the rage set in you are probably already too late
that's why weed is great when you're hungover - keeps you crazy all day
me: oh man the paranoia
i cant really toke anymore i have to be major wasted
i get supes paranoid
like oasma bin laden knows where i am paranoid
lisa: i went through a period where i was like that but now i'm pretty much a pro at it again
the first 8 times i worked at the store i was so baked and i sold so much shit
i was in love with everyone
and now i'm sobes i want everyone dead
me: you're like excuuuuuuse me lets talk about how fabulous this shirt is right now i dont know you but i feel like i know you like really know you
i basically played house with them
i was like I'M GONNA TRY THAT ON TOO!
and we would PARTY
me: oh man
lisa: now they are all dead to me
me: do you ever sell stuff or do you fuck it all up
lisa: naw i sell stuff but i can never ....
lisa: and another thing
people fucking toss things on the floor and don't even pretend they didn't notice
me: i know
lisa: and then stand in the way so i can't pick it up
me: FIL IS SECRETLY EATING ALL OF MY CADBURY MINI EGGS
lisa: oh my god!
i don't think we have those here!
me: they are loud and crunchy i dont know how i didnt notice
lisa: oh no i must go to the store post-haste!
but i can't be bothered
so forget it
me: u want some too?
lisa: well duh
but i think they have the regular cadbury eggs here
but do they?
i'm not into those though
me: who knows america is so fucked there are prolly marshmallows in them
lisa: strawberry marshmallows
me: excuse me our kids could be fatter
lisa: i swear to god i once saw diet cherry vanilla dr pepper
how about you just pile every flavour on earth on top of eachother you fucking pigs
thats like my what are you a rainbow burn when someone is wearing a lot of colours
Saturday, March 03, 2007
guess the song i am dancing to
i just ordered this shirt i have been waiting for my cafecash to clear for fucking ever. i plan to wear it on the hour you hear that george? i got it from this cafe merchant they have oodles of good shit over there.
an example of saturday afternoon conversation with my boyfriend
raymi: oh man i hope i don't shit my pants
fil: well if you have to go, go now, cos i am getting in the shower
raymi: ok no i won't shit my pants but i mite
this chick is psycho, has been leaving cuckoo comments here for a long time now. she said i look fat from far away meanwhile take a gander at her. i have not done anything to warrant this shit from her, she probably comments on all of your blogs too. the awesome continues:
I don't usually stoop to retarded behavior, but I'm going to now...
I'm prettier then you, and your a BIG blah face!
And your Creepy.
seriously what is wrong with you? do you not have friends? and by the way look in the mirror you are ugs dude you are fatter than me and i can see what is going on behind your head, your eyes are so wide apart way to delete my comment too fugly little coward how does it feel
Your the Mutant not me...
Your eyes look like there right next to your ears, and unlike some people I actually step out my front door, and only looser men like looking at your Fat ass.
learn how to spell you ugly little girl
what is wrong with american girls?
I'm beginning to enjoy this. LOSER
of course you would because you are pathetic and obsessed with me
how long have you been stalking me?
pitt came into town last nite many stupid things happened, one thing we were at embassy and outside and this group of people go by and they're shoving each other in the slush and i jokingly say snowball fight and they laugh and then chuck a huge boulder of snow at us so fil and pitt go to throw snow at them they both miss then i try and do it with a cigarette and a bottle of corona in my hand i trip over nothing then fall backwards into the wall/corner of the patio into my spine and then fall hard on my ass, my left cheek, and it is killing right now i need one of those hemorrhoid donuts i am a reject. fil asked why i fell he thought i slipped on ice. i didn't. i think someone put alcohol in all three thousand of my drinks last nite.
