blog perks









ck contraband, score.






laptop case

oh man it is so gorgeous outside i wonder what magical adventures we will get up to today i am pretty hung last nite for dinner we ploughed through two trays of cocktail shrimp haha they're virtually fatless and 2.99 a tray. after my 40th shrimp i was over it we made our own ketchup/hot horseradish concoction, that's what you get tired of, the horseradish wasn't hot enough, i never thought the day would arrive when i complained about spices and heat. i grew up on potatoes and grey steak.

we played guitar hero II and i was sucking cos i thought i was too wasted but then i took a sip of the magic sauce wine and my skills sharpened like mad and i beat fil's ass when we play i pretend there are people watching and i get really into it, singing and dancing and posing, posing is important. i am like the dude in beerfest who is chatting up that girl in the bar thinking he is all suave wearing a hugh hefner type get-up says HEY WHY DON'T YOU SLIP OUT OF THOSE WET CLOTHES AND INTO A DRY MARTINI she says what then the camera goes back to him and he has a box on his head with holes cut for eyes and he is actually just unintelligible drunk ramble-slurring at her ahah.



when the water was back on yesterday i was thawing the shrimp in the sink and this huge spray blast exploded all over my hair face clothes everything and it was super loud fil turned around all what the fuck, a huge air-pocket glugged up the pipes and that's how it went it, pretty funny.

i have bruises on my upper thighs from walking into the organ and cuffing the edge of it, i don't think there has ever been a time when i wasn't bruised somewhere on my body fil laughed cos i walked into it again just now i was rippin' on him hard i cannot tell you why he will be embarrassed.



he made me watch some of that zeppelin movie last nite because it reminds him of his youth yeah fine reminds me of mine too i have a party dad you know, anyway, i was all for it but getting pretty impatient cos of the pointless magical mystery tour rip-off beginning and fil said just give it a chance wait til the music starts, and then the music starts, and you can tell robert plant is high but on what i could not tell and totally butchered every song and it pissed me off and fil took it personally.

i would take it personally if i bought a zeppelin ticket, expecting to hear my favourite jams the way they sound on the record and then dude gets high and shits everything up. yeah yeah yeah plays shows all the time tired of the material blow me write NEW SONGS DON'T FUCK UP A GOOD THING FOR ME. i was not in the mood to watch a tour of arrogant pampered drug addict dicks do shitty show after shitty show on my friday fun nite, if they played the songs correctly then i would have, but they didn't, so there.

oh great fil is going to write his rebuttal post in a bit.

fil had two choices

1. cid gets abused mangled fur skin ripped off punched to death all that

or

2. i get brutally gang-banged but am fine afterward

he thought fine meant COOL WITH IT so he chose option 1 i said DUDE fine means i survived that is all, it does not change the fact that it was brutally violent and traumatic and painful and disgusting.

so then he chose option 1. and said but he will find the guys who did that to cid and torture them for a loooong time before killing them.

then i had to choose between fil being gang-raped by THE CAST OF TOP MODEL or my dad's cat rocky being ripped in half and other bad things.

!!!

so then this escalated to me saying FINE 1. I GET FUCKED BY EVERY SINGLE HOT GUY IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN AND YOU HAVE TO WATCH AND I HAVE TO ACT LIKE I REALLY ENJOY IT AND IF I DON'T THEN YOU GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE or 2. CID IS BEAT UP AND STRANGLED DIPPED IN HOT OIL ALIVE THEN EATEN ALIVE AND YOU CAN HEAR HIS SAD MEWLING.






please 'splain the amount of peroxide bottles in your blue box, hair-stripping party or bomb-making party?

Sabrina: i am trying to teach myself how to budget
that is my new thing

me: budget
ew

Sabrina: i have never done it

me: this is how i budget
spend all the money in my bank account until it runs out

Sabrina: i am the sort of person that spends as much as humanly possible until there is nothing left and then i am like a face with a BIG HUGE QUESTION MARK on it
hahahahahaha

me: then mooch some of my savings off fil
then next month do it some more

Sabrina: that is me

me: yep

Sabrina: and on that note I THINK THIS IS SUPER CUTE

me: i am not really a purse person
i see it as a thing to carry my junk around in not an accessory

Sabrina: i am the opposite
i like to have something in every color that i might possibly feel like

me: i would rather have a slammin outfit and carry around a garbage bag

Sabrina: i am using a seafoam green purse now

me: i dont like chicks who use the bag to compensate for their ridiculous garbage ensembles

Sabrina: haha

me: HI THIS BAG IS THE SIZE OF A MINI COOPER AND I AM DRESSED LIKE A LIBRARIAN

Sabrina: hahaha
but i do not dress like a librarian

me: in one word tell me what my fashion style is and i will say yours ok you can use more than one word, you are cavewoman roofies chic

Sabrina: hmm, you make androgyny femme

me: hmm yeah

Sabrina: like an outfit that could be interpreted one way on someone else always looks good as hell on you

me: androgynous cheap poser slob

Sabrina: hahaha

me: thanks!



dinner from sometime last week, diggin' the fake grill marks on the chicken. i let fil eat the POtayTOES.

me: im putting up this totally embarrassing conversation
about budgeting
everyone is going to be on my ass about it now
whatever

Sabrina: fuck them.

me: yes

Sabrina: you can go ahead and boldface that for them
and just cause we've said it they will be bitchier and read more frequently and with more fervor HEY ASSHOLES THIS IS ME PULLING A JIM MORRISON AND YOU ARE FUCKING FALLING FOR IT--GOOD GOING LOSER-MINIONS.

me: maybe i should wait for them to leave a comment first?

