Saturday, February 23, 2008
so the gum thief is bumming me out pretty much cos every other paragraph is a character talking about the end of the world, like come on coupland are you STILL doing that? also there is a goth girl who says the word damaged way too much, even once is too much, plus goth? old. pudgy goth chicks infuriate me, spoiled little babies who live with their mothers and blog "witty" one-liners they bark out at them over breakfast. they're famous for women hating too.
every character in this book (in every one of his books actually) is exactly the same caliber of clever, the probability of striking up a random chit-chat rant conversation with a customer at a staples, a customer who is equally clever as you in every way and bears the exact same views on potato skins? insulting my intelligence much? coupland is kevin smithing himself and i hate it. only stupid people enjoy kevin smith, why? because they're stupid and unoriginal and to them kevin smith is the most clever person in the world, to them he is magical and they feel intelligent when they watch his films over and over again because all of the dialogue is memorized and they feel part of the special i memorize dialogue in movies i love club, hey? why not read a fucking book instead! read the gum thief you'll be right at home! does kevin smith write books? if so i want to read one just to know that i am right. about everything. all the time.
i'm probably never going to meet douglas coupland now.
i did enjoy that one of the characters is an alcoholic though, but it's sort of only glossed over, so far i haven't been able to go on a bender with him, yet. i half-dig the staples setting, but not the smugness of that fucking goth chick who works there, because working at a staples with 40-something co-workers gives her another reason to be smug, and martyr-like. how about stop the cry baby emo thing, fuck off with that black lipstick and meet some real people.
fil and i just did it and then i took a power dump. me!
oh i also cleaned the bathroom last nite after weeks and weeks and weeks of closing my eyes when i go in there and totally deluding myself. tip to motivating yourself into cleaning the bathroom: vodka, invite people over, sit on the couch marinating in your vodka buzz and picturing guests in your bathroom. get to work. inspires boyfriend to windex the coffee table and takes all credit for cleaning "just for them?" when they walk through the door.
and yes i am a total bitch when it comes to your love of kevin smith, i'm sorry you like him so much. will we be able to get passed this?
you can all shut up cos i lost 3lbs already, jokes. well no jokes i DID lose 3lbs but the jokes is cos i always lose 3lbs, i am always down to 137 and then back at 140 every other day but THIS TIME my body feels like it is for real going to stay at 137. holy shit vodka soda is the boringest drink in the universe. i play it up a lil and do lime or lemon perrier and last nite i added a splash of lime minute maid juice but still i somewhat felt like a contestant in the boring binge drinking drinks olympics. wendi and britt came over and we watched heathers and now i have this unquenchable thirst for shoulder pads and meanness. britt had just wrapped a video she was happy about and she received a what-for email from one of the band members about something she let slip in a facebook closed event and it bruised his fragile emo rock ego boohoo so last nite during the movie i was helping her word her fuck me? fuck you! email back to him but we all agreed she should sleep on it and wait for him to reply to the first email she sent. she sends the laundry list message anyway. here are some of my catch phrases "conflict of interest" "in summation" "maybe i fucked up" "i felt poorly" i can't really remember the other ones but they were goodies.
so fil owed me some benjamins and i put them toward an expensive bottle of vodka that i planned to make last, fil bought an expensiveish bottle of scotch called te bheag (accent-agu over the e in te, such writ-technology eludes poor old me) because it looks like TEA BAG which i of course pointed out and anyway tastes like cheap old ballantine's, so this vodka of mine is basically almost all gone now cos fil took a fancy to it as did wendi. sigh.
oh britt and brad are on the gibson tour bus right now with some tweenager fan girls (who won a contest) to go to detroit to see those kids who have pledged to be virgins until marriage, what are they called oh the jonas brothers. i am jealous of how novelty-fun that day-trip sounds.
i'll be back in a few to talk some S about the gum thief.
also my calf muscles are stupidly sore from the pathetic amount of dance steps performed in my shitty dance videos.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Honestly, I don't remember how I found you. You are a very classy woman and the reason I would set you with a lot of guys is to make sure you have a better chance of finding someone good enough to deserve you.
I can sense the facetiousness in your reply. I obviously read you wrong. I mean you no disrespect. I choose to bow out gracefully with a full hearted apology.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive my crudeness.
go gay or go home
you can hear all the lovely chillens screaming in the park.
ok well so much for my love affair with frozen spinach, why you ask? oh just cos of this chunk of WOOD i came across and almost swallowed!
i chewed at it for a bit cos i thought it might be some sort of hard stem then once all the spinach around it in my mouth went down i pull out this fucking thing! i am so disgusted right now. all that shit i said before about spinach being delicious i take it back, i can only deal with it if i eat it wicked fast and it stays hot cos once it gets luke warm you are like ew i am eating wet soggy green slop WITH WOOD IN IT.
i am going back to loblaws with the receipt and package and that piece of wood and remnants of spinach and bringing fil and passing him off as my lawyer. what if i swallowed that little bastard? it's all pointy sharp, jagged, tough and hard. i thought woah what if this spinach is from somewhere like madagascar or mexico and i could have gotten some messed up wood disease, i dunno what do you want from me my mind is in overdrive right now, anyway, it's no name brand which is a product of USA and a prominent brand loblaws carries.
so much for not starving myself today.
so i/we have decided a new approach to losing weight other than starving my/ourself (fil tries oh how he tries but is nowhere as successful at it as i am, he also eats way more carbs) and it's called NOT STARVING OURSELVES. i have finally been swayed after talking with merkley yesterday, whom has successfully lost 55lbs since last june. i have lost 20lbs and kept it off for a over a year and now i want to lose more. i am not opening up a discussion for nay-sayers cos the last time i mentioned this starving myself diet you were all wrong, it DID work and even when i (moderately) swayed i didn't "put it all back on" "guaranteed" and i don't want a million of the same comments talking about many small meals throughout the day blah bla bla i know i GET IT!
anyway, this time for real, no more beer, booze consumption cut in half (at least!)(that's totally the problem right there i know) no carbs, and snack throughout the day, lots of greens, lots of meats oh here look:
What are some foods that contain very low or no carbohydrates?
before when people told me you have to eat something during the day or you won't lose any weight i was mostly like p'shhhhhaw in my head, cos these "people" have not lost any weight in their entire lives, it's only when someone who has really put this to the test and succeeded, do i listen. sharpie and samir are doing a fast/cleanse right now (lasts two weeks) and both have lost 7lbs, i want to do that someday but i know once i go back to my regular ie. booze, i would put that weight back on, i also have negative ten thousand per cent willpower when it comes to sobriety and not consuming decadent foodstuffs.
where was i, oh yeah, so like merkley is a skeleton now, so i'm copying his diet.
he says everytime he goes to the kitchen he eats a piece of meat and some cheese so his body isn't thinking I AM STARVING HOLD ON TO THE FAT even if he isn't hungry he does it anyway. he also makes tuna melts w/o bread and this thing called pizza in a pan basically all the ingredients of a pizza w/o the bread. yeah yeah we've heard this all before re: no carbs unfortunately as a species we are collectively spoiled and head-strong so these simple tips need to be pile-driven home over and over again for them to sink in.
i bet merkley looks full-on homeless right now what with his beard and all.
i am going to buy a ton of those frozen full leaf spinach packages, chuck 'em in the microwave for 8 minutes and put a dab of butter on and voila, simple easy greens that taste nice.
it's going to be hard for me to get used to this i can tell already, not that i enjoy starving myself, it's just i'm used to it, being alone all day long, why eat?
bluhhhh, dieting is so self-indulgent.
oh yeah no sweets either.