i was talking to the embassy guy about having my art hung there and he said email me i'm like cool then a half hour later i am fighting with him on behalf of genius pitt who decides to buy everyone at the bar a drink and got fucked over as in overpaid but not everyone got a drink. i wonder if that guy will remember me BEFORE i turned into slurLOR. oh and i was talking really loud about djs in front of the djs kind of dissing them to make pitt feel better cos they wouldn't play his song, turns out he didn't even request a song so i'm like sorry i was talking loud about you and the girl is like i didn't even hear you and i go oh well my friend is a fucking retard or something basically blaming everything i don't know what on pitt and then he requested a bunch of irish music buys them drinks that they get free anyway then dances sings and screams until the bar is closed and everyone is annoyed at us and he tried to dance around the girl bartender and she was not cool with it i said sorry when we left in a I AM NOT SORRY kind of way and she goes YEAH! and made a bitchy face. she at least ponied up an extra beer when the owner was too tired of my talking and went outside to smoke.
i got a free bushmill's at the loose moose cos i said i wanted to fucking kill myself cos overtime went into shootout must file that away for later.
the spin jockey at the LM asked what my name was i said raymi he goes oh uh how do you spell that it's interesting i say r-a-y-m-i he goes oh what is that? i say uh indian, you know, native. he goes as opposed to east like he is a fucking comedian. raymi is actually south american but i didn't want to start speaking spanish incan or aztec whatever so much for dazzling the common folk with my going out on the town name.
Friday, March 02, 2007
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY:
last nite i tried to be all stealth whilst walking along the brick/cobblestone tier around the perimeter of the varsity theatre, i am wondering if i can sue them for having doors that open internally only, doors that go nowhere from the outside, doors that make you think oh ok this is the entrance. anyway at the point where i got to the archway overtop some concrete stairs going below to wherever the fuck fil encouraged me to go on and i said no i'm scared, he on sidewalk-foot continues on so i decide to end my scaling of the mountaineous varsity and make my way down to street level - ALACK! my foot slips on snow on the three foot last descent to the ground and my legs tangle up inside each other and i do a three sixty and come THIS CLOSE to falling down twenty conrete stairs on my face - i caught myself at the last second and my left shin is jammed between a railing and drags across the bricks and i yelp out, "YELP." and fil is already many moons away and turns in slow motion to see his pathetic partner in the lamest pile of herself ever.
he had to half-support me into the varsity and not laugh. i wanted to laugh but i was in too much pain.
now i have the biggest fucking goose-egg puffy bruise on my shin.
oh and then we watched the pink panther and i laughed louder and harder than everyone else and fil was embarrassed.
brendan called jakalope last nite so i could apologize for the post i had written about her music video sucking and i think i also said that she talk-singed her stupid goth poetry, pretty funny i think and brendan agreed. she sounds like a 4 year old on the fone. i told her i was all about making fun of shit and she said well maybe you shouldn't i dunno i said no no for entertainment purposes i wanted her to know that i wasn't dissing her as an artist i was dissing the shitty music video which as it turns out brendan filmed or worked on i dunno. anyway i said to her i would make a public retraction on my blog about my post. i still think that video is gay but it's not marketed to me so i understand, she's cute she sings at things in jars and on the stairs, i'm sorry katie/jakalope.
stupid brendan showing my post to the actual artist i am making fun of NICE GOING BLOWHARD! i can't remember if i asked her if she reads my blog, ha ha.
now i feel like a mean tabloid. wait what? good!
yeah she pretty much hates all things raymi, she wants to start an i hate raymi site. do it!
i'm sorry but people who think poetry slams are cool are fucking lame nerd losers. everytime i have been at victory cafe there is always nerdy shit going on upstairs, last nite it was poetry. this black lady was screaming that she has tiny hips and big lips and she is black power when i went to the bathroom. people were actually nodding their heads to this shit like they understand what it means to be a black woman in toronto, it was all very the real world 90's style. last time it was a bunch of university kids playing tubas and violins and cellos - GAY!
i can't decide which is worse, poetry readings, book readings or spoken word.
i was gonna go up there and read the menu in this pretentious long drawn out voice.
"STEAK...PEPPERCORN, SAUCE? GREEN BEANS, TABASCO, BUTTERED......MASHED POTATOES?"