Sabrina: haha
well, someone will be bitchy within the hour i bet
haha

me: yes
bitchy within the hour
haha

Sabrina: oh man, i already hve some new guy being bitchy on my blog
cause i changed the template back to what it used to be
and he was like YOU FORGOT YOUR LINK TO YOUR WISHLIST
"sorry asshole, i did not--i just changed the wording. shut the fuck up"
and he was like OH MY GOD YOU ARE A PSYCHO, THIS IS BORING
good. don't come back. it turns out. i don't fucking want you to show up and feel like you can say whatever you want.

me: i love when they say it is boring

Sabrina: I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE I AM 12 OR IN HAPPY GILMORE. "NO! YOU'RE BORING!"

me: "your blog is so boring i will be back tomorrow"

Sabrina: hahaha
probably
i usually memorize those people's ip addresses
so i can be like LIAR. FUCKING LIAR.

me: i have a pretty long list

+++

wife swap is on tonite at 8 or 9? i need one of those mic headsets that are online like those computer/video games so i can talk to other people who are watching wife swap at the same time here are some of the things i would be saying:

OH SHIT

I WOULD PUNCH THAT GUY FOR SAYING THAT

WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA?

etc.

formidable stuff here, friends.

+++

alec baldwin's explanation.

did you guys see that thing called ONLINE NIGHTMARES on star tv last nite aka e! channel? wow i LOVE (sarcasm) watching television about the internet. after a long day spent in front of my fucking laptop what the shit is more relaxing than cruising off to sleep on my back watching parents cry over their hunged-himself son cos of internet bullying? i went over to mikey's blog to say something nice cos i do not want the law after me if he bites it but dude was all balking about 420 day WAY TO MAKE IT HARD ON ME.

i learned about suicide blog/rings sites/groups - people who give advice and instructions on how to successfully kill yourself, and they mob mentality you into doing it. uh why aren't these sites taken down question mark face/eyes squinty. i mean should there not be a special internet crimes unit by now other than the one that works with that to catch a predator show that is dedicated to shitty emo goth fucks who blog about suicide? the internet is NOT going away, ps. look at blogs as a fucking gift, don't just stand around saying there is nothing you can do about it with your hands in the air when all it takes is to pose as an emo teenage girl meet up with whoever is planning to kill themself then blammo, throw a depression net on them and take 'em away to therapy.

anyway that is my public service announcement for the day.



oh shit it's four-twenty day, i cannot waaaaaaait for all the priceless gems to spring up on genius blogs worldwide, allow me to get out my crystal ball:

4:20 Y'ALLLLLLLS SPLIFF SPLIFF SPLIFF!!!

HAPPIE 420 HEHEHHHEEE TAKE THAT PO PO ;)

420420420420420420420420420 where's my pipe?

SEE YOU AT MIKE'S AT 4:20!!!LOLz

and so on.

i will write more about how much i dislike potheads later on after i have coffee. i do not _hate_ them i just find them irritating and yes i use to be one so i know all the little tricks.

COME INTO MY ROOM AND LISTEN TO THIS FIFTEEN MINUTE LIVE AIR SUPPLY SONG SO THAT I CAN TRAP YOU FOR AN HOUR AND TALK AT YOU ABOUT EXISTENTIALISM AND FBI THEORIES.

well actually that pretty much sums it up, no need to delve further into the pothead psyche.

++



fil's dinner





mine.

yeah looks like diarrhea and baked beans but it was pretty good and healthy enough, curry mixed vegetables.

i need a hair treatment, how does that work? my precious ends are dry and frizzly and i don't want to cut them.















i just fucked up my knee jumping onto the bed THE BED to take these pictures you better enjoy them something awful cos my knee is sore and throbbing HOLY OLDNESS. as you can see the comforter is sans duvet cover. party.

++

in other news i am happy to report that finally someone has jumped on my poetry slams = single forevs. graffiti bandwagon:




too long to fit in one shot and the quality is bad cos i had to fuck with the whatever you don't care i shouldn't have written my second musing in the shadow of the stall door, live and learn. anyway, haha.

++



wow alec, harsh. your daughter should make herself more flexible to work around your schedule you are totally in the right. i mean, she's eleven, time to be responsible, eh? i tip my glass to you alec and your parenting skills.


listen to it and feel good.