TWELVE THINGS CID
the shitty life of a blogger
pan's labyrinth was sold out so we saw the number 23 instead. so it's playing in one of those bigger theatres and it's pretty empty and we are sitting closer to the front far away from everyone there are a million empty seats all around us and then this couple comes and SITS RIGHT BEHIND US AND THE GIRL IMMEDIATELY STARTS KICKING MY SEAT THE FUCKING HOUSELIGHTS ARE STILL ON AND ALREADY I WANT TO KILL HER. also the dude is talking super loud and smarmy, the only kind of smarmy you can tolerate if you are a part of the actual conversation but if you are forced to listen to it and not participate then you want to take the hair that grows near their ears and pull up (most painful) until it comes out in your hands.
so i go to fil lets move do you want to move do you really want to hear me sigh profusely throughout this entire movie? so he gets up gets his shit and leaves and i am collecting my hat mitts scarf purse jacket magazine and the magazine falls loudly to the floor and the couple are kind of like oh what's going on? then the dude says I GUESS THE VOLUME AND CONTENT OF OUR CONVERSATION WAS OFFENSIVE to which i don't say anything then i am grabbing my jacket and the guy repeats his little observation I GUESS THE VOLUME AND CONTENT OF OUR CONVERSATION WAS OFFENSIVE and then i looked him in the face and said NO YOU WERE KICKING OUR SEATS!! and they both got scared and felt ashamed and my whole i am angry aura was outshined by the belt on my jacket snagging on the armrest between the seats so i had to walk back over to them and their scared silence.
i also wanted to say of all the fucking places to sit and have your loud boring "controversial" conversation you had to sit right behind me WHY? why does the world hate me so much? ps. your conversation was lame if you want to have a controversy contest dude pick a place and time that ISN'T in a fucking movie theatre.
everytime we go to a movie while i am waiting for it to begin i take note of all the people who are getting on my nerves and think ok just enjoy sitting here cos it is the last time you will ever go to a movie theatre cos you are an angry fucking lunatic and then we always go back and then i think all over again this is the LAST TIME.
ok so the movie was good for ten minutes then sucked huge for 50 minutes the whole reading of the book part jim carey being like THIS BOOK THIS BOOK 23 23 23 BLA BLA BLAAAA it was like some cheesy sin city crap so then he's finished it finally and then it gets good like msytery whodunnit? the good part lasts ten minutes maybe fifteen then it sucks huge until the end not lying. i asked fil a few times if we could leave. basically everything equals 23 - that lampost's light flickers 20 times and then it hummed three times OOH THAT FUCKING MEANS SOMETHING RUN AWAY!
basically this movie is about me when i was manic crazy just before i went on lithium - writing on walls searching for patterns and connections and coincidences YOUR NAME IS TOM AND YOUR SHIRT IS YELLOW AND YOUR TIE IS BROWN and i turn that into something that is essentially NOTHING. fuck, crazy people are annoying and so is this movie.
you will hate jim carey's wife, basically, the way the family reacts to his crazy is completely ridiculous, unethical, and the total opposite of REALITY. when the truth comes out about his past and how crazy he is she is all oh i love you and you love me you won't hurt me even when he has a knife to her throat.
on our way home we pretended we were jim carey and looked for 23s then we saw a cop car and their new decal design and i said do they sell ice creams and popsicles too holy shitty tacky not at all scary and authoritative!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
peep the sauce on my chin i went out like that the next day all day long
i just paid a huge cellphone bill i hate how they sneak up on you a month after your vacation cos the cycle starts halfway through the month i was all awesome my bill was only $77 wicked then i look at it today and saw my current balance was $162. i just wanted to share that depressing news with you guys. now i am going to buy eggs peppers onion cheese sausage (maybe shrimp) and have it ready for when fil gets back so we can eat and go see pan's labyrinth i am homeslave.
i am also sad cos an old friend just cold-called me and tried to convince me to go to this thing on saturday, all of it pyramid-schemey, sigh, i thought he would be doing something way better with his life by now. he laid all those culty catch-phrases on me YOU WILL THANK ME SOMEDAY AND I WILL THANK YOU and THERE'S THIS NEW COMPANY I AM CHECKING OUT and YOU ARE GOOD WITH PEOPLE AND COS OF YOUR INTERNET BUSINESS YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS. he wouldn't explain what it was on the fone he said it was too long and complicated to tell me on the fone um right cos i am a fucking retard and i can't understand things on the telephone.
i came right out and asked if it was amway and he said no then i looked at the website which boasts INDEPENDENT REPRESENTATIVES and NETWORKING basically all a bunch of bullshit to distract simple-minded folk from the fact it is a fucking scam hey thanks for calling haven't heard from you in years thanks for the business opportunity of a lifetime!
fil said i should call him back and tell him to fuck off i won't cos i feel bad for him. i should have told him the catch-phrase this chick said to me in grade ten when she roped me into going to one of these things, she had cue-cards in her lap and preached to me the entire way to this amway function PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE TIME DON'T HAVE THE MONEY AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE MONEY, DON'T HAVE THE TIME and her dad punched his hand lightly to emphasise victory when i got home later that nite i said DAD YOU WERE RIGHT IT WAS FUCKING AMWAY!
the more i think about this the angrier i am holy fuck! when you say uh this is a pyramid scheme and they are like no well yes ok but it is different than the others. oh? how is one pyramid different from another pyramid, exactly? i guess these people need to try this out for a bit and get it out of their chromosome-extra systems. sigh.
i would post the link to this "business" but i am afraid they will come abduct me in the middle of the nite and throw me in a river.
watched babel in bed last nite and i was bored at some parts so i masturbated and fil was all you are disgusting there are people in agony in front of you how is this even possible what you're doing? i told him i disassociate easily from things, it's true, i could be reading ikea instructions draw a picture and masturbate all at once, i will stop bragging now and yes i did feel gross and disrespectful. so fil passed out at the halfway point and i was stuck alone to question my shitty existence thank you babel for beyond depressing me you're a good movie and everything but holy shit way to throw reality in my face! oh what now a hot deaf girl who is so utterly crushingly alone and no one will fuck her cos she is deaf and mute that's awesome make her get naked and denied by the entire universe TWO THUMBS UP!
the part that will mess you up is when brad pitt's wife gets shot through the bus (if you are worried about the movie being spoiled and you are planning to write me a long annoying tell off letter you shouldn't even be reading this post, dicksuck) so right before it happens they are in a little fight but she grabs his hand like i forgive you but i still hate you and that is something that would so happen to me and fil cos we are usually in a stupid fight 60% of the time. i asked him if he would lose his fucking mind if i got shot through a bus window and he said he would turn into superman. the other tourists on the bus deserve to be strangled cos they're all WE ARE HOT LETS GO I NEED AIR CONDITIONING while brad is waiting for a doctor and then after all that waiting and complaining they fucking leave anyway hey thanks guys for abandoning my shot wife and i in the middle of nowhere.
if you feel like learning obvious things about the human spirit and being all mystified by it smoke a huge j and watch babel in your jogging pants and give pennies to unicef i dunno i was expecting jungle stuff like baraka oh i thought i was going to be watching that mel gibson movie, isn't he insane? i <3 you mel.
one more thing is brad pitt really that old looking cos obviously they aged him but to what degree? where does his aging end and the fake-agedness come into play? maybe he is supes getting old looking so he is all slather on the under eye bags please don't hold back.
this guy likes my art, has other opinions too.
more fanmail, remember this chick?
You don't know what beauty is you inarticulate egomaniac...
Your as common as they come.
I don't walk around all the time putting everyone around me down to build myself up,
and brag about my good qualities...
Your a blah face:)
after forwarding it out to all my friends i wrote back this
and to what are you referring to exactly? do you want to talk about it?
to which she replied finally many days later:
I don't usually stoop to retarded behavior, but I'm going to now...
I'm prettier then you, and your a BIG blah face!
And your Creepy.
there has been a lurking melissa in my comments for awhile now, she fucked up and left her blog url and i fucked up by deleting it, anyway she is most certainly NOT pretty. still can't spell, still has emotional problems i'm guessing she's still in her teens.
what's up with the girl stalkers? fuck off and watch single white female already.
here are some pictures from the movie shoot last week the quality is crap an extra took these with their cameraphone obvs. trying to get the slonkies in the middle i am the one partying alone dancing? still working on getting more and of better quality.
my bra was totally stuffed to give the impression of huge bajungas and it worked.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
emo news report
i am thinking about eating more chicken maybe i'll wait and make salad out of it later with goat cheese & jerk sauce and fil will punch me in the face and eat it all with his hands cowering on the kitchen floor by the cabinets like an opposum busted going through the trash eyes like flashlight beams DON'T LOOK AT ME! and he sounds like a banshee from hell.
there is a fancy olive oil on the counter called PLANETA and everytime i look at it i think it says PLACENTA and then i am like ew for the rest of the morning when i am making espresso LEAVE ME ALONE PLACENTA OIL.
i was going to write a telling it like it is anecdote about how annoying i think graphic novels are but i don't want pitt to kill himself and write a novel in my comments i didn't really think through all my opinions of why they are annoying either, they just are. come on, graphic? novel? more like REALLY LONG SHITTY COMIC BOOK nice try.
here are some pictures of my friends:
phony photo booth
last nite i ate 2/3 of a roast chicken from loblaws well maybe 3/4 of it or 4/5 depending which way you look at it cid helped me. i started eating it with my mouth only holding the container in my hand/lap and going at it, lise was like NICE ONE despite having not eaten an animal in two months, we pull into the gas station and this douche taxi driver is aiming to take the pump we had been waiting thirty seconds for, i roll down the window, chicken in one hand, it all over my face and fingers and make a sarcastic angry motion that uh excuse me this is our pump and he returns the sarcastic gesture being all well go to it then meanwhile he was diagonally about to saddle up to it so he goes away lise gets out to pump and i am in the car eating my chicken and luckily no one else was watching you know when you are in the car and there is another car in front facing you and you and the person sitting in the other car have to act like you aren't looking at each other every 4 seconds and you play that look then look away game i hate that.
then as lise is trying to back up to leave this yuppie turd in a white SUV blocks us in and by now it is established that we are ragelors probably the smell of the chicken and the stupidity of all of toronto except for me and lise so she gets out of the car and tells the guy to BACK UP who was on his cellphone totally oblivious to the fact that we can't move for his shitty mobile cos he has blocked us in, i am very nervous about this because lise has totally fought people in cars before haha.
before this incident we are pulling into the lcbo and this other car pulls in from the other entrance and does a stand-off with us and we are like wtf MOVE then it does and we go back to talking about girl things and as we are walking to the entrance this little troll woman in wellies and garbageman clothes starts telling us about lise's missing light and how she didn't know what to do and how we should be careful when we are leaving and we are just standing there giving the you are a fucking retard face. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO COS YOU ARE MISSING A LIGHT. i like when people give you lessons you didn't ask for like it is do or die. then i spied on her in the lcbo at this point i wasn't sure if she was even a woman and i was thinking about my chicken and i hadn't eaten all day I WILL KILL EVERYTHING! the troll went right to the beer section, i didn't see what she got, unfortunately. lise said her headlight has been missing for six months and no one has given her a lesson about it before.
then before we went to pay i said lise this lady talks a lot watch this and then we go to pay and the cashier talks to us forever and lise is trying to contain herself. anyway i like that chatty lady, the first time she spoke to me last summer i was a bit freaked out cos i spend all day alone, a whole day can go by and i won't have opened my mouth to say anything and then i walk to the lcbo alone thinking about stupid shit and then this lady starts a full-blown conversation with me it was too nice i felt like i had to jump through that window right now but it did make me feel special for the rest of the day.
more on how fucking insane i am to come.
ps. i am sick of winter.